She was 27, and at home.
She stood in front of the mirror, naked. She looked at her breasts. This was the biggest they had ever been. But she knew that they were going to get bigger. She stared at herself for a long while before she ran her right hand across the entire area of her belly, from just above her abdomen, all the way down to its lower end. It looked bloated and the bump had begun to show through her clothes now. She was five months pregnant, and had just received her scans from her gynecologist. She had dreaded this moment would come right from when she turned into a teenager. And 15 years later, she still wasn’t prepared for it.
“You are going to have a healthy and beautiful baby girl. You just have to keep eating healthy, and get good sleep and sufficient exercise, just like you have been doing so far.” The gynec’s voice rang in her head.
*****
She was 9, and had gone to visit her second cousins who lived in Chennai.
This was her first visit to a metropolitan city and she was all excited. She decided that it would be the best and the most memorable summer vacation ever. Yes, she was innocent enough to believe she could have an amazing summer in the hot and humid Chennai. She was to live with her grandmother’s sister and her family. Her grandmother’s sister was an extremely fun person to be with. She spoke to her in English, which was a very cool thing for grandmothers to do, and also gifted her, her first video game. Super Mario Bros. Oh God! She was in love with this vacation.
One evening, everyone in the house decided to go saree shopping to Sundari Silks in T-Nagar. They din’t want to take her along since the women knew they would take forever, and taking a young girl along would mean they had to take short breaks to take her to the bathroom, or feed her idlis if she got hungry. So they let her stay back at home and play Super Mario. Her uncle stayed back to child-sit her.
She was engrossed in the game when he came and sat next to her. He looked at her for a while and suggested that he could help her play better. He came over her shoulders, put his hands around her neck, and held her hands and the video game remote, and began to teach her how to play. She got the trick instantly. He stood behind her shoulders and continued to watch her. Then, he slowly slid his hands down and began to massage her breasts. She was shocked, and uncomfortable. Her breasts had just started to grow. They were very small and she was always in some sort of a mild pain as they grew. That entire year. So when her uncle did that, it hurt her more. She didn’t understand what that meant, she was very young. But she just felt that it wasn’t right. She felt violated, shameful, and very, very scared. She didn’t know how to react. She just took his hand, pushed it away and said nothing. Her uncle then came around and sat on her left, and put his hand around her right shoulder, pushed her right arm aside, and began to squeeze her right breast, hard. She was in real pain. The sad part was she didn’t know what was happening to her, she didn’t know what she was supposed to do, and she didn’t know if she should talk to her mom about this. All she knew was that it felt dirty. Yes, very dirty.
She decided that she would never visit Chennai again. A few years later, she realized that she was molested for the first time in her life, and that she wouldn’t be able to forget it for a lifetime. She made sure she never saw that uncle in her life ever again. Every family gathering she attended, she made sure he wasn’t attending. She loathed him from the core of her heart.
*****
She was 15, and in a temple near Bangalore.
Her family had gone to visit a very odd and old Shiva temple. The shrine was underground in a cave that was half-filled with water. One had to walk through the waters for at least 1000 feet to reach the end of the cave where the deity had been installed. Two priests would accompany each family, walk them across the waters, perform the pooja, and escort them back to land. The entire group consisting of the two priests, and her mother, father, brothers, and a few cousins entered the cave. She was the shortest and the youngest in the group. The water in the cave came up to her neck making it really difficult for her to walk. Her mother came to help her, but the priest suggested that the water-walking was a routine for them, and that the group should continue walking while he took care of her. Her mother trusted him. So he held her right hand in his left hand under the water, and he had a basket with the pooja stuff in his right hand that he held above the water since he didn’t them to get wet. He was patient as she struggled to walk.
She felt a pinch on her waist, on her right. She thought it must have been a water bug and continued to pace slowly. There was a tickle on her waist that slowly moved up to her breasts. It took her 30 seconds to figure out that the priest was groping her body parts randomly and pinching them, all under the water and nobody could see that. It hurt, again. This time she knew what was happening to her but she didn’t know what to do.
They reached the shrine. The priest moved forward, conducted the pooja, and blessed everyone there. She was disgusted beyond imagination. What a hypocrite, she thought, and cried from within. While returning, he offered to walk her back. She gave him a “spit on your face, you sick, son-of-a-bitch” look and went along with her mother. What troubled her was that she never had the guts to discuss these things with her parents. She felt cheated because her parents never told her that such things could happen to a girl. Was this normal? If yes, then why did she always feel like tearing away the violated skin, and why did she feel so disrespected and defiled.
*****
She was 21, and at a multiplex in Mumbai.
She had always loved Bombay. She saw herself visit the city and go on a shopping spree in her dreams every fortnight. She had always loved her Bombay friend’s flip-flops, ear-rings, and shawls. So when her Bombay friend called her to visit the now Mumbai, she went frenzy.
One rainy evening, after she had spent hundreds of rupees on buying beautiful accessories, she and her friend went to the Infiniti Mall to watch Rang De Basanti. Aamir Khan was her favorite actor and she was excited. During the intermission, she and her friend went to buy some popcorn and coke. She stood in the queue, and her friend stood behind her. After a while in the line, her friend said, “This man behind me is weird. He is hard and is rubbing it against me.” This time, she knew what it was, and what to do. She pulled her friend aside, and yelled at him, “Hello, mister! What are you trying to do? Do think you can do anything to girls and they will shut up? You bloody molester! I will call the police. Go and shag at home, you loser.” The man fled. Nobody came to her rescue. Nobody cared. People were just glad that one man left the line and that meant that they would get their popcorn sooner. She and her friend couldn’t sit through the rest of the film. “I just want to go home and shower. I feel horrible.”, she said. They left the theater.
*****
She was 22, and at a research institute in Hyderabad.
She had been offered an internship at the L.V Prasad Eye Institute and was in love with her job. She commuted by the bus everyday. One evening, a little after 5:00 pm, she walked out of the institute. She was dressed in a black salwar with a georgette white dupatta. She had to cross the road to go to her bus-stop. She crossed half of the road, and stood on the divider to cross the other half. Since it was just after 5 pm, there seemed no stopping to the endless line of vehicles. She stood there patiently. Suddenly, two men on a bike drove past her. The one sitting on the rear of the bike darted forward and squeezed her bosom and forcefully snatched her white dupatta off her neck, and threw it on the divider, a few feet away from her. Everything happened in a split second. And before she could cope up, and yell, “You fucking bastards, may you go to hell”, the bike was out of sight. She was embarrassed and devastated. She picked up the dupatta and covered herself with it as people on either sides of the road stared on.
She went home and put a band-aid on the wound on her neck.
*****
She was 27, pregnant, and at home.
She hadn’t been sexually assaulted for at least five years now. Nobody had touched her, any part of her, against her will. And for that, she gave credit only to herself for leaving the country. She had been in the West for the past five years. She was an Indian, very patriotic, and stood up every time she sung Jana Gana Mana and all that, but deep within, she knew that her country shouldn’t be famous just for its diversity, curry, and snake charmers. She wasn’t saying that the Western country she lived in was a crime-free nation. Yes, there was molestation, rapes, bomb blasts, terrorism, random shoot-outs, and a high crime rate at that. She could not deny that and did not assume that the West was heaven. But then, there was something different here. She didn’t know what exactly it was. The best she could say was that it was the sense of freedom.
She could go and watch a film without being afraid of someone groping her body parts in the dark. She could go and have an ob/gyn exam without feeling exploited. She could go shopping without having to fear hidden cameras in the fitting rooms. She could cross the road, and walk her dog at the same time, without having to be extremely cautious of male hands that could pop out of nowhere and abuse her. She could stand at the billing counter in a grocery store without fearing that someone would get hard and rub it on her ass. She could let the plumber or the electrician inside the house to fix stuff when her husband was not at home. She didn’t have to fear the male taxi driver or the bus driver. She didn’t have to shield her body with her laptop bag, or office files, to protect herself while walking on a crowded street. She didn’t have to fear that the guy on the other side of the cash counter at the bank would try to play with her fingers when she went to collect cash. She could go and eat at a restaurant at 11:00 pm and not be molested by 16 men on national TV. She didn’t have to fear sitting next to a man on the bus or train. She wouldn’t forcefully be made to watch two men masturbate at a dark street corner.
*****
She was going back to India after two years. Her husband’s contract with the company here was ending and she had decided to quit working to take care of the kids for a while. Everything had seemed normal. And today, suddenly, everything had changed.
She was going back to India after two years, with a baby girl.
A girl of her own. How could she protect the beautiful thing. She had lived with all of it. But she couldn’t imagine the same things happening to her daughter. It broke her heart to think that she had to take her daughter back home, to a place where if a girl is travelling in a crowded city bus, the chance of her being molested is higher than the chance of her getting a seat before she reached her destination. She had to take her daughter back to what she now considered to be the rape capital of the world.
*****
She brushed her teeth, put her pajamas and t-shirt on and went to bed. That night, she cried. A lot. Because there was nothing else she could do.
The Espresso Addict 
i wish every indian reads dis….rula diya yaar!!!
Yes it happens.
But my suggestion would be, Bringing up a girl, we need to give them 100% braveness to go and rule the world.
in whatever, may be the cases happens to the child.
And I do understand , As a mother it is tough job to bring up not only a girl but even a boy these days.
let us trust in God who will save the beautiful light of any girls lfe.
Am i right?
lolwut.
>Yes it happens.
>But my suggestion would be, Bringing up a girl, we need to give them 100% braveness to >go and rule the world.
>in whatever, may be the cases happens to the child.
>And I do understand , As a mother it is tough job to bring up not only a girl but even a boy >these days.
>let us trust in God who will save the beautiful light of any girls lfe.
>Am i right?
**face desk**
-ditto- @randomreader
a true story …..specially the last 2 lines …..!!!!
hope apart from laundring money and sowing power people do something to make this country good..!!!
I am not certain how family members who involve in such activities are to be dealt with. Even being a boy, I was molested. I dint know what to do. But when this happens in public, and a stranger being the culprit, kick him in the testicles. If the kick is hard enough he might even die. Use your teeth to bite and nails and fingers to puncture his eyes. Don’t wait for men to come for help. You women can take care of your problems. You can kill a person for your safety. Take care of yourself.
People who treat women this way does not have the elementary education to read and comprehend this story. That era is way ahead. Until then, be ruthless. Its the best way to survive.
Havng tears in my heart but i still now cant do anything in order to stop this male hippocricy. being a male in ths male dominated society let me enjoy upto certain limits but when the same male tried to defend his sister or any other random female for this imbecile deeds , i myself got beaten…
yes this is one of the most dirty,nasty side of our well cultured india, where girls take breath but in tension ….
something like this happened when i was with my friend and a random drunkard harrashed her in broad daylight in a crowded bazar. elderly,teenagers,old both women and men stood there some enjoyed some felt pity and some disgusting people even said that its the girls fault…none came to save her. when i beat the bastard and almost made him lifeless,broke 3 limbs in made him miserable in market , i became a bad guy in front of the spine less educated ,learned civilised people….This is INDIA….
we shud train all women in kung fu or sum other kind of martial art,for self defense. I am a man,nd i feel ashamed that people like those exist…i knw dat if i ever get the pleasure of bringing up a baby girl,ill make sure she learns karate or taekwondo or sumthng…js so that she cud kick some pervert ass….
Hello Madam, This happens all over the world. Not only in India!! Catholic priests molested 1000’s of children and nobody is bothered about this? Don’t blame India & Indian men alone. Don’e be prejudiced.
@randomreader
u really think “GOD” can help Indian women in such situations ?? did u doze off when the narrator was describing how she got groped by a “pandit” in the presence of god?? when will ppl stop being so naive *irritated*.
I don’t completely agree for there is no place for bravery as well. If a girl is bold enough to rebuke guy in public u never know the consequences if that boy holds a little power by being son of a DIG or judge or politician. It’s not a safe word anymore for girl. I just wish that every indian reads this article or atleast have the understanding that he is achieving nothing.
There’s no one who can help girls, only if girls cum together & fight for themselves but still its d bad world of men who will never let girls live freely without fear
Renuka
Yeah very-true story of every Indian girl..No one want to help as everybody in India is living in a fear..Fear of life…Every girl in India has faced such molestation in her life and at such a small age even they dont know what’s going on and how to react on this…We have to help our self…India become the most corrupted nation I guess….its full of illiterate men who have no respect for woman and very dirty soul…Untill and unless some strict laws will not come..It will remain the same..I am staying in Doha..and feel so secure here…..In India,being our nation, i always felt insecure while going alone somewhere post evening…have to be dependent on my hubby,family and friends…Please men..Respect woman…….girls…you are also part of her….
Girls we need to help ourself..stood up when such things happened..don’t hesitate to speak out…U will really feel good…
*come together
Faminist thinking, misandry, many men protest for #Rape, no girl protest for #FalseRape!! do u ??
I m always there to help girls in this type of situation n i will be always ready to fight against any sex abuse to a girl infront of me….
true..all these happens bcoz worthless boys are over pampered by the women of his family..and the worthless boy understanding his worthlessness in the outside world pours his frustration on the weaker sex..
Dear Diya, I completely agree with you…but I have a problem with this…why once we cannot tell boys to behave themselves…why we need to change?
palu, u dare call us weaker sex
be it physical or mental strenght women r stronger after all we give give birth i think thats proof enough of our strenght
To all those who want girls to be brave as well as to learn to fight for themselves I want to ask how do you teach a 3 year old what molestation is and how she can fight back a 40+ year old man. Is it her fault that she can wear just a tiny frock and not hide behind a saree or salwar? Is it her fault that she adores and runs to the man whom she considers an uncle who often brings chocolates and icecreams? She has barely learnt to pronounce her name. How do we teach her to pronounce molestation and rape leave aside their meanings. Do these molesters differentiate age of girls? 11 and 12 year olds are old enough to understand these but what about these toddlers who happened to have just come into the world and faced these devils? What do we teach them and how?
Dear Vishnu Preethi,
Please stop saying shit like this. It’s people iike you — who can’t face the facts staring into every Indian girl’s face or pinching her private parts or violating her senses — that make things worse for her.
Do step out of your comfortable, little, the-world’s-a-happy-place bubble — you’ll be doing the world a big favour.
Thanks.
What did vishnu say to make this furious? He was just supporting the molested women!
Dont always blame the men… I know many men had fought the culprits in such incidents. .. what about the women who force other girls to molestation?
This is not to be a blame throwing issue… has to be dealt collectively in a more broad sense..
Madam, what do you mean by ‘this shit’ please explain
I have a few questions.
Why does it happen?
I am sure if I have a daughter ever, she would be brave enough, but, are we brave enough?
Why to trust in God? this is not “duaparyuga” or “tretayuga” that God will come to save someone. The Gods are long gone. It is religion itself that needs to go. Everyone especially women need to let go of religion.
Women, free yourselves from the shackles of religion.
This story has nothing to do with religion. Who said anything about trusting God?
Please stop trying to hijack the issue.
Oh wow. Blame it on religion.
Does the religion which treats women as godesses ask men to grope/molest/rape??? Does a religion which worships ‘the fruit of thy blessed womb’ ask people to nurture such sickness of mind??? No religion in the world allows such perverts to live, nor does it give anyone any cause to be afraid against injustice. If people are silent against it all, it is because THEY ARE ROTTEN TO THE CORE, not because the religion is bad.
So yeah, its time you grew up and stop blaming religion. Blame yourself, blame me, because we are the people who allow such a society to exist.
Agreed. We don’t trust God, man or anybody else. We live our lives free of fear. Even if we are raped and brutalized and groped and pinched, we should protest, as mothers, we should stand up and give our daughters the courage to come up to us and tell us of their uncomfortable experiences, and we should support them no matter how small an issue it is. So many mothers will say “your over reacting, he was just being affectionate.” Don’t be that mom, sister, best friend. Be the one that says I’m going to beat up anybody who dares to touch me without my permission. That is the only way to live. The only way.
why drag religion into this man ? why not mete out exemplary and excruciating painful punishment to child molesters and rapists instead ????? WHY NOT ENSURE ANTI RAPE AND ANTI MOLESTATION LEGISLATION WITH ENOUGH TEETH COMES INTO FORCE IN OUR COUNTRY ASAP ????WHY AVOID THIS ! I ASK
// why not mete out exemplary and excruciating painful punishment to child molesters and rapists?//
Because we are civilized. Civilization rests on the principle that we treat our criminals better than they treated their victims, that we not stoop to their level.
That said I concur that we need anti rape laws with more teeth to provide effective deterrence.
I agree that my comment is not directly related to the issue at hand but, it is not that far from it either. Religion, patriarchy and the corruption of mankind are related.
Sims of these people are claiming that I am hijacking the issue. Well, it was not my intent. I merely stated my opinion and I still defend my point of view.
Peace.
The subtle reason is India is a country with weak politicians, policy-makers and impotent bureaucrats. In U.S. a woman dared to Bobbit a man for an act like this. Unless the girls are given rights to KILL a molester on the grounds of violating her modesty, these are just talks. Lets have just ONE girl in INDIA (not in any other country) who kills a molester and let her set an example.
yes that is true, bhagwaan is not bothered. You take care of yourself..dont say ohh god, or indian girl or Indian mentality, We as an individula, as a girl as a family should be strong enough to stand against wrong.
Utterly irrelevant. This isn’t about religion, it’s about India’s recent degradation and its cultural ramifications. While religion certainly constitutes a part of the culture and national identity, we cannot truthfully say that everything bad is caused by religion. We need to think of a larger picture than just religion, there is much more affecting India. It all comes out of the fictitious belief that men are superior to women, Hinduism does not support this and reveres women (I’m not a Hindu myself, not exactly, for I’m not religious, but I know enough about it to know that). This belief might originate from the fact that men, in general, are stronger than women. The thing about India isn’t religion, it’s much, much more.
I don’t believe in religion myself, but I will stick up for any religion.
Stick up for religion eh? Wonder which religion sticks up for nonbelievers, LGBT rights. Religion is very relevant in the discussion because most modern religions are misogynist with varying degrees of gender segregation.
This is as absurd as it can be. First of all, Religion was made to make the society stronger not weaker. People who talk about religion should learn about religion and its history before talking. Same way, The social demoralization had been happening since quite some time. I place Indian movies at fault, not only the new one, the 50s 60s movies were not clean as well. Have you seen how many rapes, gang rapes, molestations, eve teasing has been shown on the screen since the independence. The examples that are set are all negative. Pick up any Raj Kapoor film…
That being said, it is no excuse for the shameful acts conducted by any human against any living thing. I think a the acts like this are the indication of the social decline of any society. It is upto us to make the changes now. Teach our kids right from wrong, teach them to respect one and all, teach compassion, love and respect. We don’t want India to be counted at par with any of the African countries where, freedom for women is a myth and a dream.
Movies.. Seriously! You are blaming movies for spreading patriarchy and giving clean chit to religion. I have been talking about religion too long. I have read and am still reading scriptures from various religions. Religion high jacked morality. Religion gives you an illusion of free will.
Religion is the cancer of mankind.
yes ….god will save us….he to comes everyday to have mid day meal with us…..its high time that girls stood up for there own troubles……instead of crying….fact is…women are actrually not weak…rather they make themselves……if all women comes together no one will have the guts to molest…..those people are losers….cowards….thats all…
>”rather they make themselves weak”
do u even noe hw it feels lyk ryt at that tym nd even after? do u even noe it takes a few minutes or may b moe to get back f dat shock? may b women are much much sensitive dat sumtyms dey r nt able to react at d very moment..
>”instead d crying”
as if u neva cried for ne damn thing? hu d hell s crying here? its jst a god damn discussion gng n?
>”guts to molest”
it doesnt need guts to molest a girl !! ol it needs is a sick mind to do it
Are you serious right now? How many times has it happened that in Mumbai’s local trains women get together and bash up a perverted jerk? But still women are molested every single day and raped as well ! Why is it that MEN can’t keep their hands off women? If Indian men are that frustrated then go shag your mother or sister. But to this you will say its disgusting. For your information women are not crying because they are weak, they are crying because many other women are giving birth to sick minded low lives who are ruining lives of other women. So DONT YOU think women make themselves appear to be weak.
Yes you are right. Let us bring up our girls/daughters like the boys/sons, very impartially. Since all are human beings first and then only a girl or a boy. Both should become good brave and honest human beings because of our incomparable upbringing. If parents are alert throughout there is no chance of any type of molestation with any of the child …… i mean an alert parent trains his/her off spring in all aspects of life very gracefully, i believe. Rest TRUST in REAL GOD is must.
Well said.
Alertness is not enough. And yes, boys get molested as well as girls. more often than not the perpetrator is an ‘uncle’ or someone who is in their fifties and feels entitled to having their way with anyone. Religion be damned. Groping by priests is real. Groping my bus conductors is real. I have seen temple priests staring at women’s breasts. And the ‘objectified’ women cowering in shame and confusion.
The problem is that people never get ‘caught’ for sexual misconduct because the kids parents are ashamed and confused themselves. I say, the perpetrator is not ashamed.. why should the victim be? But yes, logic and rationale do not help you when you are in the moment. Your primary reaction is disgust and in the precious few seconds that you require to recover, the groper disappears in the crowd.
I have yelled at a man in front of his wife and a busful of people for putting his hand on my back in a bus queue! Incredulously, the rest of the bus was annoyed because I had held up the commute..Not because some shitass was trying to get in a quick grope!! The problem is with the collective Indian psyche.. Blaming the women is the quickest and most useless reaction. No one has the guts to be proactive in this issue.
I salute Sahana’s courage and also that shown by rape survivors in speaking out about their experiences
The ‘ONLY’ and I mean only education system that works in our country is the Indian Cinema. And when men see a ‘Munni’ or ‘Sheela’ or a “Chameli’ displaying body parts with the help of a skilful (eyes rolling heavenwards) cameraman and choreographer, they go out into the world with the firm impression that all breasts, vaginas and bottoms belong to them, not to the women themselves. Also, that all women have no real purpose or place in life except to satisfy their sexual needs.
There is a ‘woman’, a real live person standing just behind the pair of breasts. If you look a couple of inches above, you might, just might be able to ‘see’ her. Not meat!
Why sir? Just why is “TRUST in REAL GOD” a must?
ya you are correct, but in all seconds god wont save us, we only to save us, but…
well said…you need to teach ur kid to be confident, bold and strong so that she can be fierce enough with any jerk pit on the street who thinks that a girl is a toy whom they can crush break or fiddle with..
I know it is easy to say all these things but hard to implement….But one grand advice to all the feminine across the world who fear these molestation issues and their consequences…..See very simple, You will anyways die in both situation, one is to let it happen whatever is going on…tolerate it, adjust with it….which will kill you physically, emotionally, and you will die every time you think about it.Or secondly be brave, be solid as a rock, if somebody tries to molest you or tease you…..give those guys a notorious and vicious stare for a while…..trust me they will know that it would’nt be a good option to pursue with their cheapness, and if somebody approaches you or tries to corner you ….shout, give him the music, don’t feel ashamed gather the crowd, and after that just grab a packet of wafers and a softdrink n enjoy the show….Girls just once again it’s an advice if you dont raise your voice, if you get hard, the suffering will never stop, “You need to be Rude to suppress that Dude.”
you r 100% correct. In our country girls feel that there is someone who will protect them. The girls should start thinking independent and start punishing guilty on the spot. You have very correctly said that do something before u die( physically or mentally). teach those nonsense people then and there. one thing to make sure that the world is not emptied off good people.
Siddharath, It’s not as easy to be vocal when you are young. I ought to know about it since I went through it. When we are kids, it’s easier to accept rather than take the risk of being blamed for something so totally not our fault. Your advice might work for grownup women but girls are girls.. they avoid confrontation whenever they can. I know it’s sad but that’s the way we are made.
siddharath u r living in a fools paradise…….in our country it doesn’t work this way, I once raised my voice in a crowded bus against a pervert sitting behind my seat..result I was advised to change my seat and still better the guy himself had the guts to ask me that if had so much of problem what was I doing in a local bus? and trust me I am not a weak person physically or otherwise, but this reflects the sad reality of our society where girls are asked to shut up.
Trust in God?!!! What is wrong with the men in our country…F***ing losers! Can’t protect or stand up for women. Absolutely no sense of shame… v r supposed to teach our girls to be brave? how bout v teach men to keep their D***s in their pants?!!!!
Yes!! In the same way, women cannot walk on the streets at night – why?? Men! So let us try not curtailing the victim, who is already stressed and constrained by the society men have created, let’s curfew all men after dark, so women can walk free! Try this one on for a logical mind-bend – why AREN’t we making sure it is the rapists who don’t walk the street?
All this can be avoided if ALL MEN STAND UP FOR WOMEN – as well as women actively defending themselves.
Agreed, Trust in God, the God who teaches to do our Karma?? Does that not mean to cut off the genitals of those who dare to come close to women? It should be upto every citizen-be a man or woman to take it upon themselves, as their duties. MOthers of little children should never trust any one with their child, I mean anyone!If any women does not feel upto this hard task of bringing a child up due to their status in a family or country or financially, may be they should not think of having children at all in this already over-crowded country. Have children only when you yourself feel compitent enough in every way to raise a child in healthy, safe-way.
I think humanity misses the link between their actions and the consequences. eg. when a milk producers/ crop producers use excessive/improper use of pesticide/herbicide/harmones, they tend to forget that in a short time thiese are giong to affect them, same with the attitude of having too many children, inaction towards politicians and these bad apples (above discussed), gratitude vs.bribe all IT and disappearing agriculture.
Hopefully we will reach the threshold where we can see the consequences of our inaction and turn ourselves around!
Very true..
Instead of giving braveness to girls, it is better to give some culture and values to boys… and perhaps also give some braveness to your sons to actually stand up to such molesters when they see these incidents happening.
Do explain to us why your god does not help the females who get molested every other day?
thats a really good point..the level of mentality of boys has gone down drastically..they should be taught some hard lessons.
One comment I liked. I am a man. I have two boys. It is time for me to engage my elder one to make sure that he understands the impact of his stupidity on some one else. Let me start with it.
Hey Just to share what happened with me
I went to a temple in mathura and while I was adoring my favorite lord krishna. I felt something round my waist approaching towards .. . When I realized, I used yo my nails to hold his hand and twisted his fingers very hard. I felt good about twisting his hand but regret that I dint tell anyone at that time.
I wasn’t that young, I was in college.. Sensible enough to understand but when i was in 8th standard, my family friend’s son tried to molest me.
I thank my mom for making me understand the difference between different emotion..
I feel we should talk to our daughters that they should be brave, alert and friendly with mom.
m totaly agree wid u that parents should talk n teach their children about how to face these type of problems.
why do you think that the girls should be taught braveness, why not a boy be taught to respect girls. Crazy world we live in. Every girl is brave on her own part. No one can do anything alone to compete with 16 guys.
That is what we should not wait for. It’s not only GOD, but the girls themselves should be so strong that they save themselves. Fight on your own not waiting for others to protect you.
Took to my own childhood days. Sigh. Raising a girl child is really difficult.
@Vishnu: Dude what does your god do when in India every 5 minutes a girl is raped? What does he do when even a school teacher molests his female students?
No you are wrong, the easiest way to shirk responsibility is both to Thank God and to Pray.
God gave me the organs to use or misuse them, my hands and my feet fist.
I think the girls shouldnt have to be brought up brave because they are not the cause of the problem, but teach small boys from a young age to have respect for girls and women. No matter how much brave a girl is shame comes on the women when she is exploited. If the boys are taught to show respect and are brought up properly ,this problem will not arise.
love your solution… teaching youngsters to resapect girls!!!
I agree and if all of us thought the same way, it would be far more effective and efficient in this world to bring up a boy and have him take an oath that he would never do anything to hurt anyone in any way imaginable. Instead we spend hours and hours protecting our girls. It is impractical to start all over as the crime and bad boys are already out there. At some point out generation has to start disciplining the boys and weed out the bad ones who are out there. Don’t know when the catch 22 situation would stop.
Protect your girls/women, wan and caution all men and boys around and within your sphere of influence to never ever engage in such activities of crime on women and girls.
Dear Vishnu Preeti,
Trust in God and be brave? When a girl has been raped for years and has been molested on countless occasions in several ways, do you actually think she would be in any position to trust anybody? Even the Almighty? Nothing is beautiful once you’ve been through this hell. And be brave? Yes. She can be brave enough to pull herself again and build herself back to go face the world but what is the use when she can’t share and take help?
You will teach them how to be brave but you will never give them a chance to stand up and tell openly the things they face everyday. If they ever get a chance to share, they will be made to sit at home and their freedom will be taken away. They will be blamed for the molestation they faced.
Why do you think so many girls around us are silent? It’s because people ask them to ‘trust in God’ Are you kidding me?? Where was this God when she was being molested??
And they’re already brave. Brave enough to put those clothes, brush their hair, pick up the bag and step out of their homes knowing what they might have to face today. They are already brave enough because they have been facing all this for years and all alone.
What is your God doing when people got raped/molested everyday here? How can He save a little girl when he cant save adults?
your gods cnnot help bcoz they dont exist
i think it’s the poor se ration which is responsible, n thats coz of female suticide….if at least we can have equal sex ratio n more open up bringing from child ho0d this can b prevented also co-ed schools must b promoted n females should b trained self defence…. just strict laws n reservations will only mke things worse for everyone.. coz dat makes me envy…if ur equally compitant go prove it y need reservation>
Being born and brought up in India I know exactly how it feels. Though I won’t say there aren’t countries where such heinous crimes are committed against women, it still is bad. Many men feel women are meant to be treated this way. I wonder what makes them feel so!!Living in another country has made a big difference. I too dread going back to India now that i have a baby girl of my own. I hope the person you are referring to is able to protect her child from all the horrors she may come across in future. Hats off for bringing out this harsh reality that has tormented us since time immemorial.
I have a daughter, pakka rowdy, Black belt 2grd !!!
How brave is a 3 year old when DADDY begins to introduce sexuality to her?
No Vishnu, you are not. God has never discriminated between men and women. Infact he himself taken avatar to save women always in need.
It is the mentality of the men’s and the parent’s has to change. We have to change the way we brought up our girls and boys.
But this is the story of every girl in India today….
That’s what the life of an Independent Indian woman is. Beautifully potrayed.
😦
its so beautifully written.. every girl has experienced this some or the other time in some or the other way..
#respect to the writer..
Reading or only sharing this will not help
We need to Change this
1) Parents should teach their children about this things.
2) There should action against the guilty whoever he/she is
3) Helping the molesters as they are u’r close ones is the biggest crime
4) There should be stricter punishment for the accused
5) And finally ignorant attitude needs to change, protest against it
Share such instances with u’r parents
reply to point no 2 & 4 —– there should be capital punishment for such crimes….. esp. rape as its in China!
Regards to point 2: I totally agree to kc. In my opinion as long as there is no fear or respect for the law these things will continue to happen. In India law is a joke. If you have power and money you can buy anything and anybody. Look at our politicians and our police force. Instead of having respect for them, you feel disgusted looking at them the way they are looting and robbing the country. We can count good ones on our fingers who do not have a criminal background.
I strongly feel once there is a severe consequence for these behaviors people will be afraid to indulge in these behaviors. That is the reason why in most westernized societies these crimes such as stealing, eve teasing, rape are not that prevalent as they have severe punishment. Ironically, these punishments still do not deter people from committing serious crimes in the west as our prisons are so very over crowded. At least the criminals are behind bars and having tough life unlike the criminals in India who freely roam the streets and continue to harass women, children, and elderly of the society.
We, too often see people in India being by standers, indifferent and afraid to protect each other or reach out to the victim. I totally understand why. Because they do not want to get involved being a witness to a crime and run around the jails and courtrooms as they are equally unsafe and take years to solve the case. That’s the reason why most of the people in India do not want to get involved even though they know what they are witnessing is terrible and they have good intentions of helping the victim. I keep saying this again, unless the law is strong, strict and fair these crimes will continue. We need to educate and inculcate in young children’s minds starting in elementary school and going all the way to college to stand up for rights and not be afraid to reach out to the needy through character education and good value system and respect for the law and fear of the law. It is not the God who is going to help the country it is the justice system.
Dear Selvin this is INDIA There is no action until reaction.
Near relatives are the biggest criminals. They give the start pinch Leave about the rest of the world .”uncle ” he know that the girl will not share this things to the family so he has gone sick.
Until there is a Rape,Murder there is no action
after that people comment shout on the first day
2 day there is no update 7 so it Go’s on………………………………………………………
until there is other crime.
if the criminals are caught inquiry against them “if he is a big shot” no case no inquiry No Crime
I being a male feel shame, for whatever is happening to ladies in our life. All I have started to do is to try my best to stay with them and make them feel safe. I wish we could have a better nation, after all people make the nation.
You shouldn’t feel ashamed of being a male or being Indian or being an Indian male, if you have not committed or supported any form of sexual harassment. I repeat, unless you are an offender, you DO NOT need to feel ashamed. Do you feel ashamed to be a male if another male commits murder or theft or robbery?
It helps no one and no one needs your shame. Acknowledge that the problem exists and pledge that you will do what you can to end it. This includes speaking up against such acts and also educating your own kids to condemn and discourage such acts. You are right, it’s the people who make up the nation. Sensitizing them and discouraging such acts is what needs to be done. Misplaced shame is unnecessary and harmful.
I agree 100% to the point Ankush raised. Just feeling ashamed or condemn the incidents with strong words won’t help. We need to standup and fight against such incidents if we see in our day-to-day life… Also having moral science lessons since our childhood will also help to an extent…. Problem is with us and we need to correct it.
Very well said Ankush !
Yes , if one has not committed a crime, there is no need to feel ashamed. Work towards the solution and not feel ashamed about anything. The society should come together and act towards it. In the west, people of town/counties are always connected as a community. There is no semblance of community in towns and cities in India. The solution of this problem should come from local or township/community level. And most importantly , make your vote count, when elections come. The same people who are going into a rage here are lazy to even come out on the voting day and make their voice heard. A word to the ladies here on this forum, if you put all men in the same basket, then even the decent men lose all motivation to work towards this just cause.
REALLY ITS TOO HARD ……………. INDIA READ THIS.
Thank you for your courage to share this with the world, thank you for the effort you took to write this out so beautifully, thank you for representing each and every girl who had to face these situations all over the world, more so in India. Thank you for your grace and thank you for speaking up once you were old enough to realize. Thank you for the spirit you preserved and perseverance despite the odds. Congratulations on your baby girl my dear and my earnest prayers that the little angel be always protected, not just by her family, but by a changed society that respects every woman no matter her age.
The write left with so many thoughts at the same time !! Gosh, how vulnerable we are and how worse our society is !!
Hope someday we are able to come up with some other bright faces of the story !
Extremely touching story. All those 1.2 billion Indians out there. This is where we are right now? Bloody wake up! Is this what we mean by the largest democracy in the world. I am a male. I take the pledge to respect every woman. And I know that from young teen, I will turn into a good man. all the Indian guys out there. Time for you to become real men!
if only every male has your attitude and makes up his mind to be good and inspire all males he has contact with.. thats how good things and change starts and wrongs in society can be corrected. ….good for you, varun!
there is nothing to weep about if the victim is not ready to raise the voice… people say, a girl should stay in a group of people, her friends or family members every second of her life.. but i oppose it… well, am an INDIAN, a girl who travels a lot all around the country.. n am proud to say that i was never a victim of such sick things… and i always travel alone….
for a girl not to get victimized for all such s**t, she has to be brave… should be strong.. n should have a voice to protest against things if she feels they r not correct…
i feel luck to be born to my parents, who helped me with every thing that’s required for a girl to be safe in world with monsters roaming around… they got me trained in every aspect starting from cooking, dance, etc n most importantly self defense n marshal-arts…
even today i find few of my female classmates getting scared to be alone anywhere, let it be her own home, college canteen(without her friends), traveling in public transportation etc…
when ever i or any friend of mine r riding a two wheeler, the so called wise n elder people ask us not to drive, when asked for a reason, they say ” today’s guys drive rash to show off, n in such condition u may loose control over ur vehicle n meet with an accident”….
i question all the people reading this… if u have made ur child to walk for the first time, can u make that child run without it falling or tripping at least once? will u be afraid of it when u r with it?
if u want to educate ur girl child, then y don’t u educate her in speaking out her happiness as well as her misery?
if u teach ur girl child, or ur sister, or any female u r close to, to ride a vehicle, y don’t u teach her to have good control on her vehicle even in worse conditions?
if u r scared of anything, isn’t that u don’t want to face that challenge?
n if u r scared of something… u have no right to pass on ur fear to others…. instead, u ought to show others the way out when stuck in such maze…
i request all of u…. be brave n spread the bravery… be self dependent n self defensive….. don’t sit quite when something goes wrong against u…. speak out… fight it… n make trouble to fear coming to u….
SINDHU
HI SINDHU … You impressed me by your words and i totally agree with yours talks ……..
HATTS OFF TO your parents and you as well to live life as you want to live ……
I think we all need to change the mentality of people especially our youths now … Children should be taught about freedom each human deserve and no one has right to hamper that freedom…. Inspite of making girls more brave only, teaching good morals to boys will help much more …
This is a common story,almost every second women in this country would say.Its more important to take time n educate our little angles about such disgusting thing n disgusting people.Teach the little ones that you should shout ,yell,complain,n make it a point that a small or something is done about such happenings ,its not normal,no need to tolerate,n have to react.
These despirate filthy people should be scared,and never ever think of doin this to someone else,MAKE BABY GIRL BOLD N STONGE,becoz the people around are dum n blind.
Writing-wise, I think the last two lines spoiled the whole thing. It should have ended at ‘…the rape capital of the world’.
Story-wise, why is crying the only thing she could do? It paints her as a helpless pathetic creature.
The main reason she felt so conflicted was because her parents never told her these were things that could happen to her, things she could and must speak to them about.
That’s where she could raise her daughter differently. The woman who boldly stands up to the pervert in the multiplex can teach her daughter to stand up too, can teach her how to deal with unwarranted sexual advances.
P.S.: I’m in no way condoning the sexual affronts we face by claiming women should just learn to ‘deal with it’, but as a girl born and brought up in India, you do learn to deal with it – providing you are equipped to.
i feel girls should be made brave mentally and physically to tackle such situations. parents need to teach boys to respect girls and women. girls also should feel free to discuss with their parents.
Just one question that in today’s world we men are sucked up by the women in the family they came and due to corporate profile and attitude (you and me are both in MNCs so why should i compromise with your parents and its better to choose one ur parents or me) we are fucked up … and in corporate sectors they got favors for showing their curves and bumps …
still we men cant leave without them .. but GIRLS ARE NOW MILLIONS OF LIGHT YEAR AHEAD …
its a ice age thoughts that girls are not taken care ..
There is a simple solution given in the story itself. Make the baby girl aware of cruel world around her from very beginning. Make her aware what to do in such situations and be brave enough to escape if, god forbid, she encounters such situations. There are many easy tricks a girl can play to fight back and escape in such situation(at least most of the times). They just need the awareness. MORE IMPORTANTLY, they need this awareness ON RIGHT TIME!!
yes////hey wts 7ur mail id or wts app no
1) why couldn’t she confide in her parents? her mom atleast? scared of being cut off socially, scared of losing her freedom! TRUE patriot-ISM!
2) am surprised she thinks she s got only one unborn to protect! she s got herself too! 😀
And yet,what do our scriptures teach us? one wife for five husbands? or call for god when you are being molested amidst 100’s of men who convieniently comes in when he s called by his choicest name! Furthermore,shouldn’t god actually protect the good and destruct the bad? what did he do apart from sending ounces of sare! 😀 he settled his score later on! Now,if these are our roots,what do we expect from our countrymen! We are expected to call for GOD each time!
Read this : Delhi gangrape case: Spiritual leader Asaram Bapu suggested that the victim of the brutal sexual assault was equally responsible for the crime and saying the girl could have
called bus driver Ram Singh and other assailants brothers and begged them to stop.
Also, the traditions of ‘Sitting Aloof for the 5-days’..
Her story, like the story of many other girls, is a one that goes from her not being able to understand what molestation is to being able to defend herself to a ‘certain’ extent. Most children (not all) in India, both boys and girls, who are molested do not necessarily confide in their parents because they are:
1. Innocent and ignorant. They know something dirty is happening but they do not know what exactly it is.
2. They are scared. It may be threats from the molester, them being afraid that their parents may not trust them (especially in cases where the molester is a relative or family friend), they are embarrassed to talk about sexual issues to their parents etc. Come one, we live in a place where people are ashamed when they pick up condoms at a store, and where most (again, not all) moms and daughters never discuss sex until the so called 1st night (sometimes not even then!)
You should watch the episode on sexual abuse in children from Sathyamev Jayate if you already haven’t.
True, she has to protect herself too. She has mixed feelings on this. She kind of feels that she can defend herself now, at least to a certain extent. She’s more keen on protecting her daughter since she obviously loves the tiny thing more than herself now and yet again, she is afraid that her daughter may be ashamed to talk to her about this just as she was to talk to her mother.
Besides, she is pregnant yaar! She is all hormonal so she didn’t hit a few logistics in her story. 😛
Bingo on all your other points. Couldn’t agree better.
P.S. All the four incidents were taken from real life experiences. Actually when I asked a few people from various cities to narrate a few incidents, I’m sad to admit that I had more incidents at hand than I had originally intended to write in the blog. I just zeroed on four.
true true! and…hormonal! 😀
Is that all that you understood out of Sahaja’s generous reply? I’m guessing you are a man, you put all of us to shame. Have you any idea of what children go through when they are molested by people whom they trust? Are you so ignorant as to not know that any discussion around sex/sexual violence is taboo in a majority of Indian families? Do you realize that we as a society haven’t yet learnt to recognize sexual harassment when it happens within the confines of a home and is committed by family members and other acquaintances? And lastly, you have obviously not bothered to find anything about crime statistics which would have told you that majority of rapes in India are committed by people who were closely acquainted with the victim.
The two questions you asked in your earlier reply as also your misplaced use of smilies in talking about sexual violence are revolting. Its people like you who contribute to rape culture and victim-blaming without even realizing what you are doing because you have never bothered to think beyond the narrow confined ideas that you have received from the patriarchal world around you. If you do not have solutions, try not to be a part of the problem. Use your brains, if you have any.
Dude it’s something not to joke around with…its a very serious matter which is rising day by day…Alas….But I guess people like you are the reasons for this rise, who instead of fighting or criticizing such a matter of consideration is more engrossed in discussing hormones and promoting smileys…My friend….this is not at all funny.Please Wake Up and Get well soon.
Taboo is something denied by society yet practiced by few. Question is you want, a better image in society as a non taboo doer or you want a safer country? I live in the States and the best part of this country is that people accept realities. Sex/sexual topics are sensitive but at the end of the day they are must. Do you not feel the need that our society must have changes within itself first? Boys be taught about discipline and girls be taught about being friendly? Although you cannot change everyone’s mind but you can still prevent issues like this. Indian girls generally portray their “we are weak and you can rape us” image which provokes a man to rape her and the problem really persists when girls fail to accept that many really have such portrayals and still argue that we boys better not discuss on what gals portray. It is indeed very important how you appear. Gals in America around me I have known appear very hot and sexy to you but often are very restricted and very rude and quick reacting when they know something wrong is happening around them? Don’t you really think gals should really accept that they are sumhow not putting their ears to this and are rather being rude, yelling at stating we are not supposed to teach them and are nt concerned wen rapes happen? We really are, believe me we are but that alone does not help. Accept the fact, be bold and never let any man feel that you are weaker and you won’t revolt. Make him feel at the first moment that you’re a gal whoz nice with nicer and worst with bad. They can never even dare to even eye on you forget rapes. Personal experiences in the West.
Really Strong , Impactful , And Must read !!
Been through all four … more actually…
So True.. happens with every girl in India. if any girl doesn’t feels otherwise then she definitely is ashamed and scared of admitting it! every single female i know… relatives, friends, colleagues have been through this torture. Brave are the people who can talk about it and educate every female/male on such issues. Kudos!!
OMG! really :O
dfaq, these really happened to you. how sick are people these days
Totally Agreed..! this is a common unshared problem in families nowadays.. i heard these kind of worst experiences from some of my female friends… sad part is that why don’t the victims react immediately in any kind of molestation if they are with their families or when they have a bunch friends around them?? there are many people where they scared of themselves till the situation get worse and approach their friends/ families very late.. its time to change ourselves rather than expecting someone come and save these victims.. anyhow, this is a nice article exploring the hidden nightmares which happen during the daylight..
The victims sometimes canot react immediately. Fear, even when experienced in other dangerous settings, can be a paralyzing emotion. And a child cannot ‘judge’ everything in a flash, think of the next steps and take appropriate action. Sometimes, even adults cannot take action until they have taken a hold on themselves.. And in public places, the molester escapes easily.
Sometimes, it is not physical.. It is just the way someone looks at you. Happened to a 39-yr-old fried of mine. She was driving with her 9-yr-old daughter and had stopped at a signal.. Her window was closed. Man on the scooter outside the car was winking and salivating looking at her. She yelled at him but what do you think a 10-yr-old girl would do?
Read a blog post by an American exchange student who spent an year in India. She was the object of masturbation by a man standing a distance away but leering at her. She was disgusted. Wjhat do you think happens in such instances?
Its a true image of what every woman in India goes through and why I would not want my daughter to grow in India. Your story touched me but what I did not like was you, yourself making fun of your story. “Besides, she is pregnant yaar! She is all hormonal so she didn’t hit a few logistics in her story. “. Weird.
Just like comment above-the writer potrays the correct image of an Indian female-laughing at something such terrible-to counteract the guilt feeling of hers and others like herinstead of taking any action. NO wonder female foeticide is ramapant. Though I do not agree withthe term weird from the commetn above, I think it is shameful!
P.S. I wasn’t making fun of my own story. I am not that stupid or crazy. That was in reply to one on my best friends, and we keep bickering to each other all the time. It would require for you to be in her shoes to get that. Anyway, I shouldn’t have said that to her here. Thank you for stopping by.
All the incidents that are discussed must have happened to many females in our country. I don’t wish to rely on society to change and learn respecting US. But yes that is not going to scare me to give birth to a baby girl. I think it’s high time that even parents should understand they should be frank to talk about such things openly… wat’s more awkward to talk abt abuse wid ur kids OR to let ur girls n even boys to go through such humiliating torture!!?
Completely agree with what you just said. But just look at the words you used. You’d want to talk about “such things” to your children, yet even here on a comment to this blog, that would hardly be read by 1% of the country’s population, you (and most of the general commenting public) have refrained from using a term like “sexual education” and preferred “such things.” How do you think you’d broach such a topic with a children when you’d actually want to them to be listening to you with undivided attention.
In my opinion, this has a lot to do with the taboo that exists on sex and related topics in our society and is deeply ingrained in the Indian psychology. I am not implying that it is easy to talk about this to your children coz it’s not. Not in India or anywhere across the world for that matter. But there is a need to place a name for the thing that we as a society want to achieve which could be the starting point for a demography with evolved psychology from what pervades in the here and now.
“She had to take her daughter back to the rape capital of the world.”
Exactly. Lets all flee this crappy place we call our country and blame everything on the government/ perverts/ religion/ whatever pisses you off because who has time to make it a better place.
If it is the rape capital of the world, it is, and calling it so is justified.
Not everyone can muster up the guts and perseverance to fight against that evil which seems so insurmountable, which grips Indian society to the core.
Those who keep up the fight to make a difference in this country have my utmost admiration, you included if you’re among them. But for some people, there comes a time when it all seems hopeless. When you can’t get on with your life because of the anger, hatred and FEAR engendered by living in India, LEAVE. I’m not saying that sarcastically.
Women who take the stand to leave the country are better off than those who silently sit and take all the molestation they face every day. As a man, I plan to leave India as soon as I’m able. I cannot conscientiously say that the women and men I care about will be safe here, and in the interest of their and my own physical and mental security, I aim to live in a country where human rights and dignity are, for the most part, sacrosanct. India and misogyny are inseparable, as far as my family and I are concerned. I’m NOT a patriot, and if that makes me a traitor, so be it.
I just couldn’t let this comment go unanswered. Sorry for jutting in. But if you call our country “a crappy place” why do you call yourself ” another Indian”!! Wherever you go, you may come across perverts, freaks, nuts. Running away may seem easier but it won’t solve the problem.
Not every one wants to solve the problem here “borntobfree” , many just want a safe place to live, as Sid mentions, don’t except everyone to fight back the evil and clean the society.
Calling them self Another Indian, every citizen has rite to call himself as Indian in pride or in distress.
Dear Writer/General public/Parents,
Child sexual abuse is a sensitive issue. It has to be dealt with public education and awareness. The following link will be very helpful to parents, and of course to children in general.
http://www.nspcc.org.uk/help-and-advice/for-parents/keeping-your-child-safe/the-underwear-rule/the-underwear-rule_wda97016.html
http://www.nspcc.org.uk/news-and-views/our-campaigns/current-campaigns/underwear-rule/the-underwear-rule_wda97129.html
Could you review this please? http://mindsirver.blogspot.in/2012/12/rape-origin.html
Well written and what I feel the challenge is for the parents to teach kids as appropritate, as Kids are innocent by nature and are not aware of many changes happening in their body as you have narrated in your topic. Before we could change the society and men we should be well prepared to face any such attrocities. Kudos to you for writing such a bold thing and am sure this will help parents mainly to think how they can bring up their Girl child safely. Thanks you.
Really Strong , Impactful , And Must read !!
I appreciate your time,agony,pain etc which you had given to this story while narrating it and the feelings in your mind while jotting it but the sad part is that it is not being read by the proper audience. We are the ones devoting our time to clean up the things so that fresh air can flow in but on the other side a mobster, criminal is happy that he has found a way out and he is escaped. Why would he come here and understand the utter pain of loosing self esteem!!
Its too easy to say that she could have confided in her mother. Its such a traumatizing experience to the girl, especially if she has no prior knowledge of it. Moreover, in India girls are always taught to be the silent sufferers. I know that this is not the case in today’s scenario, but many families till date teach their daughters to be the tolerant and sacrificing one. When the girl doesn’t understand, how is she supposed to phrase her experience in words? Even if she does, isn’t there a probability that she won’t be understood or for some reason, not believed.
There are so many other extreme issues excluding molestation where girls and women cannot raise their voice. It takes courage to stand up and confide, and from where does she gets that when someone has so recently shattered it all?
Fear is used to control girls. Fear of physical molestation keeps girls in check. During and after physical molestation, fear of “what parents/family/society will think” keeps girls from speaking up, because society has this funny tendency to blame the woman for any violation of her dignity. Not just Asaram Bapu or the Delhi Police, the girl’s own mother would do the same.
Taking examples outside of sexual crime, fear of being disowned is used to stop girls from having boyfriends, from pursuing their educational and career goals, and from generally exercising any form of free will. If women are afraid of anything, it’s because society instills in them the idea that they have no choice but to be afraid, because everything they have depends on family/social approval. It’s nigh impossible for a thought-slave to break out of that.
Indian society is built on keeping women thought-slaves, with golden expectations of responsibility, chastity, submissiveness- the “shuddh nari” is respected. The moment a woman is disrespected, it’s because she’s automatically not a “shuddh nari”.
Women should be taught the power they have to stand on their own two feet and be respected… but change is too far off.
That said, women being strong isn’t enough, really… men need to be educated and when they step out of line, punished. In a society where men are automatically considered superior, that again seems like an insurmountable obstacle.
I agree completely with you. The shackles are bound too tight to break them off easily.
This is reply to Mr. Sid below. I do not know which part of India do you belong to, as far as I have seen-you do something to the molestor, turns out-he will be out of the jail/ no harm done to him, or your family suffers the consequences of angry politician/angrypublic servant/police authorities or you attaract even more shameful activities-because you are seen as the ‘one who attracted this to herself’. This all is a vicious cycle’-ignorant masses (means masses and masses)-elect corrupt officials-these breed more ignorance & more poor adn thus ignorant people- which creates more havoc and where their are basic needs missing from life having such dominance over something (even on their own females) gives some validity to their existence and they elect moreidiots and breed some more! Moral and values are for those who consider life precious, worth culturing values, and knowledge.
wow!!! Very true…No body talked about the trauma that the girl child has gone through, everybody talks about what the child should do, educate the child,parents , be brave,fight back etc…..You got the exact point here…The Trauma has to be treated with psychotherapy & counselling.
Thank you…i agree to your point. The shoulds or should nots are numerous in our society but very little heed is given to the plight of the victim. We revel in justice and rage for injustice, and we often overlook the person for whom we are creating the fuss.
Clearly, you aren’t very well versed with the epics of other cultures. one.
Secondly, if that is all you have gathered from our scriptures, you’ve clearly learned nothing,
And finally, I wonder why the only details that you remember are the ones where women are being defiled. Maybe if you would have bothered to look a little into the Vedas you’d think differently.
Our scriptures? You mean fiction of yore?
Do you understand scriptures? Fiction? I guess you do have a twisted mind. Those scriptures leave it up to you-your actions or lack thereof. and you are responsible for the consequences. Sorry, they are not talkin gabout the Gods of the Holy qoran or Bible, where you have to wait eternity to get judged or sent to hell or heaven. They are talking about Hinduism-You get what you sow Dear, it all in this universe, and the electron and the proton, along with the God Particle-is present in you. Also remember-some of your thoughts and actions are beign seeded in your spirally twisted chromosomes, that will bear fruit if not by the end of yor life time, then possibly in your future generations. Your every little action and inaction is getting its worth – beleive it or not!They dont say ‘Karma is a bitch’ for nothing all over the world!
Hindus, when they let other religions settle in towards the Indus valley-Was the first inaction they accepted. Part of the problem are the consequences of that inaction.
Why do you guys always bring hindu Mythology and religion in between everything.
Do you even know why Draupadi had 5 husbands… and do you even know the difference between marriage and molestation… she was properly married for a cause not molested by 5 brothers, u just heard something half knowledge and start writing it anywhere without knowing the facts… if this was the roots and tradition then every girl right from that era to now would have been married to 5 people. So its not a tradition…Okay.
2. > Should not god actually protect the good and destruct the bad? what did he do apart from sending ounces of sare! ..
If God has to do everything why has he given brain and power to Humans, why didnt he just made humans as other animals.. dont know which religion u follow,but as u have targeted Hindu scriptures so better read Bhagwat Gita,u will get all your answers on why doesn’t god do every good thing, and destroy the evil.. God could had finished the entire MahaBharat war in one minute, but he didnt, just guess why.
3: call for god when you are being molested amidst 100′s of men who conveniently comes in when he s called by his choicest name… evil is every where in every era, but its not god but the men who should come forward to protect women, and God interfered that time to set an example and to teach Men what should had been done by them at such a event.
All these things happened 5000 years ago and if scriptures teach these evils and these are roots then why not a trend of 5 men for woman now and after that Mahabharat story…
Why not god appeared everytime to save a girl.. why not all the hindus follow same set of events happened that time…?????
So Study before writing any thing about any religion, coz wrong facts simply hurts the sentiments.
So true!!
Well said, Its not what is writen in those mythology its what you get. If you are getting such meaning then the problem lies with you. I appreciate your thought Shekhar.
people should be aware. It our everyones responsibility to make this soceity safe for women.
This tore me apart. Some collections are poignant..sp was this. I dnt live in india either, though I am an indian. Perhaps the reason is that the section of some useless creatures on this planet is multiplying day by day. My eyes are wet ms patel. Probably because the story and I share deep bonds.
Good luck.
Nice one
Latika
This is an incessantly overlooked issue on women, the silence has to be shattered.
This is a simply brilliant piece… It’s so touching infact! I just hope every male reads this!
I feel sad, but this is the truth! The truth that every one of us living in India have to go through.
Girls being molested, either by their relatives or random men, is like a daily breakfast news in India. We are in such a male dominated society that even now, the second decade of the 21st century, the “successful educated modern woman” ,at some point or the other allows herself to be exploited.
The only way to get out of this is have a renewed education system, both in schools’ as well as at homes.
and a proper justice system for punishing the accused
exactly!! what is the use of education when the govt isn’t willing to “listen” to what educated people have to say!!! All they give is jail. Such idiots should be beaten, and shot right in the heart and head (two things they dont have though) Why? Because they took others lives….and more painfully….
Our justice system is no where near justice when it comes to such issues. What happened to teh Girl in Delhi Gang rape is the best example. At least the women in Power should have made sure none of the accusers escaped death,
I’m sorry , i was mistaken about teh delhi incident. the hearings are still proceeding.
Dear Sahaja, I am only commenting because I wanted to let you know that I read this article. But I cannot react to this story. I am not being able to. But thank you for writing it.
This is the truth , Most of the Indian girls would have faced something like this at some point of time.Hope the male community get matured and respect every girl and treat them like humans rather than a toy for their desires.
Reblogged this on Elements of a restless mind and commented:
This is the first reblog by me, because it worth it. Because being a male I know my manhood is not the license to humiliate a woman and I respect them as women and as a person.
Reblogged this on Just a little Sugar and Spice and commented:
And we still haven’t gotten justice for Jyoti Singh. What a damned bloody country we live in.
Sad story. I wish India was safer for women.
this kind of thing is experienced by every woman in India. Some form of exploitation towards women has become a thing of the day. Very sad but only a few protest and fight back, many just feel disgusted and let down and cry and try to move on
True story….. the sinful act of some psychic patients….. it is not rightful to believe all men are same. But truth is that it happens only in Asian countries…. why? why? why?
It happens only in Asian countries? Says who? Please check your sources. Molestation and sexual harassment occurs the world over.
This is not to say that I’m closing my eyes to it’s occurrences in India or condoning them in any way. These acts must stop, regardless of where they are committed.
In India, they’re by-and-large considered “normal” aspects of day-to-day life. And there’s minimal retribution against sexual criminals, both by justice and by society.
South Asia is still caught in this patriarchal death trap, at least on a much larger scale than East Asia or Europe/America.
Sorry Ankush but I completely disagree. I have lived in many parts of Europe, Latin Americ, North America and the Middle East and never, I repeat, NEVER, have I seen anyone whip our their glorious penis in front of me to shag themselves silly. Nowhere outside this country have I had my breasts groped, my ass pinched or penises rubbed in all parts of my body. NOWHERE ELSE BUT INDIA. I don’t give a damn about statistics because I talk from personal experience.
Yes people lech abroad too. Yes some bold folks might even comment, but NEVER have I had anyone ever physically molest me in any way. NOWHERE have I ever felt as unsafe as I do every single bloody day as I do in my own country
Its really sad that this is the state of the country. I think that parents should be educated about the issues and how they could help the child and put the person causing the harm behind the bars whoever the person may be. The ignorance by the parents, child and the society is what is harming all girls.
well nothing is going to happen if we just scream shame and shame on us again and again unless we actually act on it…. well most men are Loving,adoring,cherishing,caring and most importantly Respecting Womanhood and their Feeling …..calling men assholes and beasts because a select number men acually are assholes… its like calling all girls sluts because some have lots of boyfriends and play with boys life and being in a relation ship with one and to leave him just because a better prospect guy came around(to name a few)…. don’t steriotype everything and everybody…based on a few who are to really blame… everyone and everything is unique and lots of factors lead to what they/it actually are/is ….
just FYI girls who ” have lots of boyfriends and play with boys life and being in a relation ship with one and to leave him just because a better prospect guy came around(to name a few)” ARE NOT SLUTS. You are damned chauvinist too if you think that having boyfriend makes a girl a slut. By the same logic any boy with multiple girlfriends whom he uses and disposes of is a male whore too. Shame on you!
Since you seem to know what a SLUT is not, then please elaborate on your opinion of what a SLUT is.
Is she just an opportunist or is there something more to it? Your comments please
My thoughts EXACTLY when I read this stupid comment. 😀 Bloody idiot!
You are quite right in saying that “any boy with multiple girlfriends whom he uses and disposes of is a male whore”.
However, if you are condoning the acts of girls who “have lots of boyfriends and play with boys life and being in a relation ship with one and to leave him just because a better prospect guy came around(to name a few)” makes you a female chauvinist.
This is not about gender at all. This is just about decency. When a person uses another person for their selfish gains, it’s indecent, regardless of gender.
The guy isn’t saying that having a boyfriend or even multiple boyfriends is wrong. I would be glad if you could point out the lines where he says so. He is condemning the act of having multiple partners with manipulative intentions towards them, without caring a shred for them. If you think otherwise, I’d be glad to know how arrived at the conclusion.
That sounds like a reaction to the word “slut” rather than one coming from an understanding of what the cncrd says.
YES. a man or a woman who plays around with multiple relationships without caring for the effect it has on their partner(s) IS FAIR GAME FOR BEING DISGUSTED ABOUT.
No, “any boy with multiple girlfriends whom he uses and disposes of” is not a male whore in the sense of taking payment for what is an unemotional transaction on the part of the female. HOWEVER, he IS manipulative and callous, and he shouldn’t be getting respect for that. The same goes for a woman who does the same.
Saying that a woman cannot be manipulative and CANNOT BE AT FAULT is in and of itself sexist.
I suppose you’d be happy if we removed all words referring negatively to women from the dictionary. Fine, “not all girls are manipulative scheming opportunists just because some girls are manipulative scheming opportunists”. Agreed?
And cncrd’s “not all men are assholes because some men are assholes” (because calling a man an asshole is OK, I’ll let that slide). True. However, ignoring the real assholes and saying “look at all these non-assholes!” is apologia, or saying that “It’s OK to be an asshole”, which it definitely isn’t. (substitute “asshole” for “rapist” as required)
cncrd, I WILL consider India as a country where women cannot expect sufficient safety and men can expect to get away with anything if they have the right mix of aggression and dismissal. Not to say that all men are, just those that are can exist more-or-less freely. That’s not a stereotype, that’s just the way it is.
You, mister, should be ashamed of yourself.
i am going to ignore the slut part. Let’s talk about ‘not all men are assholes and beasts’. I have been thinking about it for a while now as more and more accounts of molestation are shared by girls. If it happens everyday to any girl of any age, in any state, rural or city dwelling how is it that these not asshole men don’t seem to know it happens? What are you the not asshole man doing? walking with eyes closed? on a crowded bus, in the crowded street when other beast men are doing this what are you the not asshole man doing? How are you not seeing it?
how many times did you “see” some1 getting harassed and tried to oppose it?
The no. of times you “saw” some1 getting harassed is the same no. I stood up to save some1 which in my case is a very low number.
You just don’t get it, do you? Or have you even read the article? When victims are not comfortable to come out in open with their mothers how do you expect the “not asshole” men to even know when it happens? By some divine vision? You are right, men are assholes because they are guilty of inaction, ignore the fact that they are not even aware of such a crime.
And you know who a hypocrite is? Someone who does not act upon witnessing a crime as harassment on a crowded bus or in the crowded street and blames men of inaction. If you did not act then in name of equality YOU have no authority to call someone names.
Mr. Deva, you are forgetting one point though. Why do you think most women don’t act. It’s because in a crowded bus they just justify that it was a mistake that they were pushed in your direction and most of the women are too shocked to react. It happened to me as well multiple times. Once, the conductor himself kept throwing himself at me while I am seated. I kept on moving away but he still seems to manage to do it. It’s only after a lady constable noticed this and she thrashed him did he just run away from me and actually started doing his job without bothering anyone. But you see, here I was too shocked to react and regretted a lot later for not being able to react at the time. The only thing that made me feel better and not blame myself for it is because of the lady constable. There were men in the bus noticing my discomfort but they either chose to ignore or were amused by the deeds of that ass of a conductor. So, don’t just blame the women for not reacting!
Good question kaveri
You go girl. the not asshole man is probably also part of the asshole group.
If you term every man an “asshole”, a different thing will happen. After a while the “not asshole man” would not care and close his eyes and say “who cares?”
man can react only when u girls raise ur voices…how can u expect men to react when u r bearing it all without telling any one…. most of u dont react when it actually happens but u write it in blogs like this… ppl roam with candles after the incidents but no one(including women) covers the naked victim with a piece of cloth
i dont agree with the bus incident in the story…. kutte ki tarah marte h aise cases main… maine khud dekha h kai bar
i repeat all men r nt beasts
dude, i totally agree to the point of ur’s………women should raise their voice toward their justice. how could she be quite during her own prestige?
Mr. Shush ant, may be she is too shocked to react wen the incident happens. I am telling you this out of experience, wen it’s a 60+ man old enough to be your grandfather with decent respectful appearance tries groping you from behind, you would be too stunned to even realize that it actually happened and not a figment of your imagination! So, before you actually convince yourself that it happened though the guilty pretends as if nothing happened, it is too late n he would have escaped. It’s not by choice that we women stay quite. Most of the times we are too shocked to react.
not sure where your outrage came from.. nobody was stereotyping men before your comment came along. Also, probably you have not seen Delhi, or you have seen only Delhi. If not all, there are enough prying eyes a woman would feel chasing her, enough to stereotype, that is. Almost everyone seems like “sizing up” a woman.
Reblogged this on Reflections of my Footsteps and commented:
While all may not be true of the West being absolutely safe for women, with women having no fears whatsoever about their safety, I think this is still worth a read!
Well written and so true! Keep writing! Forget respect, we don’t even get the minimum of physical safety. I don’t even feel safe approaching a policeman with a problem, especially at night. When I visited the UK for the first time, I was amazed that the police actually helps out, you can actually approach them about some drunk bothering you.
This problem in India is getting worse, and mostly because of those that continuously deny the truth and try to “defend” their nation. They don’t understand that they are just adding to the ignorance instead of improving the country.
My parents educated me about a “good touch” and “bad touch” when I was very young, maybe it helped a little because it helped me articulate those kinds of things even as a young child, but you still have the face the everyday groping/teasing/grabbing.
Wish I could like or upvote this comment on here, because it sums up nicely an important point.
“This problem in India is getting worse, and mostly because of those that continuously deny the truth and try to “defend” their nation. They don’t understand that they are just adding to the ignorance instead of improving the country.”
Yup.
I feel sad for the the Women of our country who go through this, but real sorrow is when our country is judged for these actions. The incidents mentioned above doesn’t blame or point fingers on any one person, religion or system but on an entire nation.
We who boast of our culture, ancestry, history and what not have to attribute these on all these for which we have been prod of. Westerners who have nothing to look back to, respect’s women the way our culture actually teaches us to.
Our country being judged for these incidents isn’t wrong, the mindset of female inferiority is so widespread that it’s justified to lump the whole country together as a sexist one. The responsibility of proof any other way rests on us, the citizens, and we have no united front to show that India is OK for women.
You’re right that Westerners respect women more than we do. However, our culture teaches (for the most part) that women are objects and property of men. Or like pets, at best. Women portrayed as powerful, independent and able to demand respect are the exception rather than the norm in India.
Culture is brought about by the way our mummy-daddies teach us to behave and think, extrapolated to a large scale- and Indian culture (moreso since colonial times, maybe?) has always been very sexist.
We are just reading a page of one indian girl/woman. Imagine!
I agree with almost every word that is written here. Personally, I may have to forget about my dream job because it’s in a city which is now being nicknamed, The Rape Capital. It’s sad and pathetic that almost every day I read about rapes, hear about men rubbing, touching, groping.. Hell they’ve even started masterbating while standing in front of us.
Without a doubt I agree and wish there was a stand, or a way in which women could scream and shout “Not Okay!” Without worrying about what happens next, or if someone will help us or are we simply doomed to be objects of not only physical but visual lechery ?
But there’s something I didn’t like about this post, and I would like to borrow the words of a student from Mount Holyoke College, Massachusetts. It’s a coincidence I came across this a couple of hours ago, and I feel it sums up my feelings perfectly. http://ireport.cnn.com/docs/DOC-1024351 it’s titled, “The Truth About Sexual Harrasment: An Open Letter To Michaela Cross.” (CNN iReport)
In one line, it’s not about blaming the country, the location, the time, the place… It’s about blaming the mentality.
Its disgusting , but it is true!! So True that probably every one of us must have had encountered such horrible b******* trying to exploit our innocence.
Don’t Mom’s know that such things can happen to their kids ? They do!! This isn’t something new.. its been happening ever since there is a male existence on this earth!!
then why couldn’t they warn their kids ? Yes she could tell her daughter that such beasts will be around her all the time and she should be aware of it and shout for help/approach someone immediately… That will definitely help… but the Mom might think otherwise too… Why should I pollute my daughter’s mind from such an early age? Because this abuse will not stop ? It could be a ten year boy or a 90 year old ready to hit the death bed… they can all harm us (as a child,girl,teenager,adult or even a senior citizen)
But letting a child understand this sick fact is far better than having her go through a mental trauma… which she can never forget .
Over the years , no one could help eradicate this problem .. be it the girl’s family / community / leaders /police !
Touching article….and perfectly said Meenu…. It is high time that women educate the girls about the bitter reality and being a male my head goes down every time i read or hear such incident.
But apart from educating and making the females aware of the present situation i believe that the water is well above the neck and burying heads like ostrich wont help males. Its responsibility of every sane male individual to stand firmly against it, irrespective of the relationship with the victim and even the accused.
My mom taught me from childhood to speak… but it hardly helps, even if you speak up or shout at the molester… I once really beat up a guy
(middle aged) for molesting but no use he fled, and the people(including women) simply watching.. I don’t know what can stop such things.. helpless.. tired of hoping that things will be better one day for girls
The country is certainly in a sad state of affairs. This is a story which many of the females
in the country will relate to. And to get rid of it, the first and foremost step that should be
taken is to educate females from a young age preferably, when they are in the process of
attaining puberty. Mothers to young girls will have a pivotal role to play. They have to be the
ones to educate, the ones to whom the daughter can confide in anything and anytime and also instill in them courage to be bold and teach such anti social elements a lesson that leave
us with a sense of disgust!!
Sahaja, my wife forwarded your post to me. Like you, she lives in the US, and has gone through much of what you have. As a man, I can only try and understand the pain and agony life in India can be for a woman. It is an ancient culture, and has never really gone through radical change, preserving its sophistication and all its ills.
But one must not forget that women are not the only ones marginalized in India, Dalits, tribals and Muslims also suffer, sometimes a lot, lot more. And if you are a Dalit or tribal woman, you suffer doubly.
When the Republic of India was founded, and the Constitution was being written, the people in the Assembly knew that they were grafting a liberal democracy on an illiberal, undemocratic society. Whether their plan will succeed, only time and the future children of India can tell.
If it gives you any reason to cheer, let me tell you that Indian women, knowingly or unknowingly have been at the forefront of India’s incremental revolution. There are more women studying in Indian colleges than men today. The proportion of females driver’s license holders went up from 7 % in 2002 to 14 % of the total in 2010. The proportion of inter-caste/religion marriages rose from 5.1 % to 9 % from 1981 to 2001, I would guess it is higher today. The share of female jeans sold rose from near negligible in the late 90s to 22 % of the total in 2011.
These stats probably mean little in the face of the rape outrages we are facing on a daily basis now. But Indians have no option but to resist and press for the rule of law.
Thanks.
Vikram, as a geneticist adn a molecular biologist, I think htere is simple solution to your problem of muslim and dalits-they should breed themselvesout of the populus. Means they should not breed atall, and thus giving the ‘better population’ soem breathing room on earth. As it is, they are not diong earth any favors by breeding like rabbits-these only grow up to become-nasties of humanities, ofcourse exceptions are always there.
This one made me cry in front of my computer !! Maybe because I could connect to the story 100% , maybe because i have a girl child myself, maybe because I am ashamed of the country that I was once proud of. From what I see , it is going to be one long struggle – for me and the country.
I don’t know if u lack education or you suck in logical reasoning. First of all you, as a mother, should be grateful to at least two men which your country has produced..your father and your husband. So if you think that our country sucks because of the men out here then considering your male relationships ( your father and your husband) is equally responsible.. isn’t so? Try not to blame the country. Like a true ignorant and escapist you have already commented stereotyping the male community and also insulted our nation. Do your part by educating your daughter. I have seen half the world and the people over there just don’t speak shit about their countries. They do the needful. So stop pretending to be a wretched citizen and provoking weak sentiments and please start acting!! Hope you can digest this truth.
Rivu, You should start by educating yourself first and then you son probably!
I completely agree with Rivu, it is a worldwide problem and it should not be mistaken only with India.
No it is NOT a worldwide problem and that’s what people like you need to realise. The scale at which it happens in western countries or even south-east asian countries is much much smaller than in India. Why do you men and some women NOT get that? Indian men seem to feel that they can just about do anything to a woman and she won’t do a thing because society (parents, family, police, courts) won’t come to her rescue. She will just endure and move on and that’s why they feel they can do whatever they want with impunity. Get it into your thick heads: its NOT a worldwide problem, it is a problem in India!!!!
Agree with Kaushiki, it is NOT a worl-wide problem, open your eyesor perhaps visit one of the other western countries.
Brilliant. Best and most sensible post i have read on this hypocritical blog post. The author of this blog thinks sexual crimes are isolated to just India. Keep eating your “pseudo paradise” western pie Sahaja Patel. While you are at it I would also ask you to have a look at the sexual crime rate statistics of your beloved America. http://www.rainn.org/statistics Good luck to raising your baby girl in the “safe haven” of the land of hope and dreams (and also sexual assault).
Where does the blog author say that sexual crimes occur only in India? The article is about the safety of women in India, and hence no other country is mentioned. The sexual crime rate of the US is irrelevant here. However, if you want to take the US as the basis of comparison, you might want to look at the Bureau of Justice Statistics report published in March 2013 from http://www.bjs.gov/index.cfm?ty=pbdetail&iid=4594.
To Siddharth and others who think that western world is not safe haven and keep on gposting these websites of crimestats-you forgot to mention one thing-these crimes in western world get reported no matter how little they are. Have you sent your daughter/female relative to a police station all by themself to report a crime in India-and if so, would youlike to mention the part where they got raped again at the police station or later by the maffia related to the public servant? or did you bribe to get an incident like that reported?What happened later? Are you confident enough to let us know that all incidents were even mentioned to you, and you are in the know? Finally, do you even have any female relatives/friends where you can gain enlightment on truths of living in India? or do you have anyfemale relative/friend living in western world (oh by the way the females married to Indian husbands living in western world do not count,as I have seen them tortured emotionally and physically here too,just because the females in those cases do not know what are their rights)
well said Rivu! the author thinks it happens only in India.No one other than Indians hate themselves so much
The author hasn’t implied that it happens only in India. But compared to other places she has been in, India is relatively dangerous. Harassment from relative, priest, I can understand – there are a few catholic priests everywhere in the world who molest kids. But would you expect to get groped on the road – on the divider while crossing the street? Yet, I have heard two accounts of this personally in India, but nowhere else. Being rubbed and touched while standing in queues? Of course sexual harassment is a global issue, but they don’t call India the ‘Rape Capital’ for nothing.
Also, I’m not saying India is the most dangerous in the whole wide world. There might be worse places, we wouldn’t know until people speak up. But the author being from India, is speaking up here. And she hasn’t blamed the country in its entirety. She has recounted her experiences here, as compared to another place she has lived in – how much ever precautions you take, you just don’t feel safe enough.
So are you saying that it should keep happening in India just because India is not the only country where it happens and therefore nothing is wrong with it?
What do you know about the grave situation that every average female faces in this country?
You can never imagine her plight when she is repeatedly groped at in full public view and no one stands up for her and see the whole thing as an enjoyable episode.why should she be proud of such a country where her modesty has been humiliated at every nook and corner by her own countrymen?
You must have been one of these chauvinist men to be saying such things
@ Rivu.. If anyone lacks logical reasoning,I’m sorry to say it would be you. I don’t think what Vanitha said calls for your verbal spew. I think the whole world is ‘stereotyping’ the indian male community. And while generalization is unfair to the Indian men who don’t indulge in the list of above mentioned ‘behavior’, may be it will finally provoke men silently watching to Educate your friends and family who may be a part of such abhorrent behaviour. The onus doensn’t lie on women to educate their daughters or sons for that matter. But also on fathers/ men to lead by example.
It’s interesting that you made a comment ”I have seen half the world”. Because I have pretty much traveled a part of the globe too. And the first thing you would notice as a Indian women (guessing you are not) travelling say europe, US or canada is how different, liberating and joyous travel can be. The sheer freedom of travelling without constantly being ogled, groped or the need to barricade yourself against being groped.Even in the most crowded metro in Italy I didn’t even have to give it a thought. And yes I am gonna generalize here, because 20 years of having lived in India and having faced this on a regular basis gives me the right to do so..
And just because others are aren’t willing to face facts about the problems their countries are facing, let’s not foolishly join the parade. Patriotism is not about sugar coating facts. There is also no claim made here that this isn’t happening elsewhere. But what say we focus on cleaning our own ”backyard” first??!!
brilliant reply Maria!! I am really surprised by the way certain males are reacting here. I too have faced such incidents almost on a daily basis .. and almost every other girl I have met has said that it has happened to her also (incidents much worse than the ones mentioned in the blog) .. I was expecting that this would be a shocking reality for all the (‘not assholes’) males .. Given that almost every girl in India faces this I would say, the percentage of such males is fairly large and therefore, generalization or stereotyping is not completely wrong .. If you think that this is not a serious issue or that accepting this reality will make you less patriotic .. then please stay in your dreamland, your ideal country .. this blog is not for you ..
do u think a father will be behind her n aside her always …every moment ??….ok husband can be behind her ..bt till she gets a husband what is she supposed to do ?? and finally thr r many who dont have a father …what will they do ?? r u keeping two guards for women …wen will they live independently ….
grasnnd salute to u sir/mam
Rivu and all the men/women here who have agreed to this ridiculous post by rivu should probably check yourselves into a mental institution…because there is something terribly wrong with you all and that scares me as a citizen of this country. The author here says no such thing as India being the only country with sexual harassment issues but when compared to other countries yes it is a terrifying place for a woman, especially by herself. And why should a mother only be responsible to educate her daughter? and not why the sons too? why not teach your sons to respect women instead of just teaching your daughters to fend for themselves???? It is people like you, with this horrid sense of justice and logic that deepens the fear within me. I have traveled a lot around the world and i have never once had the same sense of dread that i have had when walking the streets of delhi, before the sun has completely set, by myself. it is a struggle everyday to come back home without have being leched at or touched by someone even once here.
And you mister should do your part by drilling some sense into yourself and doing the needful by protecting the women of your country!!
Shame on you for being such an ignorant jerk.
Well said outraged.
Yes,its these kinds of men who promote and justify the atrocious behavior of men
@Maria.. according to you.. “Yes,its these kinds of men who promote and justify the atrocious behavior of men”.. I need to tell you that I never justified.. if again you too fall in that category of being just “outraged”,just to talk incongruous and not read my post I can’t help it. I am a peaceful person, who doesn’t rape women and neither do my peers. My family or it’s acquaintances also have never raped anyone. When a rapist or a molester is sentenced to death we don’t cry all night. Be calm and try to understand what again I am going to say. “\/”(sign of peace)
@Outraged.. I am not an “ignorant jerk”!! First of all why I am not ignorant. I have not only earned my degrees from the best universities of India and abroad, I have also spent quite a few years struggling for the common people.. I was there in Nandigram, was there in India Gate during the students’ revolutions, was there with my dad (an IAS officer) during the floods in West Bengal in 1999, fought for the equality in education system, even donated my 2 months’ basic for the Uttarakhand floods ( which can be overlooked because I don’t know which politician is using those currencies right now) and in many more situations which you don’t know.Even I have got arrested quite a few times for fighting against the evils( which again can be overlooked because I believe in Anarchism and the state doesn’t). And behind all these were no political corrupts. If only you can understand what “non political revolution” means. I know how many women were being raped recently and I am not supporting those men. I have the facts of the women’s commission and also can relate to the pain of the victims. I am not an ignorant person.
“jerk”.. I don’t find any logic behind using this word in a public forum.. you are truly, madly, deeply outraged. Stop listening to hard rock or metals and think what you can do.
NOW you were asking if only the daughters or the subsequent mothers have the responsibility to educate their daughters (or future mothers). I never told that fathers and sons don’t have any responsibility!! I do.. I have a peer circle which strictly condemns such heinous acts; discuss things even among the “less-educated” circles so that the influx of knowledge regarding respect for both men and women gets multiple channels to flow. My father taught me the values, my mother did as well. If everyone keeps discussing about values, social norms and about the social responsibilities then we can create small circles of a more educated and knowledgeable people which will eventually grow larger and one day we can see a different country.
In the first post, Vanitha,the author was so ashamed of the country. Me too. But I am not just sitting in this forum and posting my hatred. I am doing SOMEthing. EVEN you Outraged, I don’t know if your sole aim is to create more hatred amongst people and keep posting, but I do want to believe that even you are doing your part.
I respect the Sahaja Patel’s effort to put up the pain in such an exhaustive way and since many people in this forum are here only to accuse each other ( “men are rapists” and “women are sluts”), the Catharsis is truly admiring and absolutely following the psychoanalytic theory!! Great!! 🙂
couldn’t have said it better 🙂
I think you lack both education and logical reasoning. There is no other reason for your apathy! there are problems like this in every country. but no other country kills the girl child just because she was born a girl. In countries like India, pakistan and the middle east, women are treated like a commodity and that too with social backing. Thats not what happens in western countries. There might be stray incidents but its not what the community agrees with. The ratio of men in India who will try to take advantage of a crowded area and grope a woman are 9:1, while it is the other way round in western countries. Even so, the laws there are very stringent. You can do time in jail for taking a childs picture without their guardians permission. Children get raped there too, but those rapists are always convicted and the rapists registered as sex offenders in their locality making them social outcasts. and when a rape victim reports to the local police station the policeman doesnt question her on what she was wearing and who she was with when she got raped!! That happens a lot here! What happens to child molesters and rapists in India?? If you are not keeping up with the Keenan and Reuben case then I suggest you do some googling and get a dose of reality.
You are like one those people who start lashing out because someone brought out the facts about what is going on in our country. You’re mentality is.. “so what? it happens in other countries too. Why spoil our countries name in public”. So just because it happens elsewhere we should keep quiet and bear it?? The consequences to those rapists and molesters is CERTAINLY not the same here!!
Dont be a pseudo patriot! If YOU dont want to spoil the country name then YOU do something about the issues I mentioned above. Dont get upset because someone “spoiled” the country name by bringing out the facts. And if you cant do anything to help certainly dont go defending the shit going on here by bad mouthing someone who has brought out her experiences by telling her that her father and husband belong to the same category of men! By doing that you only stifling the sentiments that are required to bring an end to the shit going on here, which as you said are already weak. Shame on you!
Government works for money and not for people. People dont know the root of all these issues. This needs to be fixed at the root level. Why other countries are safe to live? Their men dont have feelings or government is cutting the piece if they abuse women… Think …
Also, in other countries people have ‘arms’. Govrnment listens-checks and balances! Public demands stricter rules-and they get it! or people are cutting the peice from the government! I like the idea!
Very, very sad. I’m a guy, and I can still feel your pain. This happened to my cousin sister, who’s also one of my best friends. She was once groped by a male member of our family. No one knew about it except for her and that disgusting dude. But one day, my cousin finally opened out to me about what had happened. I was furious and riled up. I asked her to bring it out in the open so that everyone in the family could kick his ass and spit in his face. She half-agreed, but insisted that we go to her mom (my aunt) first. When we reported the incident to her mom, we were simply asked to not make a big deal of it! I was like….what the $#%@!??
I couldn’t believe what my aunt was asking us to do…(or not do, in this case). Further, she ordered us to not talk about this to anyone else in the family. (fucked up, i know! But I was just a kid and I didn’t know what else to do). We still never talk about it. It’s been more than a decade.
Amazing indian culture, indeed. bah!
I am amazed at how people here find it easy to blame it on Indian culture or religion.. First and foremost it has nothing to do with a culture of a country of its own. We have sick sexual predators right from school teachers to holy ahem ahem inside the Vatican and believe me it has mostly to do with the chemical locha of brain than any kind of cultural knowledge or religious scriptures.. No one who reads bible tries to walk on water so I dont know why will they follow selective things.
The only advantage of being in certain countries is that the judicial system is swifter and ruthless over there and hence the probability of getting assaulted is higher.
I don’t blame you. A lot of men like us have seen our beloved women getting hurt and could do nothing after a limit. Lets change it. make sure our children know that we will do more and they can tell us.
It’s a sad situation. It disturbs mind and leaves a fear that never dies, not to forget the anger that one is not allowed to express. I am sure every Indian girl, rich or poor has gone through atleast a couple of molestations. I have been through it myself and now when I think about it, I feel like killing those people if I ever meet them again. What’s worst is that we tend to remember these incidents throughtout our lives, no matter how young we were when we went throught it. 😦
indeed its true but people are changing in india too. many things have changed over here nowadays girls are not victim to that extent bt yes dey are………hope coming time wil giev us freedom especialy to girls to do wat dey like………
not everyone do this sahaja you are wrong !! and u dont have the right to say india is rape capital of the world , some cheap guys may do this but not everyone !!
Hi Subash, just pretending nothing is wrong doesn’t make it right.. I have lived in girls hostel for quite a many years and talked to a lot of girls.. Not one girl I have come across who has not gone through groping/grabbing/teasing/molestation and nearly all of us are overly cautious of protecting ourselves while going out.
Its right that everybody doesn’t do it.. but the numbers of them who do it is quite larger. Hope you get what we feel everyday of our lives, hoping we would one day get a place where we won’t have to think twice before doing anything…
Thanks,
Neha
I agree with you. I got to know this very late. I was young and could no understand. I heard my sister also went through it. Thinking about it makes my blood boil. A friend of mine told me she was smacked on her behind my some bikers in broad daylight. I do not know how law makers and the authorities that be can curb this menace. Such people should think from the perspective of the victims and their close ones and should understand the irreparable damage and stigma such acts cause to the minds of the victim.
Dude..Being a girl born and brought up in India and now working abroad, I can say tat if the probability of being abused abroad for an educated independent working woman is 45% then the probability of being abused in India is 99.99%. If you dont believe me take an anonymous poll of women who have ever been subjected to abuse (physical, verbal or emotional), I bet you wont arrive at figures less than 99%. So there goes your mera barath mahaan pride..India sucks man..thats the reality..And there is nothing left for women to instigate and take action. Its men like you who should do something instead of talking about empty country pride.
PS: I would be scared to death if I ever have to go back to India. Wouldnt be arriving without atleast a dozen stun guns and pepper sprays…
well i would agree to this actually…. generalizing is not right of course…. so there would be these feminists who would always tell you all men are morons and some females who would believe them !! that is certainly not right .. but yes as men as well we need to ensure a safer society for everyone….
Not to forget these same feminists today are unleasing the “legal terrorism” in the form of fake 498A’s, false DV’s, Divorce alimony, maintenance and the numbers are increasing !!! Do read about it ….Well media doesn’t report that …. The same feminists would then push any woman to unleash law even if its morally incorrect…. So even the feminist is a hypocrite right ??
Now i know i would be called a male chauvenist etc and i give a damn… The point is i might be born a woman in my next birth as well…. i have no issues about that at all…. but my point is as a man i have my roles to ensure everyone is safe in my suroundings (be it a woman or a man) and so does a woman need to ensure……. does this not sound correct ?? I don’t say that its rightaway possible but it would take time and effort and certain amount of sensitiveness and love for the country and its people that we can slowly progress towards an amazing India !!!! what say ??
How good a country would it be when we men realize that women are just “humans” at the end of the day and they are too like us … we dump our egos and help men and women alike to succeed in all circles…. women too can be the best of friends , the same chit chat , happy discussions as we guys do…. And women too realize the same , some having their attitude care to dump them are treat the “simple” guy around as “simple” rather than “stupid” and drop her disgusting body language and rolling eyes , dump her feminism and proceed towards “humanity”….. would respect herself as an individual and stop unleashing the pro-woman laws in India to settle scores (except for the true cases) !!!! Is it so difficult ???
IN THAT CASE WE ALL COULD LIVE WITH OUR HEAD HELD HIGH !!! RIGHT ???????
I think feeling sad is not the right thing. Its not about educated or not, these men who resort to such extreme things are screwed ppl and should be punished with the most painful death ever so that their souls are burnt for eternity. One cant keep themselves locked for being safe because she is a woman. We need movies like NetiBharatham(Telugu), Karthavyam(telugu)/Tejaswini(hindi) and not munni badnam or sheila ki jawani or fevicol se yuck songs and yucky portrayal of women for mere bucks…pity those men who consider women as mere substance of enjoyment. If all the anger of every victim is turned to fire earth will turn to ashes in milli seconds…
Reading this article was like remembering different phases of your own life. All of this happened. What happened to your friend in the mall, happened to me while travelling in a bus in delhi. Initially, i thought, it was the iron rod of the seat but then it turned out to be something else. What happened to you in chennai was what my friend went through for a long time by a neighbour’s son when she was 6. There is an endless list. I am a lawyer now. I want to make a difference. Bring some changes. Bring some freedom. Reduce the fear. But i am still scared. Sometimes, even i want to leave it all and go to a land where i can breathe and not just ‘assume’ that i can’t travel alone at night.
You are truly inspiring. Keep up the spirit.
When I read this article, it was like sitting back and remembering what I went through. All the incidents have made me strong enough to fight against anyone who misbehaves with me. I don’t forgive anyone. Standing up for everyone is very tough I know, but am sure your will to make a difference will atleast help that one girl who needs it. Good luck! 🙂
A beautifully written but very sad article. What struck me most vividly is that her parents have shirked their responsibility. It is sometimes easier and less inconvenient to ignore such a problem than to take it head on. One has to be aware of the world that one is raising their kids in, and if you don’t know something it is the responsibility of a parent to learn about it so that they can protect their wards. It is inexcusable that the parents didn’t have a clue of the dangers first, and also created a family environment where she felt uncomfortable in confiding such things to them.
The central theme of course, is about the depraved behaviour of Indian men. In a country where even a little PDA is frowned upon, groping in the bus is par for the course?! This is disgusting and the laws must be made so stringent that they act as genuine deterrents. I do pray that our country becomes safe for our daughters sooner rather than later.
This is a very well put post but the end disturbed me. She had been sexually abused as a child and at different levels and it’s understood that she could not confide in her parents for she din’t know. But now as she was going to be a mother, I would have liked it more if she decided to teach her child about sexual abuse at every level and how she should ask her child confide in her mother and father at any point of time.
This is not a movie with a happy ending which you want to see, its her feelings and thoughts, dont expect a nice ending storyline here, if she feels helpless thats the way it is.
Women ..Please talk to your daughters..do not do the mistake our moms did to us , some moms wait for biology teachers to teach the girls the difference between a girl and a boy….Do not feel shy or embarassed when you explain and empower your child, to be alert and give them the confidence that if someone touches them they will have to tell you…make it a rule. As a mom of a 11 year old i can make out from her face if she is ok, she has a good day at school or bad….if a child has had a bad experience with a man it will show in her behaviour, bond with your daughters and let them know the moms are there to help them
Do not wait for the world to come and help and for sarees to come pouring from heaven….make martial arts compulsory for girls….Remember girls it is not your mistake that an pevert touches you…never give that feeling to your child..THe right attitude goes a long way in dealing with these situations
Absolutely agree!
We cannot expect the male community to suddenly rise up and behave themselves and respect women. Like someone else said mankind has always been like this and will most likely stay this way. We women have to rise to the occasion and protect ourselves and each other.
Schools should make martial arts or some form of self defense mandatory. There needs to be mandatory education and/or counseling available in all schools that teaches about sexual harassment. Women should carry something with them to protect themselves, maybe a pepper spray.
Women and girls need to be taught from a young age that it is not their fault they got harassed. That its a brave one who speaks up against it and by not speaking up against it you are only becoming a part of the problem.
Anyone who saw or experienced something like this and didn’t say or do anything about it is is just as wrong as the one who did it. I am guilty of not speaking up too and it makes me sick.
Completely agree with your as well as Sara’s post. Empower and encourage females to raise their voice against such incidents. There will always be men who commit such acts and it’s important to not let them get away with it. Education and sensitisation is the key to solving this issue. We need to raise our kids as equals and instill the importance of gender equality in them.
Either you want to teach the mother or punish the culprit ? Seriously cant you see what the child has gone through , the trauma she had…. with the trauma she has learn martial arts ?
Sheela ki jawani, . munni badnam hui,, kamseen kamariya and so on so forth… each time you sing and gyrate to them you are participating in the rapists thrust against the Indian women.. ..don’t expect to feed these brood of vipers and not get stung.
Are you out of your mind??
No matter what I do, it doesn’t give ANYONE the RIGHT to molest me. If you left your door open does it give someone the right to rob your house? And do you really think all these women who are being harassed were ‘gyrating’ to some music or wearing ‘indecent’ clothing? What about little kids who are getting molested. What about nuns who get harassed. What about the 24,206 cases of rape that were reported and the tens of thousands of harassment cases that go unreported. You think all of them were provoking the men who harassed them???
There are places in other countries where people (including women) can walk around naked and noone gives a hoot. If your theory of ‘feeding the vipers and getting stung’ was true why don’t these women get ‘stung’??
Blaming the victim is the easy and cowardly way out of this. Nonchalant attitude like yours is what has made this situation this bad.
I beg to differ from you Madam. Lets do a thought experiment, (bear with me for the philosophy). You see a starving child at a traffic signal while eating a burger in front of him, in your car. You find him eyeing your burger, but your burger is inaccessible for him. He passes by a pizzeria. The food sure looks delicious and inviting through the glass windows. Overcome with hunger, he walks to the corner chai shop. He steals a pakora in a nifty snatch.
Lets analyse this, shall we? The chai walla left pakoras open. Does this give a right to steal? No. The kid is hardly bothered about rights, desperation made him do it. Did the pakora provoke our little thief? No, your burger did.
Why didn’t your burger get stolen by your husband? Because he already had one. Try starving him for few days, he too will have stolen some food. Why doesn’t anyone give a hoot in such countries (restricted places to be accurate)? They are not sex starved. FYI such countries do not exist. Go look up some data before glorifying such countries. Nude beaches in Europe have faced local resistance. Why? Such places invite nefarious activities from outside. Verify with the courts of France if you don’t believe me.
Now I would say attitude like YOURS has made this situation this bad. Why? Hypocrisy. Reflected in this page. You are not alone, I am guilty of it too. So are you, so are others. We as a society have some degree of hypocrisy in us, that has driven some to desperation. We call them sluts, we call them perverts. What are we?
But what you are forgetting here is that the boy is desperate for food n he s not demeaning or molesting the chai wala by stealing the samosa. There s no relation between what is being discussed and ur so called experiment. Just because you might be one doesnot make everybody a hypocrite. These women n children who get sexually harassed are scarred for life. They are not women who provoke men by wearing skimpy outfits but are your day to day normal people who can be your sister or friend. Don’t blame women for the shameful deeds done by some men who have no sense of decency to treat a woman like a fellow human being with feelings n not just as objects of pleasure.
Thats the most stupidest thing I have heard!!. Comparing theft with rape. The starving kid needed food to live. A sex starved man doesnt need to have sex to survive!!… and no matter how sex starved you are… YOU DONT HAVE THE RIGHT TO SATISFY YOUR HUNGER ON ANOTHER HUMAN BEING. PERIOD! Same reason why cannibalism is also outlawed no matter how hungry you are!
Nev….couldn’t agree with u more. Moreover, it’s also observed that these specially happen when the victim is provoked and she retaliates as seen in both Delhi n Mumbai cases. These men think of it as a way to show their dominance over the victim when the victim protests against the taunting and insults thrown at her. There are also men who do it for the sheer pleasure of getting out of their sexual frustration. It’s a combination of these two who are the most dangerous. They not only sexually abuse the victim but also torture them in the most gruesome manner such as the Delhi case so as to sate their sadism. We are ll humans for crying out loud. Not brutal animals. Though according to some who commented above, we are all hypocrites. I beg to differ. Not all the women n children getting raped are gyrating their bodies in skimpy clothes. Most of them are common people who are unfortunate enough to fall prey to these brutal predators. If they are so sex starved why don’t they go to prostitutes who are willing to provide their services with mutual consent rather than attack the nearest n vulnerable victim!
Yes Preethi,its such perverted, under confident,cowards who disrespect and molest women.
From the magnitude of such atrocities happening everywhere in India,its obvious that they are not rare but ubiquitous.
well … bad as it may sound ….. its better to be safe than sorry… don’t expect the tiger to spare u just because u r a veg !!!! makes sense ???
Yeah at the same time such ppl definitely do need to be taught a lesson… agreed !!
The problem is you people have the mentality that it’s fine to compare HUMANS with burgers and pakoras. A person’s dignity is not some item in a shop, and women are not “on display”. Men also walk around in shorts/ganjis, right? At all times of night, in all places? Why are they not being groped and assaulted by women, or gay men?
And molesters are not vipers or tigers. Why do you think of men as animals, who have no responsibility for their actions? And if they are so helpless, how can they be allowed even to run a restaurant, let alone a country? Maybe we should set a curfew for all these lustful men who have no control so that women, who you think are responsible for everyone’s actions, can have some peace and safety.
or mam ghar main lock choro se bachne k liye nahi lagaya jata….chor to lock hoga tb b chori kar hi lenge…
lock is liye lagaya jata h taki bhale logo ki niyat na kharab ho jaye
damn right !!
I feel it’s true, such life with very uncommon experiences that we don’t want anyone else will go through with … .. Even though a country with high culture and ethics, a country where festivals are celebrated with high enthusiasm.. a country with democratic sense…but on the other side I also feel the family now comes with a risk factor.. let’s teach the boys to respect girls as a human being… let’s bring back the Gentle Man.
Don’t be so naive, our country has always had a rape culture. Read the scriptures if you need proof.
truthhhhhhhhhhhh…….all girlss r experncdddd..even i ammmmmmmm
Its a sad Indian scenario. as u said though the west isn’t crimefree, der every1 has deir own freedom, especially gals. look at wat we do, we announce a large history and tradition, india 2day isn’t dat beautiful. past is past and everyone has 4gotten wat we wer in last century and do the exact opposite. hope dis article reaches every indian. full support 4 u
This is India shining. Hypocricy of the highest order. This is a manifestation of a frustated society given full freedom to do as they please.
True
Thank you all for the overwhelming responses and shares. This has been a constantly undermined issue.
To all the girls who have connected with the post based on your personal experiences, or incidents to friends/family, and to all the men who think sexual abuse should not be tolerated even though it is common, Thank you.
To some people who think that I generalized men and put all of them into the same category, do excuse me. That wasn’t my intent. I was trying to point out that a sexual abuser can be lurking anywhere and can get to a woman (or a man), anytime. The molester (see how i’m not using gender here) could be at home (a relative), could be an educated and dignified person at work, at the shop, or just random strangers on the road, in buses, trains, and planes, and in any city or town. The rate is high in women than in men in our country.
I wasn’t trying to say that other countries are much safer, this is “this girl’s” story. It is her view.
That being said, this is not entirely a fictional piece. Every incident has been taken from real-life incidents. I spent one hour calling 6 friends for their experiences, and I got 11 stories from them. From educated, upper middle class well settled, and independent women who live in “developed cities” in India. I included only four. I cannot even imagine what I would learn if I stepped into small towns and villages.
Kudos to you for writing about an issue that is more often than not spoken in hushed tones and hushed up. Till we empower our children (girls and boys) with the right to speak up, self respect and respect for each other this will continue….http://wordviz.wordpress.com/2013/08/22/the-other-india-or-the-india-i-know-not-how-when-it-came-to-be-what-it-is/.
It hurts even now to remember all the instances where I was molested or people I know were abused and suffered in silence with that sense of shame that led them to lead incomplete lives…http://wordviz.wordpress.com/2012/06/22/breach-of-trust-5/
More power to us who break out of the cocoon and shine bright!
I agree Sahaja. It certainly not about which country is more safer or that all men are the same. Having experienced a similiar situation in public transport in my younger days, I vowed that I would use a cab or private transport as soon as possible for travelling. Luckily I have managed to reach where I can afford to do so. I still continue to hear horror stories with my coleagues and at times it despairs that when can it all ever end. I too have a daughter and I can understand the feeling above. The only difference is that I know I will make sure that my kid understands a wrong touch as well as feels free enough to confide in me. Its not that my mother build up a different culture, it just that the lack of awareness ,growing pangs and the trust factor built by our culture at that time, contributed to keeping things to self.
i don’t know, what the hell is going on in this country? every girl is afraid to go out alone. even my mother don’t let me go far alone. it is a very big issue for the country. every girl has faced these problems. girls are being abused in the public and people around them don’t even bother. they just pass away thinking it as a normal thing.
but before questioning others, we should question ourselves….. before changing others we should change ourselves…. we should not forget that the people who walk away are just like ourselves…. we are also a part of that shameless crowd… so if we want to change the world, first we have to change ourselves….
This is one faced by everyone, but need to take care by so called self respect, if this self respect is not injected from childhood, every child will face lot of problems in their future. Its parents & elders duty to teach and convey about self respect. Childs believe only parents and loved once, not NEWS. Parents are so busy in earning food and shelter, but no time to build their own family members for self respect.
As per Parent and Child Relationship Theory, Parent should take 100% care of child upto 5 years, from 5 to 15 years Parent should be friend of child.
Its just one mistake thinking 5 years Child as a Kid, that your kid has to pay in return whole life.
That is the age of the children to know about real world. If misguidence happens at that age, the child follows into fantasy world and become what ever they want and when as they grow they become anti-things. If the guidence is friendly they can change these things.
Its in hands of Human Being what seeds we need.
i feel shame for being called an indian!!
u r wrong man………absolutely wrong chap….from ur statement u r giving note like every Indian is a rapist…..lol…….u go out of the country….and suppose you are a girl and get raped…..wt wud u say……if u r harmless in India but suddenly passed through this tragedy while visiting one of ur dream country wht wud u say……its nt abt being Indian or foreigner……its abt humanity…..that is dead……or killed by us…..you …me ….every one is involved in that……we have to be educated…some times i think about Muslims they are behind burkhas……many hard rules for them …they cannt move in the market with her relatives too……you cant see a single part of her body bare….everything is covered……are they safe…..in Arabian countries …….where whipps are there where death sentence is there…….no one is safe ……..if no one is bold and brave enough…………
Dude its true the that you can be raped in other countries also , but the thing is , Safety in other countries is more and people care . There can be a strict police action in other countries , but in India the culprit can roam the next day without shame… Thats what makes people insecure in India.
well i would agree to this actually…. generalizing is not right of course…. so there would be these feminists who would always tell you all men are morons and some females who would believe them !! that is certainly not right .. but yes as men as well we need to ensure a safer society for everyone….
Not to forget these same feminists today are unleasing the “legal terrorism” in the form of fake 498A’s, false DV’s, Divorce alimony, maintenance and the numbers are increasing !!! Do read about it ….Well media doesn’t report that …. The same feminists would then push any woman to unleash law even if its morally incorrect…. So even the feminist is a hypocrite right ??
Now i know i would be called a male chauvenist etc and i give a damn… The point is i might be born a woman in my next birth as well…. i have no issues about that at all…. but my point is as a man i have my roles to ensure everyone is safe in my suroundings (be it a woman or a man) and so does a woman need to ensure……. does this not sound correct ?? I don’t say that its rightaway possible but it would take time and effort and certain amount of sensitiveness and love for the country and its people that we can slowly progress towards an amazing India !!!! what say ??
How good a country would it be when we men realize that women are just “humans” at the end of the day and they are too like us … we dump our egos and help men and women alike to succeed in all circles…. women too can be the best of friends , the same chit chat , happy discussions as we guys do…. And women too realize the same , some having their attitude care to dump them are treat the “simple” guy around as “simple” rather than “stupid” and drop her disgusting body language and rolling eyes , dump her feminism and proceed towards “humanity”….. would respect herself as an individual and stop unleashing the pro-woman laws in India to settle scores (except for the true cases) !!!! Is it so difficult ???
IN THAT CASE WE ALL COULD LIVE WITH OUR HEAD HELD HIGH !!! RIGHT ???????
you seem to have no idea what feminism is all about…
and yes, you clearly don’t care!
dude otni hi sharam aati h indian kehlane p to jaa chullu bhar pani main doob mar… shayad agla janam mil jaye us ya uk main
and its ppl like u who may nt rape a woman but dont miss any chance of touching her body parts in a bus,train or even touching their hands when exchanging something with them…. or kisi k sath touch se jyada ho jaye like rape incidents to i am ashamed of being called an indian ka banner le k nikal padte h protest karne
u really should b ashamed of urself nt bcz u r an indian bt bcz ur ashamed of ur identity that is an Indian
bura na manna pr ye sach h
What can I say…!!! I am also afraid of bringing up my kids in a place where molestation of girls (even boys too) is increasing day-by-day. I am really afraid about leaving my wife and children at home even though its a well secured area, on what basis can I trust the neighbors, the security guard, the paper wallah, the milk man, the one who goes on the road. Even I have faced molestation right from the age 12. The mistake I or my parents did was to let me stay at my relative’s house during vacation or let me go out of home to play after school thinking that there is no danger in the neighborhood. The danger lurks not just in the corner but everywhere else.
Sad but every thing said above is so true 😦 In the past a girl child’s birth was a worry cause of the dowry factor and expenses to be borne for her life ,but now a girls birth is a worry cause of their security concerns ..
Reblogged this on ગુજરાતીસંસાર and commented:
આજકાલ ફીમેલ હેરેસમેન્ટ, રેપ, જાહેર સ્થળો પર છેડછાડ વગેરે જેવી ઘટનાઓ અવાર-નવાર થતી રહેતી હોય છે. પણ, ઘણા-બધા લોકો એમ કહેશે કે આ તો હવે સામાન્ય થઇ ગયું છે.. કેમ સામાન્ય ભાઈ ? સામાન્ય એટલે તમારા કોઈ ભાઈ, બહેન કે પછી મમ્મી સાથે આવી કોઈ ઘટના બનતી નથી ? કે પછી સામાન્ય એટલે કે તમે પણ આવા લો લેવલના વિકૃત માનસ ધરાવતા લોકોમાં સામેલ છો ? તમે એકવાર રીબ્લોગ કરેલ પોસ્ટ વાંચો. તે પોસ્ટ અંગ્રેજીમાં છે, પણ અંગ્રેજી વાંચી ન શકતા લોકો ગુગલ ટ્રાન્સલેટનો ઉપયોગ કરી શકે છે.
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Nowadays the female harassment on public places, rapes and this type of sexual harassment usually happens around you. and many people treat as usual things, because its not happening with the life your wife, sister, mother or a friend ?
Do read this article I’ve found, at-least the male friend should read it who always treat girls as bad words such as “Ma-aal” , “Fatko” or whatever ? What if someone says this type of same words for your own sister or loved ones in presence of you ? Do think and read this article.
Reblogged this on I Am and commented:
This is where we live.
Sorry, what makes you to go through this kind of matters?
In tears..story of every Indian girl…
I cannot believe this. Truelly heart breaking!
I feel sad about all that has happened to you. I can understand the mental stress you have undergone with not being able to share it with your family. But I dont think India is the only country where it happens. More over, just because of 1% of the population, one cannot consider the nation as a bad place to live in.
The CNN iarticle session had many articles regarding the same issue. It was all about India and sexual harassment. But it also said India is not the only country where this happens. This happens to the minority everywhere whether its a girl, woman, Indian minority, religious minority etc. Similar sexual or physical or mental harassments happen. This is a global issue faced by the less privileged.
http://ireport.cnn.com/docs/DOC-1024351
This is sad, mainly because I can name at least one girl for every incident you mentioned 😦
Studies says that almost all indian girls are molested in their lifetime once or many times. It is parents responsibility to talk to them about all these. Women should teach their daughter about all these and should let them know about the danger around them. Girls and women should start to fight , be bold and brave instead shunning and hiding the truth. At the same time parents should listen to their
children and should believe them
Its the bitter reality of our society….It Starts with us only , we are society …we can only finish it…Wake up guys…Don’t Wait for the time when something like this happens with your family members…
I could relate to almost every incident from it.
and specially the end note where the lady cries at the thought of carrying her daughter to that place. no matter how many years pass by these things remain imprinted on one’s brain. sometimes the girl doesn’t confide in parents coz she is scared or she is too young to believe and understand that parents can be trusted. such horny bastards are to blamed for making them insecure for life.
its not a coincident that women are made to feel vulnerable about their bodies. what’s with these molasters..really..? is it too difficult for them to understand that their heinous actions can kill someone’e trust and innocence for life.
This is so beautifully written, I can feel my tears welling up.
Not everyone can relate to why she wouldn’t tell anyone. Or why she cries because there’s nothing she can do. It takes one to know one, I suppose. I understand the helplessness that she feels, when talking about her molesters, when thinking of her child. I think it’s amazing the way you’ve portrayed all those emotions so well.
A friend linked this to me, and I’ve had tears in my eyes since the beginning. I never comment really, I’m more of a watcher than someone who leaves a comment but something is making me.
Thank you for addressing something most would consider taboo. Thank you for writing. I’m not sure how much of this is fiction, but I feel this kinship to your character, so thank you for that too. Also. Khaled Hosseini couldn’t make me cry, I’m crying now.
And yes. That is one hell of a compliment.
#respect brother…….so true…keep writing
It’s sister. 🙂
Excellent thoughts… Unfortunate, sad.. but this`s the true story of india..
Awesome write-up… Made me cry… Its almost every girl and woman’s story who lives in India… Shame on our government… Such beasts have no right to live….
I’m really sad & disturbed after reading this.Its a fact that girls/ladies in India are still facing such realities that cannot be ignored.I hope whoever wrote this was putting in her fictional makeup story with the realities she saw in different phases of her life.But all all this to a single girl that too in every phase?Ridiculous…Just one question-“Why was she safe abroad and not in India?(or atleast felt so!)”.Are we Indians(Boys/Males) so sexually addicted or eagerly waiting for a touch pleasure? Is Boys/Males safe in here(Only girls get molested??).Can legalizing porn and red streets across the country solve this issue?
Sahaja i am in tears and i make sure that my girls will never has to face what i faced in India….I don’t want my girls to go through what i faced in crowded buses, bus from hyderabad to vijaywada ,at gokul chat bandar , on roads etc…..I don’t care when people say i over protect my girls…i will do it…I know the pain i have gone through…..I already started telling them that those places are yours, no one can touch them without your permission….
And yes what you said about West is 100% right….In these 10 months of me living in Canada i can say yes this is the place for my kids to grow and have a wonderful childhood without any thing which will carry forward for ever in their life….
I will go back to India when my kids are big enough to live for themselves….I am a true Indian but i don’t want my kids to go through what other girls/boys go through in India…. I always speak about it to my friends and relatives to keep their girls/boys safe…..
Ur blog predicts the clear scenario on the life of a girl in this country.
We all need to change this by someway,so that atleast our future generation can be saved if not us.
Though we all say India is an independent country, the real meaning of the freedom was missing here. I wonder y girls suffer
always in all generation in one form or the
other here.
Kudos to this post.
well being a pakistani ,,,, i wana say that every grl no matter she is indian r paki,,we should respect her…govt of india should take action on it..that is very big and serios matter of succesful india… indian grls have no security of their respect their virginity….indian govt should take serios action on this matter
I wish every Indian Read this.
All Indians cannot read and write,let alone see this on a blog in some remote corner of the internet!
Atleast you could inform the people closer to you…that way it will get propagated….don’t just read in-between lines….do what you can do
Reblogged this on Unfinished Download and commented:
An awesome piece of work..
Yes, every bit of it pains. Especially when you have that nagging and unshakable guilt even though you know you don’t have to blame yourself for it. A lifetime..and yet one can’t bring to feel clean and innocent again. More so when you realize there was so much more you could have done and yet you didn’t. Couldn’t. Having been with similar experience and bringing up little two wonderful girls this is exactly what goes through my mind on most days. I have decided to protect them -against all of that. My mum raises her brow when she hears me tell my 3 year old, “if anybody’s touch, uncle or aunty even or even their talk seems wrong to you honey, tell that uncle/aunty angrily “don’t touch!” . I make sure she repeats that to me till I am sure she gets the message. Ma gets angry but she doesn’t know that in spite of all the right that she did while bringing me up there were a few things she might have done wrong. And I sure as hell will not repeat them.
I hope many more people will at least take lesson from it all, like us.
This one got me poignant and sorrowful. I remained speechless for a few seconds after finishing it. I just couldn’t type. You have wonderfully written this, and this piece has very much, emotionally moved me. Every Indian literate in English should read this. I hope and pray that Indian soon become a better place to cross roads, queue up, and wade through.
Towards greater glory may we all tread !!
P.S: I first thought a woman had written this…Then I found out you were a male. Sorry I mistook, but this one really brings out the plight of the fairer sex. So I have to say: Good stuff…Keep writing!
This is the truth and this kind of things really make me feel sorry for being a human.
I have not lived in India for more than 25 years, but reading this brings back many memories of my own unpleasant experiences. It was not abuse by a particular person, so telling my parents would not have helped stop any of them. These were experiences of being regularly harassed and violated by strangers in public spaces – streets, buses, trains, movies. Since it was the shared experience of most of my girl friends, it was what we expected would happen when we stepped out of the house. There was no point talking to parents about it, for they would not be able to stop these problems. So I had my own defenses against these violations, and dealt with them as best as I could. I don’t believe that they have scarred me for life. However, it is only when I left the country of my birth that I realized was freedom was. It was not more money, more convenience, but not having to walk around in fear, like a second-class citizen, just because I am a woman.
Reblogged this on Drop thoughts and commented:
Tears you apart! Literally! 😦
Amazing write-up. Am sure many who read this story can relate.
When someone does something like this to you as a child all you feel is confused and scared especially when it is a family member whom you and your family so trusts, and the molester makes sure you are to scared to spill it to anyone. Also when you confine to your parents all they tell you is to forgive and forget, even more so since it is a family member, our people care way too much about fake pride and name in society to notice and stand up for the things that matters the most. Makes you loose faith in your family and our society.
Reblogged this on an overdue.
I echo the sentiments shared by everyone. The obvious criminal is the molester. But the family members who do not provide support when such issues are brought to discussion, people who just notice such incidents in public and do not take any action (instead just share the stories, show expressions of disgust) are equally at fault. Each one of us also have responsibilities beyond taking care of oneself, feeling sad for others who have gone through this, blaming the government, society and culture. We are also responsible for making this society what it is. So, be responsible and start with small steps. Just begin with changing the attitude, be open and honest about what you really think and want to share with you loved ones.
Very well written article….but I am sorry to say that instead of holding on with such sad stories we shud come out with incidents where woman power n her courage story is shown…feeling sad n crying over it is no solution…lets be practical enough n teach our next generation how to be strong during such pathetic conditions and make them more aware….such stories do not help… “ye sirf mann main khauf aur darr paida karti hai’….these stories are meant only to show how strong this so called Male chauvinist society is ???? So lets stop promoting a man’s khauf and lets spread a woman’s ‘KHAUF’….Amen !!
No Richa. You are wrong. These stories help. May be they put girls in a some inconvenience of old memories but they let us men know that these can happen to our mothers, sisters and daughters.. The education part.. I am determined to do it.
You shouted on that man in theater. *respect* I hope soon each and every girl starts acting in the same way. We should go more open about these little molestation activities and discuss about them in public. We should make the young girls aware of them. I feel girls generally don’t revolt because they feel they are the only one who are facing this situation and they feel more scared as they think about their families and societies. But we have to make people realize that molestation is such a “hidden common” thing which every girl in our society experiences, and it is not something very new to this society. Parents and teachers should trust their girl-kids and teach them to share their uncomfortable moments and experiences to someone close to them.
Yes, in some of the old, regional literatures, it is told that ppl are blessed to be a girl ! But now, it is Cursed time for a girl! I wish I had the power of making all the females in this world to hide, and make these Bl***y men to starve for food, luv, care n everything ! to make these kinda men realize the piousness of the women !
Keep writing and kudos for bringing this out for a million young people to read, that is the only way they’ll remembr to protect baby girls/teenagers/ladies around them in the future.
It looks like it’s her own fault for not speaking out. Maybe there should be lessons in school on child molesting, so that people can learn to speak up and understand proper channels.
This made be tear up.. Very well written! I am sure every girl grown in India has felt this and thought it was normal until they came to the west !
I have very similar share of stories, it was a never ending experience till i stepped out of the country, far far far away from the extremely volatile and pervert sect of human beings. It didn’t matter how old i was..all it mattered was i was a girl/women the dirty pricks thought can take advantage off. I am supporting the nation sitting here in the west part of the world, that these a**h***s should be punished to the degree that no one else would dare do it again. For others before this stage comes, stand up and reach out to each and everyone one you know and get as much support to stand up against this.
A heartwrenching read and something I instantly identified with as will so many other women in India. I have always lived here and am a proud Indian in all aspects but one- this blatant, bold and seemingly macho disrepect to women and treating them as objects to manhandle and abuse and not breathing human beings to treat as equals. I am the mother of two sons and I pray I am able to instill in them a deep and unbeatable sense of respect for women and their existence, their feelings, their dignity.
Make sure you drill it in them. Let them know how to respect women and how to make sure they are respected. Let them know that it is ok to break heads and hands when such assholes are caught. Cause police is not going to do that. Did I talk about violence? yes i did. Punishment can change the present and education can change the future.. I will make sure mine are educated.
I read this post couple of months back when u wrote it..read it today again but am feeling the same pain..becoz of same ruthless incident happening without any control..glad u had good responses from ppl all over..keep ur good work and keep inspiring!
Oh Vow !!! Its the same kind of situations i have gone through. Molested by the relative(s), strangers at each stage of my life.. Now, am out of the country after marriage and really feel that am out of hell.. I love my country to the most but this is the one thing am always scared of..
Reminded some of the incidents happened with me. So true these cases happens with each and every girl to some extend.
This article is so to the point and portrays all that an Indian girl must go through before she gets the courage to talk back. I agree that the girl can talk back when it is in a theater or an hotel where someone might care… but in the center of the road and in a crowded bus nobody cares. I hope your daughter is safe and lives a trauma free life. Even if these unfortunate events are to take place, just make sure that you give enough freedom and comfort to your kids so that they can tell it to you. And the sad truth is, this happens to boys too. Girls have become more open upon telling it.
I would say teach every child about the right touch and the wrong touch as early as possible and make them understand the importance of talking to their parents about good and bad events as soon as possible. And dear parents please listen to the little ones when they want to talk to you.
These days, whenever I hear about these atrocities and barbaric acts of cruelty committed against women, I just ask myself one thing – ” what this “Indian” tag means to me” , “why I was born in a country of rapists and eve teasers”. Why Indian people are not learning from their mistakes. Why 16th december in this country is getting daily repeated with some nirbhaya or the other. I deeply reflect on these questions for hours, struggling and desperately trying to find answers, but answers always elude me. I know rapes, molestation, sexual assault, atrocities against women are not just confined to India, these problems are omnipresent, you would find them everywhere, with only difference that their degree might vary from region to region, from country to country. Sadly, these problems are quite glaringly prevalent and evidently present in India. The thing which infuriates me the most is that we have not learnt from our mistakes. The psyche of men in this country is far from changing. As a 23 year old young man, I feel ashamed that the women in this country have to go through so much pain, barbarity. I want to deeply apologize to them on the behalf of the whole male community and I want to assure them that I would always respect women till the last breath of my life !! Let’s make India a better place to live.
Do not apologize… we just have to stop bearing it. Next time you see an act make sure he has atleast some marks he will remember for life.Lets teach our sons to respect and do the same. Thats how we change. 🙂
This is the story of every Indian girl. To the stinky ass hypocrites who claim that US rape rates are much higher, I ask, will you tell the same to your little one as she gets pinched and groped from all possible sides in a bus or train everyday??? To those who say Indian culture is very rich and best and US is all bad, I say try climbing out from the well you have been stuck in for so long. Indian culture is now rich with stories of bullying men raping women. In US, a girl can go for a walk or anywhere without getting molested and stared down. When women in India gets that freedom, I shall celebrate Independence day.
To the writer, your story has spoken for all women of India. Thanks for being courageous and open enough.
It is time to make self defense classes mandatory to all girls from school to punch the pulp out of these molesters. Harsher punishment and govt laws are still not helping enough to keep our women safe.
Second you
the context and writing is very similar to paul coelho’s eleven minutes…! 😐
Could totally relate to each incident mentioned..
Lot of people had questioned about why didn’t the girl share these sort of incidents with their parents.. Firstly if the girl is not even aware of what’s happening to her, she will be traumatized and it also takes a great amount of deal to step up and share with elders.
I was 17 when I moved to Chennai to do my Graduation and I had to stay with my maternal aunt as she was funding for my studies. My Cousin had returned from Australia for a vacation and tried to molest me and when I confronted him all he said was “You are my second cousin and it doesn’t matter. I didn’t know what to do so I confided in my aunt and all I got was “You would have provoked him” I felt totally helpless and ashamed of very own family.
Many of the families in India still feel its a taboo to talk about sex education and by keeping their kids ignorant they are in a way contributing to the abuse.
Spread social awareness and one day we can hope to see a better country.
Yes we will..
I cannot even imagine how you could write this so well. I am assuming you are not a girl. I couldn’t have said it better myself… “something was different…”… like you said… something IS different… I feel goosebumps everytime i listen to our national anthem… and tears of pride and joy rolled down when Rahman won an Oscar… and everytime I feel like I have more freedom living in a foreign country than in my own, I am deeply ashamed and embarrassed about feeling that way… after all, I am often bragging to my friends from across the world about how everything is so much more awesome in India… but yes…. something IS different… 😦
yes . all men are rapists. everyone out there is looking to molest you. everyone, from chennai – bangalore – mumbai – hyderabad, heck even the gynecologist is a rapist. men are always indifferent, no one cares if you are molested in public. west is all about freedom, i can walk naked and not be afraid of getting raped, everyone here are saints. it happens only in India, why ? why? why? we women are always victims.
what a bunch of crap ! why think rationally when sensationalism and emotions are way better at attracting a larger audience. this is the kind of one dimensional thinking that propagates gender stereotypes and sexism.
Would love to see you do that in the West , not for the tiltilation but to see your dream of the west being the harbinger of freedom being torn to shreds.
I don’t know if you really meant that.. Let me tell you that there are a bunch of men may of a smaller number who do respect women and their freedom. So don’t loose hope. I will do my part of changing this. You do yours. We will change this… 🙂
I must say I was pretty shocked by the time I got through the first paragraph. Thank God you made yourself clear in the second one!
Try walking in shorts in a crowded market in Delhi. Then try doing the same in Florida. I am sure you will have identical freedom and experience.
I am pretty sure that Indian police is equally efficient and sympathetic as their western counterparts. I mean they are paragons of sympathy and support for the victims.
Because it happens even to a limited extent elsewhere, India does not actually a problem, and no action needs to be taken by the Indian government. Did I understand you correctly?
You are a genius Pavithra. Brilliant point made by you.
when you stand out in a crowd , it warrants attention. doesn’t everyone in Florida summer wear shorts, don’t they say in rome be a roman. apathetic indian police – not a women issue, its pretty general, still i’m against such broad sweeping statements.
why don’t you think about the socio-economic point of the problem, a large majority of the indian population is poor. they are marginalized by the society and are they do not irk away from criminal activities (one of them is sexual harrasment). there is a problem. its is not a problem of Indian men being sexually depraved. the problem is of the unequality in the society. why do the youth who have little education and no care for the law need to hold themselves back in a system that clearly cannot police itself properly?
It doesn’t happen to a limited extent, it is equally bad and under reported elsewhere too .even in western countries there is a culture of date rape and no good explanation can be attributed to that. I think the comment was trying to talk about Stereotyping rather than denying the problem. ignoring these basic facts and making it look like a problem faced by women because of the men in the country is ridiculous.
being a guy I myself have been groped at, but couldn’t complain, what would i say about some random guy was fondling my thighs? grown man of 23 mind it, the thought itself was weird, i’m supposed to stand up for myself. but when a guy gropes a woman its just a matter of raising your voice and help would present itself. this blog talks about women being victimised everywhere, and not a single soul (man/woman) looking to help them. very serious accusations have been placed on the society and morality of the comman man here.public floggings of harrasers are not myths, they happen very often. for every molester out there there are atleast 9 other men / women willing to help you!
what are the solutions you propose ?
teaching criminals not to be criminals? beheading them ?
more segregation of men and women? may be give tasers to women ?
there is a thin line between draconian and democratic law. and trust me draconian is almost always bad.
there is no magic pill. this is a socio economic problem, can be contained only if the disparity of wealth in the society is minimized. till then women have to make sure they are safe and not walk into traps. its more of a crime related problem, than a gender discrimination related issue.
with all cards being the same , women in the West are as exposed to harrasment as their Indian counterparts. and when its the US/Canada, please include a gun in the equation. have had friends robbed at gunpoints.
Such unspoken, unreported atrocities are even worser than the blatant crimes reported in the media. This is a deep rooted social evil in society. What is needed is social outrage in a responsibile way so as to spark a cultural revolution of sorts. I agree with the author on the point about it being much better for women in the West. What is different about western democracies and India? Not just the volume of crimes, but the attitude of miscreants. In the West people commit crimes against women because they want to do it and hope to evade justice after doing it. There is enough legal and judicial wherewithall to deal with these sort of people.In India however, people commit these same crimes because they CAN. Because they know they can get away with it – almost like they do it for the heck of it. That is a much deeper social problem which can only be solved through cultural change. Perhaps we need a Karl Marx-esque Manifesto to revolutionize societal thinking on these matters.
Well I went through your other posts and as it turns out, you are a girl!!!… Oops… but everything else I said above is still holds. I love what you write and the way you do it, by the way.
I am not sure if it was intentional, but I like the fact that the story talks about instances in multiple major cities. It is not just Delhi that shit like this happens, it happens everywhere sometimes by a family member.
Great story, timing couldn’t have been better. All I hope is we as a society rise up to solve this issue.
You are wrong. She has a choice to appeal to her husband never to take her or her child back to that horrible place, or to refuse to go. I dont feel a tear in my eye any more for Jana Gana Mana, nor do I believe in God. Every minute of every day she has a choice to ensure this never happens to her little girl. That being said, anger being shed, I am so thankful I had a little boy.
Agree with u…..j saying jan gana mana and believing in God …..is not gonna save you…..one has to be bold enough….one has to be brave enough……to save himself or herself…world is not for chicken hearted fellows……world is for the Brave Only……….
ITS BECAUSE OF WOMEN LIKE YOU THAT WOMEN HAVE SUCH LOW SELF ESTEEM IN OUR COUNTRY …HOW COULD YOU EVEN SAY THIS ” I am so thankful I had a little boy.
SO I ASSUME YOU WOULDVE ABORTED THE UNBORN FEMALE CHILD IN YOUR WOMB ????????!!!!!!.
wow !im glad u dint have a daughter…. u wud obviously have raised her to be an even bigger loser than you already are and u know what, we already have too many of your kind.so thanx for not adding to the numbers. and FYI she cudnt have appealed to her hubby maybe coz he was on an official assignmnet(which she makes amply clear) and so obviously he cant call the shots . Please dont suggest that he shud switch jobs !!!!!! i dont even expect a tunnel visioned fool like you ,who clain to be an atheist (im pretty sure your intellectual stunting wont even allow a credible discussion on that topic) to raise her boy right. may god bless him
I don’t find words to express my comments. I just feel what kind of emotional chaos must have itched her heart when she was 9 and 15 after the incidents. The worst part that she couldn’t find guts say this to her parents and just drank the poison. In her 20’s she tried to live normal girl’s life but the ugly part of the world kept on scrubbing her old wounds, not letting to heal. She bravely fought that dark society but fear uprooted her soul. A soul that couldn’t find a prairie where it can grow freely. Now when she has strength to be a fighter, she has to give her beautiful baby the same strength to be a fighter. People say that there is hell and heaven up above where we go when we die. I don’t know if it has even a slight trace of truth because I cant imagine of any hell other than this world, if I am an image of this ‘Girl’. And heaven? I don’t find any use of it, when one lived life in fear, hatred and distrust. Its a story of girls and boys too. What is left is just a hand with big pointed nails that keeps on scratching hearts rest of the life with a big sense of distrust towards everyone to be practiced. Just to be safe and live safe.
You have captured the core of the fear that every mother feels. Whenever there is a news about a rape or molestation, I worry for my daughter, who is just five but yet growing up fast.
count me in 😦
That is the exact state of our country. Its changed and the level of hypocrisy is breaking every woman faith. The rape that took place in mumbai today has shocked me. When I go back to visit my home town, I will be scared, unsure and insecure. I loved the town i stayed in, loved the country for all it gave me but my feelings are changing. Very well written Sahaja. Bravo !
I would say you don’t need tissues. Not to cry because you have done nothing wrong. I hope all the ppl who left comments here teach their baby girls what is right touch and wrong touch. I also faced such incidents and made sure i gave him back a good answer for what the person has done. My cousin once faced this in bus in Hyderabad, a man sitting behind her was trying to touch her when she realized she put a blade in between and hurt him…. I don’t say you should kill a person, all i say is have something with you so that you can protect yourself from sick ppl like them.
LADY OF NATIONS MOTHER MARY PRAY FOR US (DAUGHTERS)
Mary’s Assumption and India’s Day of Independence
by Errol Fernandes
The two events fall on 15 August. People must wake up to India’s problems and learn to deal with violence, female infanticide, environmental degradation, etc. Fr Errol Fernandes, a Jesuit parish priest and Seminary Professor in Mumbai, gives his thoughts about the Magnificat.
Mumbai (AsiaNews) – Yesterday, India celebrated 65 years of independence. The Catholic Church celebrated the Assumption to heaven of the Virgin Mary. Here are the thoughts on the relationship between the two events of Fr Errol Fernandes, a Jesuit who teaches Holy scriptures at archdiocesan seminary in Mumbai who is also the parish priest at Saint Peter’s Catholic Church in Bandra.
Today (yesterday actually), we celebrate two significant and related events. These are the Assumption of our Blessed Mother and Independence Day. Both are celebrated on the same date: August 15.
The reason why these events are related is because they are both about Freedom. Independence is celebrated as freedom from foreign rule and domination to self-rule and governance and the Assumption may be seen as a freedom from this limited and incomplete life to the bliss of eternal and perpetual life.
The verses which make up the Gospel text of today are commonly known as “The Magnificat” or Mary’s hymn of praise. It seems to have been modelled on the prayer of Samuel’s mother, Hannah, in 1 Sam 2:1-10, and contains many Old Testament concepts and phrases. It communicates a picture of Mary as someone quite steeped in scripture. It reveals God primarily as a God of the poor. God is the one who will vindicate the poor by removing the rich and mighty from their positions and raising the lowly.
The hymn may be seen to be divided into four parts. The first part consists of praise to God for what he has done in and for Mary; the second part speaks of God’s power, holiness and mercy; the third part shows God acting as a Sovereign in reversing social conditions in favour of the poor and downtrodden; and the fourth and final part recalls God’s mercy and promises to Israel.
The hymn speaks of the effects of the Lord’s coming for all of God’s people. It begins on a note of salvation as Mary acknowledges her dependence on God. It was the grace of God that sustained and brought her to the position in which she finds herself. She has not achieved anything on her own, it is all a gift of God and thus, Mary acknowledges her humble state, referring to herself as God’s servant. She is to be called “blessed’ because God, in his mercy and goodness, had raised her to this level.
God has shown this mercy and goodness to the poor by showing the strength of his arm, by scattering the proud, and deposing the powerful. The poor, on the other hand, have been raised, and the hungry have been filled. God remembers not only those of old but also the present generation. He is a God not only of the past, but also a God of the present, the now.
The stress on God as a God primarily of the poor stands out in Mary’s hymn of praise. In a world where the rich seem to be getting richer and the poor, poorer, one wonders whether the Magnificat is a hymn that can make sense to the poor, to those of low degree. Yet, it is important to remember that God’s ways are not our ways and so, the poor must, in confidence, sing this song as their song. The confidence with which Mary sings this song runs through the entire hymn. She uses past tense to denote God’s future actions, thus expressing that God will indeed accomplish his will, and the poor will be vindicated. What is important for the poor to realize is that they, like Mary, need to continue to open themselves to all that God wants to do in them. They need to continue to acknowledge their dependence on God by doing all that is required of them and then, leaving the rest in his capable and strong hands.
Even as we do celebrate these events, we need to ask ourselves serious questions both as Indians and Christians. Can we be really free when in Assam a woman is raped and dehumanized in full public view? Can we be really free when officials stand by and watch and even participate in these dastardly acts? Can we be free when female foeticide is so high in our country and where in many places the girl child is seen as a liability and burden rather than a blessing? Can we be really free when we are so intent on destroying our natural resources for selfish ends and then have to wonder whether we will have enough rain to see us through the year? Can we call ourselves Christians when we will not do anything about these atrocities and continue with our lives as if it does not concern us?
Are we really free?
Let the celebrations of Independence Day and the Assumption of our Blessed Mother be wake-up calls for us to rouse ourselves from our slumber and do something tangible to right the wrongs.
Be Blessed Sisters
There were these “distant relatives” to whose home we used to walk to every other night when I was in class 3. Their son once took me to an empty street, took down his pants, showed me his thing, and said now you owe me to drop your panty. I was in class 3, and my mom had not allowed me to play in tub with my cousins with my panties off. So I knew, it was not a good thing. I ran from there, and I hesitated to go to their place thereafter. It so happened that we moved to another city some time after, and I did not have to face him.
For those who say why she did not confide in her mother: I was once groped by my cousin (mama’s son) in night when he was visiting our place in summer vacations. In the middle of night I found him on top of me and trying to touch my chest, and positioning himself “rightly”. The next evening when my mother was preparing our bed, I took her aside and refused to sleep in the same room. I tried to explain to her – I was skeptical she might laugh, (I was shocked, I wasn’t even sure if his being on top of me at night was even wrong – wasn’t that how me and my younger brother in class 1 used to wrestle?), but she could not do much about it. I do not blame her – she too was scared to draw others’ attention, and scared to sour the relations with her own brother. Relationships are very easy to break she always taught me. I slept in the same room that night, with a bed sheet covering me from head to toes, tucked from all sides. I crossed my arms over my head (to tightly secure the bed sheet), and raised my elbows to fill in as much as empty room between the sheet covers and me. The cousin tried 2-3 times in night, but he could not get his hands on me, and the night passed. In next summers, it was time for my mom to visit her parents’ place, I managed to avoid my cousin all the time. He was not afraid of following me, and my running away from him was seen as playful. I almost cried one time when he caught me, but my mom said – he is only playing! He tried groping me after he sneaked up on me while I was working on my homework bent on a table. He was bent over me, his penis touching my behind through my frock. He was moving in a weird way, and I did not like it. I managed to run from there. By then, I had learnt that my problems were too uncomfortable for my mom to solve. I had given up on her, and I defended myself bravely. Those are my memories from class 5 and 6 summer vacations. The cousin today has his own baby girl. I cannot face her, for I haven’t raised my voice in my family yet.
Reblogged this on Gaurav Prakash and commented:
Is this the reality which prevails…! Seems like…!!
ReBolgging!! Awsm 🙂 keep it up.. stay blessed..!!!
Indeed a sad but realistic reflection of women plight in current Indian society. Deep down the root is the thought process and the traditional up-bringing wherein male child is always looked upon as superior to female child. With incidents of female infanticide, honor killing, dowry, child marriage, sati being in practice in India for a long time, this we can only get worse with time. With the male:female poor ratio in most parts of India and growing unemployment among the youth belonging to one of the most young population nation, only makes us think the grim consequences that are awaiting head.
A generation or two will have to bear the brunt wherein the social thought process changes and balances the outlook towards both sexes.
Would like to leave this country as soon as I can…….. India has stopped being a country where women can live.
Stop this! Where are you running?. What are you running from? This is the same country where your mother and all you female ancestors have lived. The same shitty life. Don’t start running to other countries. Those countries are in a good state because some people did not run but stayed back and changed. I have no intention of fighting with you. But stop such thoughts. This is your country. Like it or not. So stay and change. I am determined to change my country. I will teach my son and daughter.
After reading this it feels disgusted to be a part of this country.
Don’t be disgusted so soon. There is a lot to be proud of too. So what can we do is to change ourselves and change the next generation. Its your son and daughter who will feel disgusted in the near future. Let us be the change. I will. Hope you will be too.
It is indeed difficult for a girl to live in India. There are many more instances like this in a girl’s life which nobody knows. People and media talk about a few who get raped, but behind all this, there are numerous girls who suffer from molestation and nobody even has the slightest of idea. As a frustrated citizen, I don’t see the situation changing ever.
Well written article, I would just like to point out that “loser” is spelled wrong(when she was 21).
It will. Giving up is not an option. Its you and me who are going to change. Make sure you break the a** h***** hand next time you find him. Teach your son the same. Then there will be change. Slow but sure..
Thank you for this piece Sahaja. It stirred some unwanted hidden memories, but it is important to face them so that my daughter does not have to fell like she has no safety net so that she does not have to watch her mother silently suffer through molestation in public spaces in front of her daughters eyes just to avoid further peril. So that I do not have to cover up for my nephew molesting my daughter saying it is harmless. So that…I trust and root for my daughter and she know i am always there for her and will fight for her and with her
What’s the point of writing articles like this? Are we trying to create awareness among society? well , every girl brought up in india is probably aware of it . So are we just trying to sympathise with all the victims? feel sad about ourselves ? Give up all hope by just saying its a male dominated society.
Women in India should stop thinking about how to protect their daughters and think more about how to teach their sons to respect every women around them .
Awesome.. Some one talked about sons.. I will teach my son. let us do this and then there will be change. Let him know that it is ok to kiss a molester’s ass.
Correction .. its to “kick a molester’s ass” .. Sorry for the typo.
touching!
all the time i have been reading this i have been relating it to myself! such horrifying experiences on such a common basis!. all such people(molesters, rapists) shd be given very serious punishments immediately after their crime has been proved! rapists should be given capital punishments! as someone earlier said, boys shd be taught to respect girls in every manner! and women please teach ur li’ll girls what’s right and wrong touch.
And girls whenever such things happen shd revolt immediately without any fear.
and ppl shd change their attitudes…….whenever in public, and when they know of such things happening should immediately help the victim.
I am 18 and i have been through such incidents too. but i have learnt to revolt. i promise ill extend help to those who are in need at such tyms!
very good..
my mother told me, “if u see any man doing anything wrong to any women, don’t wait 4 a call, get confidence of that women, ask her what had happen, tell her I am just like ur son, brother, if there is anything wrong, don’t leave that bastard.” I did it in many manners & I proud to b as I am. My thinking is, where should b I am, the women within d vicinity should b safe, that’s it.
well put. the women in our nation don’t somehow get the treatment they ought to. this rot in the mindset of men and society as such has to be cleanup up somehow if people(men or women) can live in peace
we should show courtesy if we find anything wrong is going on….it will help to reduce such incidences……
bringing girls up is unavoidable…..
I so agree and relate to all that’s written here. The fear that we live in everyday has made it impossible to consider life even remotely enjoyable. The fear of biggest of things like rape to the smallest like jerks just staring at your breasts. The fear of not wanting to accept money in the hand, or bowing down to god or to pick something up or just traveling alone. I love my country, there was a time when country was even higher than god for me, now both are gone. Earlier I wanted to do something for the country to improve the situation, now I’m just so alienated, I wanna run away.
Every one should read this article, it is very much heart-touching.
Please.. this is not an article.. this is d real bad situation that they have faced.. m sorry if I hurt u..
Very touching post. Thanks for sharing.
It’s worse in India but its still worse in many of the middle-eastern countries. I hope the men-folk starts to respect the women folk as fellow human beings and not as objects of sexual gratification. It just shows how sick the entire men folk are being brought up in a country this big. Education should evolve and punishments should be made harder. More importantly, punishments should be immediate.
😦
wat does dat mean worse in many middle-eastern countries
ALL the people( male & female) who cared to read this, share it & even left a reply have made a difference. This is a ‘JOURNEY TO CHANGE’ !! We have made a small start to a great aim. There will come a time when things are going to be a lot better. Yes, these incidents were horrible & they repeat everyday and no matter what a trace of them will always remain….but we will have to give our best to that, everyone of us. We’ve had enough. not anymore!! the worst has already happened & now whatever happens, it has to good. Things have to change & will change. We can do it & we will do it… SWEAR. and dont just limit these feelings to tv shows, FB or candle marches, DO wat u can wen u hv to. thnk u.
Yes we will..
Reblogged this on Write it out and commented:
A post that I randomly came across. Very touching and very true. I empathize as an Indian girl myself.
Thanks for bringing out this story. A true plight of most Indian girls.
I am 26 now but even today not a single day passes without thinking about how safe I am when I go out. On days when I ride back home late from office I cover myself with the rain coat though its not raining so as to not to fall in the eyes of a molester.
It’s time we act and but the situation is getting worse, what can v do to change it?
Reblogged this on A Daily Quest and commented:
Read it… thats all I say… and for gods sake teach you sons to be men and not horny assholes
At 9, you didn’t know about good touch and bad touch, At 12, you didn’t know to slap the culprit and confide in your mother, at 21, you didn’t carry a pepper spray. But your daughter need not be unprepared. The same need not be the case for your child. Yes, the society is at its worst, there are vultures that go by the name of men and sadly, there is little we can do about it. But, what you can do is, make sure that you are not preys any more! Make sure that Its a baby girl…who knows to face the world!!! Good luck!!
+1
I feel proud and ashamed at the same time for being an (irresponsible) Indian. It’s an awesome idea to pen down such issues which could reach the masses. But still, there are lakhs of women who are suffering in silence. Blame it on the Government and non-stringent laws. A 100 people can stand up against it, but, another 1000 people would stand up against those 100 and demolish their idea. Only thing we could do is educate morals to the upcoming generations! No use in blaming it on ONLY men as brothels are run by women too. Everything stems from not having self-control.
Really felt sad after reading it. You have pointed out all true incidents. It saddens me more when grown men do such things.
It took me some time to realize my mistakes during adolescent age. I definitely won’t repeat them when I grow up.
Thank you so much for writing this Sahaja. My gender feels ashamed and my nation feels that too. The motherland rebukes those motherfuckers (molesters) from the core of her heart.
Now i know why India is still left as a developing country for a man always leads a woman (life in general). How could a country lead when her men are leading to somewhere else.
I like all really appreciate that she atleast mustered courage to write about it now.
also i would like to suggest her that what happened to her should not happen to her child.she needs to ensure that such kind of thing should not happen to her child.She should always be connected to her child mentally and emotionally and also she should teach her child to fight back these menaces.
What can I write that has not already been written…. Yet, at the cost of being repetitive I would say… The gang-rape case in Delhi on 16th December and one just yesterday in Mumbai would make any mother of a daughter shudder.
We have to understand that she is more worried of the child than herself as she can defend herself but what about the child… and she’s a mom, of course she would think of the child first.
Even though I believe this story is not of any person in particular, I pray for all women in this country. Whatever be their age.
I live in a rented apartment in delhi with my friend. Some guys from the building facing our balcony would make us feel uncomfortable by staring at us everytime we go out in the balcony. they would sing obscene songs and even tried talking to us..we kept ignoring…finally they went a step forward..they would throw paper rolls, cosco balls etc at our balcony so that we come out at the sound of it…it happened thrice till both of decided to do something about it… we called up “100”…police came and picked up the three boys from that house and ordered the landlord to immediately throw out the boys from the house…We feel so relieved and safer now and also realised that we should have taken action the very first time they passed leud comments, instead of ignoring it…We have to stand up for ourselves, talk to our kids about it and stop pretending that it won’t happen to us….it can happen to anyone – girl or boy alike. It’s time to stop ignoring and start taking action and talk openly about it so that the awareness spreads.
I say, give every girl a knife and the right to use it on any hard prick that is raised on her. Such men should really be ashamed of themselves. Feeling embarrassed! 😦
Beautifully presented. It is a sad fact, and will not change unless the majority of us do. Including the women. In fact, especially the women. — don’t take nonsense, don’t keep quiet about the nonsense and don’t endorse it.
Yes, I have gone through the same inspite of my mom being very vigilant and my dad being very protective but yet this happened and i didn’t have guts to share with my mom though. In hidden words she always warned me about the males around me but as a kid i was too young to decode the hidden meanings. At times it was a neighbour, an uncle, a friend, a cousin.
I do not know what to say and how to deal excatly if i will be a mother of a boy or a gal as i know these demons can be equally threatening for my son too. Changing the nations will not help but changing the mindsets will do.
All i know is I will try to safeguard my kids whenever and whereever i can and also will be open enough with them to break the barrior
I have decided to be really open and strainght with my kids and will equip them with the knowlwdge, awareness and will make sure that they know the right thing to do when any monster tries to hit on them.
But still i will pray no kid should lose innocence and fall a prey to these vampirs and suffer from these ever killing wounds
With heavy heart
Sangeet
You beautifully said it…. India is no longer safe , be it for girls or boys….Myself mother of a boy and girl…dread to leave them alone anywhere..I have given sex education classes for my son who is just 7…have informed him, to come up to me in case of any troubles and I would be there for him….need to get children speak up and show them the right and wrong at a very young age now….as a parent we need to ensure that they understand the difference between molesting and being loved, it is indeed a tough task. At the same time make them brave..trully a challenge for all parents in India especially…..as u mentioned..inspite of all that is happening ere, the law is still loose….so no use telling, just equip our kids to face the dirty world….and leave rest to GOD.
Well, reading this article just made me recall all the molestations I had experienced. And honestly, the very thought of having a baby in this world is so scary that I really wish I had lived a few centuries ago when people were human enough..
Every word written here describes exactly how the situation in our country is today. The part where the girl feels more free in the western world is just 100% correct. It really is the case. It’s saddening that only thing our government does to such bastards is lock them up in jail and then later release them on bail when in fact they should be tortured to the point where they will feel like preferring death instead of that torture. Only then will the government strike fear into such mo****-Fuckers. Until then, it’s completely up to the people to take care of themselves and stand up against such bastards.
Definitely worth a 1000 shares. Hope people realize the severity of the problem and not just merely treat this as a well written post to be added to their Facebook status updates.
I would like to thank you to take your time out to write this post and help create awareness.
Being a guy it would be difficult to understand, as v don experience al such things.
It was really sad but moreover it was a brave thing to post the whole sad experience which would inspire a whole lot of feminine and also would surely help them in future..
wonderful …and so true…..these things do happen on a suttle or gross level…i was shocked to get such type of experience from a very gentleman who was married and worked as my colleague….since then i keep minimum talk as i have to for my work…otherwise i wud have totally avoided him…it is so disgusting and frustrating many times….
This is terrifying, beyond imagination, yet, how true! Being a girl in this country is a daunting experience, every second of it. Growing up, I have always held it against my parents when they forbade me to go out alone, travel in a bus alone after 6pm- it irritated me that they treated me like a child. But once I moved out of home for studies and was, for the first time on my own, I realized, they were terrified of the world around- I would do the same if and when I have a girl of my own.
It’s easy for people to say, why she did not confide in her mother, why she didn’t react, etc. Only a girl understands how frightening, how humiliating, the experience can be, for a young girl.
Thank You for writing this. This deserves a million shares.
Yes, India is a piece-of-shit place for women. And men, and children. It’s a horrible place for everyone. I get it. What I do not get is the acute self-victimization and the sense of entitlement that is prevalent everywhere. Why is this short story little more than “look what happened to me, and I’m going to be a victim again”? Where is her resolute stance on parenting, the willingness to actually do something about it?
The problem with the well-off and the educated (I’m being very liberal with the term) of this country is that they expect, and expect a lot, from within their safe, comfy, walled gardens. They build gated societies and hope to cut themselves off from the rest of the population and its ugliness. They are raising sheltered princes and princesses who are completely out of touch with harsh realities of the world outside. They expect and pretend to not be bothered by any of it, unless and until it affects them. If you raise a lamb and speak not of wolves that lurk outside, take responsibility for your inaction and stupidity. Who cries for the illiterate, ugly victim of rape from the Whoknowswhere village in the Whothefuckcares state? Who organizes candlelit marches for the roadside tea-stall boy whose ass has been pounded by everyone and their mother since the day he turned 8? Who writes pseudo-intellectual entitlement pieces for the random male victim of violence?
Do you want to make this place better for everyone and yourself? Go out and work on it, instead of endless whining and self-entitlement. Educate people, let boys and girls play with each other, let them fuck each other with mutual consent, don’t scoff at pornography, don’t beat up liplocked couples, don’t teach your girls how precious and important their virginity is, don’t take your children to shitty Indian films that portray women as objects and creepy stalking as “love”, don’t tell your boys that a pretty girl is waiting somewhere along to road to success, that they can have a trophy wife if they’re successful.
Indians are shitty parents, for the most part. The willful ignorance and inability to communicate is astounding. Fathers vehemently guard their daughters’ vaginas and stick a strange, perverted banner of ‘honor’ to their panties. Don’t get inside their pants. It’s none of your fucking business. Mothers are inexperienced and willfully uneducated spineless cowards who fail terribly at reconnecting with their own shitty past and using that as an example of how not to raise children. Instead, they perpetuate the misery by stowing away the Genie bottle somewhere in a closet and hoping that everything will be just fine.
If you (the victagonist in that little story above) can’t do any of that, stay where you are. This entire “Delhi is the rape capital of the World” and “why won’t people change” thing is a copout, a cover for your insecurities, for your laziness, for your inability to see the reality for what it is. Harden the fuck up. Take your pink Barbie glasses off and see the wilderness under the facade of civilization. You are not that little girl and this isn’t your Kansas anymore.
@Manish Parashar. If I could give you million thumbs up I would. FIrst time someone pointed in the right direction. Indian souls have become such imcompitent, lazy and corrupt, I will rather call them souless. No one does anything but they all will love to be called Indians of greatest culture and blah blahblah–but nothing they do themselves are worth anything. IF Delhi was not a rape capital-how come the girl dying on the roadside after rape was left for an hour-no one stopped to help them-what criminals are Indians!!Disgusting. And then, those 3 captured were in the Jail-how did they came out of it alive? any of them-what about those soulless police men? how did it happen? Does anyone know that if it happened anywhere in the world, other criminals in vicinity would have tortured those 3 and then killed them. In any other country, even the criminals in the jails have more souls and culture than any indian! Shame on this countries populus, shame on its polic eforce shame on its army for not taking over Shame on such people who live their and still feel somehowbetter in any way!I know that the land used to produce very good hearted, very cultured, very intelligent people-I dont know what happened-perhaps moghuls inbred and have caused this poisnous population burst.
Hi, please do let us know which part of the world is your most safe and perfect and soulful domicile please, and I will tell you who inbred your family line..
No place is perfect, but neither is any other place like the place you are living right now with people like you, who are so shameless that when pointed to their shortcomings, come out with stingers sticking out of their butts (like that is going to make any difference in their’s or their families existence!)
How about you first let us know what happens to you and thinkers like you when something tragic is happening right in front of your eyes while you are busy defending your pseudo-ego on a blog and then I will tell you how inbred you and your family are!Not only that I will explain it to you why you do not need to know of any other domiciles- you need to keep your high ego with tail in between your legs right where they are. Do not spread your evil anywhere else. No civillization, no country wants it. If you did not know this fact, should visit one the embassies–you will see how you get treated and still unrelentless trying to poison the world!
cut the crap you ###… people like you just know to sit comfortably in your ac couch and open the blogs in your latest generation IPad (air) sip your hot chocolate coffe and write comments and replies to the saddest happenings?
just think you #### what the ### you have done? other than this so called feeling angry expressions on this blog? have ever taken time to visit any of the victims? have you ever tried to visit the culprits? What the #### have you done to make the change? just balbber ?? loser… I have done what i could in my capacity… and I know many men who respect women and protect them…
we accept that A part of us are worst, but there is a better part also who is trying to save the girls… well I know that is of no interest to you and i don’t bother what the #### you are interested in.
by the way.. your cup is empty.. go get yourself a refill and get your a## upon some other country…. u complete messed up ###
You explain yourself very well.And you also demonstrate your immaturity, eneducated self very well! Good luck visiting the culprits, victims and using different symbols (BTW, they are on the key board for different resons). Please try taking anger mangagement (for your own good), english language (if you are going to use it), and use of the computer key board (if you are going to particiapte in blogs posts.
oh yeah? try me.. you were the only one in this comment list who is frantically abusing screaming… cant figure out if you are a victim or an accused :-).. chill out lady..
For figuring out anything you will need brain cells called neurons, synapses, or perhaps pruning has not happened yet, ‘baby’. Just so you know, none of projections so far have been anywhere near reallity. A demonstration that to be of any use, not to reach conclusions so fast. Read your own comments, after a while you say you accept your ‘a part of..is worst’ and then you say you have done your part? Your part of doing was what? Visiting the criminal? or visiting the culprit? How did you help? by lighting candles? or jumping to conclusions? someone who wrote about the inactions of Indians has resulted in this. Does it provoke any resolute that after reading this “I might start to do something of real magnitude other than just writing in ###? Like asking the new PM (blogs or some other method that you deem appropriate, as you seem very against iPads) to establish a no tolerance policy for police (any police not registering a sex crime or taking no action) or denouncing those politician who publicly announce that in any such cases it is womens fault? or asking for children, adult and elderly training of self defence by police or night schools or community safety schools or fire department? or to establish sex offenders directory, where those offenders will have to declare their residence to the police, which will be made public in short period of time. sothat parents of young children know, or communities can shun them from their areas? or for that matter, why not telling the PM about averting the waste water away from the rivers? or starting treatment plants to clean the water before it gets dumped? Or starting a co-operative where growers can produce non-hazardous, chemical pesticide free produce for communiites, and in return get direct price from their customers,e liminating hte middle man that pollute everything?or to think about the children breathing the poison being spewedo ut by factories everyday and no otehr countries want those poisonous gases and why India is allowing them?How much after money and open market are we becoming on what health risks?or reading about the cancer stats that is going to become epidemic in that country very soon?’
You and likes of you are the one that will sit there and judge the bloggers trying to prove that you are the best (but lacking self worth).
Come up with some solutions of your own and then you will be worthy of projecting your anger on anyone. And if you think I am frantically abusing, and you cannot figure out what and why well then, I will let you guess all of it, including the meaning of abusing. The only thing I will say there is no need for anyone chilling and having any smillies–if your country is in dumps the children and youth and for that matter the adults are at risk of such things you better start working on it, better start provoking the youth, even if it takes getting blamed for being frantic and abusive in your terms. IF you cared for them, you would see value in each post.
Good luck to you, hopefully your ego will be satiated, I am not going to respond to your blogs anymore, as per your saying I have other countries to ### on (Whatever that means!)
oh my…. you really have hello lot of time.. had time to read the first and last lines… thank you for sparing us… with your abundant brain cells go find somewhere else … all the best..
very true & impactful story,,
The Change must come and it must from within..every girl should tell her brother to whom they tie rakhi that other girls have the same pain and feelings like his sister, every mother should tell their son a part of their pain of growing up as a girl in a women oppressing society like ours and every girl should tell their dad about her encounters..women should stand up and fight for their own independence and well being…
This article really made me think for a while how lucky I am, being a boy.
Hello. Pl do us all a huge favour and Internationalise this wonderfully written blog of yours . There is an article on CNN iReport called http://ireport.cnn.com/docs/DOC-1023053 India, the story u never heard by alias Rose Chasm. They are inviting people to respond with their own I reports, one woman alias PollyHwang is going on and on about how RoseChasm is wrong is accusing her of stereotyping in the original iReport . Ur story shows very well how in terms on frequency, street sexual harassment, even while doing mundane things like buying popcorn , is so prevalent. Pl copy paste this blog as an reply iReport and invite PollyHwang to read it. I would have but I don’t want to plagiarise ur story.
Nice story but still i wud beg to differ…This is not truth… women are owhere in dis world safe.. pedophiles r der every where.. in US rape rate is 2 in every 1 second.. just going to western country dsnt make a girl safe.. u will be shocked to know that there r thousands of cases where rape/molestation gets unnoticed even in countries like UK, US etc.. of which there are several hundreds where the victim dsnt report it out of shame, guilt.. or bcoz of lack of support they stop themselves from sicking help… nd end up commiting suicide or being prisoner of one’s own past for entire life… der r also cases of father raping his daughter.. grand pa raping his grand daughter, mother molesting her own son… der r case of sister raping her brother/sister or arranging their rape.. that is wht d brutal truth is.. cases whee taxi driver raped a passenger… women r nowhere safe in dis world.. nd so is in india.. not only women.. even men are not safe.. no1 in dis world is safe untill ppl stop being sick bastard
i feel ashamed to be a boy everytime i get to know of such news..
nothing can be done to eradicate it. however strict the security gets, whatever precautions the girls take, it is not going to be enough..
it is the way a man in India thinks which has got to change.
i just hope every man thinks a moment about his wife/sister/mother before committing such disgusting acts 😦
Sad but honest fact about India. A country known for democracy and freedom but where is the freedom? Touched by your writing..You have put the feeling which many of the Indian women feel into words..
PollyHwang has mentioned she is pregnant at the moment with her super sensitive Indian boyfriends child and is super hormonal herself
Though a women struggles to find her way out to a peaceful world, I still wonder why these kind of tragedies happen in her life? We all are struggling to make India a better place to live safe and free in spite of the huge difference in male to female sex-ratio! (Please visit http://www.aljazeera.com/indepth/opinion/2013/07/201372814110570679.html#.UgcCC6uyIIQ.facebook for more detials ) If things like Delhi, Mumbai rape continue to happen, I will be compelled to say we(women) live in hell rather than heaven!!
I’m a Malaysian,studying in India for the past 5 years. 5 of the worst years of my life. I have been molested countless number of times,have been jeered by men on the sidewalk an treated like a prostitute. And my experience in India has changed me forever,to such an extent that I cannot bear the thought of ever being touched by a man,even a hug from dad or brother.
Men in India will never change because that is how they were brought up. They are taught since childhood that a woman’s job is only to cook,clean and fulfil his sexual needs. And so they don’t have respect for women at all. Whereas in other developed countries,women are given equal opportunities to work and be the breadwinner of the family.
This situation in India will only change if there is enforcement of the law and awareness among the people. In my opinion,never gonna happen.
i feel sorry for u
This is sad
Mom should say this, mom should teach this, mom should let her know this.. !!! What are fathers supposed to do.. AAAh.. Don’t you know son “GROPE”! Not agreed. yes fathers don’t teach that.. well then we don’t teach them otherwise either.. We don’t teach them to respect women.. All those fathers who have said this or something similar to this “son. never miss treat a girl” please raise your hands.. Let me see how many hands are up.. wow. i can count them…
Respected girls.. you want to feel safe on roads, buses, trains, theaters, schools, malls etc.. There is a lot to be changed.. there are ideologies and thoughts that have followed us for centuries. They have to be removed. yes removed.. How do we do this.. Educate.. not just daughters.. your sons too.. they are the ones who will be molesting after 10 years.
Fathers.. what do you teach to your son by beating up your wife. Women are supposed to be beaten up when they have a opinion. Man is the only gender authorized to consume alcohol. Manhood is shown not by loving women but by ruling them. Make sure your daughters are covered from top to bottom.
We are among the educated lot of our country’s population. But what do I see when I am among my friends.” Dude there is another case man. She got rapped.” “I know man.. Do you know what she was wearing. A short skirt!. Now that was bound to happen”.
I was one of them too.. I am not ashamed of this. I only regret it. Why am I not? I have been taught so. I was taught to judge women by their attire. I was taught that my wife must always listen to me. I was taught that a girl who has a boyfriend is not a good girl. I was taught only that. What changed me. A couple of female friends. They challenged my thoughts. They made sure I got corrected when I expressed my views.
If they can change a grown up man like me, they can do a lot to change the next generation.
What am I going to do and teach my son?
Not only respect women but make sure they are respected. When she shouts for help, don’t stand in the crowd and watch. Make sure that the asshole has a broken hand. I don’t mind ending up in lockup. What she wears is not what she is. It has nothing to do with our culture. Our culture is protect women. Not to treat them as whores. And a lot more.
Fuckin troll idiot. I see u have to put your 2 cents on everyone’s comment.
Its such a horrible experience to read , and I don’t know how can this be improved because psychology of the other person can never be predicted. Just expect people who read this could feel the insecurity every girl experience. That her 6th sense is strong about every man around.
hi everyone
i believe everybody of us ( especially male folk) have an natural attraction towards the opposite sex in the form of creeping “bad” thoughts as soon as we see any attractive girl , to be honest from the core of my heart. we immediately dream of her being our GF or so and then the sex thing…
now coming to point i think this thought is common to all types of men ( one who commit rapes and the one who do not) the only ting that differentiates them and stops the men who are not culprits is the ethics imbibed to them at their homes, and education (primarily the fear of law).
so i think only these two things needs to be worked upon on every individual born henceforth to make this india a better place to live in.
i think capital punishment is important to instill fear among people but it cannot individually solve the problem.
I understand your point, but there are a few problems. It is not only attractive women who are raped. Old women, women in burqa, children (including boys) – handicapped women are most likely to be molested. They are more vulnerable.
I agree with your mention of sexual thoughts as “bad”… they are natural, nothing good or bad about it (and women do it as much as men). But a rapist mentality is not the same at all, as they just want to have power. Someone commented that after being groped on a bus and speaking up, the man asked her why she is on a public bus. Of course she is on the bus for the same reason as him, but he thinks he has a RIGHT to be there, while she should consider it an allowance or a privilege. In schools, homes, media, this is the thinking that needs to change.
Mothers! Please teach your son to love and respect your daughter the way she is!
All I can say is that she is not the only one.
Reblogged this on Just another girl you know and commented:
She is not the only one
I really dunno what to say…it’s sooo directly poured from your very heart that it reaches out to everyone, exceptionally well written. One of the best pieces i have read in some time. Kudos to the fire you have set alive here, i hope it rages on to become the very wildfire that will cleanse our society of this demeaning madness!!
Hats off.
The stories were entertaining.
Hey dont b tensed about how u would b raising ur baby girl. I can exactly understand all the situations u have been in and what it must have felt like. But get this, u are better equipped than anybody else in bringing up ur girl. Teach her to be brave with the family and the world so she may never have to suffer the emotional conflict u’ve had so long. Just think how much better you would’ve felt if you had ur mom supporting you in ur childhood n adolescence. Give that gift to your daughter so she wil b able to share wid u abt any such mishaps. N m sure shez gonna grow up a strong woman. Good Luck!!
A very needed and impulsive piece of documentation !! A must read
This is an article every Indian should read. I really feel sad that the men of our country behave so shamefully and violently. Even the most innocuous people are capable of performing the most devious acts. Our culture and traditions are being torn down by these men.
It all comes down to illiteracy and discrimination based on gender- women should have equal rights. And the law should severely deal with molesters.
its true 😦
India is plagued my multiple problems. We are a hypocrite nation with no sense of responsibility to our actions. Problem with girls is that they are not taught to be vocal of atrocities against them. Parents don’t teach them to voice their opinions or problems because they think it will malign their so called bullshit-society-status or will-bring-a-shame-to-them.
Girls need to be taught to brave enough to be vocal enough to abuse the abuser.
the girl sounds very weak by nature i must say …. im an indian and ive experienced three outta 4 of her incidents but by living outside india in my childhood . You need to be strong and not make mistakes what our parents made by not being frank with us , with our kids . We cant be around our children all the time nd they come to this world with their luck ! we cannot keep them 100% protected by putting them in USA or Canada ! We need to teach them how to act in difficult situations . its sad when indians dis their own country , we’re should be bringin the changes !
My daughter is 19 years old. We live in Bangalore. Every 3 weeks there would be a mini crisis, her prepaid cell phone would run out of balance and we scurry around trying to pay on line. On one tired evening I wanted to say why can’t you run to the market and get it done, and I realised that the shop was in a crowded area with at least some men who are likely to ogle, and so as a father this is something I do for her. Run to the market of online payment does not work. My wife, who works for the voluntary sector, travels a lot, to rural Tamil Nadu, Orissa, She does ok, and over these several years has found colleagues and strangers who treat her with respect.
But all said and done, the post, especially the ogle and related seems very real. Why is it so?
As a society, we are gender segregated. Except for some in the urban middle class, intermingling of genders unless they are related is discouraged. Yet, our movies, TV channels,advertisements, jokes streaming in our emails and cell phones are full of cheap titillation. Blockbuster movies need item numbers. iPL needs cheer leaders. Such a climate in an otherwise segregated society gets especially those who do not have a healthy exposure wrongly wired. Which leads to a pyramid of bad behavior which goes in corrected. Ogling gets tolerated, moves on to looking for vulgar jokes, then lewd comments and it goes on. Needs to be stopped at the very base.
And I would encourage more healthy mingling of genders from school.
Yes is agree this happens..and yes i agree Delhi,Bihar and now India is becoming the ‘Rape Capital of the world’..But instead of sleeping with tears girls should wake up and fight…we can be alert..we can learn how to protect ourselves from such dumbass bastards…The way u have potrayed the emotion is nice… but now instead of highlighting the problem itself, lets focus on the solutions..lets focus on how can we curb this..If you are a guy and are reading this…Please learn to protect your female counterparts..She can be ur youngest sista..or your mom..or that hot chick in college/work..but you gotta protect her! Let’s learn to fight back..!
It is really sad and cruel that such things happen in our society. Proper sex education must be given to the boys and girls in school and even by parents who care. They should know that the children can expose anyone if they abuse them. Too much of pornography available to anyone through internet in mobiles have added to this trouble. Even children below 5 are being troubled.Now that girl children reach puberty in earlier ages mothers have to be more careful. In the West, even staring a lady is considered as offensive eve if they wear clothes which apparently may expose body parts or cleavage lines. People wear clothes they like and depending on the weather, but in India things are different even if you wear purdah (at temperatures near 42C) which covers everything except their eyes.It is really a sad state of affairs. More stringent punishment for child molestation should be enforced and opportunity for the child to report this nonsense should be available.
Every single woman is molested at least once in a lifetime.
Men do not know this.
All women think it happens to them only.
And they go to grave with it.
Beautiful write up. I wish every Indian reads it. Every woman would definitely relate with it. And I wish every man loves his woman a little more.
i tell all gals should carry a defensive weapon i bought my sister a swiss knife which i think she can use anytime we 😛
You say about girls, these violations happen with guys too maybe when they are kids, we are too young to understand things and a decade back it really was, the pedophiles are there in every nook and corner in our home, as a male child at 12 or thirteen you have your elderly cousins who violate you and every night you dont feel like sleeping when suddenly another hand in the middle of night grabs you and makes you hold the the hardened male part of his, if you refuse he would put his hands on you.. and after 13 yrs when you grow up and see him again married with kids you wish that god why wasnt he born impotent. suffered and had been mutilated ripped apart in his life when he is making billions in some multinational on a foreign soil. Looking back you feel him like a gay rapist who raped your childhood and, your emotions. What can you say of these genre of people. And what about the guy who suffered it.
So unfortunate, that you must return to India, the perverse excuse for a country. The answer to sexual harassment is mass exodus out of the country. But then if enough Indians move out, they’d probably turn any place into another rape capital. I so wish we had more random gunmen who’d shoot down potential rapists and would be victims alike. Will make for much less traumatized existence and less anxiety over future offsprings.
Read your blog and felt so sad and ashamed at the same time. Believe me a man who truly loves his wife and respects other women would never do such ghastly acts. I seriously feel the men in this country have to have a control on their libido and start respecting women!!
[…] original post here:https://sahajapatel.wordpress.com/2013/06/08/its-a-baby-girl/ […]
Lovely writeup. However very shocking to imagine it could happen to my children as well. Today I guess it has come to this state because we are afraid to speak up and also the moral compass in people is pointing horribly to the wrong direction.
My only thought is how can we make a better future for our children where they do not have to face such things.
Really scary now when I think it can happen to anyone. And also worth a thought is that why should be children be made aware of these things. They are innocent and should not be worried about things like protecting themselves. This is our responsibility and we have to take charge as of today. A woman is a piece of the Almighty’s soul and should be treated the same way. She is the reason we all exist and we should not forget that at all.
very heart-touching..i m speechless..Thanks for sharing.
Reblogged this on I AM KC and commented:
I felt like reading a girls mind now!
It’s sad & i am not sure if I have an answer, may be awareness is… Hope the situation changes soon. To an extent i would like to think, the separation between the sexes during the childhood is a reason, I remember my school in Chennai where, my teaches would rap me each time I talked to another girl & college where in even now they are not allowed to interact with other girls in their classes. This way women are always seen as somebody very different & the bond & empathy is never really established.
India isn’t safe, and only safe place is HOME
I hate being part of this male dominating country
and whoever is saying that we need to be brave etc etc , they are just fooling themselves
because Only safety we can offer to ourselves is to stay close to OUR family
and choose the environment where we work or study carefully
Rulla diyen yaar ….. 😦
want to be reblogged this !!
Reblogged this on collegepoint and commented:
Spechless …..
People may comment whatever.
For me this piece was brilliant! No other comments. You have written the bitter truth of society.
Isliye Bolte Parda karo aur bacho ku achi tarbiyat do achi degree se paisa toh milenga par sukun nai milega
a must read for every individual…. somewhere down the heart it makes a deep impact, tremendous effort… well done.
we only hear about the literal meaning of words like being molested or raped, the way it leaves an everlasting embarrassment in the soul of a girl is well described. awesome job!!!!
Brilliantly told truth. Only disappointment is this happens in the country where women are treated as goddesses, atleast hypothetically.
we women really need to say this out loud.
and especially mothers should teach all daughters (am afraid from a young age) to respect herself and let no one touch her anywhere they shouldn’t. and to tell her mum whatever happens.
This is a true story of ALL Indian girls. There is harassment EVERYWHERE & the worst part of victim blaming. I completely stopped wearing anything remotely Western and I still got harassed every single day until driving on my own. It’s truly a sorry state of affairs.
This is nearly my story but add a higher level of abuse and more frequently. I live in Canada, I am white Caucasian.
I cried and got counseling when I found out I was pregnant with a girl.
It’s a problem for all girls all over the world, sadly.
I am 26 now…. I have confided everything to my mom all my life. Always!..
She is my bestest friend… I have discussed with her about my crushes, when guys proposed to me, about my big office problems to small mosquito bite problems… Except one…
That i was molested by a neighbor when i was 5 yrs old. FIVE!!, i knew something was wrong about what he did to me, and weirdly “i” felt “guilty, scared and ashamed”… the 5yr old me…. even though i had no freaking clue why it was bad, what was bad!!.. i was scarred that day for life…
I can tell her now.. But why, i dont see..
She brought me up filling in me all the courage and brave heart to face any challenge, any situation in the world..
She gave me caution lessons on violating misbehavings that i should be careful of, when i was in 5th std. I was 13yrs when i was taught about the physical changes i would go through in my teens and what it all means… [And the next few years i was scared… every single day that i would never get through menstruation and wake up with scary dreams every night! 😛 ]
She thinks she always kept me prepared and aware… Lol!!, I know if she ever knew, she would feel more violated and scarred than what i feel…
I feel angry now![not guilty] , every time i think of it, .. Soo angry i could kill him!
I hate him… I hope he rots in hell..
But, strangely I dont even remember the face of that guy now. I was only 5 you see…
For all i know, he could be any face i befriend and talk to every day!!
And that thought haunts me!… and will haunt me more.. forever!
One thing that could be suggested here is .. if she had a son, she would teach him to respect women in life! This goes to every mother and caretakers out there.. It is not just about protecting women from voracious monsters but also imbibing respect and sophistication in men which is lacking and is the root cause for all the crime against women in our country!
Unfortunately this lack of respect for women and male dominance has become an epidemic, eradicating which is a grave exercise, although not impossible!!!!
This is the story of every woman in India,be it a mother,a wife,a daughter or a sister.
Truth will not disappear if you turn a blind eye men!!!!….
I can only say one thing that take a resolution today that u will not let it happen in front of ur eyes and u will definetely protest if it happens to you or in ur presence.
Father of two and speechless with tears in my eyes.
I truly believe this….. I am a frequent flyer and I can actually relate to what she is saying…..
We actually don’t have any customs, the only custom we have is to belittle womanhood….
Yes… India was and it always will be the rape capital of the world…
Coz the men are raised like that …..
Well written Sahaja.
What had happened to your post’s central character during her childhood in Chennai usually happens in almost every house hold. The surprising fact to be noticed is that this is not confined to young girls. Sexual assault occurs even to young boys. The fact is that the shameless bastards that make such assults dont even care if it is a boy or girl.
Yes. I am a male and it had happened to me when I was 6. I was attacked by someone 10 years older than me when my parents were away. My parents had sponsored his education and he was living with us. He had me scared in such a way that I would never tell this to my parents. But after a few days my parents found some change in the way I behaved when he was in the same room with me. My mother knew exactly right thing to say to me. I don’t know how she managed it but she gave me the courage to tell on him. Thanks to my parents I never had to see him again.
It is the first time I am opening up after that. Its been 18 years since then and I am 24. I was compelled to leave a reply to your article because I believe that only a parent can save their child from such a shameless attack. I am not saying that the parents should be around their child all the time. But a the post assault trauma that a victim be it an adult or a child would suffer is horrible. And the fact of having no one to share it with or having no one to protect you is far greater.
Children should be explicitly taught that if anyone acts in a manner they feel not right must be shared with their parents. Parents must give utmost importance to the childs concerns and should consider it very seriously and must do whatever they could to make their child feel safe because if you don’t you wouldn’t even know what nightmare is your child living through.
I hang my head in shame, because my fellow Indian girl had to write this blog, because I cannot argue that this may be an isolated case, because this is not the first time I am knowing that such things are happening in my country.
I feel very proud about being an Indian. All for its History, for being the land of “tehjeeb” and “culture”. But I am equally ashamed for the present where my fellow citizen is not safe just because she is a women!
I don’t want to start calling you a sister or mother, because I don’t want to be by your side only because a relation is named.
Isn’t being a fellow human being enough?
Living in Delhi, I have had similar incidents in my life. I have faced it all from the maulana, to the trustworthy shopkeeper, to the people behind me in the queue, to the family members…. Here I will discuss two events that changed my attitude completely.
I was in the rikshaw going to the market. As a muslim girl I used to wear a long dupatta on my head and around my chest. The guys on scooter for no good reason said some very abusive words while crossing next to the rickshaw. Rickshaw wala was so offended as I was that he said to me when I got down that can’t you say something to those hooligans (he was very annoyed and for the first time I felt some people bother about girl’s respect). And walking in burka is no more a safe haven against molestation. The women are too much objectified.
Again it happened to me once when after the shopping for Eid I was coming back from the market to home. Completely unnoticed to me, one guy started to follow me and came till my house. I opened the door and entered. But before I could close my door completely he entered only his hand folding his fingers to show his middle finger (F***) and ran away. I didn’t know what had happened as this was so sudden. But I was completely disgusted and felt a sense of insecurity as the acts of these scoundrels could go to such a limit as such thing had never happened to me before. I came out of my house shouted loud on the street “catch this Harami who is running away” pointing my hand towards him as he was running in the other direction. I do not know where this energy came from but I think the angst and frustration inside me just crossed its limits. I noticed that a neighboring uncle of mine was walking in his direction. So I called his name loudly to catch him. He and others on the street came to rescue and caught this young boy who was just 15 or 16. The crowd gathered on the street to question what had happened. Of course, nobody knew what happened except me and him. But, out of my modesty, I stayed inside the house and sent my father to deal with them. Of course people were asking what had happened. But out of shame I couldn’t tell it to my father. He was questioned as well but he will not say anything but his mischief was evident to everyone in the way he was running away. My father gave him few tight slaps and he said sorry. Crowd moved away as the event settled down. I felt a sense of accomplishment that people at least acknowledged the rising molestation of their women in the society and this young guy has got a lesson for his life time. He and the others who watched what happened will think twice before they try to mess with any girl’s modesty!
I ask myself may be any type of molestation would not have happened to me from the age of 6 till the age of 24 if I knew what does it mean and how to respond.
Unfortunately, my mother called me after this incident and told me that the way I responded is not the way of ‘ladies of respect’. There was no need for me to respond to this act. I should have instead kept quiet and forget it. I gave my mother cross looks. She had learnt to live in this society the way it demands. But I decided this is completely unacceptable to me and should be for all the women who care for their modesty.
– Men around me will continue to be offensive if the society doesn’t acknowledge that their women are insecure and if women remain dumb.
– More than anything else women should start asking for respect from their home. That’s here the mindsets of society develop.
Peace!
Kudos to you for your action!
It’s really heartening to see when women raise their voices on experiencing such outrageously indecent acts. Also, you are completely right in going against your mother’s wishes in speaking up. These are changing times and such acts should not be suppressed in this day and age.
You are right, acknowledging and speaking up is the only way to effect any change. Once again, credit to you on your brave action!
I completely agree with your sensible and balanced views. After reading the entire post about painful experiences ,there indeed is a feeling of sadness but what troubles me is the undercurrent of DEFEATISM that is projected in it.
Fast track courts and very strict and swift legal actions that demonstrate the results of such actions, along with aware parent/caretakers/adults will ensure that culprits have fear in their minds. Also, they should be documented as sex offenders, and the list of such individuals should be public, if not publicized by broadcast, sothat parents are aware of their neighborhood. Even a report to the police in such instances should call for a ‘possible sex offender’ labellingwhich would be taken off if the individual shows better behaviour for ‘x’ amount of years.
Such actions will ensure better outcomes. But what are we talking about? India. Corrupt officials, along with too talkative and zero action corrupt itself public! as the religion says: action and duty for any result- no action: no result. So far seems people will be happy lighting candles for the deceased and then going home and starting their speaking in English and showing off their clothes/status/etc..etc…
Kudos to you and your actions. Only thing I will say is even if you had told what happenend, I do not see it as anything unmodest. The more and more girls/boys take this route or action, society including our mothers and fathers will see what is happening and how to correct the situation. more classes of self defence should be offered (probably by police agencies or other agencies) which are designed for children as well as elderly, including short videos as —
http://www.storypick.com/finally-video-child-abuse-every-kid-can-watch-learn-show-kids-tonight/
and also for elderlies, because it must be happening to them, that are sick and bedridden and in no position to confide in anyone. It should include some self-defence fighting, kicking, along with pepper spray/tazer/ knife/may be concealed gun for htose who can afford it.
I do not think the problem is more prominent for any particular gender, it must be prvelent in all ages, all sexes, all groups. We do not hear about some because of the culture of ‘modesty’ and mothers teaching their children-it will bad name if anybody hears it. Uneducated, overpopulated, with girl to boys ratios dwindelling due to female infaticide does not help either.
its a shameful thing for our nation,especially the so-called big cities.
not just girls,even guys get molested frequently. Its really difficult to seek any legal action for such cases, as there is no proof for watever happens.
Apart from serious laws & fast-track courts for heinous crimes like rape, i suggest the accused should be sterilised permanently.
may be then people will think before even thinking of committing such an act. Also its important to find out & understand wat goes on thru there mind when they do something like that. It might help to treat the cause & help bring about a change. Prevention is the best way to deal with it, and can only be achieved by changing the way we think.
wtc
a girl always lives in the fear of being molested in some form or the other …… this fear can be faced by a girl at any time at any place.and by any person be it ,,,,,, her family member…or a friend……. thus it is required that every girl in her individual capacity must have the courage to speak up and stand against this odd and typical patriarchal society
Hi! Thanks for the wonderful article.
When I started reading it, I thought of it as one more bold attempt by a girl to make her blog popular. But as I proceeded, it took no time for me to realize that it’s my story, somewhere.
Ain’t it funny? These cheap molesters don’t even care what will happen if that girl takes a stand against him, instead it’s the victim girl who battles the storm in her own mind, thinking whether it was her fault somewhere. Even if she is convinced to be a brave heart & tell about it to others, she doesn’t know how will people react to it, will they start judging her for somebody else’s misconduct…
Your post stimulated my senses to think about my daughter & make a decision.
I am going to make my daughter so brave that god forbid if she faces any such situation, she can look into his eye & yell at him, she should be able to fight such situations on her own.. and the most important, I am going to make her realize that I will always be there for her..
wow!!! great
U spoke my heart out. Went back 2 the worst tymz of life. And the impact it made on me.
Reblogged this on Techden and commented:
It’s a baby girl!
Reblogged this on Ashishtandon's Blog_The traveling Salesman.
Reblogged this on ravisuno and commented:
very true and touching write up
GOD only knows when will the situation improve
https://sahajapatel.wordpress.com/2013/06/08/its-a-baby-girl/
I read this and watched a bollywood song. In such songs, women wear much less dress than men and are often sexually objectified. Understand there is a demand and supply playing here, but can we start somewhere by educating women on how they are being objectified. If they can say no to such roles in popular media, we might be able to save young boys from thinking its cool to circle a women, make fun of her, run behind her, grab her arm/pull her etc. These kids are the ones that grow up to ones who think its cool to pull a woman’s shall and speed on a bike. The responsibility falls squarely on men as well, but I think it much easier to find success in educating a class of people who sort of generally have a better social sense and responsibility. Also to women – please stop using fairness creams, taking crash diets etc. I love normal looking women and I cant find any these days. Most of them have burned their faces with some bleach and are walking like angry zombies (possible due to hunger)…breaks my heart. 😀
P.S – Dont go ballistic on me for my last comment, I am really on your side! 🙂
Well said, it’s very important to be comfortable in one’s own skin, no matter what colour, in order to shed Inhibitions and face up to harsh realities . I hope your message is well received .
Touching article.
But, please don’t generalize India as the “Rape capital of the world!”
India isn’t the country with highest number of sexual violence related crimes.
Few sources on the web:
http://counterjihadreport.com/2013/01/30/1-in-4-swedish-women-will-be-raped-as-sexual-assaults-increase-500/
http://www.unodc.org/documents/data-and-analysis/statistics/crime/CTS_Sexual_violence.xls
http://www.globalpost.com/dispatches/globalpost-blogs/quick-click/which-country-has-the-highest-reported-incidents-rape-data
Shameful that you choose to respond this way.
Don’t denigrate what almost every woman in our country goes through by reducing it to a competition between countries’ crime statistics for violence against women! What will it prove, for god’s sake? That Indian women should find solace in the fact that less of them are being raped than women in Democratic Republic of Congo? Would it matter if India was not the 15th worst but 50th worst???????
And do you realize you are talking about “reported incidents” here? Do you realize majority of cases go unreported? As an Indian woman, let me tell you I have not had the guts to report a single case of physical/sexual assault that I have faced in 26 years of my existence. And trust me, most of my friends (girls), including me, have faced more than the 4 listed above! We are shamed into silence.
Have a sister or any female friends who are allowed to go out in public sphere? Ask them if there is even one of them who has NEVER been touched, groped, stalked, violated? If you get “NO” for an answer, I will….oh well, that won’t happen. You won’t get “No” for an answer. I can bet my life on it.
Its horrible to be a woman in this country. The foremost thing on my mind when I go into public space is how do I “stay safe”, no matter what time of the day it is..Which mode of transportation do i choose? Which road do I take? Which side of the road do I walk on?…everything, every f****** thing is determined by “what will keep me away from being violated”. Ask any woman. She’ll know. Trust me, she will.
mandar, just because it happens in other countries, we should be ok with it? and let it happen here too??
there are a lot of people like you here who are breeding the culture of knowing what is going on but turning a blind eye to it just so that the countries name is not spoiled. I pity the women in your family. You will probably tell them to keep quiet and not report any such cases that God forbid happens to them because your family name will get spoilt!
i agree with you 2 ladies here..we keep boasting our SO GREAT NATION AND ITS CULTURE…but even though we are in this AWESOME NATION, we have to deal with shit every day.
true … scary.. … touching… and feeling helpless… Thanks for putting those real scenes together ..
Beautiful.
Reblogged this on Deep Musings and commented:
A must read.
I am ashamed of being Man….everytime I do feel like this when I see all this…I dont have words now to say anything…just feeling sorry for every women in this country for the additional pain & disguist they have to bear because of all this SHIT people.
Thank you for writing this. Am sharing this on my wall. Its a story each one of us can relate to – having lived in India at sometime in our lives. But unfortunate that things go from bad to worse 😦
Very touching! Speechless..Wordless..and I lost my proud of being Indian long back. We have Govt but no governance. We have our rich customs n Vedas but no morality left.
Indians are most Hippocratic people I came across. More powerful, more public respected, more on higher post, more their morality is lowest. I have seen Big Fat people behaving like hell!
Any hope or better to leave this dead nation?
Sadened by the condition of the women in country. Those ppl who do this, hw they can live even for a moment ! hw can they forgive themselves ! Why God has made them men ? Shamed 😦
Felt so sad. Are we guys animals?
Hats off to u girl!
May god bless u
#GRAND_RESPECT
Harsh truth of the society..curse the thinking of people,. Shame to country
When I read this blog I so feel that its i my story.growing up and facing molestation at every stage starting with not being able to understand what is happening to feeling ashamed and shattered to standing up for myself and finding myself alone in doing so even though every time it happens in full public view.right from strangers to relatives …every bit of this story is what every female goes through in this country….
The more I faced it more it made my resolution stronger to fight that molester and not let that man get away with it and that he would think 10 times before doing it with any other girl.
Salute to the women and girls of India and a big disgrace to the all the males who think molesting or abusing a girl is a sign of man!!
don’t give-up.. b brave & learn self defense.. god was aware of the thing that man can do anything.. that’s why he gave him 1 weak point.. everybody knows it.. every girl must have such daring to kick such bastard guy who tried or did something wrong to her.. don’t slap.. kick in between legs.. then beat him.. women can understand feelings behind touch.. shout without fear.. no 1 will dare to do it again..
please respect every women..
when I see any of the guy who is passing comment or doing something wrong to any girl, I teach him a good lesson. Sometimes I take law in hand but its necessity. I slapped 1 guy near Dadar station, when the guy was hitting a girl. Public was watching, I went, requested him to not to beat that girl, he slapped me. I slapped that guy very hard realized him what the pain is. He was her X- boy friend n torturing her.
In most of the cases, male behind the scene r known 1.
dear author//….
tanx fr showng th courag to put tis up…i hope al th so called indians get to read it….66 glorious years f independnc n still s tis wat v cal freedom???????
th situation ll chang oly f th mindset f th ppl change…wen men stops seein gals jus as a bulk f meat..wen sex becomes a topic ppl can frely discuss about..i believe th problm s tat evry1 here grows with an anxiety n eagrness wat s wat n tat leads to al th problm…propr knowledg shud b givn to every child regardin sex…n th miscreants shud b treatd asn outcasts…i believe tat cn bring about a change!!!!!!!!!
Do these people seriously deserve to live a life and get married and have kids?
I believe the childhood plays an important role in this and having a sister sibling also changes one’s perception towards girls.
Being a 21 yr old male I have seen such kind of things being done by my friends and when i tried to stop they had a very simple argument ” Ab nahi karenge to kab karenge ? ladkia bhi to yehi chahti hai isi liye itna ghumti hai “. I had no answer to that as their complete perception of teenage is obsolete.And if a grownup does that then he seriously needs to go to a doctor and ask him to help control his testosterone levels.
I had the same kind of friends once. They are not my friends anymore ..only because of a similar kind of reply they gave me when I asked them the same question you asked your friends. Leave them now. You are better off without them..
The answer to that argument: tum har din ghar mein behet na hai kya? Jab nahi bole toh, ask them why (to go to a movie, date, school, job). Iss liye ladki bhi itna ghumti hai. Even idiots like these can understand such simple logic.
to all above who commented, ‘share this’. in this world of internet sharing is like shitting, everybody does regularly with or without their knowledge. its all about standing with the baby girl, teen, lady or grandmother who is being molested or assaulted or harassed. very recently, a lady hung herself in front of a fully crowded street, few watched, few were busy to get on to their metro, few were busy sipping their hot tea on the street but no one came near her until one man who came out the metro station got her down with the help of police. this happened in kolkata. what word should i use for those who watched a live suicide show? is it the fear of getting into uninvited trouble and harassment or is it the fear of police who will question and make the life worst than hell?
agle baar kisine bola ke mera bharat mahaan, saale ke muh pe ek dena.
@sahaja, your article froze me.
Mera bharat mahan… rape ke liye…..
Mera Bharat Mahan ……………….Par mere aaj ke bhartiya nahi
Yes it happens.
But my suggestion would be, Bringing up a girl, we need to give them 100% braveness to go and rule the world.
in whatever, may be the cases happens to the child.
And I do understand , As a mother it is tough job to bring up not only a girl but even a boy these days.
let us trust in God who will save the beautiful light of any girls lfe.
Am i right?
Very touching indeed. But no need to glorify the West. USA reported the most number of rapes among all the countries in 2010., and UK was right after India.
True that! It happens all over the world.
Anand plz Sahaja’s post…just coz we r not top on the list does not mean we sud be proud of it and wait till we lead the list….
The West is far from perfect but high figures for rape also suggests more women feel comfortable with reporting them. In India there are taboos against complaining about sexual abuse so it is very likely that there are many more cases than the figures suggest that have not been reported.
its not a competition!! the west punishes the rapists and molesters. The average man on the road doesnt lech at a woman dressed in shorts like they do in India including the cities. Here in India, rapists roam free threatning the victim while the victim is left defending herself.
Its this attitude of yours that is the problem with this country. Its bad that it happend, but lets not talk about it. Name will get spoiled no!
What logic!!
nev, You said ” The average man on the road doesnt lech at a woman dressed in shorts like they do in India including the cities.” Have you actually thought over the reasons or are you simply accusing our men without thinking?
In the west where I lived for many years, people are used to seeing women dressed scantily right from their child hood and this is almost routine for them. Young boys are quite used to seeing even their own mom and sisters in swim wear or bikinis( or even worse) and these type of clothes do not catch the attention of the men there, like it does here.
For our boys and even men here, it is a different story. How many of you are actually used to seeing scantily or lightly clad women in your own house? Or even in the beaches, parks and tourist spots? Any woman not dressing up properly in India naturally catches the attention and curiosity of boys and men here as they are generally used to seeing them only in the movies and not so much in real life. ( there may be a few exceptions in the high aristocratic circles in India). We are in the middle of a cultural boundary that separates two different cultures and the nation in transition will probably take its time to get past this. It may be tempting for modern Indian girls to talk of their freedom of choice in the matter of dress, but Indian men are not yet ready for that ( so be careful when you ignore this), like their western counterparts where these “liberation” movements have begun long ago.
First of all “Not dressing up properly” as you put it, is not up to any tom dickhead and harry to decide. No one has been given the moral rule book to decide what is “properly” dressed.
you said “Indian men are not yet ready for that” … so why do women India have to wait till the men are ready? What is stopping them from being ready now?.. and If they are not ready then why is their reaction not similar to the reaction one would have for someone not adhering to a dress code? Why is their reaction more like they have mentally undressed the woman and made it so obvious to the woman as well and made her uncomfortable.
Seeing and appreciating is different from leching or ogling or raping. not used to seeing a woman scantily dressed is not an excuse to make her uncomfortable with the way you stare.
In the west where you have lived for many years, you might have noticed how the men there try to charm a woman by making her feel beautiful and appreciated by their demeanor rather than how most men here in India make a woman uncomfortable by the way they are mentally undressing her that its so obvious to even a child… and these are not the uneducated roadside loafers I am talking about. THINK about that for a while…
First of all “Not dressing up properly” as you put it, is not up to any tom dickhead and harry to decide. No one has been given the moral rule book to decide what is “properly” dressed.
>> I am afraid no tom or harrys decide that but it is still primarily governed by the country’s prevailing culture ( that can’t be changed in a day or two) and the people here have a fair sense of what constitutes being “properly dressed”. “When you are in Rome, better be a Roman”.
In the matter of dress you have to draw the line some where, even the government thinks it is unlawful to be nude in the public and this applies to both sexes. Who do you think gave the government the moral rule book to decide this? As per your logic. we could very well demand the freedom to be nude as well, can’t we? So if you think about it, every culture has drawn the line some where and our Indian culture has its own notion for the past hundreds of thousands of years. Neither you nor I can change these things at our whims and fancies in a short period without drastic consequences.
Very touching, thoughtful to some extent. But I won’t completely agree with the ending, because, irrespective of the region or country, perverts are the same, dogs are the same and one needs to be a fighter to survive in the ruthless world instead of being silent and crying in alone. Crying is not a solution to anything, rather raise the new generation with values indulged in instincts and bring them up as fighters. But anyways, very beautifully written.
A tear for all my sisters….. I can only wish for you all to be safe.. This article was really touching.. hats off for portraying reality as it is,,
Awesome story well written
Every mother, would-be and already mother, fears this.
Reblogging it…
Ever father with Daughters too Rekha
Sad!!! even I feel that every girl some or other way have gone through this in india,, I remember I was in 9th and was coming back from coaching class and I was standing on footpath to cross the road and suddenly one rickshaw come, a man hand comes out and it tried to touch my chest but I moved backed and it hit my face so hard…I was so scared and I started running from there till I reached home, I was shivering.. I told my parents and never went to class again. From that day I be so careful. And when I discussed with my friends they have faced similar issues, till now. Whenever we go at station, we carry our bag in front of our chest to protect us. Its has to stop somewhere!!!
Its a good article.. but i don’t agree with the whole part about being scared to come back India, then the feeling is only psychological, it doesn’t relate to something solid. Scores of women live in India, portraying this country as a place to be feared for women is not right. u ll be surprised to listen to the crimes against women in so many other nations too. that is not justification, wherever it happens, its obviously atrocious. but this description was over exaggerated..the fear of coming back to this country. the solution is not running away…its learning to face
Hi buddy, you got the point but how can a person face it when law keepers does not support these victims.. instead they blame girls for the incident..i at least say that India be known as rapist nation so that these bunch of illiterate and backward class people sitting in the Parliament and barking like dogs feel the heat and be ashamed..well again they can even withstand that too..
Reblogged this on Dew Drops and commented:
Do read…
Though I was aware of molestation in childhood I would appreciate you for the way you have presented the unfathomable emotions in an ingenuous manner.Every girl is being obnoxiously molested in her childhood when she is completely unaware of what is happening, and why the hell it is happening.I think one as a mother should make your child clear about all the probable weird things that can happen to her.As a mob opinion I would also say that there should be a radical change in the manner that these idiots are to be treated here in India.
bas karo.. bolo mat.. kuch karo..
how could be one do this ……being a man i always feels shame.
Gaurav
Can very well relate. Whenever people ask me the difference between living in the east and west, this is what I want to tell them……because this is the only difference that I feel. But sadly, I had to return back to India and after tasting a sense of freedom the experience so far has been disastrous. Earlier I used to resort to yelling any male who tried to molest me or act smart, but didn’t do anything to the guys who would stare oh so inappropriately. Now, even the guys staring at me make my skin cringe and I cant do anything about it.
ye sabhi Indians ke lile saram ki baat ha. Dar me kisi bhi insan ka vikas nahi ho sakta.
Today, the grand mother of a Mumbai rape accused defends him saying he is a juvenile and not the kind of a person who can do such dirty thing. Whereas, the incident and accused are as clear. The day such grand mothers and their siblings themselves kick the person to jail, nothing is going to change. No law is a deterrent. The thinking in society, in every human being needs transformation.
I don’t know whether others would agree or not, this is how I think.
you learned from experiencing it first hand. Being a parent is about protecting your child 24/7. when she is young, or a teenager watch over her like a hawk. at some point set her down and explain why your being so carefull, she will understand.
I think women should be allowed to carry safety revolvers.
I would say that , in india kids fear parent , they lie and hide things. If parents are friendly with them, kids can easily share anything with them. Also at school it should be taught to respect women, because at tender age they will understand and will become good citizen.
An old saying : “Mother is the best teacher one can have” , so moms can let kids know that the world out there is not only beautiful one but a dreadful one. Be tough to survive.
I don’t know where my country is heading to…the main flaw is in the law. criminals should be given really harsh punishment,so that next time not even a single time the thought of such heinous act should cross anyone’s mind..i am still wondering why the court is taking so much time to decide the fate of criminals of Delhi act…they should be hanged…n each n every rapist should be hanged ..its as simple as that..the existing situation of India now needs some strict action..there is some limit for suffering and for how long girls will suffer..these molesters not even spare a 5 year old baby…they are mentally ill…they need some strict dose…
The story was really touching though…but i think,after suffering so much the lady should have developed more courage to fight such things for her and for her daughter…..running away is never an option..
We have responsible for this , we have to change our mind ….
Unless and until female understands herself completely, her state won’t improve.
http://auratpuraan.blogspot.in/
.
very true picturization of the prevailing scenario concerning the fairer sex.Really ,tears welled up in my eyes.The reason for this is also the absence of an open minded society in India.The orthodox practices that are promoted in the name of preserving Indian culture have also contributed towards this situation.Why do men in India behave as sex hungry demons ready to devour a lone,helpless woman is beyond my comprehension.Calling this an animal like behaviour would be an insult to the animals.
I don’t think this phenomena is unique to India. Women are indeed harassed every where, only the degree varies. What could be a bigger problem in India is that, I think Indian women do not get sufficient protection from law. A woman can’t even go to the police station and lodge a complaint there, that could often be unsafe in India. And she may not even get proper attention from her parents who may like to brush off the incident to avoid embarrassment to the family. A perpetrator is more likely to be punished in the Western world, but most of the Indian offenders are likely walk scot free and continue to indulge in their evil pastimes.
Both men and women should be brought up to respect each other from childhood, and without men respecting women from deep within their hearts it is impossible to put an end to this dreaded curse. The more curious fact is that the very male offenders in India who can see other women only as some objects devoid of feelings, often take serious offense when the same thing happens to their mothers and sisters. Hypocrisy and double standards at its best here.
My sister did narrate a few of her own experiences to me (on roads and at college) and I can really understand how awful the victims feel especially when no one comes to help nor they can do anything in retaliation.
Its really very painfull andI am touched
Excellent post.. but sadly as u said we could do nothing..coz even after reading this people of India is not gonna change..i am proud but at the same time ashamed of being an indian.
Dear Sahaja,
I appreciate your story. I do empathize with the experiences a girl or woman go through her lifetime that undermines her dignity as human being.
However, calling India ‘rape capital of world’ ignores the fact that women across the world go through similar experiences. If you go by statistics, South Africa and USA have more “reported” rape cases than India. I know many cases in India go unreported, but same can be said for other countries too. I am citing Wikipedia but you can find original reference of statistics in footnotes (see 129).
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rape_statistics
So, whatever number you want to use (total absolute cases or cases per 100,000) many countries (in west) are far worse than India. Even If you include workplace harassment or other public harassment, many countries are no better than India.
I have been living in USA for three years. I had similar mindset that women are safer in west. But, due to lack of media coverage, you don’t find news on ‘rape culture’ and ‘objectification’ of women in USA. In USA too, religious leaders and politicians (republican party in particular) favor patriarchal system over equality. Just for example (google ” legitimate rape” remarked by a politician or “abortion” debate in USA)
Just because India media started giving extensive coverage ( which is good, but now they are sensationalizing many cases to sell their news rather than reporting it) does not mean that the rest of the world is better. The main problem is “mindset” of people. Though the “Physical” victims of such mindset are almost always women, the mental/emotional victims include brother,father,friends, and everyone else related to women. Everyone is responsible for that mindset. I would blame mothers and teachers for raising such children who don’t respect women. Such mindset is prevalent in every country not just India.
In summary, the point I want to convey is that “the west” is not heaven for women either. The experiences you are describing “groping”, “touching”, or “masturbation in dark alley ” are also common in the west. Western media tend to focus on women in developing world while ignoring plight of women in their own countries; but this does not mean that India is hell for women and the west is heaven.
Again, I , in anyway, do not underestimate your anxiety/fear you describe about the protagonist ‘s baby girl. You are justified in that. However, just think about it. Would you have had similar fear if it were a baby boy? Would you have felt the anxiety that now you son would go to India and started groping/raping women? If you have similar fear irrespective of gender of your child, then you will give right education to your children (boy or girl) on how to respect women.
Otherwise, your protagonist needs to change her mindset.
Again, the intent was not to generalize one gender, or demean India. It is an article based on real-life incidents of so many, many girls. There is no point in the victim living in shame forever!
Yes, I agree that sexual harassment is prevalent in the Western countries as well. The US, the UK, and the like.
My question is,
1. Does its prevalence in the West make it okay for it to happen in India?
2. Can we look at the high sex crimes rates in other countries, and pat our backs that we haven’t reached there yet? Do we aim to get to the top on the list for sexual crimes in the world? Is this some sort of competition?
P.S. For someone who has openly brought up an issue that has been constantly suppressed, to discussion and helped so many girls/boys become aware, think about it, discuss it, or having injected the zeal to want to do something about the situation, I think I am a TRUE PATRIOT.
Sahaja…I agree that India and Indians needs to work on its social civic sense. But the most disturbing element of your entire write up was the last section!! Why on earth will she cry?? Why couldn’t she teach her daughter to stand up and protest…shout and say “its wrong”!! to whom so ever it may be..uncle, priest, road side romeos, etc etc…for me all those brave souls protesting for women liberalization..why can’t they enforce self defence as a mandatory exercise for all women..today an advanced corporate well read women in any metro city spends atleast 30 mins a day doing work out and 15 mins doing some beauty stuff!! leave aside some hours in a parlour every week (don’t call me a male chauvinist for this!!! but its true) you need perhaps half that time to train yourself to protect you and your son/daughter from these weeds of the society!! I would have loved to see the mother telling her daughter to be brave enough to do something which she couldn’t do..after that’s what defines our future!! at least not crying!!
Sahaja ,men will always either justify it saying that India is not at the top of the chart or put all blame on women(their dress,their behavior,their lack of strength to protest etc etc)than acknowledge their sick mind and attitude towards women.
The malice can be solved only when men realize they need to treat women as human beings as worthy as them and inculcate this idea into the mind of their sons ,friends and colleagues.
Yes,we should teach our men how to treat a woman with equality and respect than equip women to defend themselves from men.Only that can bring any change.No government,police or judiciary can do much.
Mary,
I am neither justifying anything nor am I blaming it on women. I would recommend you not to blame men for everything. Blaming either women or men won’t do any good for any one. As a man, I have responsibility to teach my kids/friends/colleagues to respect every women. Similarly, its every woman’s responsibility to teach their sons and daughters the same education.
“The malice can be solved only when men realize they need to treat women as human beings as worthy as them”…
who is gonna teach them? media? schools? movies? home? society? Don’t say that women have nothing to do with prevalent objectification of women in today’s culture. Women cannot shrug off their responsibilities in either supporting such culture or opposing such culture through inculcating proper education.
When attitude of women/mother is protective towards their daughters and they give more freedom to their sons, then nothing is gonna change. Remember, today’s sons and daughter are going to be tomorrow’s parents. If we don’t give right education (equality) to “BOTH” of them, then nothing will ever change.
usually i dont read much…but this whole stuff i read holding my breath…girls are so naive that they cannot respond during their childhood..but they should get bold enough as time passes, as they grow ,as they come to the real world….if the attittude of those men are not changing you are supposed to be alert and vigilant..in the real world no one is going to provide you complete safety and they are in your hands… learn some karate if needed…
oh my God! all of us indian girls have faced this n it does feel horrible! 😦 i love what u have written i hope everyone in the world reads this!!
I liked one point that you made..If we cannot change society..atleast the mothers can educate their children about such kind of evils out in the society..and what can they do if such an unfortunate incident does happen..what’s important is that they shouldn’t feel like the culprit..
I agree that your intent is to spread awareness, and you are doing a fantastic job. I wasn’t criticizing you for your article. I didn’t question your zeal or patriotism. I totally support that we should make boys/girls aware and encourage them to tell their parents if they are being harassed.
I only wanted to extend the scope of the thinking of your protagonist. I read many times about the experiences women go through; but I don’t see anyone writing experiences or emotional torture her male counterparts go through. I read about role of male, but rarely do I read about role of women in preventing such crimes. I haven’t read any article where a woman was worried that her baby boy will grow and rape/harass girls. Why are women worried about their daughters not sons? Unless, we change that attitude and mindset, we will still be talking about women safety for next 50 years.
I am not blaming you or attacking your for your efforts. I am trying to say that in an objective and fruitful debate to make India safer, citing west an example for women freedom and safety will not benefit anyone. In most of these debates, no one mentions about the mindset women have. Its the women (mother or mother in laws) who tend to favor boy child over girl child. Its women who encourage female- foeticide. So, we need to change that mindset.
By role of women, I “only” allude to education and mindset. I am “NOT” saying that women should wear or dress in a particular way. That’s bulls*** way to reduce crimes against women.
Even i am 27….being born n brought up in India there is nothin written here which i haven’t faced. Molested by family friend when i went to m uncles house for my cousins birthday or by an uncle when i went for a family marriage…cousin peeping from bathroom window while i am taking bath….an uncle hugging me tight when he is drunk….a jiju trying to kiss me or trying to have sexual conversation…bearing daily with people on the streets who try to rape u with their eyes or touching ur body parts while passing by. One thing that has completely sink in is that there is no way i can avoid this or can help myself by protecting against such practices rather i have to live with this and just be a little extra conscious about people around.
when people say do sumthing tell me what can i do n frankly telling you now i m grown up enough to protect myself but tell me how can i protect m girl when she will be born.
Because of handfull men the whole gender is under scrutiny and its really a shame for me as an Indian.
PS. You should categorize it, so that it can reach to larger audience.
amazingly written, but a plight of our country that leaves me in a state of devastation.
Now a days girls are enjoying if someone is groping their breast. after themself asking to grop and fucking.
*********************************PLEASE READ MY ARTICLE WHICH IS ANSWERING THE AUTHORS QUESTIONS AND MY THOUGHTS ABOUT WHY THIS IS HAPPENING********************
*******************MY ENGLISH IS VERY BAD. JUST UNDERSTAND MY FEELINGS NOT MY ENGLISH****************
I really understand the authors deep down feelings and all of yours. But all of you guys/gals could you please answer some of my thoughts about it.
who ever is giving their sad feelings and angry about what is happening to girls in the society as a very well known good boy( Every one who knows me says me, mainly girls.).i have some questions for you.
First let me clarify i am the so called ideal boy in the society in the way i respect woman and try to help them. I never misbehaved with any girl. I give my seat to a old lady. I donate some part of my salary for charity(green peace). I donate some of my time for teaching for free, inspiring others. So please be frank with me and really think about your real you and answer me don’t show off you are really good and i am actually bad or something. Please be frank anyways you are anonymous.
In these 20 years what i see in the society:
Things that are Influencing me to ***** a girl:
1) All beautiful girls/ many girls show their beauty wearing clothes which expose their assets. They want attention. (We boys want to touch their breasts only to satisfy our deepest desire as a boy but not to hurt her feelings at all.)
2) I am 20 and i was never able to enjoy practically what i was seeing movies where hero romances with heroine. Boys are made by god with a strong desire and to get attracted to our opposites . I still have to wait for another 5 years to get married and to have that fun.( How much wait to enjoy sex ???)
3)
Why Other western Countries are feeling more safe(underline feeling more safe) even though crime rate is very high:
1) Girls are very open to sex and having fun with boys(like boys). So boys have all that fun when they start getting these sex feelings by 14 years by romacing with their classmates starting from schools / colleges. So they don’t feel like molestering a woman in ticket counter/r ush bus/rush metro etc.
2) Prostitution is legal in Western countries so boys who don’t get gf or doesn’t satisfy with their personal sex can make themself happy gng to prostitutes.
3) Movies show that sex is common for both men and woman unlike Indian movies which show woman as a sex object and having a gf who is a maal is ur heaven on earth.
So obviously they feel more safe because most of men are already seen all that fun so they don’t abuse a girl in a queue for a ticket or in a rushy bus etc. and so those men won’t try to abuse a girl.
Some Other things which resulting in to this:
1) parents are not open with their children about sex, feelings we get once we are in teens, how to keep them in control, how to protect ourself etc.
2) cinemas are biggest. We take a 5 year old boy to a cinema which is polluted with masala(sex and romance). but kids feelings start from 8 now. So they can’t wait until they get married and society doesn’t allow to have some fun with girls and so they generally abuse women when they are courage enough to do that.
So because of all these reasons every boy in India is always waiting for his chance to moleste a woman whenever he gets a chance in every rushy places possible.
Assume a senario where you can moleste a girl and can escape without getting caught for e.g. in many rush places we go across:
All boys fall in to below 3 categories:
Cat 1) Good boys like me and some of you are still feared to moleste a girl.
Cat 2) Better boys like some of you moleste a girl but not very hard about it.
Cat 3)Bad boys who have asshole parents even who didn’t taught that guy some manners, culture would do anything to any extent. Alteast my desire to touch her breast is from 15
I can’t say cat 1 and cat 2 boys are bad because they are waiting for all their life to satisfy their deepest desire of touching a girls which i can’t explain in this article.
After seeing real experiences with me(yes its true), my friends(i asked one guy when i was in 10th class), and proof shown by Amir Khan in Sathyamev Jayathe Program not only girls get molested but also boys. I prefer the rate is 98% in girls and 75% in boys. So if any parent is reading my article take care of your kids.
Warning: Highest and think 99% probability of getting molested is from relatives. So never leave your girl with some relatives even uncles.
I can make u understand all my thoughts and give many true feelings of boys but i have no energy to write more as i am tired.
Broad Minded, sort of agree with you. We are still a conservative culture where even an act of public kissing is considered indecent. On the other hand, we expose our folks to western influence in the form of cheap erotic movies, books and free porn is available easily now. Our youngsters are a confused lot – they just can’t balance our traditional cultural mindset with western influence bombarding us constantly. We need to become more traditional or more fully absorb the western influence. Other wise we are just sending confused messages to our boys – our culture does not allow as much sexual freedom in the west and at the same time we are feeding them with sex all the time, whether it be advertisements, movies, periodicals, books etc. This has created a mass of perverts who have no “legal” outlet to release their energies. Now this does not explain all the crimes against women in this country, but it does account for a good percentage of it.
Whatever the case may be, what terrifies me is the sheer brutality of recent crimes against women, no human can hurt another human like that and expect to be called a human being. The sadistic pleasure that men derive by harassing women is unpardonable (whatever the reasoning or excuses) and has to go.
lovely article , am touched. These kind of things have made me think against having another child specially having a girl child…. I know i wont be there with her all the time and will be shattered to see/hear/know if something like this (which is 99.9%sure) will happen. I so want to have a girl child but may be am too weak. ..
Respect to the writer.
Amazing piece of writing .
Our writing style is very similar Iam glad I came across this.
well done 🙂
We have been independent for 67 years and supposed to be a developing country………but some of us have such a down standard and low level thinking it makes me wanna kill them a billion times….i mean think about it some people just want to satisfy their hunger for sex…shameful
I sympathize with what happened to the woman through her growing years and condemn the acts in most critical words.
Her experiences varied from Child molestation to physical abuse of a teen to molestation of a young woman in her twenties. None of this is acceptable in even a just society; and the most gruesome is the child molestation as it leaves a very very deep mark in a child’s conscience.
And it is a fact that the women empowerment and sense of freedom is far more prevalent in western world than in the 3rd world countries likes India.
However, it is not justified to ridicule India based on this. Child molestation is far more prevalent in western world and more so in European countries. Routinely we hear the news of Child pron rings going bust in these countries. The sex crime rate is highest after gun crime in US. And anyone will agree that a human being (leave apart only Women) can not roam around even on a main street after 7 PM in any western countries. The birth rate by under 16 girls as well as abortion cases are quite high as well. And NO, we shouldn’t discount this saying that it was consensual. Many of this may be, but a lot are not.
Coming back to the woman, she must have had the courage to confide in her parents. Agree this may not have happened at 9, but, there’s no reason why it shouldn’t happen at 15.
The perverts are present everywhere and they do most heinous crime to the women.All above is not about justifying what is happening in India. But to convey that most Indian cities are still safer than most Western countries.
kya hoga is desh ka!! this is happening when a lady is leading this country!
Yes Sahaja! You are a true patriot! and I admire you to be open and brave…
Just imagine if one of such perverts is the girl’s own father, or brother or grand father living everyday under same roof! I have seen many such incidents too… And I can correctly tell that more than 80% of girls in our country faced such molestations… No doubt…
There has to be more awareness and strong reaction to such actions from parents when children report… Blogs such as yours, and other forms of media (not glorifying the incident to increase TRP ratings), government and teachers at school, parents and every possible person who has a daughter / sister should educate the girl child on how to defend against such situations…
Bless you!
really its indian little baby girl..
Yes I do Agree…Almost every Indian girl would have got some problem of this kind…..But,do you think that just running away from problem will solve them ???Do you think its only your little baby girl who is under such pressure????….There are thousands and thousands of girls as your daughter;your sister;your mother;your aunt who faces such a humiliating sensational issue daily….
1)Teach her what your parents failed to teach you.Its not that they felt ashamed to talk about it to you but the actual fact is most of the parents they themselves are unaware of such things happening.
2)Teach her self defense and tell her not to panic as its not her mistake at any cost.
3)And more importantly teach your son(if your second child happens to be a boy) what to do and what not to.
4)You act against such crimes if you happens to see any of its kind.You can serve as a God in disguise for her.
I have a very simple qs…. As our parents & teachers taught us that stealing is a crime, or telling lie is a crime… Then why they still hesitate to say the same that Molestation and Rape are also a crime.. Is there any difference between them.. In our childhood, we used to prevent ourselves from doing something that have been told as an offence or crime..
When a child can say very easily that someone other has told some lie or make something wrong or some uncle has scolded or bitten him for doing something wrong.. Then why they won’t say that someone molested him/her… What I feel actually they do not hesitate, our family make them to do so.. Upto the age, when they understand what actually had happened to him/her, it’s too late.. They have already started keep leaving with it..
We are talking a lot about sex education but we still hesitate to talk about sexual awareness.. Such awareness is a need to leave in today’s world..
Really liked and disliked the article at the same time. Liked, because of the the truthfulness it contained; disliked, because of the shame it brings on us.
There is strong and huge protest in most part of the country against the inaction of growing crime against women, especially the rape. While such crimes are kind of regular around the country, the peoples such strong reaction after this particular case of student in Delhi and the photo-journalist in Mumbai can be attributed to the manner in which the crime was done. It can also be said that the reaction is the accumulation of people’s long built up anger against inaction of the lawmakers, security agencies and society at large. While pondering over it, the foremost and most important question comes into the mind is why are these happening in the first place? Are the men in India have suddenly become sexually violent? Or the women are inviting attack by being dressed in a certain way as pointed by many. What are the reasons behind such cases? Is there any solution for it?
In my view, the crime against women (for the sake of this article we will address it as rape henceforth) is a chronic disease like other crimes are other kind of disease. Like many disease, rape has been happening in the past for centuries and deterrent has been made against them in different way. A few decades ago, the news of someone getting raped did not cross the boundary of the village in which it took place. Now, in the information age, we have media and all kind of methods to spread news, hence the larger exposure and attention. This is very good in the sense that it is giving us the opportunity to introspect us, to find out what is wrong in us. If we take any disease for example, we will find that through ages, we have found cures and with the advancement of science and technology, we have found the way of prevention of disease, so that it does not happen in the first place and there is no need for a cure. Similarly, to prevent rape or any crime for that matter we need both cure and preventive measures to stop rape.
A. Cure: Cure will require once rape happens. While a woman’s loss of modesty is priceless and cannot be ‘cured’ in the sense that the trauma she goes through is immeasurable; an effective system will at least ensure severe punishment for the culprits.
1. When a rape takes place, the first thing that requires is to immediately take the victim to the nearest medical centre. For this we cannot rely only on police or some good Samaritans. In many incidents it has been found that the victim lied helpless at the scene of the crime or at a place where she is dropped off, for hours if not days without any passerby’s assistance before police finally comes. It should be made illegal for any person to pass by such victims when coming across (like in some countries, it is illegal to pass by a stationary school bus at highways if its hazard lights are on). People don’t help the victim fearing harassment in the hands of police. There should be absolutely no pressure on the person who takes the victim to the hospital. If required, the helper should be allowed to record his/her statement as witness at the place of his/her choice. A token reward may be allowed to the helper to encourage people to come forward for help. To me helping the victim is a reward in itself. An all India toll free helpline must be made available immediately for emergency services like 911 in the US and 999 in the UK. If the victim is stable, she can report the matter to the number and get assistance.
2. When at hospital/nursing home, government or private, it should be made compulsory for them to admit such victims without any delay. Formalities, if any, must be done afterwards. Meanwhile the police should be informed and adequate protection provided to the victim. In many cases, the victims are killed by the perpetrator before the case reaches to police or court. The treatment cost of the victim should be recovered in full from the insurance company for which medical insurance must be made compulsory for everyone.
3. The next step is the Police, who are one of the most important parts of the process. It is seen that majority policemen are insensitive about handling such cases and reluctant to register them. This is because of the typical male attitude found among Indian society, police being part of the society act in the same way. Psychological tests must be made compulsory in police recruitment on and above the rank of ASI all over India to ensure men and women with intention to serve people (and not just getting a job) are enrolled in the police force. They must be trained extensively in communication skills, public relations and crisis management along with other routine training. Increasing the number of police to 300 per lakh population, increasing the salary of police, removing complete political interference in police business, availability of latest policing aids, separating normal policing from investigation and police reforms are some of the actions to be taken to make our police force strong and effective tool to fight crime.
4. Once the case is registered, the evidences such as medical reports, witnesses’ statements, forensic reports must be collected and preserved in a time bound manner to ensure timely submission of the case to the court. Giving the number of cases increasing, each state must have at least one forensic lab so that not to rely on Delhi or Hyderabad labs only.
5. Once the case is produced before the court, it must be made compulsory by law to finish it within 30 working days. If an appeal is made to the higher courts, the time frame must remain the same to punish the accused as per law. Provisions should be made for in-camera trial and no unrelated questions should allowed to be asked to the victim, especially about her character and past records. Even a prostitute does not deserve to be raped against her will. Once convicted, the criminal must be made to pay all legal and allied expenses to the victim, even if it requires selling off the accused property.
6. Each and every case should be analyzed in details to find the root cause of the rape and laws should be made and measures taken on the basis of the findings to prevent repeat of similar incident. The legal process must not confine just finding the facts and pronouncing punishments. It must do R&D to stop the crime.
B. Prevention: To me, this is much more important than the cure. To understand the psychology of the rapist, one will find that such people see a kind of satisfaction by dominating the weaker sex and feel manly to brutalize/torture women. It’s not only the sexual desire of such people that drives them to such acts; otherwise they can fulfill such desire by visiting a prostitute. It is the strange thinking of dominating women nearby that encourages them to do that. Where from this starts? A rapist at birth is not a rapist; it is the bringing up that determines it. And all of this starts at our home.
1. India is known for its preference for a boy child over a girl child. Female feticide is rampant, result: low sex ratio. Even if a girl is allowed to be born, she is subjected to a kind of second class treatment in her own home by her own parents, either knowingly or unknowingly. She is fed less /less favorable food than her brother, her studies become secondary to her brother, she had to attend a local language school than an English Medium school which her brother attends, even in many cases she has to drop out of school. All these create a sense of lowness in the girls and a sense of highness among the boys which is very dangerous. Being siblings, the attitude of the boy towards his sister may remain nice up to certain extent, but he develops a sense of superiority over women in general. This sense when reaches a certain level where he starts disregarding women or even not consider them as equal human being, brutal rapes happen. We must change our attitude towards girl child to completely eradicate it.
2. Secondly, when girl is raped, the society sees it as the girl is dishonored, and not the boy, while in fact the boy should be dishonored since he is the one who did a crime. The society and family always puts the onus of carrying honor on the girl’s shoulder.
This attitude of the society gives the entire prospective and past rapist the perception that they can get away with the crime since the girl will not ‘dishonour’ herself by disclosing the rape. Many times, if the girl is ready to lodge a complaint, the family prevents it fearing dishonor. Since the outside society is not female friendly, the family keeps it like this and it acts like a loop where no party wants to break the loop first. We must make our boys realize that if they commit such crime, they are gravely dishonoring themselves as well as their families and they will be punished from inside the family which will be followed by court punishment outside. Families shall also severe tie with any rapist to give signal to the prospective rapist about the outcome.
3. In India, women are mostly thought as safe indoor and not allowed to go out fearing mishaps. This prevents them from exposure of outside world and its situation which in turn can be very dangerous if she has to venture out far away from the home when required. She can easily land in trouble. So, exposure to outer world is a must.
4. There is a very urgent need of all girls to be trained in unarmed combat for self defence. Self defene techniques such as Karate, Tai-Koun-Dou, Kung-Fu. When confronted by a rapist, at least she can protect herself at initial level.
5. Public faith in police has to be reinstated. For that police department has to work very hard and response swiftly. In many cases, the police itself become rapist at isolated place during day and night. Once the faith in police is established, mere presence of a police van in the vicinity will deter any rapist to commit crime.
6. The availability of alcohol must be kept in check by enacting strong laws and any drunken person loitering on the streets or behind the wheel must be apprehended immediately as a preventive measure.
7. A good surveillance around places where such crimes can happen must be installed.
8. Religion is a very important part Indian society and anything attached to religion is taken seriously by the masses. If religious clerics, pundits, fathers, gurus and preachers, apart from giving yoga lesson, condemn, give sermons and speeches, and convince the followers against such heinous crime, then at least the fear of being severely punished by the Almighty will deter rapist.
9. Lastly, we as a society must change to the change to happen. If we perceive such crimes as another morning newspaper story, then such crimes will continue, no matter what measure we take. We must take it seriously and react strongly against the rapist and bring all of them under judgment.
If the cure and prevention is simultaneously followed, then we can prevent this disease of rape up to a great extent. We must change our mindset and take this incident seriously and not to wait till the date someone from our known persons face such ordeal, that will be too late. To keep our girls safe, we must make sure that others girls are also safe. Only then we can make a society where we don’t have to worry even if our women are venturing outside at midnight.
There’s nothing new to comment on this issue, so will not go there. But very nicely written… Well done.
As an Indian male, I am pretty much disgusted by the atrocities committed by my kind, it’s about time the parents muster courage and speak out. Our male dominated society is really disgusting. we dont need no stinking “sanskar” if it means that the ladies have to put up with this shit from males to protect the family “maryada”. damn, I felt disgusted as a man, when an elderly granpa placed his hands on my thighs, quite innocently, and started moving it upwards, until I had to slowly but firmly remove the hands and change seats. or as a kid reject an advance by a middle aged man who wanted to teach me “lubrication” (whatever that meant). Our males are lecherous and do not spare the female species of any age, and are they do not spare the male kids/ boys too.
the women of the society have to stand up to this. mothers train their kids – do not support their own. the voice of males against rape is inadequate.
I just stumbled upon ur page. I m glad i did. Lovd ur piece.
I Feel Numb!
Well written and immaculately described.
This is the untold misery every indian girl/woman goes through… I hate Indian men.. uncles.. grandfathers.. brothers.. all are animals.. And the sad part is, we gotta put up with these men..
While i fully agree and respect the the sentiments of the author , I don’t quite agree with India as the only place which is full of molestors/rapist . My point being , It happens everywhere in the world where women are looked as sexual objects which is totally wrong and unjust . Yes , we need to change india for the better but saying that “you are crying because you are bringing your child back to india ” , No , that is not right .
I live in the west as well, the above statements of comparison are soo true. I being a male myself have seen this kind of nonsense happen back in my beautiful city in India. A word of advice for the boys / men; It is NOT cool and is in absolutely pathetic to talk disrespectfully about random girls you see on the streets or at a club. Don’t discuss about her physical appearance in a cheap manner. Guys, its about time we behaved with self respect. Whenever you see someone talk disrespectfully argue with him and bring it out among friends so that he gets embarrassed. And please remember any religion will agree on one thing “Respect towards mothers”, remember that girl/woman you are passing comments about is / will be a mother.
[…] This is the main reason I'm afraid to settle in India. Every woman in India goes/went through some kind of sexual assault. Came across a blog post on this this morning and want to share with you all: It’s a baby girl! | Sahaja Patel […]
Contrary to many people’s belief, this isn’t exclusively Indian. It happens everywhere in the world and as much as one might claim there is a better freedom in a western world, one must understand the kind of treatment women endure there. Lack of respect for women and mistreatments happen everywhere in the world. But that is not a justification. Things are to change everywhere and since I’m Indian, I want it to change here too. But do not try to make the world seem a better place than India or India the worst place of them all. I agree that Indians have a different standards of understanding a women’s sexuality or her expression of it and yes India is a very patriarchal society. But Indian men on the whole are not sick and dirty. Good people and bad people exist everywhere. Stop branding us all as the bad ones. Just as much it is bad to see an openly expressive woman as a ‘slut’, it is bad to brand every man as dirty. May the people have a better understanding of the situation.
I am impressed with so many things about this post, except the part about feeling safer in a western world compared to India. That is plainly a western obsession and whatever happens there is just and perfect kind of attitude. Just check the number of crimes that had happened in London during the Olympics which have gone without attention or the number of rape cases that have happened in the U.S in the past 5 months. Population is less there, therefore lesser cases, but the rape rate is still high. Stop making Rape as an ‘Indian men’s act’. All of the world needs to change and we as Indians must show the world how to change
Reblogged this on Aqua Depth Bathroom Sanitary Items.
its hear touching and yes this is the reality..
Please, keep on complaining – but you will gain nothing. It is obvious that if you want to feel safe, you must start from yourself. Passivity does not work. Be brave and self-confident. You have to fight for your rights! Let’s fight and I assure that God will be with us. 🙂
The only thing which can stop this is by reducing generation gap and increasing more interaction between parents and children.Being small she doesn’t know what to do and hesitates to discuss it with their parents and are kept on being molested. Taking out rally or doing mass protest is not a solution to this it will only result in the creation of new bill in the parliament and god knows when it will pass.
Start taking action at personal level start telling your daughters what to do in this scenario and if you your self see any such thing happening then act voluntarily and just dont wait there. Create a scene over there and tech him a lesson.I know it will not happen all of the sudden, it will take time but in the end from being rape capital of world we will be most secure capital of world.
the only plc whr i had a diffrent exprnce was gujarat…while commuting in jam-packed buses i realised not a single man would try insulting or intruding a woman’s space n dignity… n then i only say TAKE ur reponsibility… we allow/train men to grow up this way who become animals then train women who become good tamers or shooters
mam with due respect to ur emotions… wearing proper clothes is nt the only solution but it is one of the solutions…
u need to understand the fact that most of the rapist(who r nt relatives or aquitances) like bus drivers or the labours they come from the most backward areas of the country…they r use to see women in ghunghats and all for most part of their life… and when they see certain parts of a woman body it means only one thing for them
if u trust the stats then u will come to know that most of the rapist r either the aquitances or the ppl like drivers and labours or the drunk youths coming out of a bar in a mall(in delhi ncr region) ….what happens in these malls most youngsters know…if u dont know just visit a mall in gurgaon at night u will nevr go there again… or aquitances se to aapko aapki samajh or unko di gai parvarish hi bacha sakti h
like i said ealier its nt the only solution but it is one of the solutions
You know what Himanshu….ppl like you should just shut up. You are nobdy to tell what women should or shouldn’t wear. Has any woman ever told you not to alk around topless at beaches or other public places. God has created all of us equal and you guys should really come out of that old school thinking.
true..
India is country which has a few California s spread across a sea of sub-saharan africa. So what Himanshu said here is, be as roman when you are in Rome.
I do think that sometimes someone other than the perpetrator of a violent crime can have some responsibility, but it does not in any way or form diminish the crime, and should not be used in any way to excuse the criminal. But that is not my point here…
Let us say, a mother lets her young kid go out alone to get some groceries, after dark in a secluded area and the kid gets mugged. No one is going to say that the mugger is only 50% responsible because he found a really easy target. The mugger is 100% responsible for mugging the kid. But that doesn’t mean the parent doesn’t deserve scorn for recklessly exposing their child to substantial risk.
Criminals are a fact of life and no matter how idealistic you are and how much freedom you want, you won’t get there. Not in India nor any where in the world. Many of the comments here paint the attitude “I have a legal right to safety so I’m going to ignore common sense” and that certainly shouldn’t be their attitude towards their own safety and the safety of their children. Provocative dressing is surely to be blamed for any aggressions even if the criminal is 100% guilty. Sense of one’s freedom should never come in the way of our responsibilities while living in an unideal world. That is practical wisdom.
I have never left the door open at night just because I know I am entitled to my safety by law. While I lived abroad I was told never to walk outside at night, as it was considered highly unsafe to be on the foot at night. I rarely did and did so only when absolutely necessary – and I did not claim ‘Its is my freedom to do so”. The west is not safe like some people here are making it out to be, whether you are male or female and I myself was nearly mugged once and escaped only by the skin of my teeth.
You can blame all the criminals, rapists and molesters all you want, but you must also take personal responsibility while living in a world that is not perfect and will never be.
Sir with due respect.. please sht ur stupid mouth.. or else every1 will know that u r a sick retarded idiot.. just justify one thing.. if amount of thread on a girl’s body was d issue.. den y d fuck a 3 yr or 4 yr.. even worse a 9 month kid gets raped? Were they wearing provokative cloths too? Or according to u are we girls supposed to come to this world wearing burqa? Oh but wait! Dnt muslim girls wearing burqa gets raped or molested too? U retarded idiot… amount of cloth is never d matter.. d matter is those monsters who do it with the victim.. nd some disgusting stupid shits like urself.. change ur thinking man before some girl u know gets raped..
good one….Lets fight for freedom for women
Well said, Angana. Being a man, I strongly condemn this thinking and attitude of few men who blame it on clothes. The men who think like this as well as the men who actually commit such crimes, both belong to the same psychological disorder. They actually desperately need treatment, either in a mental hospital or by lynching them by masses.
AND GIRLS, ONLY YOU CAN SAVE YOURSELF. SO, PLEASE BE BOLD, BOLD ENOUGH TO AT LEAST REACT THE RIGHT WAY. IF YOU ARE NOT PHYSICALLY STRONG, CREATE A CHAOS THERE BY SHOUTING FOR HELP. REPORT TO THE POLICE WITH AN FIR, EVEN IF YOU HAVE A MISCONCEPTION THAT THIS WILL YIELD ONLY HARASSMENT FOR YOU. AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, INVOLVE AS MUCH MEDIA (AUDIO-VISUAL) AS POSSIBLE, BUT SENSIBLY AND ONLY THE CREDIBLE ONES.
angana, there are grades of these predators. The 3year child old molesters are very sick perverted people, I have heard that even other jail inmates and even rapists don’t mingle with these vilest of beings.
If you remove these people, other kinds of molestations or rapes of grown up women are often dependent on provocative clothes too. Why do you think they pay crores of rupees of actresses who turn up with less clothes in movies? That makes the movies block busters because people are eager to watch these scenes and watch the movie again and again. It is general male nature to get aroused or excited by provocative clothes, don’t fool yourself trying to deny this. And a small fraction of these excited men can turn aggressive too. Not every rape may be connected to provocative clothing but many surely are. All of them deserve to be punished, but what is the use of punishing the men after the damage has been done, as in the case of leaving the doors open at night in the name of freedom and then weeping in the morning?
You know what Mr. Ram, please shut up. U r seriously sick. As angana already mentioned, rapes happen to women in burkha, toddlers and grandmothers who are at home. The point here is not about who is at fault. If the gets excited , it doesn’t give him any right to target a vulnerable woman. If he gets excited by watching porn, doesn’t he jerk himself off. The same applies here. He has no right to turn aggressive just because he is excited! Such asses are just perverted sex starved animals who attack vulnerable women. And HOW DARE U SAY ‘WHAT IS THE USE OF PUNISHING THEM’ .? Are you out of ur freaking mind. Such guys should be castrated in public for rape as is done in some Arab countries and stoned to death. N here u are, arguing what is the use of punishing them.! U seriously are one perverted sick asshole.
3-4 year old boys get raped by older men and women. Why don’t you speak for them….
gud one angana, i second u on this one… Ram be a li’l careful of da words dat u choose…
Please….please don’t procreate. You will be doing a huge service to this country.
Aray yaar why should we curtail the freedom of women instead of straightening our selves.
if we can wear any thing they can too..
Since I was raised in the West, so cant really relate to it for most part. But yeah I sure have experienced it during my visits to the country…..its shameful and just makes you wanna slap all those bastards but the fact is that there are just too many of them. Even though I consider myself a proud Indian but would never wanna go and live there……
awsm.yar….
One easy solution to this is to revise gun laws in the country.People must be allowed to carry CCWs(Concealed Carry Weapons) at least a .380 acp pocket pistol.It would be really helpful for not only women but anyone misbehaved and mistreated by miscreants.Just imagine a situation a group of men try to rape a girl,in this case if she is armed she can easily overpower them.Government should really reconsider the gun licensing norms.India has undeniably the most stupid gun laws.
but i guess you forgot that opposite party will too have the gun(s) with which he can do anything withe tip of the gun on her head. and even if the girls shoots for her self defense, and imagine that the fellow dies, then, the police will handle her as a criminal and not as a self defense.
2. having ccws will be a mess, anyone will gun down anyone, anywhere, anytime.
We need articles like this and a public discourse on it. We should make people sensitized about these issues. We need to socially boycott the culprits.
Our society should stop seeing these discussions as taboos. We should openly discuss these issues with our children so that they would be cautious and they would feel free to complaint.
As cases come to surface ,these culprits would be socially boycotted in the family.
Family and School should play a big role in sensitizing our children.
https://sahajapatel.wordpress.com/2013/06/08/its-a-baby-girl/#comment-1141
I couldn’t tolerate that priest issu
Exactly what runs through my mind when I hear of rape incidents in my homeland.. It’s a big shame!!!
🙂
instead of replying,,, do something real and hard ..
I know that things are not exactly going right in our country. The number of such heinous incidents are increasing, but I would just like to object the portion that West is much more safer. No it is not. Horrible stuff happens in dark streets there too. There are rough neighborhoods in American cities where a woman can’t be safe without someone accompanying her. It’s all over the globe. It’s a global problem. The only way is to change the mentality of people and till then women can be trained to deal with this. The cops should be more responsible and active.
~~ A guy in Ahmedabad who thinks it is safer for women than other Indian cities owing to the overall prosperity, peace and people’s mentality.
Indian girls can not be always innocent.
I had same thoughts vn I had my daughter 5 n half yrs back… Even today I keep praying that lovely little girls shouldn’t fall pray to any maniacs…
I am very sad and shameful too. I know it’s happening and some people celebrate this things. They think this is MACHO thing (harassing a girl). This have to be change. It will be – by our effort. If we dont do it and knew that any of our known male is doing this or did this, then please criticize him and make it to feel guilty.
I am sorry because I also used to look at them or their, but I never molested a girl. I am so sorry.
True…Your article shows that Every Indian Man is a Rapist/Molester..and the people in West are Saint. Like we don’t have the Female members in our family..You’re the only female who worked hard to bring this fact in to light. ….Like every man is a Rapist…if some one read your article where you explained the incident on the Street Divider, do you really think that all that was possible in a split of second.???
Every Indian man is not a rapist or molester. IF this would not be correct, you can just imagine the consequences. Becoz We (you and me) , are not satisfied with the Indian Law and Law enforcement agencies.
If this is the fact, then a question arises, Who save the girls in India???
The reply is, It;s the society, who is still alive and doing better. and We (you and me )
form a society.
So don’t throw a negativity here and try to be useful towards it.
first of all credits to the writer for generating such an incident into picture . . .
a really sad but harsh fact which almost every girl faces at some point of their lyf (insecurity/sexual abuse) !!
but instead of focussing too much on the problems let us concentrate to resolve the issue .
firstly , all parents must teach their son how to behave to a girl child . they should teach them that their presence (male child) make them feel a sense of security .
hence making their(female) workplace a fearless place !!
secondly , Indian judicial as well as bureaucratic system has to be made strict so that nobody dare to perform such cruel acts !!
and finally as I believe purity of mind is the only final solution to prevent dirty thoughts which is responsible for rape/sexual abuse .
purity of mind can be attained by MEDITATION .
If a person performs meditation twice a day invariably , his conscience would shield him acting anti-social .
hence our Earth would be a better place to live in . . . . .
Reblogged this on reflections on the everyday.
child-abuse is a very less-discussed infact an ignored topic at homes between parents n kids here…but i feel time has been changing…being a mother of six years old son, i had started telling him about child-abuse when he was ready to enter his school …..after home, school is the first place where kids have to spend ample time without parents and they are too young to understand even if something like this happens with them…….so ma son has been told that if anybody touches his private body part then he would tell me immediately…. n even i keep on asking him this thing frequently till date…. i just want that parents shud be quite open with the kids about child-abuse n should train them to deal with situations bravely……n we are already there to help them…….
Reblogged this on sheenajoseph and commented:
A beautiful piece that talks about what many girls would have faced at some point or other while growing up. Well written by Sahaja and the only change I wish I could make is to the ending where the mother should feel strong enough to take up the challenge to make her girl confident on raising her voice against such perverts , as well to build up the mother-child relation enough to be a confidante.
“She hadn’t been sexually assaulted for at least five years now. Nobody had touched her, any part of her, against her will. And for that, she gave credit only to herself for leaving the country”
Madam, this is too much imagination. You have a problem of hating India and thinking that western countries are great! In western countries rape happens with the consent, because they are socially developed!!
Too much imagination is a psychological problem. You thinks that India is a worse country for women to live? So, sad about you madam.
Please don’t exaggerate few issues happened in Delhi /Mangalore /Mumbai. Study about the background and situation which lead to such brutal incidents. Safety and security can brought from one’s inner self and it cannot be implemented by any security agencies /Governments in this world.
If you touch electric line directly, you will get electric shock. While handling electric appliances you should be keep this in mind and be careful. Like that when you walk around the street in midnight, goes around sneaky places one should be vigil and keep alert.
Even if, a boy goes to street dogs and play, there are chances to get dog bite. One should keep this in mind. Even boys can get molested by elders and they are. There are 1000’s of incidents, where boys get molested by elders, cousins, priests etc. in this world. 1000’s of cases are reported in catholic church itself for homo sexual exploitation of male children.
Don’t be prejudiced about India!!!
Jai Hind.
https://twitter.com/jossyvarkey
what rubbish!! ‘If you touch electric line directly, you will get electric shock.’ … u just have to say something, don’t you .. The incidents that the author has quoted (a 15 yr old going to a temple with parents gets molested by a priest; a 21 year old trying to buy a movie ticket gets molested by someone from the queue) what exactly here made you think of ‘touching electric lines directly’ .. I just hope women breathing in the same air as men is not ‘touching electric lines directly’
yes, the hard truth, we should take a real hard action now.
My work involves a lot of travelling by public transport.. Gives me shivers b4 i step out of my house. I try to cover up myself as much as possible. Cant always be depended upon our brothers and fathers to take us everywhere. I realize be it odisha or delhi its difficult to reach our destination safely. I even have slapped a 70 plus man bcoz he was pinchin my waist. Difficult to trust anyone.
I couldn’t tolerate that priest issue……………..
it is fabricated,pal! tell me one shiv temple which path is filled with 2 to 3 feet water! it is better to used boat there,after all writer’s name tell everything
fabricated story! “Sahaja”, besmirching once religion does not solve actual problem!
Sahaja ,men will always either justify it saying that India is not at the top of the chart or put all blame on women(their dress,their behavior,their lack of strength to protest etc etc)than acknowledge their sick mind and attitude towards women.
The malice can be solved only when men realize they need to treat women as human beings as worthy as them and inculcate this idea into the mind of their sons ,friends and colleagues.
Yes,we should teach our men how to treat a woman with equality and respect than equip women to defend themselves from men.Only that can bring any change.No government,police or judiciary can do much.
Answer is simple report each and every instance, increase awareness as is being done now..
Report to the police and have the process easier and accessible. Once ladies understand their rights and more number of cases getting punished in public. Such people will become disciplined.
Only women being strong won’t be enough. The women should also teach their sons to respect women. I think a mom influences kids more than their dads. The men are turning into losers. We need stringent punishment and public humiliation. We have the press and the police always trying to hide the identities of them losers. Look at the west. They don’t have the best of cultures but they have deterrents like the offenders registered as sex offenders and all chances of further employment are affected. Snatch away ration cards, make it illegal to hire a sex offender etc etc. Capital punishment and public trial. We need to instill fear into these losers..
Such a mean world for my female friends and relatives. I am feeling so sick of it.
its about respect, rather the lack of it……the “superior gender” feeling of men which causes this…what we need is a really sharp guillotine in every major town…..to instill the fear in the criminal mind , “The only thing necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing” – Edmund Burke
I agree with thus post a 100% but then again the only solution I see here us to subtly train our children on sexual abuse at a real early age. There maybe a malnutrition in moralities but it isn’t completely dead. Not promoting anything but like you, even I have poured by heart out in. My blog piece. Do have a read and let’s not give in to our freedom because of ridiculous
perversion. My blog link:
http://www.poetlicense.blogspot.in/2013/07/the-jungle-book-2013.html?m=1
i dnt have any sister !! i feel the grief, pain and embarresmence, if i would have i may have dropped tears 😦
Really unhappy how we don’t have even Government who actually cannot come up with strong policies to prevent rape or molestations in country perhaps they fear their own son’s will be behind bars. Also there are so many instances where girls who tried to be bold against the molestor’s or the people who made advances, tried to harm the girls more by throwing acids on them and reacting agaisnt the girls…so wonder even being brave would land them up in more serious issues in society where they start criticizing only girls and not the boys who are involved.
Infact even in Nirbhaya case do we actually who are the guys involved and are they punished?
Also parents coming upto rescue their sons telling they are juveline……..
This is actually a wake up call people. Truely and genuinely disgusted by this harsh reality of my nation.
WOMEN SHALL BE STRONG ENOUGH AND SHALL HAVE EDUCATION FROM HER PARENTS MAINLY BY HER MOTHER SHALL TEACH HER ALL ABOUT SEX ALSO THE YOUNG GIRLS SHALL AVOID MINI SKIRTS AND ALL THAT NOT TO SHOW HER FIGURE, MAINLY NOT TO GO IN SUCH AREA WHERE NO PEOPLE AROUND IF SHE IS NOT ALONG WITH ANY ELDERS OR GROUP
Go to hell with your stupid suggestion
A really heart touching story told in the truest possible manner. We, collectively have to take the responsibility and take small steps to clean the mindset nurtured over the centuries in our country. Keep putting your thoughts to words… It was worth every minute I spent reading this. I wrote a story sometimes back on the similar issue… and I feel it would still take a long time before it all diminishes from our society…
And thats the reason..I dont want a baby girl.
The present fearless young generation of both boys and girls should gear up to fight this and govt should cooperate.
This article also teaches a lesson to the pervert perpetrator .
The stark bloody reality! we are paying hugen taxes to a country who can’t be responsible enough ensure protection! best is to immediately snap back once such a thing happens! I hope the government doesn’t take credit for the bravery shown!
Speechless and thought provoking.
Women being mugged these days, as said by the author the day wouldn’t be that far when another accolade be added to the cap of India as “Rape capital of the world”
Heart Touching!
I Really Appreciate Your Views!
This is A Story of each and every girl on this universe!
And I think, all of us are equally responsible for such happenings!
If we want some revolution then everyone should take strong steps against
such shits, and should follow some rules to stop such incidents from happening!
Thats the ugly truth. Every man is a rapist from inside. What I think women should do, is to make their little ones educated on this as early as possible and provide them the comfort of sharing everything that happens to them. That would not stop the molesters in the first place but can make your kids alert for this incidents and so they themselves can run away from it.
Just need to educate women how to stand strong………………
written very well. very disturbing and moving. has left me wondering ‘why’. the indian male is so sex starved and has little opportunity to befriend females. this is the prime cause of such horrible behaviour. but of course this is no excuse and cannot be condoned. i am very sorry for being a man and also very scarred for all the girls /women. feel so helpless…..
yes it happens wid gals…mainly at crowded places….i hv felt dt pain….dy try to touch our body…
😦 😦 i travel by bus…n its highy distrbing..
enough is enough now, the real change now must began. The psychopathic illness of indian society of disrespecting, exploiting and cruelty on women must stop. Let us be the change we want to see in India.
Seriously, I really don’t understand that why some men see women just as a sex toy. I understand that every human has urges and desires, but if it goes out of control then he may not be called as human anymore, there is no difference between a dog and him anymore. Am thinking the first factor behind all this is lack of education, I don’t think all those dirty bastards out there who do such violent rapes are not well educated. As far as I know, unless every damn guy in this country gets educated and teaches his son how to respect women, this thing is not gonna stop. But, I wont be among those guys, who stand & watch wen a girl is molested infront of them I will definitely, help her, I swear. If this happens to some girl today, may be it will happen to women of my family someday. Every man, who is sane and care about their women should definitely raise their voice against this. And, I also think that Almighty should give power of “Vagina dentata” to every women in this country to take care of themselves. That will definitely solve the problem.
Feeling ashamed that we People in India are even behind in respecting women in comparison to western world. We need to bang those molesters….
This all is happening due to lack of education this is what i feel !
Even when such things can happen in public places that means people around us are sleeping or what ???? They can’t do anything ???
Even when rape case took place in DELHI with a lady in the bus n when she was thrown out from the bus naked no one bothered to even throw a piece of cloth on her ?? Common people unless there is no unity among st us they can harm us and even make our lives miserable…..
and one more thing is people do such shitty things only when there is no proper action is taken over those Bas##*&^s !!! Huh… when ppl who hav to actions only do rapes what will common uneducated people think..??? Dont kno wats d solution for this problem seriously…..
Read it all the way down.feeling ashamed to be an Indian,
I am just 13 years old and i know that i will never do any of these.
Yes it happens but I think now a days u should know how to raise our voice and also should learn self defense. We can’t change everybody’s mind. So ek baat yaad rakho humme sirf bach ne ka junoon hona chahiye.
Very true, its what we have to suffer in this country
An agonisingly truthful insight of the Indian society from a courageous lady.
My side from a man’s perspective, and a plea : http://siddharthac.wordpress.com/2013/03/18/the-lost-ethos/
Reblogged this on My Side and commented:
Not my side. But the story of a woman in India. Insightful. And disturbing. But the ugly truth that we need to understand and see.
I beleive that grils should be allowed and trained to keep and exectute weapons like guns or knife to protect herself. The world is now less in mens, Devils and dummies are more, police and people are impotent.
Sahaja, I am glad you found freedom.
Dz z d bittr truth n d harsh reality of our nation…. No gal z safe out hea
Thank god I’m not a girl! With so many good things in our country, this part is the darkest. But I would hate to be dreaded just because I’m an Indian male. If you think the evil of molestation is one of the most unfortunate things that can ever happen to a girl, it’s equally unfortunate for us guys. Now, we are clubbed with rapists, molesters and perverts even though most of us haven’t done a thing like that in our entire lives. Nobody can trust us anymore. Once, I really liked a French national who worked with me briefly on a project, but she wouldn’t talk much to me because she was advised by friends and family back home not to befriend Indian men. Please don’t demonise men, we are good souls too. Punish the guilty, hate the crime, not the entire species. Every time an incident happens where a woman is violated in the country, I feel there goes little bit faith left in us. Stop violating women, because it’s hurting us more than the women. We too won’t walk away unscathed of the consequences.
I am so sorry for what has happened to you. For what has happened and continues to happen to children and women in India. But please, please do not be under the illusion that these exact same things do not happen abroad, especially in the US, if that is where you moved to.
None of the acts in India can be condoned. But this is a very wrong picture of perceived safety in the US..or elsewhere.
I do hope and pray that you and your daughter never have to face any harassment, anywhere. Stay safe.
Lovely writing.. Spot on about the situation..
this is the true side of indian society……..we need to respect gals……not jst being a hypocrete who only shows respect to sisters n mothers at home but to evry other woman, evry other gal on the streets………………….respect them ..they r also sumbodys sisters n mothers n if not that at least look into u and question ur conscience abt what r u doin?????????????? guys wake up…………………..realise…a society, a country cant develop without respecting women……………
all those comments- very opinionated and thought provoking – a reflection of what the urban indian (irrespective of gender) feels and thinks… but the basic fact remains- women in both Rural and Urban India – DONOT feel safe- some are brave enough to deal with the obscenities that come when a woman’s dignity is violated – some don’t even know that what happened to them was WRONG and that they did not deserve to be treated like that… they believe that that is how they are supposed to be treated ..
….this issue is far more deep rooted than just an “if- this- happens- to- u – kick- him- in -the- balls!!!” affair…that’s wat one does wen it HAPPENS to her…each one of us COULD TRULY make a difference if we in our small manner – rose to an occasion when we were to see/witness something like this happen and we did something about it.. DONOT be a mute spectator and believe that it is someone else’s business…. not when it broils down to a woman’s respect and dignity….
Better still – instill in the younger generation that we meet and interact with that boys MUST respect girls for who they are AND THAT THERE ARE NO TWO WAYS ABOUT THIS – and that when a woman/ lady says NO- it means NO…. it means NOTHING ELSE !!! instilling in them the ability to RESPECT the female gender is the only way one can address this issue.. I admit that this will take decades … centuries .. maybe – but often a ripple is what creates a wave… if each one of us can manage to successfully change/ influence the way 5 boys/ men think and act in our life time – we’ve made a start….
Reblogged this on ldbush21.
Well written and true!
It’s sad that this continues to be the state of affairs till date. A very well written piece, which brings out the sad yet appalling dilemma every woman faces, whereby she is forced to question her own identity owing to dastardly acts like these. #shame
First things first.. Its vary real and this has to stop. but how….. The first and most important step has to come from those who are the victims and then the support machinery. Stand up and make india rise with you. teach your girls and boys its not ok to not stand against wrong. keeping mum is far worse than molesting others. Fight..
Even if the molesters are punished; the woman will still feel dirty and violated after that. I’m talking out of personal experience. Like in the story, even I feel like pulling the skin off my body and bleeding to death; may be that will make me clean. But nothing is helping. How do you cope with that feeling of being dirty? I feel sick and disgusted with my body. I’ve begun to hate men. Is there anyway that will help things get back to normal again?
i am sorry but i have a suggestion. if you actually feel whatever you say..why not put it into practice? why not try and do something about it. You are quite a few i mean. You cant hide behind the fact that these things can’t be done alone this time.
Please don’t misunderstand me..its not like i am trying to disrespect any of you, but talking doesn’t create any differences here. I believe all of you are well versed in that respect of the topic.
Comparing the west on feeble ground like culture or tradition or even mindset does not create awareness among anyone here. i have seen and tried it myself.
To be honest, I do not believe there is actually a legal way of generating a society free to all..by all i mean women and children.
Before any one of you questions my methods..which is obvious..I tried. My own sister has been through all this..and much worse which i fail to write about. I apologize for the same,
But i did give it my all..even got shot for it..in the shoulder. I am 23 now and i cant move my left arm. But still..if any one of you can or ever does try. Do let me know how it felt if u succeed ..
i could not.
This is beyond words! Very well written put and very true!
yes . i accepted that such things of boys n mans are truly dark reality but what can i do nothing just see n pass away . In INDIA girls are just like a sex toys -to play every where . BUT noone think about that we also have sisters n mothers wife doughters . shame on guys grow up its time to respect for a girl .
Evn im a girl who had to undergo situations lik dis..i ws first molested wen I ws in 6th std.. Aftr dat i’ve had exp of ppl touching my private parts in buses roads etc..but then dat tim I nevr understood wat it actually was..i nevr had d courage to share dis exp wit anyone.. Bt nw I knw hw to react if anything hapns to me.. Im living in a metro city I often travel to my hometown by night trains.. May d almighty giv me strength to do d needful
What a shame….very well written.
All the bull shit we say about India culture is useless when this crime go unabated.
Given a choice pervated Indian male will even molest Bharatha Matha like he will do his own mother & sister.
I dread coming back as a male as well after 14 years in the west.
I teach my teenage boys how to behave with girls.
Males are you listening !!! Let us join hands to support women in India…
Please
Regards
Sairam Gopapan
Its time to start talking about SEX! In family n friends. Hope it no more remains a taboo word for our society
What a touching, yet lovely read.. hats off to you ma’am.,, so true..
most Indian girls can relate this blog to their life.. keep writing.. am surely gonna check your blog regularly from now on!
Cheers!!!
There is something u can’t teach a lesson but nature does……
So try to be good to urself, u just can’t change others, change urself and m sure everyone will find a way or make one to survive well in this world.
If i want to say something to the indain that could be ……. where the hell ur character has gone. moral values has gone. to earn respect, u should give respect to other… where the hell all these things gone…. these things are basic things which is taught and implemented in the gurukuls…. but now a days the education system has changed… even parents doesn’t care what his son or daughter is wearing , going, studying, watching,,,,,, environment has changed..
So to solve above problem one should give time since childhood… then there is some change of changing the future….otherwise nothing could be done…
To day. u are enjoying ,someday u will cry.. for the same reason.
I wish if I could be there to tell her that “Crying isn’t the solution”. Sure this do happens in every parts of the world. as the state of her aging mentioned that for couple of years she wasn’t molested, doesn’t mean that her stay in foreign country is life time assiduity for her and her child in that country.
I’ve been to multiple countries and lived there for sometime. the ways of molesting are different by region, religion, culture, society.
Rather crying like helpless seating duck, i would say raise yourself, take a stand and make you position in the society strong, loud and clear.
I’ve got a “Baby girl” to raise, and I’m well aware of these situations in India and outside India. I’ll make her stronger and self dependent so that she can take her own fight without depending over any helping hand.
i agree to all such sexual harashments happens to woman & these are so common that i must say not a single woman in INDIA is there who has not witnessed even a single of them…. Shame to be a part of this country 7 i’m too leaving India for same reason because i want to live free without any fear & this is impossible in India now 😦
Your story was brilliant and true in every sense of the term… the question, how do we get past this… I am also based abroad and I don’t have children…yet… that’s why I could relate to the last couple of paras, it’s absolutely true… there has to be a way where these exploitation have to stop… brilliant article… absolutely loved it… 🙂 🙂
This is a tight slap on the male community…What a shame…
Doing all these activities is not what makes you a man…
Have Maryada…Try to be Maryada Purushottam…Show empathy…Just see younger girls as Sisters and elder as Mothers…
The Society will not change automatically…we have to bring the change individually…
its hear touching and yes this is the reality..
Outraged
August 24, 2013 at 5:05 PM
Rivu and all the men/women here who have agreed to this ridiculous post by rivu should probably check yourselves into a mental institution…because there is something terribly wrong with you all and that scares me as a citizen of this country. The author here says no such thing as India being the only country with sexual harassment issues but when compared to other countries yes it is a terrifying place for a woman, especially by herself. And why should a mother only be responsible to educate her daughter? and not why the sons too? why not teach your sons to respect women instead of just teaching your daughters to fend for themselves???? It is people like you, with this horrid sense of justice and logic that deepens the fear within me. I have traveled a lot around the world and i have never once had the same sense of dread that i have had when walking the streets of delhi, before the sun has completely set, by myself. it is a struggle everyday to come back home without have being leched at or touched by someone even once here.
And you mister should do your part by drilling some sense into yourself and doing the needful by protecting the women of your country!!
Shame on you for being such an ignorant jerk.
Reply
Mary
August 24, 2013 at 9:31 PM
Well said outraged.
Yes,its these kinds of men who promote and justify the atrocious behavior of men
Rivu
August 25, 2013 at 4:38 AM
@Maria.. according to you.. “Yes,its these kinds of men who promote and justify the atrocious behavior of men”.. I need to tell you that I never justified.. if again you too fall in that category of being just “outraged”,just to talk incongruous and not read my post I can’t help it. I am a peaceful person, who doesn’t rape women and neither do my peers. My family or it’s acquaintances also have never raped anyone. When a rapist or a molester is sentenced to death we don’t cry all night. Be calm and try to understand what again I am going to say. “\/”(sign of peace)
@Outraged.. I am not an “ignorant jerk”!! First of all why I am not ignorant. I have not only earned my degrees from the best universities of India and abroad, I have also spent quite a few years struggling for the common people.. I was there in Nandigram, was there in India Gate during the students’ revolutions, was there with my dad (an IAS officer) during the floods in West Bengal in 1999, fought for the equality in education system, even donated my 2 months’ basic for the Uttarakhand floods ( which can be overlooked because I don’t know which politician is using those currencies right now) and in many more situations which you don’t know.Even I have got arrested quite a few times for fighting against the evils( which again can be overlooked because I believe in Anarchism and the state doesn’t). And behind all these were no political corrupts. If only you can understand what “non political revolution” means. I know how many women were being raped recently and I am not supporting those men. I have the facts of the women’s commission and also can relate to the pain of the victims. I am not an ignorant person.
“jerk”.. I don’t find any logic behind using this word in a public forum.. you are truly, madly, deeply outraged. Stop listening to hard rock or metals and think what you can do.
NOW you were asking if only the daughters or the subsequent mothers have the responsibility to educate their daughters (or future mothers). I never told that fathers and sons don’t have any responsibility!! I do.. I have a peer circle which strictly condemns such heinous acts; discuss things even among the “less-educated” circles so that the influx of knowledge regarding respect for both men and women gets multiple channels to flow. My father taught me the values, my mother did as well. If everyone keeps discussing about values, social norms and about the social responsibilities then we can create small circles of a more educated and knowledgeable people which will eventually grow larger and one day we can see a different country.
In the first post, Vanitha,the author was so ashamed of the country. Me too. But I am not just sitting in this forum and posting my hatred. I am doing SOMEthing. EVEN you Outraged, I don’t know if your sole aim is to create more hatred amongst people and keep posting, but I do want to believe that even you are doing your part.
I respect the Sahaja Patel’s effort to put up the pain in such an exhaustive way and since many people in this forum are here only to accuse each other ( “men are rapists” and “women are sluts”), the Catharsis is truly admiring and absolutely following the psychoanalytic theory!! Great!! 🙂
We all Indians have one common problem. We always blame others whatever happen to us. If a girl is raped we blame government, we blame police. We don’t take responsibility we just blame others. My question is are we responsible enough? We need to understand that all the molesters are from our society. We have to be responsible. We need to change our self.
its the rape cases in metros which gets a national picture and we start protesting, many of being just a show off. even the media being so strong now a days are yet to reach the remote parts of india where women are being molested each and every day, raped and humiliated which doesnt get into the picture.
one such case is a village called sutia in west bengal where gangrape was a sort of festival for the local goons, politically overpowered. Barun biswas was the man who stood against tumultuous torture against the goons and other illegal things happening in the village, finally he was shot dead a years back. [pls read ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Barun_Biswas )].
All i want to say that a women in metros and women in remote villages have the worth of having same respect. The media should give a wide emphasis on these cases also. I also feel that the meaning of manlihood is wrongly preached in several parts of india, among less and even in highly educated society.
i think when people of india especially men will start to think that if they will bear sexual assault to their women family members… No they will not……… start thinking and you will get out of this mess completely …… declare the rapists as terrorists……. send them to jail for life imprisonment……..
very beautifully written Sahaja.. i m yet to read such a subtle-yet-strong narrative on this issue.. enjoyed your balanced and lucid writing.
The crux of the matter was very ironically illustrated. Indian men(not all but some) have thwarted the concept of freedom of women,They personify demonic behavior according to my perspective . I think women have to be reckless and have an in frangible attitude and all these transgressions(offences) should be punished severely . Between its high time men start thinking from their brains rather than their balls.
The blog emphasize on despondency but i suggest all the women’s to raise their voice against these act of oppression by men. Avery thought-provoking one blog indeed.
I think we should try to look at this issue from a completely new perspective. Problem with Girls start from their very 1st day on this earth. The people from our relatives, friends, school, office, public places are in major the main accuser. So When I think from my perspective being 24 year old boy, having utmost respect for all the women, I feel that every human on this earth has a responsibility to give women their rights & space, not only on paper, but in your house, office, etc. I feel the talk that we do on a casual basis, like “that girl is so hot” & stuff like that, is ok unless & until you are just appreciating her beauty. But some people go to the very next level of harassment.
I feel more than physical harassment that is happening now, its the emotional one that keeps her disturbed all the time, thinking if she will be safe going there alone or not.
See I am not trying to say anything new which is I guess is covered in all the comments, but the only message I want to give it to women, that DON’T STAY SILENT. When things go wrong, just don’t give up, FIGHT !!! We male have a soft spot, just kick him their unless he faints there itself. One more thing is please teach your children about the private parts that touching there is offensive & should tell it to your mother immediately.
Frankly when I red this,I am feeling kind of frustrated now being a part of such a mess,I mean I hate such men so much that i can’t explain it here, & more than that I feel sad that even good males are sometimes framed as bad because of such incidents..Just wish someday all of us will be treated equally & respectfully.
I promise this world that I will try to make it better place to leave in peace & harmony in my own way. Thanks for your time !!
If any rapist is reading this, I have 1 message for you “Go F**K Yourself You son of a bitch !!!”
To,
Suhaja Patel ,
You Written All Dat Accidents dat is Experienced by women nicely.
Yes m agree wid this.
yes,I dont know what we have to do against This!!!!!!!
Bt as u said It happens only in india ? who Says this? Please change your mind.
Molestation and sexual harassment happens all over the world since so past.
But its increasing Rapidly in Our india now a days.
Dont represent india badly just for your own mind…
m nt saying that m nt in sense of its happens in india or ignoring them.. thats bad nd must be stopped ,wherever they are happened..
sala india mai kutto ki kami nahi hai…
😦
Sad but true. I really dunno wat is the solution.being a girl myself and having faced all this, I know just being brave isn’t the solution. I know am brave but dat doesn’t save me from the horror. All I can think of now is if I have a son I’ll teach him dat women aren’t commodities. They are humans and deserve to live a life of dignity.
I think the passionate, patriotic people of emerging nations need to be more open minded and understand that our countries have good and bad aspects. We need to acknowledge the bad things as well and work to fight it. We are proud of a lot of things but also embarassed/ashamed of a lot of things. So, when a girl comes out with her solo ordeal, please let us not blame her by saying she is misrepresenting the country or she is tarnishing the country’s image or that rape happens in the west as well. Of course, it happens everywhere in the world. But she is telling her story here. She is not writing about a country and it’s men. She is only talking about her personal experience, not with intention to tarnish the country or it’s men’s image but she is helping her fellow people to be brave.
Innerpart of men and women are mistery! By appearance we can not judge anyone. When you thirst you drink and hugry you eat. But sex aspect always a coverup is there specially in indian society. Those who are weak, it comeout in different way of expression. Some violent some peacefull.(to sex I mean)
here I am not able to give an answer! But society must change (accept and facilitate to provide enough) accordingly.
I can relate with this very much.Here in India i dont think u will find even a single girl who will say she has never been molested in her entire life.Its not just rape which is a crime of hate that is humiliating but also the usual rowdy and vulgar comments and groping ,god it disgusts me even talking about this vile things. Our parents wont let us go outside to play after we reach a particular age, in my house it was 11, We cant play out side so use to sit at home thinking we are secure but people dont know that all this abuses starts from home and through people we trust. What we need to do is make the girls themselves aware of their body and how to protect it ,How it is inappropriate for any other stranger or family member to touch it.We also need to look out if the behaviour of the particular girl is different,does she seems to be affected by some trauma. Try to have the kind of relation with your child or sister which makes her comfortable to come and talk to you in time of crises.I am sure girls abroad are also getting raped so we cant compare it like this only the frequency have increased drastically in India in the past few years which is a matter of concern.
#Amen to the part about there also being molestation cases in other countries. It’s common misconception in India that rape ONLY exists in our country.
Well said…only thing to add is: frequency have NOT increased drastically in India, but the detection have increased drastically in India & that’s a sign of a open society..which is good.
i totally agree with you.Now women have got the confidence to report the crime and our society is now mature enough to take action against the culprits and not the victim.
Its not religion, not country, its because of those Sick minded freaks…We just need to take care of them and everything will be fine…..
you can’t say Sick minded freaks… and if it is then almost in EVERY family you will have those!!!
and Indians say “India is a country of gods”
This is not how it was meant to be. But once, we were great, great beyond compare. Now…
Only solution left. Chutiya rape nation
If this shit happen in my state Nagaland all these men would be crippled. In other states publicity is a shame but here if it happen in public hahaha they would be either dead or in c0mma.
read all the comments and commiserations.these things do happen.sexuality is an inherent human quality known to all but never acknowledged openly.open and matter of fact explanations about sexual developement, and tackling all the desires with proper restraint is neccessary..adolscense is a very difficult and frightening time in every life proper counselling and matter of fact acceptance of sexual feelings and also ways and means of dealing with such confusion and feelings by playing vigourous games listening to music may help to prevent such incidents.open discussions without shame and better ways of dealing with such urges should be a part of every childs upbringing the same way we teach them to be honest or not to bully.helping each child to discover what he or she is good at and praise them and encourage them will help them to exercise control. on these kind of feelings time to bring out thigs out of wraps…
It is really shameful. n more pathetic is we cn do nothing abt it.! We indians talk abt culture traditions and all.. Did our culture teach us to disrespect women?? Boys, before u do this to somebody just think about your own sister, your own mother and your own daughter for once.!!It can happen to them too. So please, stop abusing girls,
The scared inside me, tells me every time to win it.. to be aggressive to be ready for every situation, to react violently..Yes i am ready today after being devastated after being abused after being touched by the bastards. For being perfectly ready I have paid a huge price..that was my self respect..
i am not here to written about wts going on in this country with the girls..these cases and their
results..all these things just disscussed above, quite very well ….by many indians(real indians)..
bt i am here, to suggest how these can be stop. to do so, it simply requires a one way law agains all these rapist and all.
In my believe these cases registered repeatedly in india because there is lack of consequences .
In all, it should need hard and fast law against these kind of criminals. for the future of better INDIA
I want to share some of my experience and give my point of view on certain terms. I belong to the Garhwal hills of Uttarakhand and have also lived in Chandigarh and Delhi;
1. Experience of my nani, dadi and several oldies I have talked : From time of their birth they were awarded the duties of house-hold. Only the basic education was given. They used to work from dawn to midnight. There was never the ‘parda’ system. They used to go to the fields which were far from their houses and even used to travel several kilometers of forests alone while wearing killos of gold and silver. They didn’t know that a man can abuse sexually. Their parents and in laws used to let them travel with men of their or neighboring village. Giving shelter to unknown passengers was considered ‘dharma’. There was ‘0’ dowry system. Although women were 2nd class citizen but they had the right to wander, talk to unknown men, showing off their body (naturally while working). If their was a crime against women (very rare case) then the price was paid by cutting the throat of victim.
2. Experience of my mom and several aunts whom I talked : My mom moved to town with nani-nana ji. She used to go to college, watch movie shows till 9 pm, wear clothes according to the fashion of the time. All of them said their male classmates were extremely respectful to them and nothing unpleasant happened to them. Their were few no of the guys who used to stare occasionally. Even an unknown uncle on complaining could show stars in the day to such a guy. If a guy was impious then he was never married in a decent family. He used to become history-sheeter. But now jewellery was kept in the lockers. And occasionally dowry was also given.
3. Mine experience in home-town & my friend’s also of nearby town’s : Till 12th grade I was there. There were few eve teasers around but they were manageable and used to get scared even of the group of two girls. Only 3 or 4 of my girl-friends had experience verbal abuse and we used to solve our problems ourselves. Still we can roam in the market till 9 pm (after that market closes), can go to the secluded place alone. Parents never banned us from anything.
4. Chandigarh : I lived there for 4 years. Many men tried to do the ugly things to us even then when we were in groups. Once a guy tried to hold my friend and he deserved 25 elbow punches from me and I hope he has damaged his left kidney for life-time.(I never tolerate such people and don’t care what the people think). But I traveled there in night, in autos(alone in night). It was not that scary most of the times living there. One more thing the people see you like a circus joker if men are trying to do inappropriate thing to you. Several times some of old aunt pointed to our clothes even though we wore salwar-suit, jeans and full T-shirts.
5. In Delhi : Should I mention?
This is just glimpse of my point of view that I will share with you later. I just want to know what do you think of above story friends, Let me know and I will reply soon.
only thing to say on this is boys and menz should change their mentality ………..else they do will have sisters and daughters ………………..
My exact feelings. I live in Germany and feel free and safe. Have a 11 years old daughter and don’t feel any fear. I have talked on this topic so many times eversince Satya mev Jayte where they sais that every second child is molested in India. The gang rapes haven’t stopped even after so much agitation.
Sexual predators are not exclusive to India. They are ubiquitous – they are present everywhere where there is a man and a vulnerable female. So they are found in the East, West, North and South. The key word is VULNERABLE.
We are not exposed so much to such phenomena in the West because here we belong to an affluent, elite educated class. Here we are no vulnerable.
In other words we are empowered.
If we were working in cheap, downtown areas or doing menial jobs or having to walk long distances or use a lot of public transport we would be vulnerable.
So Ladies this is not the time or opportunity to cry or lament. This is the time to spread the message that education is power. Knowledge is strength whatever that knowledge is whether the use of a firearm or lethal injections.
Sexual predators are virtually impossible to rehabilitate. The only way to stop them is systematic elimination. In Saudi Arabia if you steal something yor hand gets cut off. By the same token….. Eliminate.
Use the power you attain through education and position to eliminate.
Empower your girl children. They are not decorative items or kitchen utensils. They are the very seeds of our future
As a father of two girls, i fear the same, every day. Everyday I send them either in their school van or with our driver, I hope that nothing happens. I pray that nothing happens. I sincerely wish all the people that I believe are good, are actually good. So that my girls would return home unharmed.
ALl said and done, i can trust people only so much. but I can trust my daughters completely. So everytime its a reiteration to the girls. Dont allow anybody to touch you at the wrong places, nobody should touch you including appa. I tell them this being their father. I empower and embolden them to come and talk to me. tell me everything that happens.
This is my part and I do it. Parents who give birth to sons, should do the opposite. Tell them how to respect girls. It starts at home. respecting moms and sisters, listening to them is the biggest thing they can do. When I see myself, I think I have evolved. In reality I have become ruthless… Not listening to mom or sis. But am learning. Am also growing. So do the boys. Please help them grow better….
What can we do about the lower class people. I really dont know… thats something we should give a thought about. The guys at the divider who did the odd thing, how do we prevent them from doing what they did!! what shoudl we do? how do we prevent? Tazers is the best that we can offer to these girls….
We need to learn self defence, pray to God always for our safety and be positive about our lives. For those who wrote that this is feminist thinking, please just for one second imagine your sister, mother, wife or daughter in this situation and then tell me if this feminism, to feel unsafe, endangered by men….. one of whom shall be our life partner. About false rapes- we never said all men are bad… we are saying the society is not supportive. None of us would like our fathers, brothers, husbands or sons to get blamed for one. never. We are just supporting the fact that yes, women are misteated and maybe thats the reason why false rape claims have begun to occur…. because rape happens and people dont help the victim come back properly to the society.
*mistreated
Apni behno betiyo ko safe rkhna chahte h log lekin apni khud ki gandi najar nhi badal skte…shame on u people…respect do womens ko…q ki kl ko tum bhi kisi k pita bnoge,bhai bnoge,tb tumhe ehsas hoga us bat ka.
that’s so sad, feeling ashamed to be a man, i have also a family, i never do such a thing ever and also hope the same for my family, but it’s a world full of beasts, what must we do except feeling bad, its not only india, such type of people are everywhere, these persons must b reported and must get a cruel treatment, there penis must be cut of for their such disgusting acts…..
Public should start beating the shit out of eve teasers. They should march into the house of rape accused and beat the accused to a pulp. Sex offenders should be named and shamed in newspapers. Giant ads should carried in all local and national dailies. Misbehaving with women should become a very very dangerous thing. So beasts will still go on and molest women, but then they can be put down like the beast they are by law. Such measures will bring down the gropers and flashers.
Vigilant justice verging on anarchy ? Yes but desperate time require desperate measures
Very sad…so intense..loved the simple and candied way your words flow. Unfortunately not just in India but all over the world this happens. Every culture, every colour. The first step is to teach our daughters to speak up, and the second step is for us as parents to stand behind them and step up to the mark. Not easy, very traumatic but the first steps towards any change are the most painful.
Men won’t use these cheap tricks – people who use them, aren’t MEN !
Every Indian must read this story……….
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it’s really heart touching (Rulla diya yaar…)
Yes I agree rapes and molestation happens here in India.
Yes I also agree that most people (even at urban centers) are of very screwed narrow mentality when it comes to sexuality.
However, I don’t agree at all in the nationalisation of rape (or any crime) that it happens here and not there.
Some stats for you please, Cases of rape around the world per 100,000 population (Source: UN Office on Drug & Crime (UNODC) 2008):
US: 29.8
UK: 24.0
Australia: 29.7
New Zealand: 26.4
South Africa: 144.8
Sweden: 59.0
Belgium: 29.5
&
India: 1.8
I know one can argue (& I agree) that these are official figures in India and are often under-reported/not-reported.
However, look at the gap. Atleast the gap doesn’t allow to pat the back of west so much and curse India this lot.
Personally, I have lived in metros for whole my life, and I have never seen any molestation or eve-teasing.
So yes it happens. Yes it is the worst crime on earth. But paint a fair picture, please.
Come on, if you live in India you know these stats mean nothing here. The problems faced by women in India are just symptoms of a much bigger problem here – a) If you need to be treated fairly in India, you need to be rich and/or influential b) If you are wronged, again you need to be rich and/or influential to get justice here. Our judicial system is a farce and every weaker section of people are targets of some kind of abuse here and get no remedy from the law for the abuse. Other nations too have crimes, but they deal with the crimes better and also give the oppressed people a better chance to get justice.
Women are more abused here because they are weaker. Just give the women some power and see what happens here, are they fair towards men then? – just check out the 498A law and see how shallow it is – many women are misusing it left and right so much that the Supreme court has labelled this law a kind of legal terrorism (sponsored by women) now. India is now a land of “might is right” does not matter whether you are man or woman. Whoever has might dictates all the terms here.
Our legislators seem to have brains and hearts made out of mud – they care neither for the men, nor women, nor children nor the poor – they do whatever fills up their coffers and if you have a lot of money or influence you will be given a good deal in India, does not matter who you are. May be this is because we are a poor nation, but I don’t think this should be used to justify our lawless country. If we continue to vote to power people with criminal history, this is what we will get. Many people at the apex of power in our nation are thoroughly corrupt and criminal and the lesser mortals in India could hope to get nothing better than this.
I too have not personally come across major atrocities against women. I have sometimes witnessed a group of men taunting and making fun of women in the public, but I have never seen anything more than this. May be because I don’t live in a metro and my town isn’t generally known for violence against women. May be India is way too generalized due to media hype, but given the general standards of justice here, I won’t be hesitant to accept that India is not safe for women or children any where, as well as for all the poor sections of the society.
absorbing read. just gonna make two points:
first: both the delhi and recent crime against girls suggest that even the guy was thrashed and violated, not sexually but physically. So lets not turn it boys vs girls because those male partners of the victims tried their best goes on to prove the same.
second: quarantining either the girls or the perverts is never an answer. i think we wil have to strengthen the girls and equally the boys to learn martial arts or some self protection skills. i guess thats how even our predecessors used to practice if we glance at our history.
This is just beautiful.
Government works for money and not for people. People don’t know the root of all these issues. This needs to be fixed at the root level.
Why other countries are safe to live? Their men don’t have feelings or government is cutting the piece if they abuse women? High time to Think about it…
Reblogged this on Welcome to Fresh Articles … and commented:
Worth thinking …
Educaiton is must….
A very nice article and a FACT !. Pity we are so helpless against the system.
Totally agree with the epilogue. I am no woman to know what happens when incident like this take place. And yes there is something in living in western countries than in my home land that woman feel secured. Until and unless a person doesn’t understand the responsibilities these things cannot be stopped. With such men none can reason but to kill because they are rotten.
We can say that india is a country with rape culture.
A touching piece of writing indeed.Maybe the best way would be to train all the girls in some sort of martial art to give the dirty minded a fitting reply.
The main reason these things happen are because of our hypocrisy, we say sex is bad, be celibate, no sex outside marriage… while inside the only thing going in mind is “sex”. Unless we agree this is our disease, it will not heal.
awesome !!! but sadly its the truth of our nation 😦
i really dont know what are we going to do
tomorrow many of us will be facing this situation and we can do nothing
Hmmm,,,Should I be glad then,, that I am not from India??….I have always had Great Admiration of ur Beautiful country!…its vast resources, ur traditions, and ur very Rich Cultures….and yes,, I even dreamed of someday,,, visiting this Lovely country of yours…. But now…my Heart aches every time i read about girls, women, even Tourist being raped in their very own Hotel room!,, that it brings much fear to my entire Being…!!,,But then,, I will still have high hopes,, that your good government and leaders,, will do something about this issues,, and most especially YOU!! ITS RIGHTEOUS PEOPLE…..God Speed……
very well written and absolutely true as a former Delhite I totally agree with Sahaja. There is no safety for girls in Delhi outside of home. For people who wrote that abuse and molestation happen inside the house too I have to stress that you smarten up after once and try to ignore those perpetrators. Like not be alone with them in the same room, not be left alone at any time. But when you are outside of your home there is no telling where the touch, squeeze or lewd remarks will come from and you feel absolutely helpless. Now as for me I had devised my own defense mechanism like never leaving home without safety pins, and if anyone comes close just poke them. It worked like magic especially in DTC buses where you suffer from touch and the disgusting rub. I was also quite free with my hand and would slap anyone who tried me. My mom was aghast with my behavior and told me that someday, someone will slap me back and then I will lose ijjat well it never happened because the guilty jerks never confronted me. I am sure the same issues were faced with girls, women living in other states too but I was shocked that many girls from other states never knew what eve teasing is, I grew up with this menace. I think if girls get vocal and not be ashamed of making a scene when feeling violated it might dter the leches. Parents play a major role in how kids feel about themselves and as a parent myself I attest that teach your children not to be afraid and if something doesn’t feel right then it is probably not right. Trust your children and their feelings.
Hauntingly true!
This is really sad. Even sadder is the fact that such incidents don’t seem to cease!
yeh its damn true 😦 it dissapoints to hear abt humiliations of dis kind,in fact each n every girl faces molestation in some way ,but then we hav to be brave ,we must make girl child educated abt how to respond to such things,its hard n scary to bring up a girl but we hav to take risk,akhir un nanhe ankho me hume sapne basane hain,betiyan ishwar ka khubsursat uphar hain,unhe badhne dena hai,unhe udna hai,agar dar gaye to badhenge kaise,i too faced molestatiion,for years i couldnt forget,then i decided to face the fear,n boys must b taught moral values n parents can play important role in this.wish every girl a fearless n br8 future.
Reading ur article brought back a lot of memories. I am a citizen of India but not quite of a patriot. So dont take it as a ‘defending my country’ thing. I was molested at an age of 6-7 by my fathers colleauge who was my tutor. N Later at around 7-8, by my uncle too.. both the times I was as clueless about it as u were. My abusers were more daunting to hv continued with it even after i used to jerk off thr hands.. it went on for a long time till I realized I had a voice. It ended the day I realized i just didnt have to obey everything! I was around 11-12 yrs then. Anyway, later a lot many years went by with street harrassment. It too went on for quite a number of incidents TILL again I realized I could hit back. All of this happened in India..
Now for almost 3-4 years, I havent been harrassed. I am still living in the rape capital- New Delhi, with the same schedule I had few years back when I used to be an easy target for harrassment. But what has changed is my confidence, n my attitude. And most importantly, a pledge that no matter what, I would never let anyone do that to me without getting a real bad kick up thr balls. This again being in India.
U would like to give the credit to ‘have moved out of India’, I would like to give it to my strentgh. I am not denying people dont ‘try’, they do, but they get a hard time when they try, such a hard one that I am sure they would NEVER REPEAT it with another girl. N I feel proud as while all this happens, I am deducting the population of eve teasers. N u know what, in ur article when u said no one came to rescue the girl, its not true, her friend did rescue her, which caused the man to run away. SHE WAS RESCUED.
Having said that, I wld like to tell u that I am a part of a group(dealing with survivors of such crimes), n in this group, there are people from across the world. N trust me, they have had a more gruesome past. Thr are Indians, Asians, Americans, europeans, Africans.. people from all over the world. Telling me, this aint limited geographically. N MOST IMPORTANTLY, INDICATING HOW IMPORTANT IT IS TO TEACH THE KIDS ABOUT IT.
Child molestation is everywhere, yes a lot in India, m not denying that. But I know enough people personally to say, it happens across the whole world. U had ur story here in India, but now that u r all grown up n no more a child, it possibly cant happen again with YOU, be it in India or whichever place u r feeling safe in. But u cant deny that it happens everywhr. Wake up dear, for the good of ur daughter. While ‘YOU’ feel all safe coz of ur experience, knowledge n the strength u hv gained all these years for which u r instead crediting the new place, ur daughter is still as naive as u were as a child. N might even be surrounded by child molesters. But guess what, molesters dont come with a tag, neither wld they molest older people that u cld come to know about it as a mother of a girl. These things dont happen in open, u cant figure out one is a molester like the way even ur parents didnt when u were small, n they left u with ur uncle. Read a few statistics n know how much common it is even there, n teach ur daughter about it. Acc to u she might be in danger when u will be visiting India, but according to the statistics, neither is she all that safe thr in the west.
I hope U teach her about it well in advance. N also tell her not to succumb to it n to report it to u IF N WHEN it happens. Coz according to me, the solution aint in changing countries, but in acquainting the kids about the possibility of it happening to them, n teaching them the “do’s n donts”.
Good writings….
Amazingly well thought and written. I just hope that women use this as inspirational or cautionary, rather than to judge all men and assume they’re rapists.
What the f..k is this? Kya bhartiy nari itni kamjor hai? Jis desh me rani laxmi bai hui ho waha ki nari itni majbor nai ho sakti aur agar hai thi wakai sharam ki baat hai .
stop being melodramatic and be practical…
The only way to stop this is, Men should lower their gaze and women should dress such that their body is not revealed. And strict punishments to be given to the accused molesters. But one thing in this blog is not right which is West being free from all the crimes on women. This is not true, America has the highest Rapes per year all over the world. On an Average every 2 mins one women is raped.
Someone rightly said in one of the replies, don’t wait for the insensitive crowd to help you! Being a guy, I know where it hurts the most. So, if any girl finds herself in a god forbid unlucky situation, kick in the groin so f**king hard, that the person is not even capable of satisfying himself ever in his life. The knee is your asset and use it to the fullest. And instead of trying to free from clutches, use your hands and nails to poke their eyes so bad, that they don’t ever see a female for the rest of their lives.
Only sharia law can stop this
Reblogged this on The Joys and Worries of an East Asian Lover and commented:
Doesn’t have anything to do with my blog’s field, but it truly needs sharing……. Worth it!
yes man this bloody things happens here and there sala.and these kind of persons have no respect for a woman.they even exploit small aged girls,because they know that the children know nothig about it and they make advantage of it.so its the duty of all we good people who has to be vigilant to protect girls(specially small girls)from the bad activities of these animals.girls are to be more confident.react instead of keeping it silent inside.
She weren’t raped in the West because, you know, children who eat chocolates daily will not be tempted by naranga-muttayi…dont be blind west-praisers
Very touched to read your unforgettable and traumatic experiences. I can just say such beasts actually shame the entire humanity.
Your each word conveys so much of pain, helplessness, agony and anguish of years. Wish this blog could be read by every politician/lawmaker of the country before voting on any Bill seeking chemical castration or death for rapists, acid-throwers, and even molesters. Like it was opposed by Mulayam Singh’s Samajwadi Party and Mayawati’s Bahujan Samaj Party in parliament recently.
It is utterly shameful that our friends, daughters, sisters, and women, and even kids, who are compelled to use public transport or while walking on roads or using school cabs, are undergoing such hell on regular bases. Even kids, who are made to beg on roads as child labours, suffer it on returning their cottages. Thousands of more cases must be happening everyday, hardly anyone is taken seriously by even policemen or policewomen. I agree nobody in authority actually bothers. They realise it only when something of such brutality happens to anybody in their own family. It is just advised to support each other fearlessly as a team, not as a woman, not as a man but as humans sharing same planet and willing to immediately unite and come forward to support in a distressing time against beasts. : Sandeep Datta, a journalist.
Being an NRI, I scared to visit my home country India. Im really ashamed to say this.
Reblogged this on Thoughtless Daily!!.
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Join Meditation and spread meditation.
Spirituality is the one and only way to sort out from this and all negativitis.
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Thanks.
and yes…very well written. Regards to author. 🙂
touchy.
there are millions of instances where such molestation happens.
sad to read all this. “I am proud to be an Indian” and all that is okay, but reading something like this every other day in blogs, news-papers make me feel ashamed.
Few bad men giving a bad name to whole country.
Sad.
Our society is not civil. They include all type of men (and women) who are at various stages of primeval evolution. Our society is also not managed. Such is the mismanagement that someone who has been convicted for armed robbery, and then for chain snatching, goes ahead and organizes a gang rape party. If a bystander comes in to disturb the party, he is martyred, (like a Keenan-Reuban).
What we can do is help our kids talk about it openly. Lets tell them that though rare, there are bad people out there who might do bad things to you. Lets also make counsellors compulsory in schools so that if parents clam up, there is someone with whom the baby girl can talk with.
Lastly, as parents, lets keep a closer watch.
Every single time I read an article like this, I also get to see at least a couple of comments saying, “This does not just
happen in India, it happens all over the world, so don’t just blame India and Indian”. “Don’t generalize as not all Indian males
hold such dirty intentions”.
I am not sure what these comments means. Will these people ever think for a second that there is 99% chance that their mother, sister
daughter, father, son or brother would have faced this issue. When that thought crosses their mind will they go and talk to them and convince them saying,
“It is ok this does not just happen in India”, “Be happy that I am not that kind of a person”. I know everybody has the right to put forth their opinion,
But please SHUT UP.
You people have to Shut up because there are enough diplomatic authorities who are very good at covering up and making this seem like no issue at all. The attitude of this happens everywhere so why focus on India means you are ready to live with the issue also you are OK that your daughters and sons have to live with it.
And every time I read such an article I have to relive my experiences. It grosses me out. However I am comforted by the fact that there are people to voice out and a lot of us are NOT OK and are fighting for the right thing rather than making excuses for India.
What Culture and Country are we proud of where mythical goddesses are worshiped but real women are killed on birth, molested, raped, burnt in the name of dowry, eve teased, beaten on streets and in homes. There is no basic respect for women in this patriarchal society. To add to this media plays a pivotal role in shaping the mindset and attitude of the Indian Society.
1,Discuss the issues within the family; most of the issues do not come to parents’ knowledge because discussing sex is a taboo in family. this must change
2.Have a mechanism to deal with these issues (a mix of family elders/ngo/police/jidiciary) which will handle these issues in a sensible/sensitive way
3.Avoid sidetracking these issues (like it happens only in India, mixing it with religion etc) – face the issue squarly
This is my story too……i ensured my daughter reads this fully.
I am father of a Beautiful girl she is no 3, when she was born my feelings were same even as a guy, coz I knew what is happening with girls in India. The perverts are everywhere. but we should take steps and make the girls aware at an early stage of these things..If everyone decides to leave the country.. it will be left with the monsters only.. So we should come together and bring a change step by step..
its beautiful …. some are so true… I felt the same some day of my life … some people say that u forget small things ,…. those male wont understand what is it like that .. the bus one is so true …..
Shame on our Incredible India….what our fucking lawmakers & politicians do.Can’t they just make a strong law against all this to punish heavily or hang the culprit(in extreme cases) & pass it in the Parliament?
I have been living in US for last 7 years and yesterday one of my female American friend asked me a strange question out of nowhere and I was speechless for few seconds ..she asked me ….Why there are so many gang rapes in India all the time…u guys who work here seem to be nice n all what is happening back there..And I was like…then I started to explain her lack of sex education and this is an act of some sexually deprived folks , very low income group but that did not convinced me and when I read this article I felt really disgusted ..At this point of time I am pretty determined not to go back…..
I don’t know what better way to put these, Hats Off to Sahaja.
You have worded things in the right way. I know and believe that every single girl in India will definitely have undergone such nasty and terrible experiences, with lot of alertness every single step a girl takes once she steps outside her home but now even homes aren’t safe either.
I am from Kerala, proudly stated as 100% literacy, almost every week here in the state there are news about how girls are being molested by their own kith and kin. I lived abroad for 6/7 years, can’t tell you the sense of being safe, that I enjoyed. And honestly coming back here is something I dread even now.
Its just tears and tears that roll out of my mind, the thing is unless things happen in your own family its none of your business to react to any incident.
I don’t know how many of us have this firm myth that these things will not happen to me or to any of my family members and things are always good with me. Its a blind myth which everyone of us have, it seems we all are pretty sure of our future, which will be safe and sound.
The thing is that we must tell our girls be ready to face such situations as it can happen at any place, any time, so BE on ALERT all Girls out there. nobody is coming to help, or rescue you. There is no real life superhero out taking care for you. be your own superhero- independent, intelligent and smart to keep your self safe.
God Bless All !
Most shamefull and grevious you shared with these short stories, it happened with each and every girl lived in india at every stage of her life but more when a girl is below 25 and after marriage this molestation may also happen,
Nobody will easily come to know what a indian girl feels when she was being molested again and again, even that threatened time did give her unforgetable injuries not only physically but mentally also.
MAY YOUR WRITING TEACH ALL THE MALE READERS WHO CONSIDER ALL THIS ADULTROUS WORK AS FUN
Execellent Article
the story is exaggerated. an educated woman with little bit of courage and commonsense never fall victim to such happenings. In .most of these cases.the parents are to be blamed for wrong bringing up and careless attitude.A girl child is a gift. women likeJansi ki rani Lakshmibai,Jane of arc,Indra gandh Sonia Gandhi,Mamta Banerjee,,Mayawati,sushma swaraj……..the list is endless of women who proved and proving still that they can rule the world!!
Dude every girl does not get training of kickboxing etc..even a well built guy will be helpless in front of a knife…or 304 guys.. what are you talking about..who will exaggerate such a heinous crime..
Sir,
I don’t think the message here is girls are weak and that they have to stand up for themselves. By writing this article the author stands up for her and for other women. The message here is that we are surrounded by hypocrites and that a girl or a boy growing up has to face so many issues because as a hypocritical society we try to hide from kids that humans are sexual beings. If only parents and the school system can be open about sex education things can get little better. May be the kid will have a clear idea on how to object and talk back to adult who tries to exploit them and also to seek help from parents, kids won’t scum to the thought that such happening are their fault instead that of the exploiter.
Please don’t forget that the brave women list you have noted here are the women who faced challenges and overcame them. They are brave because they faced it and raised above it not because they used their commonsense.
I remember someone confide in me, saying….there are times in every women’s life when she has to wash away her tears through running tap in a bathroom, so that no one hears her cries…
how can u say that india as capital of rape. these things also happen in other contries also. the only reason for these bull shitt is one’s metality towards a female. And this is media which highlight these rape cases happening now a days, these things also used to be happend when even our religion theory was not born. so plz dont blam india.change ur mentality first.
Heart breaking but almost presents a transparent view of the mindset of psychopaths living in our country..
wish every Indian must read this. Respect Woman! Be Human!!
There are more cases of rape in USA and Europe than Asia according to statistics.. Prevention of this malice must start from both ends.. Men must start respecting women.. yes that’s definitely important.. but a woman must understand there are a lot of ignorant testosterone charges animals out there waiting for a vulnerable prey to feed on and that she is only safe where the public is… Rather than venturing into abandoned mills, taking rides from strangers at midnights.. or travelling in private buses where no one else is getting on.. its time they stuck with the crowd and used to strength of numbers. if u must go to an place where there is few public bring a gang of 10 and have a picnic .. they will be much safer with more people around.. and definitely there will be brothers to protect our women..
shame on our country!!! 😦 its better to leave this country and go elsewhere..its d country where the crime-doers are being taken care of and not of the common people,to whom this country belongs. Our country’s constitution is d world’s biggest constitution, but to what use it is.. the victims are subjected to injustice.. the criminals are free to roam..Girls have to live under fear.. Come on!! its not be accepted.. but we cant change also.. 😦 God save our country… It is said that INDIA got its freedom in 1947. but when will we get freedom from such crime?? from such useless,coward politicians?? The people who enter ARMY,NAVY and AIR FORCE are such educated and intelligent person but they are bound to the orders of uneducated politicians.. i accept that i went out of d topic… but i think that corrupt politicians and corrupt judges are d one responsible for such a pathetic situation of INDIA 😦
Toh ja na kahin aur BC.
hahaha 😀 … i vl offcourse….
How very true….I too dread taking my daughter back to India.
Shame on India !!
Take up any child molestation case in the country, the culprit would very obviously be a slum dweller. Each time even a petty criminal is caught from a slum, the armed forces should be sent to shoot and finish off the entire slum. That is the only solution. Otherwise you women keep bearing with this and keep writing ‘oh how very touchy’ blogs. Nothing is going to happen. The real criminals out there do not even know to read all these things. What is the point of preaching to the already converted?
Child molestation has nothing to do with slums. It happens every where, in the rich, the poor, the urban, the rural, the posh, the slum. It isn’t unique to India either, it is a global phenomenon. Just type this phrase on Google and watch thousands of sites show up all over the world. As for armed forces finishing off entire slums, that is the most ridiculous remark on this thread.
i wish sooner we come out of this problem with a concrete solution. solution of course lies in society, law whatever tougher will not make sense unless we ourself find n go wid the solution.
We need to teach our sons better and make them realize the importance of respecting womenkind’s natural rights, so that girls could be their natural selves everywhere i.e. with no considerations going on in the back of the mind whether their actions or words or situation is safe or if it may give predators a chance to make their moves
I would like to offer a slight change of perspective here. I am a 35 year old male. I lead a happy and content life and I am thankful to god for all the beautiful people around me, my city and my nation. I love them all. If you meet me, you will never ever know that between age 7 to 9, I was repeatedly molested, raped, performed sexual acts upon, by my much elder cousin brother. This would happen in broad daylight, while everyone was around. It was never painful, and what’s funny is that I did not feel violated, I simply didn’t understand what was happening – I was very fond of him. He was my favourite. There were gifts and affection and more gifts. Did I provoke him? Tell me exactly how a 9 year old sexually provokes a 28 year old male? Am I scarred for life? Yes, I am. The result of sexual violence can be subtle, very subtle. I only had the courage to accept it after I read Pinky Virani’s book – Bitter Chocolate. Her book made me accept and speak out.
The reason I am writing this here is because I am that girl from this blog article, only I am a boy and it was much, much worse for me. I know a lot of you would think “On an average it happens more to the girl child,” you are missing the point – I am not a statistic, I am I. My only hope is that we that we make our struggle to make this world safe for children and young adults gender neutral – girls, boys and others. I’d suggest we approach this as an issue that impacts every child irrespective of gender, or colour or caste or any other factor. Thanks Sahaja for providing this forum for all of us to build this healthy debate. Love and peace to all specially our children.
I think you’re not realizing something here: YOU’RE A MALE. You are incapable of feeling anything. So obviously any MALES that get raped doesn’t count.
Firstly, thank you for presenting such a wonderful blog. And secondly nobody should blame india being an india.. if this is the case in india then its responsibility of all to change it atleast try to change it.. all are just blaming india n indian people but fellas remember our silence is and only writings doesnt bring any change but yeah it can only wen this discussion yields to some practical and fruitful result.
Hence, by not wasting time in just blaming each other i have a suggestion. I think such cases happen due to lack of awareness, illiteracy. If people get proper knowledge about the physical and psychological affects of sexual pleasure may be there minds become mature. i think the uncultured illiterate uneducated people do it most of the times.. so assuring that proper knowledge or can say including such sensual things and bravery subjects in schools to children and make them understand according to there age and also to such to arrange some psychological programs and makin people aware may help people in changing there mentality to some extent.
No words to comment. Any girl can relate to this story.
I don’t think you can ever teach half a billion perverts to behave. The only thing to do is to move out, and stay away from them.
Absolutely a true depiction of the feelings that an indian girl has. I have been to US for over a year and i cud see the difference in the mentality of people. We as indians specially males need to change and start respecting people. Every one of us need to change. LIVE and LET LIVE …
u just made me cry each and every indian should read this yaar i dont know when and how will this things will go from our country but just make yourshelf strong and good and respect each and everygirl the girl might be u r mom u r sister or girlfreind just respect them
Its the story of every gal in india
I know all the men and their mothers would be offended but this message is for all the women out there who were offended by men in some way or the other, and for all the mothers with daughters who always live in fear for their safety even when their daughters turn 60 or 70 yrs…
WOMEN…. there is no GOD, father, husband, son or friend coming to save you. Most of the times your own mother is forced to close her eyes and pretend that nothing has happened as finally the blame is always on the girl for provoking the Maleness in men irrespective of the fact that you were in a Burqa or that you were a 3 year old toddler who was going to school…
Rape and violence is the price women pay for bringing out men into this world.
Most males are born perverts and only few with good mothers who had the time to nurture their sons and teach them to respect women have turned out to be good.
All modern women including myself have started to value a career, money and independence more than bringing up their off-springs with moral values.
A female baby is aborted or killed when her identity is known so that she does not become a burden on the family in future when she is of marriageable age. The mother also silently supports the decision to abort the female baby as she is scared of the injustice and violence that the daughter will have to face in case she is born.
Why is it that we women cannot be strong enough and support MALE INFANTICIDE???
If men are not born then there is no question of women being molested or raped.
Male infanticide is the only revenge women can have against all the brutalities our gender has been facing and this is our only defense against rapes and injustice… DO NOT GIVE BIRTH TO RAPISTS.
@ Aneysha Mitra – wish all the mother take this initiative and teach their sons to respect women otherwise we never know, our daughters may just decide to put an end to this and stop giving birth to boys.
I understand you must have been in a really agitated state of mind when you wrote this. Im sure all of us were when we read this.
But. . . seriously???
MALE INFANTICIDE??????????
were you by any chance in a rational state of mind when you wrote… “Do not give birth to rapists”?
How would it sound if i said “Do not give birth to prostitutes”?
Now please… don’t go on a tangent of being a victim identity…
Well, Mr. Ankur, she meant its also the responsibility of mothers to teach their sons to respect women rather than seeing them as objects of pleasure. Don’t take the words as they sound, try to look into the meaning behind those words!
Acknowledged and appreciated… but usage of wrong words is very dangerous. She’s portraying to her children that only men play with women and not vice versa…
Definitely disagree…
That’s right. I even mentioned about the role of a mother n family in shaping a child’s thought process in one of my previous comments.
Dear Ankur,
I lost all rationality from the day I was molested by my uncle and it has worsened after knowing that all my female acquaintances were molested at least once in their life.
Being a mother of two girls, I always live in constant fear for their safety.
Who creates prostitutes??? Most of the prostitutes are victims of some stupid male’s greed either for her body or for the money that her body would fetch him. I have never heard of a prostitute raping a man… Also somewhere below in one of your comments you mention that men are also molested and raped – were they raped by women??? NO, all the rapists are men.
My only point is that if a male and his family can pressurize a women to commit female infanticide thinking the daughter to be a burden in future, what makes you think that the same female cannot retaliate and support male infanticide thinking it to be burden on the society.
I am only trying to portraying to my children and all the women around the world that if the society and government is not ready to help women, men and children get justice then she has the power to stand up and stop to all the brutalities by deciding to not bring out the Rapists and the Victims into this world.
U must be really frustrated but seriously, no man is born pervert. It is also the responsibility of the mother to teach her children to respect women. The male should also realize he has mother, sister, daughter,etc. who are women. One should treat others as they want to be treated. Similar thing applies to us also. If we don’t want our sisters n friends to be treated with respect, the men should also learn to respect other women. This is about a combined effort from both the male as well as his family. But saying support male infanticide is as much a crime as supporting female infanticide. Imagine a world without ur father or brother. Sounds scary, doesn’t it? Be it a girl or boy , we must teach our children to respect both men n women equally and not treat women as objects of pleasure.
I came across this article through India against stupidity (fb page)…
I have 1 question…in which western nation do you/or the one spoken of fictitious or ain’t one, resides in ? If not in Vatican. Do read the leading English dailies of that nation.
Though I consider, India as one of the filthy and approve of your sayings…still USA,UK,SA and many other countries rank higher than our own India in crime against women.
My point is don’t blame it on India or demean us for the sake of singing praise for west 😉
Check the stats and don’t mis-direct people. Indians are highly credulous.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rape_statistics
Its really pathetic and sad for the indian society……we call ourselves developed and civilized but when the chips are down some are just animals nothing else can be used to describe them 😦
Really… Its so true…
Sometimes I feel soooo scared for my girlfriend travs to different places all by herself, if god forbid she faces something like what would I do..?? I feel so damn helpless just thinking about it…
I just hope that things get back to normal as it was years back… N I can feel secured so that I can stay stressless n free knowing that my sweetheart is fine while I am watching TV at home or while I am heading towards my destination, while she is alone, all by herself on roads…
Really eyes-filling yar…
After reading the entire text, first thing that got into my mind is that we need to discuss everything with our parents(as they are the first people) so that they can give us the better way to deal with the situations. Every boy child should be knowing the importance of women and abnormal things the women are encountering in society.
Well not to be repetitive and respecting every comment……………..I believe there is some thing to be corrected at the very stage of boy to man transition…………the same what happens with planting lime,oranges (the citrus family), if not treated at the right age the oranges may end up in some sour fruit (cant recollect the name)………….same happens with the males not monitored or treated well may end up a monster not respecting the very source of life the Females………… i am in for introducing a mandatory course at middle school level “The Females”……. to uproot this problem from society………………..thanks
Girl or boy, man or woman, young or old I think we should all be prepared for these kind of situations. It’s becoming such a norm in India. We have gone from raping in shadows and behind doors to doing it in public. People are not afraid to hurt other people anymore because they think that others do it as well and worst of all they get away with it. We should be prepared with our own self defense methods. We should start taking matters in our own hand. There is no room for self pity these days. I would say have your pepper sprays with you at all times, have some pointy objects with you and use them if needed. Or just use your hands as your weapons. It’s not okay to be okay with these things.If you know better on what needs to be done then just do it.
hmm…being a mother of a girl its scary for me..India or Pakistan..why do these evil acts even are in existance..Allah protects my daughter n every daughter i pray!!
😦 whata shame
I agree to the fact that Delhi has been termed as the “rape capital”.. i wanna strongly like to disagree with all the women who think that they are helpless or rapes only happen to them. its not only the attitude but also the way of treatment given to this topic. I’ll be bold enough to stand apart and shout loud that if women are molested, so are men… if girls undergo puberty and thus feel insecure so do boys… Think… if someone mentions a rape case nowadays, it is presumed to be a female getting raped. Has anyone ever thought what about those men who undergo the same circumstances? Why is it considered to be a minority? There is a “Mahila Mukti Kendra” but nothing for men. In Delhi Metro or a Mumbai local train for example, there is a separate coach for only women by law… in every other coaches four seats reserved for women (two each side apart from ones for elderly and physically challenged)… remaining seat are for men but at times considered to be rude if there is a woman standing… So therefore, its either LEGAL, RESERVATION or CHIVALRY… I completely am aware that most of times these rules are violated, but has set these barriers? Its not an INDIAN but a HUMAN nature break rules at times and same is done by females (if I may remind). So boss… either you can have these reservations and Mahila Mukti stuff, else do not ever say that Men and Women are equal.. There are many such things that go against men in India. When a female is arrested she has to be taken for a Trial in front of a Magistrate or shifted to a women cell within 24 hrs whereas males rot to death waiting for their trial date to come. I beg to differ in this context and contest the allegation against men.. obviously there is a portion of every society which forms the anti social element, but not everyone can blamed for that. There is a difference between being bold and being a feminist (for lack of a better word). You talk about rape and suddenly males become inhuman animals. Women have a right to be fashionably dressed without being molested but don’t look for pity or sympathy. Deal with it, be strong and fight the anti social elements. Don’t just keep crying in a corner… Do not wait for Mr. Amitabh Bachchan to put forward his point of view on fb (with due respect), Mrs. Sheila Dixit to call delhi a rape capital or for that matter President Obama to condemn the situation of our INDIA. If males have to wake up so do women… Trust me, kicking balls when rubbing breasts is as disgracefully common as the other way round. Think about it as this is a sensitive and debatable topic. We are all a part of the same society, so think of improvement and not allegation. With due respect to all our women, I acknowledge and understand your anger however just like a woman might be stigmatized for being raped, she is also given the place of a Goddess as it is she who can bring another beautiful living being into this world… when half glass is empty, remaining is full. I may sound rude at this moment but trust me I have written all this after looking at a Rakhi recently tied on my wrist. Cheers and all the best…
Not that I never thought about it now that I am exactly where the woman in your story is but still reading it feels me with disgust and tremendous apprehension about where am I bringing my girl. I live in the west too now and feel much much secure and I wonder what happens when one day I have to take my little girl back to the country I love so much but cannot do anyhing to protect her dignity when she is out there on her own? My first thought is to probably make her as aggressive as she can be but what use would that be for her to have a personality she might be made to regret for later? How brave can I teach her to be when we all know how powerless a woman can be against a gang of sick homo sapiens with a surge of semen who get nothing but pleasure in doing so?
This is not just about women, this happens to their male counterparts too. I’ve been through this and I know how it feels to be molested. I agree that it happens with girls mostly and molestation against male goes unnoticed and unreported completely.
So when I heard that one of my female friend is being molested by her teacher, I went to her college and punched him on his face, in his own classroom. I dared him to report this to police. He didn’t and then later I got to know that he did this to most of his students, and all the males in the class knew that, but no-one did anything. He got himself transferred to some remote village and every one in the classroom sent me a thank you msg.
I didn’t do anything brave, this would have been a normal response of any girl/boy who knew or have faced the incident. Being in the situation, I knew how painful it feels.
If we stop ignoring molestation, no one would dare think about extreme crimes like rape.
When u saw it first time, punch the guilty on the face. That’s what he deserve…on the spot. Don’t wait for someone to assist you. By doing that you might stop him to rape someone in future. This little punch of shame will haunt him for his whole life.
PS: yes I am a boy.
Guess what? The perpetrators don’t read blogs or news.
They are out on the streets, chasing, groping, shouting, clicking and staring. Or may be watching Chikni chameli on their “3G Mobile” while sitting on their “bike”.
Wow… What an amazing writer you are. You brought out what was running in everybody’s mind
Love your writing! I’ve been living in the US and I definitely enjoy the freedom here, that I could have never imagined in India. This, from an educated, upper middle class person for whom the world should be their oyster. But I guess not for a woman.
speechless…. 😥 😥
its bitter truth of india.bas yaha k log tp k liye hi bolte h dat,all indians are ma bro n sis..follow jyada koi nai krta.
today, m feeling ashamed for being indian …. >:-(
I am not an Indian but..I’m interested..
It’s depending on how our parents bring up their girls/daughters like the boys/sons, very impartially. Since all are human beings first and then only a girl or a boy. Both should become good brave and honest human beings because of our incomparable upbringing. If parents are alert throughout there is no chance of any type of molestation with any of the child, and I believe .. We women have enough strength to defend ourselves wherever we are…”Be proud to be a Woman”!
every girl has to go through these days!! .
rapes happen … people raise voices … government gives false promise …. the matter cools down… ANOTHER RAPE HAPPENS …
we really need to change the system… and we caNT HOPE FOR SOMEONE ELSE TO DO THAT FOR US… WE HAVE TO MAKE A STAND …. come together ….
even society should understand that its not the fault of a girl …. society should stop giving her a downward look … or she is left with no opptions but ENDS HER LIFE….
IS THIS WHAT OUR DEVELOPING INDIA IS???
LETS COME TOGETHER … MAKE A CHANGE…
FOR LIVES OF GIRLS LEFT RUINED BY ANIMALS..
WITH HOPE OF CHANGE
SHRISHTI SHASHI
Yes this is one of the most dirty,nasty side of our well cultured india, where girls take breath but in tension ….but this is on us how to handle these type of guys rather i should say middle age bastards. The best thing is to immediately make them realize in the public what they have done, not bothering about the others what they think about us.
I totally agree with ankush that all boys r nt same. Every boy mst be taught how to respect each and every girl in his life by his mother… whether it b sister, wife, friend, classmate or a normal passerby.
Why do men do this, what altered them from thinking this is wrong. In INdia men get married at 25- 35 until which they dont get sex at all, which is a big injustice to men. Dont get me wrong molesting is not right, but letting men go that extent is society or community or governments fault and people fault in a way . Sex education was a life style in india in earlier times but now its considered embarrassing in most families, i am not going to talk about exceptions. Molesting is a international problem and not pertains only to India and particularly Chennai, bangalore and hyderabad . Am i to believe that she was safe in kerala but in tamil nadu karnataka and andhra pradesh and maharastra its a molesters infested area? Rapes happen much higher in north. The ill will of the author is shocking. While i d like record my comment that molesting is bad, but we should make steps to stop and not concentrate on naming south India which is much much safer than north. How can someone deal with social evil selectively, social evils should all be eradicated. Molesting should be absolutely stopped and this north south divide is killing me as a Indian. I am proud bcos i am south Indian but i love my brothers in north and of late i am under so much pain that movies like madras cafe, and article like this always hurt us. Lower caste men are not let in a team when all of them are upper caste people, even the good upper caste people are made to think lower caste man or women are going to be absolutely difficult to handle. Its not true. they are underprevillaged . When indians comment on rape in north India its with love and care that for our country women we do. but when they same come from north india its without any proof claiming to be true. When we make fun of hindi speaker talking tamil it does happen in real life come to chennai or tamil nadu you will know it yourself we never try to brand with somthing whiich doesnt exist at all but tamil people when speak hindi and dont have heavy accent like it is shown in movies. it is funny sometimes but trying to brand us is bad . Author dont have selective amnesia fight for all the social evils and dont commit one when your commenting on other.. sorry if i hurt anyone with my open heart comment.
Heart touching..
It is sad that we are living in a world full of lustful people, with no moral ethics – morality has lost its ground – now internet, computer in every home, mobile phone in the hand – technology is good and I am an IT person with 25 year of experience but it has brought more destruction and fed the lustful soul with filth and with no one to protect the weaker and helpless ones it adds to the problem.
One way I teach my kids is to grow with knowledge and build tough minds as they grow, knowing pretty well the world that we live is dangerous. Teach your children all that they need to know even at a young age if you don’t they will not know and follow up with them regularly, take atleast 10mins a day only to talk to you children alone everyday asking how was your day and whom did you meet and what did they say and what did you say – keep it very open in the area where they don’t need to hide from the parents. The children would let you know immediately God forbid if this happens and take to task the person who has done it. The child’s confidence grows and work on the childs mind and cycology as to how to cope up with suituations like these and help them grow up to be strong children. God bless, and may the protection of Yaheweh (God) be upon you all who call on his name. God bless and enjoy your children, blessed responsible parenting.
Please share as much as we can, this will help the children know what is happening and what they have to do when it happens.
Ken
SEX EDUCATION FOR KIDS… PLEASE SHARE
Just withdraw 10 mins from your busy schedule and do watch this video, Like it and Share it…
It may help Parents to teach their childrens about the sex education. Its useful…
Thanking You
Regards,
UBC Team
This blogpost appeared on http://dailymagzine.com/its-a-baby-girl/ on August 25, 2013 without any acknowledgement to the original author.
@saahil_alan tweeted to @ShashiTharoor, who retweeted.
Being a female in India, u have to face such situation many times. Sometimes, u just ignore it, sometimes u hit back the eve-teasers, but slowly and slowly, u start getting frustrated and angry from within which either makes to take revenge sometimes and sometimes u become very fearful. In the latter case, u always want to keep yr daughter protected from outside world. In the process u pass on yr fears to yr daughters and pray to God for their safety and security, everytime they go out.
A perennial problem that has been there since time immemorial !
Solutions:
– Girls / women need to be taught from childhood to be brave……
– Sex education (the basics) should be taught to children in school……
– The attitude of men towards women should change…….
– The day when a man realises that his mother and sister(s) are also women and they can also be abused and molested by other men, a deep realisation will set in and his attitude towards women will surely change !
– Society should wake up and should always be ready go to the rescue of a woman in distress !
– Last but not the least, lets pray to Almighty God for all the women in this world !
With so many rapes happening around India, I wonder that why do we always concentrate on the victim. Some one finds fault in her dressing sense, some other guy would say that the female should learn to protect herself etc etc. But do we ever think about the person who is perpetrating such act. I mean that person could either be poor or rich,illiterate/ highly educated, hindu / muslim / christian / jew etc etc. There must be some way to find out such guys through some kind of psychological profiling and such people should be undergo rigorous counseling. This problem is not just specific to India. The same happens in US or any other country. Only the awareness about such things is more in the developed countries then in a developing nation like us. We can all contribute by making our children and out friends aware about sexual exploitation and child abuse.
I love my country but looking at this story, i am really shattered by heart. feminism and women rights are increasing in india. that is really positive. we all support every women in their movement, but my request just do not get biased in the heat of the movement because i personally have witnessed the opposite. let us all be strong enough to protect ourselves.
I can recollect an incident in a BMTC. A woman(20s, appeared lower middle class) was seated. A young man came in and sat behind her. Me and my friend were seated behind them. Suddenly the woman got up and gave the man three hard slaps. He said sorry – three slaps again. The conductor intervened and she said in kannada – “shut up and mind your business or are you involved and know this man?”. The conductor was terrified and said, “I will do what you ask me to, do you want to stop at a police station?”. The molester was in tears now. And started to say something – a couple of hard slaps again. She asked the bus be stopped. Once the doors opened, she caught him by the collar and led him to the door. The nail in the coffin was when he turned his back to get off the bus, she gave him one kick in his butt and said,”Never touch a woman in your life again”!!
That guy probably has never dared look at a woman in the wrong sense ever since. And I am sure many men who were in that bus never do too..
Every girl in this country I bet must have faced such problems. If and only if the society stands up against such hideous things ,girls can feel secure and safe.
I can very well understand the protagonist’s fear of coming back to India and feeling fearful for her kid.
It is so easy to blame the problem away, we need to bring the changes in ourselves and in our homes to educate our children without prejudices. We need to have an environment where everyone is treated as equal and their dignity is given due respect and the same thing has to be a part of routine and not a lesson to anyone. It to a great extent should be the responsibility of the elders of the family to inculcate right thinking and right attitude of not taking people and things for granted.
In the country like India where the no. of retarded bastards is high, the only thing we can do is to educate our children about sexual molestation and all. Also the law should be strengthen to punish such assholes. The best punishment would be castration rather then sentenced to death, especially when its a case of child abuse. If some men can’t control their testicles then its better that it should be chopped then making someone’s life hell.
I can understand how it feels coz almost every gal in India faces it…this fear can’t b tackled untill mindset of males in India change… which will take a long course
Being a mother of a baby girl myself, I think we should be open enough and give our kids confidence enough to come and tell us what happened and to teach them to be bold and vocal in such disgusting situations. It’s our duty not only to raise our girls well but also to raise respectful young men. We should not only tell our girls to be careful, we should also tell our boys to be gentle and loving human beings.
Let’s assume it’s N times the brave woman molested. From the very top view the reason for molestation, at least accounts for 80% is LUST. Which is in the form of fire burns the brain and heart of molesters to ashes. Now they’re animals hungry for sexual satisfaction. It is the case with all of us irrespective of gender. But it is just the self control by virtue of humanity and wisdom most of gentlemen and respected women won’t become animals.
Now lets take case about NOT MOLESTED in west which we think is a solution. In West, for both genders SEX is very common. By the time their bodies get ready for it, they go for SEX without inhibitions. Then the so called LUST is been answered. What ever is abnormal beyond this is punished by their LAW as FORCED SEX or MOLESTATION.
Finally what I mean to say….which I feel solution is……ENCOURAGE FREE SEX. Punishing forced sex is meaningful only when free sex is allowed. From one side society, parents, relatives and everyone looks sex as crime. On other side this force is equally causing the FORCED SEX which is called RAPE in extrapolated way. Law alone can’t answer this problem. Original solution is with society itself.
P.S: Free sex means the sex that happens between male and female with mutual agreement
Wow… What an amazing writer you are. You brought out what was running in everybody’s mind
All I can say is, if I see it I will thrash it!
I will be there by that woman when she yells out loud or silently.
It’s a sad sad sad assault on humanity
I must appreciate the way the story has been presented. It shows the trauma females of this country face on a regular basis. On one side, it is sad to see all that is happening due to some illiterate morons but on the other side, I am happy to see that the females are not resisting this to be complained.
I strongly believe that rape laws should be really looked upon & amended at the earliest & if possible, taken to be matched up to Saudi laws for rape punishments. Till the time there is no fear in the minds of some idiots, nothing will change. They feel that they can get away by fooling the system & even if they have to spend some time in jail, it is fine as they will not be harmed. As humans, we all fear death be it anyone. These rapists should be given a very slow but a steady one.
Having shared my feeling about the possible changes in the system, I also believe that we as a society should start potraying our women as human beings. Our media needs to change the approach of showing a scantily dressed female picture against a Gutka ad or a furniture ad or a Deodorant ad or a car ad or any product advertisement in print / websites / hoardings. An uneducated man will take both the images as ‘products’ & something that can be ‘used’. We need to immediately change this approach to make our society a little better. I don’t say that this will 100% change people’s minds but this could be a beginning point.
In our society, women should be treated with respect & it is duty to protect them & ensure an environment which is safe.
Touchy…
Yes…I guess every gal faced it atleast once in a lifetime…the only MANTRA…BE ruthless and girls whenever you come across this situation or witness the same please please protest against it. Dont b numb.This is a request. We should not wait for others to help out but, if somebody around us give us a little support we can have more courage to fight. Once to protest, I had slapped a middle aged man, but the people around me were stunned and gazed at me,as if I hv done something wrong.
Absolutely heart-wrenching. Thank you for telling this much needed story. I have a daughter whom we are taking to India to visit next year and I’m absolutely terrified, I’ll never let her out of my sight.
IT’S BETTER TRUTH OF INDIA.
I REQUEST TO ALL GUYS, PLZ. RESPECT EACH N EVERY GIRL THE GIRL MAY BE UR MOM UR SISTER OR GIRLFRIEND.
The words are so strong from the beginning itself that I had to take alot of breaks to read it and digest it. I cannot make share my views because I feel out of words now. Ashamed. Surely, not everyone is like the sick beings mentioned here but these sick beings should be put to severe punishment which I cannot define myself. Kids of both gender alike, should be taught strictly at home, education and society to respect each other and fight for each other.
I am really as apologetic as I can be for what happened. And I will be even sorrier for what continues to happen to women folk in days and years to come- unless things change.
But change is a product of description and affirmative action. What you narrated is heart wrenching, and may nobody should have had to go through this. To some extent, it is alright to be concerned for your child as well. Even scared.
But NO. I don’t think not coming around here or anywhere where-shit-happens constitutes affirmative action. You could fly away from around here, and write a blog posts to get lame comments from those who live in their internet bubbles. But what about those who can not. What about the ones who can not voice their opinion, or shout back bravely the way you did ( at times ). I happen to believe that you, and me ( as someone who strives for being an Indian citizen ), owe a lot to them.
So YES, I think the world does not need so much of talkers now. Enough talks already. We need doers. I highly doubt you are willing to be one though.
Good luck and all the very best for your children. May they be safe and sound.
Totally agree with the author and her feelings.
Beyond Awesome …. every guy must read it
Why is it not possible to talk to our parents when such activities happen with us….now its getting highligthed but can anyone think how and what a girl has to do when her own father gets into such activities there are so many cases were in a father is involved in such things. And a child of 3-4 years, what do thy understand whats going on. how can people be so sick. Why our Indian law dont have strict punishment for such horrible and shameful act. Girls have to be strong but when such activity takes place whom will thy approach when parents are busy in earning for their kids future.Will they be able to understand their kids. I wish parents especially mom’s have to talk to thr daughters everyday and support them to fight against such harrasments, molestations etc.
Thank you for putting into words the fear and rage that I have felt for years, being a girl/woman in India. I empathize with you completely, I feel your pain and your fear. I never want to have to bring up a daughter in India either. What a shameful thing it is for our country, and yet there is no solution in sight. This country needs a radical change in the mindset of the male population.
Neelima…i appreciate your thoughts and totally agree with that …..but sorry i do not mean to offend you here but you just mentioned that the tips and tricks i have given to make girls strong and bold since childhood …..Well if you are talking about that these things are only applicable when we are grownups…..I m sorry but i dont find that right because don’t forget…..An earthen pot takes the shape only if it moulded properly from the beginning.
Some people who out here stated that “why Girls need to be taught to protect them selves, Why boys can’t control their d***s etc etc,” . I trully agree to your point, but i have a very simple example to give which my Mom used to make me understand and this example applies on every aspect of life may i say; i.e ” The Tree that bears the fruit, gets stoned “….Please everybody don’t take this example in a wrong way….It’s not that i am abusing feminine… it’s just that i am depicting a truth of life..
But girls have a different situation than the tree, you people can move, run, fight, do whatever in life, as they say that a women can have the power, that stealth to give birth to a child, cook food for the family, take care of Kids,excel boys in studies, She can do anything….and if I say Anything…..it means “ANYTHING”. Girls need to understand that they are underestimating their own power.You can do wonders in any field but it’s just that you need to recognize your inner self first.
And preparing girls since childhood doesn’t means that you put them in karate classes, or give them that Chak De India motivation lectures, Nooooo! First let your daughters feel free, stop putting that bondage to her life but do keep a track of what and where is she heading to; and whenever she takes a wrong turn, correct her, coz whosoever is going to get spoiled is going to be even if you keep 100% strictness, in fact in a worse way.
Teach your girls morals and values since childhood, keep her near you, and never criticize her as she might lose faith in you and look out for more people to intimate; which can prove to be dangerous for her in future.
Last but not the least, put her in a few extracurricular activities like sports, school function, debates, dance etc…let her recognize her capabilities, makes her feel confident, bold, strong and yes away from all those orthodox views of your grandparents……Let her see the world, So that next time if somebody molests her, teases her or try to grab her hand etc etc…You can just relax at home and watch Tv….while your daughter would be kicking some butt out there…..I know this is a stupid example i jus gave but things are going to go in this way only if you mould your kid the extremist way… Think about it logically..
And now a small message for Men…..I know we guys in today’s time have crossed our limits in many instances related to girls…..Rape, teasing, molestation, hitting, beating girls after marriage; tsk tsk tsk, and we call ourselves men…….
1. You there is an old saying that whenever somebody has played with nature or challenged it, results have been devastating, as nature one hits back,We people created pollution which resulted in Acid Rain and global warming , We people developed food ageing process resulting in pre maturity in our children and rise in food poisoning, we started laundering money and today the entire country falls under debt…Similarly, we Molested girls, hit them, rape them, abuse them, resulting there is a great fall in female population in our country, and this was not the only hit from nature, it punched back us with rise in homosexuality amongst men and which tends to rise every day by the time.So are we waiting for the time when we are left with no feminine in the world? Big thing to worry about guys !!
2. We men hit our wives for dowry, burn them alive…..Seriously it brings tears to my eyes when i see anything like this on Television or newspaper and i ponder, Are we so incapable or are handicapped?, that we need all this at the cost of a girl who blindly with high hopes and expectations leaves her everything to join you and your family….Friends trust me if you say no to these things, you will be a hero in the eyes of your wife.She will respect you more than anything, if you really call yourself men make yourself capable enough that you can buy her whatever she likes, whatever she wants. Then you become a Man for her !
Please guys stop this feminine abuse instead take a pledge to protect them from every Peril….Rather becoming one..!
Heart touching truth. We should teach our girl child to be brave and bold so that they can tackle such situations without fear. We should teach our sons to respect girls. Above all ,we should spend some time with our children and talk to them about happenings in the day,which will help them to open up situations which they have come across – may be any of the embarrassing situations.We should create confidence in our children that we are always there with them and we will help the in all situations.
Reblogged this on Pinksocks's Weblog and commented:
Every word in here comes from the heart and speaks for a lot of women. Kudos.
The writer has brought out good and valid points in this write-up. There is no denying such incidents happening around us.
Having said that, please note that this happens everywhere, not just in India. It is not correct to call India the Rape capital of the world. Such connotation is insuting. If the writer would please research on the rape statistics, she will notice that countries like Japan and United States have higher rates of rapes and molestation. In fact, cases of domestic molestation are an all time high in the US. Also, its not fair to say that those countries are far safer than India. I have seen both the US and India and trust me, you cannot walk alone in the dark in the US. There are too many rapists, muggers, serial killers, and racists on the loose. In India, I have come home even at 10 pm without any incident. In US, i havent gone out alone (without car) after 6 pm.
This happens all over the world….! Please do not make ‘West’ a heaven to show ‘India’ down. In-fact more dangerous crimes are being done to women there. They are dealing with the situation with an iron hand.
The only difference is how the law deals with these crimes. India has been neglecting laws on sex. its time we make some amendments and make the law strong for us to feel secure and make the culprits think twice before even think about crime.
As parents and adults we need to change too. Its time we realize that talking about sex is important to our kids and younger ones because even the mention of sex is a taboo in our country. This very suppression is the cause that our younger generation is insecure and the culprits take advantage of it.
First ‘WE’ need to change and also our leaders and laws. ‘CRIME BECOMES COMMON WHEN THE LAW IS WEAK’.
Please avoid calling names as ‘RAPE CAPITAL’ etc, these crimes are all over the world. Media is making it sensational for their own advantage. Let’s fight to make our laws strong to protect our girls and women.
The only solution I feel is stopping adult movies to see and to publish in India ,making rules like sAudi arabia which is very strict in matters f disrespecting women the immediate action will b taken I dnt now whn my motherland to b called as free bird, where women are respected.
the last 2 lines gave me goosebumps
The sad part of this story is that it is true. I know because I’ve been there too. A molesting uncle, random people on the road, in the bus. I was terrified when we had to move back to India permanently after all the horrifying experiences as a child, and stayed home for over 2 years, until I finally picked up the courage to even go grocery shopping alone. What did I do? I slowly ventured out, began to raise my voice. And if ever I felt I were in a tight spot, I would scream like the dogs of hell were upon me. It didn’t help much, didn’t make a difference to the world, but to my world, it was all that was needed. Most of the times, we blame ourselves, but it isn’t our fault.
Yes, girls are more confident these days, that they strut their stuff around in teeny tiny tight short, mini skirts, short crop tops, plunging neck lines. I would simply advice you to carry around pepper spray.
And then judging by their appearance, people say the women asked for it. Tell me how an elderly lady in her own house in her sari asked for it.
Tell me how a 6 year old asked for it.
Women are NOT sexual commodities. Men are not sexually-starved animals forever in heat. I have male friends who were raped. Stop comparing our country to another. Fix it, because, despite how much ever you protest, SHE IS BROKEN.
I’ve left the country. Married out. It’s been 7 seven months. Not even once have I felt violated here. Not once have I felt like I wanted to burn the touch of a man off my skin. So for those stating, ‘It happens all over the world’, I live in South Africa. There are rapes here too. But not as much as in India.
I say back-off, and the men back-off.
NO=NO. Nothing more, nothing less.
My worst nightmare? The same as the last paragraph in the blog.
P.S. – Don’t bother replying to my comment with statistics and crime rate percentile. I have experienced what I have experienced, and no number or graph online will ever let me change what happened to me.
I believe it has nothing to do with region, religion or culture. Its because we as humans have not respected each other, be it women or parents. we are living in one of the most godless generations ever or to say reckless generations, where everyone is doing things as they please.
Each one is a victim of their own desires.
We are heading for one of the worst civilization breakdowns ever where corruption will be the norm.
Every indian shud read this…pity the situation of a girl child in India 😦
An inspiring piece. Brings a sense of groundedness to me as a man. I have a daughter too and given the facts of the world these days…I am scared….
Sometime back I had written a piece which I want to share here. I had written it as a tribute to Damini – remember the Delhi rape Case?
She was violated….She fought….her body broken, her womb lost…yet she smiled to reassure things will be well….She must be watching us from around somewhere…with this piece…she brought in the much needed unrest and focus on the crimes of men… There is a need to Change every woman into a Durga…who was raised to go to arms !!
http://shaanzworld.wordpress.com/2012/12/30/for-damini-a-tribute-in-prose-english-script-for-ease-of-reading/
Dekh Damini is honi ne kya kiya…
dehshatgard hue,
insaan ko haivan Kiya;
Hosh khoya,
niyat ki kamzor,
Aur shaitan ko chehra diya…
Dekh Damini tere honi ne kya kiya!
Dekh Damini is honi ne kya kiya…
maa behen beti ki izzat,
aur har aanchal ko rula diya;
Jism tera toota,
Kokh teri gayi,
aur soona har aangan kar diya…
Dekh Damini tere honi ne kya kiya!
Dekh Damini is honi ne kya kiya…
Ek raasta khula,
Kai rahen bana gayi;
Jaan tere gayi,
maut teri hui,
Zinda hum sabko kar diya…
Dekh Damini tere honi ne kya kiya!
Dekh Damini is honi ne kya kiya…
Ek kaum ko hausla,
har jan ko nirbhay kiya;
Ek sailab umad pada,
har zulm ko bandhne,
har aurat ko Durga kiya…
Dekh Damini tere honi ne kya kiya!
Dekh Damini tere honi ne kya kiya!!
In many ways, I would like to dedicate this to the Girl Child!
all indians act against the sexual assaults on women…..
Reblogged this on On Point of Inquiry.
Hi Sahaja ,
First of all commendable compilation, I am sure every “Indian” girl can relate to it.
It was just after the recent horrendous act in Mumbai , I called up my sister in Singapore to tell her …never to bring my niece to India and settle there! I don’t want her to face the same situations ever in her life or for her to know this side of being a girl….in India !
Thanks
Wakeup girls … change urself cuz the Country isn’t going to change. .. learn the art of self defence …
hmm… motivating but a pessimist…
This is the best piece of writing I have read.. (Alas! the truth is bitter than fiction!!)
if we need to eradicate these things happening we need to start with our home, nabour, friends and educate the people. Let us join hands and start educating the people….Jai Hind…
pyar se chudwaogi to koi molest/rape kyun karega
the fault is all yours you slut
Really Dude!!! Atleast have the fucking balls to give your real name you asshole.
People who think like you should have died in the womb itself instead of polluting and over populating our Nation. Go get your head checked.
And ask your mom/sister/girlfriend to read this and see their reaction.
Well the situation is not bad in India only but all around the world. We really need to do something to uplift the human values and show some respect to one another.
http://listen.nycagainstrape.org/learn.html
so true…for a moment i felt as if am reading my own story!!!
It really happens…with me, with many of my friends…groping, stalking, molesting is witnessed by 99% girls in India….don’t know why people say “mera bharat mahan” !!!
Just one question. Did all of this happen to you / someone you know / know of?
Or is this a fictional piece of writing based only on your understanding of this ‘topic’ (for lack of a better term)
I am asking because the article sways in favor of ‘life in the west for a woman’ and makes India seem like a very bad place for a female to exist (forget live)
I do hope that someone actually found relief outside of the country in the way this article suggests and that this article is based on their personal experience. What I do not hope is the case, is that this article is merely a piece of fiction based only on one person’s understanding of how India ‘may’ defer from ‘the west’ in this particular respect.
If the case is the latter, then I’m afraid I do not agree with its bias. Unless of course if it is at least backed by some sort of detailed studies and stats. Also because, while India is blatantly termed as the Rape Capital of the World, the country that seems fit to hold the title, statistically, is the US, which happens to be located in ‘the west’.
In any case, I do not at all refute the challenges of living and growing up in India as a woman. Despite being a guy and never having to experience anything of this nature, I have heard of many such accounts through women that I trust. And your article, at least with respect to what ‘she’ had to face growing up in India are very much reminiscent of the stories that I have heard.
P.S.: Perhaps if you specify that the article is based on a living person’s experiences, it will then make this article a specific case in point and not a generalization…… (because generalizations are often misleading and do not paint the appropriate picture)
I’m a male. And I feel very ashamed after reading a stuff like this. I’m not telling a girl to dress properly or not to go after dark. I’m just saying what a pervert we male Indians are. What a pervert human I am who doesn’t support or respect any girl or women of this country. Shame on me. I have three sisters whom I have to look and protect and I’m sitting here without any difficulty. Shame on me. I swear I would always respect each & every girl and women of India. And I also teach my son to respect every girl and women of India.
I feel extremely sorry for what happened to you in your life. For once I would like you to know that any of these things could have happened to any women, anywhere across the world, why just women, it could even happen any boy, any men across the world. If you had a tragic past, let me tell you my fucking story…
It is the same city that you started that I ve lived all my life, yes Chennai. We used to live (line veedu) houses which have small portions split in a big compound. These houses used to be common living compounds for several middle income group and lower income group families. My grandmother owned one such compound in a suburb of the city. Since my drunkard dad abandoned my mother when I was 3, me and and my mother lived in one of those portions which my grandmother rented us. In one of a nearby portion, there was a similar middle class family, a mom, a dad and a girl in her early twenty’s. The girl used to be like a guardian kind of lady to me and all other kids in the neighborhood. She took good care of most of the kids including helping out in our homework, studies and other chores. We all used to love her a lot and call her as Akka( an elder sister), those were one of the happiest days of my life. She was so very important to most of the kids, we would even get into fights to help her in her house hold chores. All was bliss till that one day.
On one of those days when I was 6, she took me into her room, undressed me slowly and said to me to that “just do what I say kutty” (small one referred with love). She placed her mouth on my penis, which apparently was just 1/4-1/2 inch long and started sucking them. I felt really weird, and I did not know what she was doing. I asked her ” Enna Akka panreenga….? (What are you doing sister…?). She replied…” Onnum illad da kutty….Ippadi panna nalla irukum…( Nothing dear….If we do this it ll be good…?)….After a few minutes of sucking, she stood up and raised her skirt. She slowly removed her panties and sat on a chair. She pulled me by my arms closer to her and said to me…” Akka unaku panne mathiriye, neenum akkaku pannum seriya…..” (Do to me what I have done to you…..”). I was really thought less, and stood still by her. She caught me by my head and pulled close to her vagina, she pressed my mouth against it firmly and said ” Suck it da…”. I did do it, licked her genitals with my tongue and did it as long as she wanted me to do. It tasted really weird, and I was sure of one, I ve never tasted a thing like that in the past. After this she picked me by my thighs and rubbed my penis against her vagina. I used to find it strange, she used to close her eyes and make some weird faces while all this was happening. After all this is done, she took me to the bath room, washed my penis with soap and wiped it with a towel.
I went home, feeling different. I simply didn’t know what has just happened to me, good or bad. What ever it may be, I was feeling different from that moment. This continued to me for next couple of years. yes till I was 10-11. She used to pick me after school at 3-3:30 everyday, have me with her till my mom was back from office. We were in a new world altogether, away from all others. I did not utter a single word to others about what was happening between us. When I was 10-11, she got married and left the place. When she came back to visit her parents, I was there to meet her. She brushed me aside, pushed me away. She said ” Don’t meet me again, and don’t tell anything to anybody. If so I won’t ever talk to you”. That day i felt lost, I cried for the first time. I just asked one question to myself ” Why is she doing this to me?”….
With a confused state of mind, I along with my Mom, moved away from the house. We moved into a new locality, a flat nearby my school. I picked up a lot of friends in school, moved into my next phase of life. As all young boys do in their teens, we hit the nearby video shop to get some porn video cassettes. This was late 90’s and only a few of my friends had VCR/VCP. We got our first “XXX” video, truth is that we dint even know what XXX was…?.. We were playing it in one of our friends house, as the video went on, these huge ladies were sucking those monstrous dicks. I was shocked to see it for the first time, OMG was this the thing which me an that lady was doing for so long. That was the first time I realized that what I did with her was very bad. She was using me like her personal sex toy. I was devastated.
Life went on, finished school with decent grades and got myself into a top engg college in the state. Got myself a decent job, met a lovely girl and fell in love with her. Not I am 29, married to that girl and have a beautiful daughter of my own. Last year, me and my wife were watching the Child abuse episode of Amir Khan’s Show. As I was watching the show, my past memories came out. I was crying at the end of the show, I felt devastated. OMG now I realized that was sexually abused by “that bitch” for so long. I was victim myself of brutal abuse. Now a lot of things started falling in place, she was using me to quench her sexual thirst. From that moment on, those memories haunt me everytime I touch or kiss my wife. Am trying hard to forget those days, I don’t have the courage to even tell to my wife.
This is the first time I ve said it to any one. I felt really disturbed reading all these posts,as if men are pedophiles, rapists, sex animals etc. As if Women jumped out of the sky, and men came out of the ground. My only point is there are as many maniac, sex animals, pedophiles, among women in streets as there are men, who are ready to target the weak. My humble request is that “While we protect our girls, please do not forget our boys ”
A victim of abuse
Don’t forget our boys
Did you read my post…?
Exactly ma point… puberty, sex, lust and desires come naturally to humans… just don’t impose urself on others…
Rape is nothing but sexually imposing oneself on others.
It occurs when either one of the persons is forceful on another, may it be a combination of any gender or else rape can also happen when one of the persons is too young to even understand what sex is all about.
So lets stop blaming men only…
Read through the thread and I find all women talking like saints and sadhus and all men feeling apologetic….Why is this hypocrisy, women are as perverted as men are….Targeting men for all sex crimes is appalling to say the least…..
My personal take on this is that men are generally more perverted than women ( not always true), due to evolutionary “design”. Nature has entrusted the woman with the responsibility and privilege of motherhood and this naturally encourages her to seek more quality and stability in relationships for the sake of her children. For a man, it is all about quantity, quality and stability are secondary requirements. Civilization and culture have “forced” man into monogamy and from there man developed genuine love for his partner and children, but without that man’s natural biological instinct is to have several parallel relationships as his job in nature is pretty much done once he has sowed the seed. The woman on the other hand has no place to run away and the hormonal changes in her during the long pregnancy ensure that she will care for the child and will make every attempt to make sure she and her child are cared for, even if it means making compromises. This imbalance between the two genders in terms of quantity and quality is a primary source of violence against women. And this is also why we don’t hear much about women violating men. If all women had the same urges and perversion as men, I would have expected to see more violence against men. Women are surely capable of causing at least a quarter of the harm men cause them. Which is not validated by evidence.
No self respecting man attuned to civilization and culture will ever harm any woman under any circumstances ( In the Mahabharat story you find Bhishma refusing to fight Shikandin knowing very well that it was going to cost him his life – it wasn’t considered manly or chivalrous to attack a woman even to save one’s own life), but many men still carry the ancient traits that make men seek quantity over quality and this can also manifest in its violent form, especially when the individual is also influenced by a general hatred or contempt for women. In prehistoric times, this gave the human species a distinct evolutionary advantage in the propagation of the species, but humans no longer benefit from these trait now and it is in our best interests to eliminate this aberrant strain.
I felt unsettled upon reading up your incident. Maybe on some level I too can relate but not to this extent, by someone of similar age as me, 7 at that time. I too didn’t understand and I doubt if I can call what I faced as abuse because the other one was a child of my age.
I have some advice for you, think over it, or maybe you already might have had this thought – try to attribute your experience as the act of an individual who targeted an unfortunate child. That child was you, could have been (or was) your friend or anyone. Do not identify with that act, try to view it from a third person perspective, maybe you would find solace. Maybe then those memories will remain uncalled till you choose to recollect them. Maybe then you can love a woman and not get haunted by those memories. Try to look at it this way – someone you knew bore the brunt of being a target of a person overcome with sexual desire.
I think curiosity and hormones thrall us which in absence of open, healthy atmosphere which is instead replete with sexual repression and so called morality or taboo culture leads to targeting of weaker beings – those who cannot fight back – children.
Luke,
Am trying all that I can do. I know that I can get over it, I ve got more reasons to forget them than remember. Thank you for your kind words.
Dear Sahaja,
Quite an impressive article, but I have to agree with some, about the veiws about India. India is a country having dynamic changes through it culture and values, With mixing of Culture there are sometimes such consequences, What surprised me was that all the cities you mentioned are considered quite safe and even sex ratio is also quite better than North India. That makes you accept it that it could happen anywhere in the world not just Delhi or India or Asia or America.
I have some question regarding the true perspective of deciding any cultural taboo, How to judge any culture? Why polyandry and polygyny only affecting a woman and not a man? Is the society affected only because of patrilinearilty, or a male dominating society? There are number of questions to get deep to an extent to find answers for such circumstances.
I do ask these question because I rarely seen a nice guy or a geek having a smart beautiful girlfriend, rather the rowdy of class will have a most beautiful girl, such instances show that girls sometimes do want the guys to be a little aggressive and forward. But the question still remains what is the critical point to it and where to stop. We need review in our social norms and terms to improve what is right and what is to be done.
Utkarsh
lets understand every part of the world have their own problems and we have our part. Lets not be under notion that there is some place in the world that is heaven with all perfection that is possible.
We need to train ourselves to protect the environment poses the challenges at us.
This made me cry…..
Most important. We should teach our sons to respect women, by doing this we can form a civilized society for our children. Western countries have the strictest laws but they also have the highest crimes against women. We should stop looking at women as objects. Ban adds tat portray woman suggestively, now days cold drink and chocolate advertisements look like condom advertisements. We need to change to bring change.
hii friends
This al mind set, nothing else and its true india getting wrost and wrost to live…
lovly
I really liked your article.. it was heart touching. I felt the each word. I have some of the same experiences in my life, and after reading this article i really want to share them with my mother, sister, husband, whosever close to me which i never did. I told my husband to read this article so he will feel the same emotions what i felt after reading and thought to share my experiences with him .. but suddenly i was stopped back by mother-in-law’s talks and that seconds/minutes of emotions where lost… You have great courage to share this .. I didn’t find the same, may be some day sure.
This is very sad…we hv to put efforts to save nd protect girls….its vrry sad to hear about that girl..god bless her…
It’s all true facts in the writers story. These things mostly happens in India, for this what we Indians could do is Education. Through Education we can bring peace in this world. It helps us to stop all this nonsense happening around us, it will make people think from all the angles, Indian govt. and the media has to do something about it. Through Education, we can make Revolution.
We live in a culture where we are taught that we have choices about our lives and that we’re responsible for what happens to us. As some feminist author says, “If you are beaten, you’re said to have incited it, if you’re raped you’re said to have invited it. We all know that these things run very deep in the culture. From the time a child is very, very small, we’re teaching that they’re responsible for the things that happen in their life both positive and negative. So when a rape situation occurs, usually what I see going through a victim’s mind is what did I do that was wrong.It’s not only the victim who blames herself. Society is quick to blame her as well. Even the innocence of children is questioned. Often times seen with a police officer …have heard that a four-year-old girl was responsible for seducing her perpetrator who was an adult. Now what are we saying? What we’re saying is that we don’t know how to take responsibility as a society. Therefore, we will continue to blame the victim.
It is troubling enough that such a small proportion of reported rapes make it to court, worse still that so few victims come forward in the first place. But most disturbing of all is the reason why so many people keep their suffering to themselves: because they do not think they will be believed. That rape is still a dirty secret, hedged about with so much blame and shame that victims feel they cannot come forward, is testament to how far we still have to go.
There are, of course, great legal difficulties in rape trials. Sexual assault is one of the few crimes where proof lies not in the physical facts of the matter, but in the subjective intentions of those involved. One person’s word against another’s, with no corroborating witnesses, is highly problematic for a legal system predicated on the concepts of innocent until proven guilty and proof beyond reasonable doubt.
This is no call for the wholesale abandonment of basic tenets of justice. But simply to shrug our collective shoulders, blame intractable issues of principle, and thereby leave a swathe of victims of violent assault with insufficient legal protection cannot be acceptable in what purports to be a civilised society.
Barely a third of victims go to the police, and another third tell no one at all, not even close friends.In fairness, there has been significant progress in terms of institutional procedures. In many areas of the country, for example, there are now specially trained police officers and court prosecutors for cases of sexual assault. But uneven regional conviction rates only underline the extent to which such practices remain an optional extra rather than standard.
Equally, although victims no longer face the prospect of being cross-questioned by their attacker in court, pursuing a case to trial remains a horrifying ordeal. As a witness for the prosecution, the victim has no legal support, and faces intensely personal questioning from defence lawyers, often while face-to-face with their rapist for the first time since the assault. Even within the framework of innocent until proven guilty, there is more that can be done to ease the burden on victims, not least allowing them legal representation in court.But the shortcomings of our institutions are merely part and parcel of a wider cultural understanding of rape that still militates against justice. It is that culture that must change if victims are to be encouraged to speak up. Comments from the Justice Secretary last year that appeared to imply that some rapes are more “serious” than others have hardly helped, adding to the persistent fallacy – often stoked by the media – that a person being either drunk or dressed in a certain way must take some responsibility for the actions of their attacker.
Part of the problem is the myth that rape is primarily a threat on the streets at night. Far from it. In fact, rape rarely occurs in the proverbial dark alley. The truth is both more banal, and more appalling: two-thirds of victims know their attacker, and assaults commonly take place in the home of either the victim or the rapist. Perpetrators rely on shame to keep their crime secret. Too often they are proved right. And if the conspiracy of silence is a problem for women who are raped, it is even worse for men.Rape is one of the more appalling things that one human being can do to another, and yet there is no other crime about which our society is so ambivalent. That must change.
Story of every family.. Every gal faces this no matter of what socieoeconomic strata.. Sad but true.. Its in the head of indian men.. This is ‘NO GIRLS’ LAND’ WELCOME TO INDIA..
I realised this long time back. May it be ur wife, sister, mother, everyone goes through it. Its sad that we are not there to help them..
i wrote an article about the same topic.. http://drshashikant.blogspot.in/2009/10/sexual-abuse-in-children.html
I have no words to appreciate all this content, you have captured life journey of a woman so well. This all is true for my very own country and all of us women who have this understanding barrier with our parents suffer great loss. It is devastating and confidence shattering for a girl no matter how old she gets . Especially when such acts are carried out by someone of your own family. We are forcefully made to think of men with despise and it is terrible that it starts at a very young age.
Nicely written article but it sounds as if child abuse is solely prevalent in India and that too with girls. This is far from the truth. All around the world,about 50% of children are abused, mostly by someone they know or trust and this is true with both boys and girls. It may have been best if some research had been done on statistics before writing a story as if every Indian man out there was waiting to rape every child/woman who walked past him and people everywhere else were saints!
I truly agree with you
Loosely researched and written with vague perception far from reality
When i read this article,i think i should say this.Some women always compliant about men having erections in public transport(particularly in india) and they use to compare the public transport of ours with western countries where they will never come across a man’s erection.I have a question to those women.Do you ever think why this occur in indian public transport?The answer is(as you may know),unlike in developed countries where most people use their on vehicles for day today affairs and public transport is not crowded at all,in india most people uses public transport for going to office schools etc on daily basis.This leads to the over crowding of public transport .When men and women are brought together to such confined spaces as it is in a typical indian bus or train,both sexes can get sexually excited(although as always most women don’t admit it).But the problem with men is that, unlike their female counter parts ,they cannot hide their erection,since penis is about 100 times bigger than a clitoris.Women,just think for a second that public buses in western countries are as over crowded as it is in india and men and women are travelling with their bodies touching each other.Now do you think that men in those countries don’t get an erection……? I think mature women can easily accept the fact that men will have erection when a woman stands near him. From my personal experience i can assure you one thing,there are many women who loves the sensation of an erect penis on their body.But women will never admit it.I work in an automation company which is situated in a place where there are lots of hospitals.I travel in public buses to reach my office and women out number men in those buses as the nurses and female employees in those hospitals also uses public buses.The bus will be over crowded all the time.Every single day i will come across women will who will stand infront of me and grind against my penis.Obviosly i will get erection and when my penis goes bigger they will grind harder.This indicates that these women are enjoying it as well.As i conclude,i just want women to” honestly” answer my question below..
Do you ever enjoy grinding a man’s penis in public transport…..?
If you answer this question “honestly” then i can assure you that,you are one real liberated woman………………..
Jobin, read this carefully. Your intentions seem to be absolutely clear. You sound absolutely rational to me and everyone has a right to put across his or her feelings.
However, I think you got a little mixed up when you quoted public transport as the only reason for arousing a man.
Let me tell you something… A scientific theory states that ‘A man is majorly aroused by looks and a female is majorly aroused by touch’…
So in this case you might be right about unintentional rubbing of ur penis and all that jazz, but do not forget you/me, being a man mainly get horny when we fantasize a naked woman. Don’t worry, its human and nothing is wrong or abnormal…
Jerk off or have sex with your girlfriend just like girls touch themselves or finger themselves.
You might think its vulgar but its rather human. Sex has been given the place of God as far as it is not imposed over someone…
All is good, enjoy a nice jerking session tonight – it’ll make your sperm count even better.
Cheers!!!
Very truly said….all this happens in India…. all these are real stories which have happened or are happening around us daily …..but plz dnt blame India as a country to be home for these type of practices and western world absolutely free from similar things, people with such mentality exists all over the world…..Its very sad & a life time mental torture for an individual who faces such things whenever it happens around the globe. India is our home and we need to clean it and make it an ideal place to live for all.
Only people who have an option to move to some other country and settle happily over there can say that India is a worst place to live. We should condemn, never support, or protect people involved in such acts, whether they are a part of society, or some one very near to us or, some of our family member.
And last but not the least all of us need to respect women and give them space to live their own life.
(These stories are really sad and can make any one cry, these are a true reflection of whatever is happening around us daily, still we expect a lot from our society and hope these things will not happen again and again)
The last two lines are very much true. In INDIA these incidents do happen. The worst thing is that no one comes forward to help ! But I think in these situations a woman must protest for herself. Do not wait for others to do. It’s not that there are no good or responsible citizens in INDIA. People are there maybe in very small number. So don’t wait, do whatever you have to do. These men are mentally deformed and should be punished as hardly as possible.
Thank You Kajal for sharing this!
Reblogged this on Never Landing and commented:
This post was so touching that I thought I should share it. 🙂
It is very easy to say that india is the capital of rap.But no one try to diminish it.the first goes on society,our system and moral education.parent don’t teach how he should behave with girl.parents make their sons free but same is not happen with girl . The main cause of all the problems associated with the girl is the bad construction of our society.At first we have to remove differences between boys and girls.Moral education must be added in our course.
Just just so disgusting..
Yet every single incident is true. So sadly and dangerously true. And one of those experiences is mine, word by word, feeling by feeling, despair by despair.
😦
I am a brother and a son. As I read this article, I feel how unsafe and cruel this country would have been to my sister and mother. This might be true for every woman in this country. I feel ashamed to be born as man in this country.
The most important thing she could do is making her daughter aware of the dangers at an early age and reassuring her that she would always be there for her. Something she didn’t get from her mother.
I agree with every single incident that is mentioned in this story. There are a lot of us women who suffer everyday in someway or the other. And thanks to these bloody politicians its only increasing with every passing day because there is no fear… absolutely FEARLESS men roaming freely. They think they own the country and its citizens as either their father, uncle, brother, cousin or some far off relative is a politician. They can be freed the moment they are caught. Absolutely ridiculous. I am worried about all my friends’ daughters, they were all born in front of my eyes and growing up beautifully. I hope and pray that their mothers and other women in the family treat them well and never leave them alone, neither with friends nor with family members – NEVER with strangers. But the challenge is how far can they go with them ? These girls will go to school, college, tuitions,climb up the stairs of any building sometime … it can happen anywhere, anytime, by damn MAN !!! Feel very unsafe, worried ….
I feel the same .Outside India, there is a sense of freedom you feel. We can be what we are. I can totally relate to everything which is written and even I have felt many a times that Quitting India is the only solution to deal with this as it is not one or two men we are talking about. Its a huge mass and struggling on a day to day basis is an emotional and physical trauma to every women who faces these things.
I cried reading this. I felt it was every girl’s story here in India. I have a baby boy who was born in the US and we came back to India for good in Feb. Believe me, my heart sinks when I think of something like that with my kid.
Very touching
Scary but true… As a girl,especially in india,everyday you have think so many times on small small pity things like what you are wearing or if its too late too go out or if you are laughing loudly outside.. Everywhere you go, you feel threaten..With all the shit happening in our country currently,we should make ourselves strong, both physically and mentally,to deal with such kind of bastards..
Your writing is amazing. Brings an emotional and engrossing experience. Big Fan!!
It is a beautifully written story. The emotion of haunting helplessness that seeps from the fabric of your tale is very real. There are exaggerations and a bias in your story which add to its poignancy. It is, at the end of the day – a well told story.
If this is inspired by true world events. It is indeed well timed.
If this is inspired by true personal events, I sympathize with you.
I have also read nearly all comments that followed your story. It is the comments that compel me to comment more than the story. The comments have only made me sad. Its disappointing to see sweeping generalization and mud-slinging against Indian men, women or even the country in general. While there exist a ton of problems in our country, we must recognize that every country has a fair share of their own. Every individual is entitled to their own thought and opinion but maligning their fellow country”men” and playing a blame game isn’t helping or changing anything.
Like everyone else, I’m apparently just adding my two pies bit only is writing, but I will say it all the same.
The root of most problems in the world, not India alone, political, economic, religious or moral are systemic. Although bigger thought and action are definitely required to resolve what I’m labeling as systemic problems. The small beginnings can be made by individuals where awareness, self-empowerment and an outward consciousness might help make this planet better bit-by-bit. We should learn this ourselves and teach our children this.
Of course, its a big ask and nowhere close to happening.
I could go on pointlessly, the only point I’m actually trying to make is that where there might be even 70 flaws in a possible 100 items unresearched attribution by 9 out of 10 people pains me.
Tok me a while to read all this. I host a late night radio talk show on the Internet called Between the sheets and have been doing so for 10 years. My show this Wednesday Aug 28th is dealing with the subject of molestation and groping of women in public places and how this impacts their lives between the sheets . I hope you will tune in and more importantly call in with your experiences and solutions as many young women listen in.
NEXT TOPIC BETWEEN THE SHEETS:
Have you been groped, molested, inappropriately touched in public places or had other things happen in a similar fashion? What did you do to handle it? How did you feel? In light of the CNNi articles on the experiences of American students, let’s speak about this between the sheets.
SHARE THIS post IF YOU LIKE!
ONLY ON CAMPUS RADIOWALLA. Tune into Radiowalla.in live at 11 PM IST Wednesday
Sign up here if you plan to tune in or call in: https://www.facebook.com/events/268121549995892/280609032080477/?notif_t=plan_mall_activity
I live in delhi..and after the brutality faced by the dec 16th victim was popularized, i cudnt walk out onto the streets without looking at all men with weary eyes. i always keep pepper spray in my hands, but even that doesnt make me feel safe..i too have been a victim to many acts of harassment like groping and pinching, thankfully nothing more..and ive always found that making a scene out of it helped when in public..if ur alone then its best to be aware of ur surroundings and get out of such situations as fast as possibl..
watever the Govt does or doesnt do..its not gonna help..ppl shud take matters into their own hands..understand the meaning of the word victim nd help each other..
* there’s no girl who wouldn’t hav faced molestation, small or big, known or stranger… As they say ” what doesn’t kill u makes u stronger” .. We all need to be very careful nd strong as we also knows the world’s a bitter place we need to carry our own sweet bud… What happend with us should nt be repeated with our loved ones should be out motto… The artical is beautifully executed to pul out ur emotions!! Hats off!
Moms should teach girls how to be
Ruf n tuf..but not soft n sweet..
Girls should learn questioning more instead answering..change happens only wen girls change…
Oh so its girls problem now…so girls have to change…what about males, they dont need to do anything…just keep doing the same thing ?
how’s this thought PATENTED by you? sorry to question.
Women are the one who bring hu(mans) into this world, and look what the men do in-return to the females. My heart’s broken while I read this article and I am sad, in pain, frustrated and angry on this behavior of men. I am a male too.
All my life, my mom has taught me how to treat a girl with respect in the society, How much precious she is for a society, give ladies the preference in Q, give ladies the preference to sit in a bus/train, don’t make the lady carry the heavy luggage, always treat her with more respect, how much pain she goes through in child-birth, upbringing of a child and I can keep listing them….all my mom taught me.
To the person who suffered all the pain in this article and to all the females reading this, I want you all to know that men like me exists in this world and we treat you as precious as you are, you all are respected, loved and cared in our hearts.
Hi…only change in order to stop the bad behaviour of boys is… Girls have proper dressing done..!!!!!!!!! why do you highlight your assets in open public.. I knw India is heading towards western culture trend.. but not all Indians are exposed to such culture.. so guys when they happen to c saree and chudidars at the home and when out., their eyes bubble out and naturally they tend to opt different methods…. I don’t say not to get in western outfits.. but some civilised outfits to be worn… I hope this change should have an effect….
By the same logic, why don’t you ask men to dress in long skirts to cover their “assets”. Our bodies are built as they should be, by nature. If male “assets” are natural and accepted as they are, why not female assets? Nobody tells men to wear salwars or cover up their assets. Even animals don’t rape their kind because sex among animals is natural and consensual. Are you saying that men are poorer than animals in managing their sexual urges? Or that men can’t find a healthy, natural way of winning female partners and are rapists by nature?
Where did you get this information? Although rape is an infrequent occurrence in the lower animal world, it is not uncommon in the more intelligent and sociable species like apes, dolphins etc. Plotting and subjugation of females in these animals as well as humans looks like a case of perverted intelligence. Rape exists in all the animal species that have sex for pleasure ( that is not a big list), and is usually non existent in animal species that have sex only to procreate.( the majority)
You mean to say if these guys see their sister in western clothes? their eyes bubble out ?
who are you or anyone to decide what is “civilized outfits”? Learn to control your glands. Thats the true mark of a man!
I think he wants to make every girl wear a Pardha in India … and cut down women’s freedom
Its not about Pardha.. n FYI.., I have not mentioned any thing as such. Its a humanity discussion which is going on and not any religion…, So its better you stay out of this.., And Moreover I do not want to comment more on this.., its your choice to protect your sister and Mothers of our Country whether keeping them naked or putting a Pardha . Till then Take Care. POS
I am sorry, I cant stay out of this, India is my country…ha..ha…
Lets us know , what outfit that you want the ladies should wear in India in order to stay away from men’s surveillance.
Define the outfit properly so everyone can know …..
Every Indian girl while reading your blog is unfortunately remembering her bitter childhood experiences , something that happened years ago but still brings in fresh pain and anger , something which she chose to forget and tried hard to erase it from her memory but failed .
I experienced it twice when I was unaware and helpless ,
After few years , one afternoon i was walking on a crowded residential street in Rajajinagar , Banglore ,I was decently dressed in a loose jeans and a simple T shirt ( which I need to mention for those who think it was my fault ) a man wearing a helmet on a bike stopped beside me and said ” How much will you take , come lets go ”
It took me few seconds to realize what he had just said , as soon as I did I just walked faster , he came again and said ” I guess you are new ,it’s ok don’t worry sit behind ”
I felt disgusted , scared and helpless . I saw a security guard standing few feet away from me and I foolishly walked towards him , just as I was about to ask him for help I saw that security guard grinning at me . Without saying a word I walked away .
I know now we all can think and suggest hundred s of reactions but that moment I just froze so unprepared for it .
A year later while walking on MG Road ,Banglore a man was walking towards me , taking advantage of the crowd on the foot path tried to rub against me but I turned at the right time looked at him in the eye and said ” kuthe (dog ) go home and touch your mother ” I said it so loudly that everyone around could hear , he just fled away .
But this is not a solution , people around didn’t care much , I walked up further trying to forget what happened .
But I could not , Not then NOT NOW !
really remembering d every incidents that happened!!! really horrible!!
Reblogged this on Millie Wrote It and commented:
Nice piece of writing on an important theme
actualy…some times people are afraid to help women becuse….they dont want to get in any trouble..yesterday night…. i saw a women at night….she was lost…thats wat she told.. we tried to cal her relative number was not reachable….later we came to know that she was a whore…..
Avinash , so that time you happened to do the right thing for the wrong person…would it be right to judge evey woman and stop lending a helping hand just coz of that one incident?
If we ladies were to be so judgemental we’d have to stop getting out of houses at all!
i used to think there is some truth to the “people are afraid” theory. The thing is i am skeptical now. not only do we hear stories of passive witnesses doing nothing i experienced something that shook me. when i was getting grabbed in the bus i turned around to see the perpetrator, i glared and moved away and he turned around to rub off on me. i moved away again. and then i saw a man who was watching this and grinning. the 40-something molester enraged me but the 30-something working professional’s reaction is what shook me. i fled from the bus as soon as my stop came. i checked if either of them had got down after me. i am scared to walk around in my own city.
After Independence of India our ruling leaders have created a rotten mind set-up of common people by not providing proper policies in education,population growth, health and sociability and many more….
Reblogged this on Sakura and commented:
I think every girl in India has gone through something like this.I would feel safer too if I was abroad and that’s just sad.I want to be able to feel safe in my own country, my own home.
This is so relate-able and heart wrenching… The sense of freedom so unknown in India and so natural in a foreign country, where I know I am not being looked at all the odd places at all the times, is indescribable.. Teary eyed..
I am so proud of you that you brought out even the most minute moments that every girl suppresses within her or told to suppress within her, lifelong. I salute you for writing this post on behalf of those millions of girls in this world.
you can do a bit
correct your attitude
and person around you
hamari or sbki sistr h yaha to hm sabko apna sochne ka , dhekhne ka nazariya badalna hoga jb hm apni family k bare me kabhi galt nahi soch sakte to aap bhar kisi or k bare me kaise soch sakte ho itna ganda or bura plzzz guys change ur thinking so that our mother or sistr save or vo is duniya me jee sake …
Reblogged this on The shooting doctor.
It is the mentality that we as Indians need to change. But how this change can occur, I have no idea and no hope either. Things are getting worse day by day and it’s not only the illiterate but the educated youth as well that is to blame. We somehow need to bring about a change, lets just start by changing ourselves.
bare truth….very simply but well written….we girls hv bin neglected by nature….as such the ruthless society left no stone unturned 2 complete the task left incomplete by nature….instead of empowering women,this society has givn scars 2 us wenever possibl….but we will fight 2 live, fight till we die!we wont die every moment!
An heart touching one. Felt bad with the position of women
Seeing the current scenario of the number of rapes and molestations happening……I being a mother of a 3 yr old daughter have seriously decided to empower my baby. No mother can tolerate such animalistic behaviour specially with their daughters!! I am going to make sure that she knows to guard herself n smartly escape any such situation. I cannot expect the world to change n become godly. But I will make sure that my daughter is mentally, physically n logically alert. I dt know how far is this possible……but my attempt as a mother will always be to have the presence of mind n act smartly. I have realised whether u r alone or couple or a group of friends…the vulnerability is the same…..so best is to be gaurded and careful……. I am thankful to u for sharing ur experience with us…ITS TIME THAT WE EMPOWER OURSELF…..
There is something wrong with most comments up here. This is NOT about how daughters alone should be brought up, this is about how we bring up up our sons as well.
Instead to let girls facing all those,….. we have to guide girls in childhood…. how to face such situations and what they can do….. so that they can walk in society with dare and compete to world….
… !!!
Has anyone ever asked themselves what the root cause is of this problem going on in India? I think it has to do with HUGE economic and cultural gap. Too many people want to stick to primitive, antiquated and completely irrelevant traditions in the modern information age. All the people who get pissed at all these rapes going on probably practice some so called “tradition” in the name of carrying on legacy or whatever and these rituals collectively still perpetuate this idea that India must stay backward instead of forward. And this idea stays with the entire country, and all the lower-class people are stuck in a time machine while the rest of the world is moving forward.
With that being said, what do you expect a dumb, poor guy with no education and no real perspective or real knowledge of whats going on with the real world to do when he goes to the city and see’s all these girls. Not justifying anything here by any means, just trying to point out some cause and effect.
All these “stricter” laws and media attention towards rapes in India aren’t going to do jacksh* to stop anything. All this new wave feminism crap that the young girls are into isn’t going to do anything. It’s going to turn into “we want special privileges” rather than “we want equal rights.”
What’s the problem? Our parents. Our grandparents. Our society (not just indian) values tradition and heritage over moving forward in the name of human intellectual progress. They vote on policies that put into effect laws that have no place in this day and age. They uphold strict religious standards in their households. There is no room for free thought or free decisions. It causes huge problems in upper class families. Can you imagine how fucked up the kids in a really lower class family would be?
All the rape is just a bad side effect of this root cause. Kill the cancer from it’s roots. Stop perpetuating antiquated institutions and outdated ideas. Make the system better. I can bet you if the people who committed these horrible crimes grew up in a household where they could be themselves as much as possible, they probably would have turned out to be better than they currently are and would never do what they did.
uh… thanks for reading. kthnxbye
Beautifully written…I am sure every Indian girl can relate to this and would have the same feelings for her baby girl…….
It is sad but true.
My heart goes out for all of you, who have suffered this.
Accept this, we are a hypocrite nation. Having said that i can’t deny myself of this.
I have read and heard such stories but never did anything except discussing and forgetting till the next big story came. We are a nation of talkers.
Of late i have started to do something you all can do.
834 persons have commented so far.
So I understand, all of you will read this.
If you all start with your families and treat the girl child and male child the same.
All elders please give respect to the ladies in the house as the kids look up to you.
And mothers, if you start sensitizing your little boys towards the female fraternity and all the good things early enough, so that they practice it all through their lifetime and pass on this learning to their successors and so on.
If you find this good enough then please pass on this thought among your friends and extended family members. We will have to start this some day. So why not today.
Hope this will ring a bell in your mind. so, i leave you with these quotes….
” Let France have good mothers, and she will have good sons. ”
Bonaparte, Napoleon
“Education begins at home and I applaud the parents who recognize that they – not someone else – must take responsibility to assure that their children are well educated.”
Ernest Istook
If only mental rape could be measured in a quantifiable way and brought to justice as well, then maybe the idiots calling for “male infanticide” and “male castration” in this comment thread could be told to shut their pieholes a lot easier.
Humanity is not a one way street. There are 2 genders. And both parties have to compromise.
If men never had sexual feelings after looking at a woman, guess what ladies? We’d all be living in caves right now without fire. A big reason man has built things like computers and iPhones is to impress the opposite sex.
Yes, we are visual with how we are attracted to you. For example, the other day I met a woman who was quite beautiful physically. Nice face. Nice body. There is nothing I could possibly do to repress any sexual thoughts. Obviously I never act on these feelings (oh wait i forgot I’m a man I rape people every moment of my life). Anyways, this girl was a mutual friend. So I was excited to talk to her and get to know her. Then she opened her mouth. Yep that’s right. As soon as I found out she was actually dumb, I lost any attraction I had towards her.
Women just don’t understand that the way they INITIALLY desire sex is different from the way men do. It doesn’t make men perverted.
If you think all men do when they think about women is sex then you’re wrong and a bit of an idiot. It’s every man’s dream to find a girl they can hang out with and talk to and share the same interests as them, etc. The sex is something completely separate from what we are as people.
Anyways, I’m rambling.
Point is this is a huge problem and guess what.. the root cause of this problem is not that men have sexual fantasies in their heard. The root cause is (like I said in another post in this thread) is our society’s unwillingness to move forward. Our grandparents are the reason this is happening. Think about it.
That why I bought a peper spray for my girl friend
In which she used it on 3 ppl till now
my mom always educated me how perverts are…she neva left me alone with any stranger or male relative, neighbor. she always taught me that don’t let anyone touch you and if any one does let me know asap, she neva sent me to shops located far, she always taught me neva to drink or eat anything any men is offering be it ur college friends. she has educated me to learn one’s face and eyes. i am 23 yrs old n my mom still gives me knowledge whenever i go out for interview or out with friends. i always share with my mom if i find any boy is stalking me or staring at me. i’m blessed to have mom like a best friend. if u are a mother please guide your daughters and let them know how bad world is and can be..so that they can take care of them self when alone.
I have read your blogs and shared with my friends too as they were spot on with ground realities. The line: “She brushed her teeth, put her pajamas and t-shirt on and went to bed. That night, she cried. A lot. Because there was nothing else she could do.” was quite disappointing Sahaja. Not only men but unfortunately in a certain extent women too are responsible for the atrocities on themselves. For example, in rape cases how does a mother gives support to his rapist son i.e. getting a lawyer or giving efforts of her life to get his son acquitted, doesn’t it sound ridiculous? Same goes to dowry drama, don’t you think that women (sasu so called ma) plays an obnoxious role to increment the dowry amount. According to me, for a complete society revival, we have to kick off things from our family first.
Hence, my reply to the last line is: “It’s the time to stop crying and start sweating”. 🙂
what a flop story….
Truly… A sad incident. We need to think of it more deeper…. than why a person gets violated…. actually why is uncle violating his niece… Why the hell is he so frustrated.
We have to find ways to remove frustration from our society… Be it by ensuring better education… Education for a person to know himself and his society…. feel the pain of others too
I too have a daughter growing up and don’t want my girl to feel this sort of issues.
In fact the real problem is that there are frustrated people in society…we cannot kill people saying they are bad… we have to other solutions
Reblogged this on jayanthonline.
Everyone think that how it could have been happened in the soil of “saga”. But my thoughts are entirely different. I always try to find a solution and focusing to how to arrest/eradicate such nasty acts against girl child/womanhood. How long we would say that men are supreme and women are pleased to men in this world. It is an absolute wrong connotation. The author has penned that such acts never and ever happened in “west” Then how it takes “Viswaroop” in our country. Reason is very simple. Our culture is ancient and taught good lessons to major parts of the globe. Even then, we failed to understand the great values of our culture and tradition and allow such acts whether admittedly or not. Why we admit such nasty acts against the girl child, because all such acts are done by our own people and who are one among relative of each other. Next our laws are not swift. Thirdly, we forget our vales of culture and tradition and drifted from ethnic values. We all take a pledge to follow ethnic values, extend our heartfelt support to amend the laws which are suit according to the present needs and seldom the committed crimes though they are wearing the mask of relative/ blood relations. Person who committed crime should be paid and they never be allowed to escape from the eyes of law.
I can’t find words to express my gratitude for the author who has penned it.
S. Gomathinayagam
May I say, it is a beautifully articulated blog and something for all of us to ponder. Adding my two pence.
I feel that these kind of social evils (Any kind of social evils for that matter) can only be eradicated by dedicated and continuous fight. And the fight has to start from the heart of every girl. It needs to be drilled down that an act of molestation cannot put a girl down (if by any chance the weirdo cheapo is going to get some perverted satisfaction, he should not have it). The girl, every single one of them need to understand that crouching/cringing at being molested is only going to encourage the molester to repeat it on someone else and that needs to be stopped. Last, but not the least, every girl needs to have at least a basic level of comfort in self defence and should be trained to shout and scream out loud instead of cringing.
It is my bias, but would have loved this post had the mother of this new born assured herself that she would educate and empower her precious girl to fight and assert herself. Tears can fail to move a pervert, but a fight can surely put him off to an extent.
As a man, I am saying this, we can’t help you, because I know our society. But I can assure you at least from my side, that I will never do such a shameful thing to any girl or women. And if every men in itself can realize these things, then I don’t think so we would have to anything for this.
God Bless you. Feeling sorry for you.
Its not only women, even men who are tired of the gender biased laws in India want to go abroad. The misuse of Gender biased marriage laws by unscrupulous women and a man and his family’s exploitation at the hands of corrupt police, lawyers and spineless judiciary is driving thousands of innocent, well educated men to suicide.
And the best part is even if you prove the woman had lodged a totally false case in the court, she just walks away scot free.
Yeah Men do lot bad things to women while she is growing up and men has to pay the price somewhere buddy….ha..ha..
parents should teach their girls to be strong & tough from inside and be polite and sweet from outside … this way the girl can balance both, the good people & teach great lessons to the bad ones..
Lets just accept the fact that there will be always men of that sort..so its the responsibility of Boys only to help Girls in time of need or if they see some one molesting a girl…Like in a crowded bus give space to a girl by pushing other’s until she adjust her… Also we have to discourage our friends or known ones…if they are thinking to molest or remind them of their own Female ones of same age in Family…& girls also i know it’s your freedom to wear…but plz being an indian dont directly Land on USA…we can only copy their style but can’t change our Culture…! so dress beautifully but with decency..!
Inspite of the hullabaloo, only a small percentage of Indian men are like that. From my personal experience, there are only 10% men who would treat all women like their mothers and sisters. Out of the remaining 90%, 80% of the men make sly or flirting remarks amongst themselves, just for fun – no harm done by this group. A few others directly offend girls with their remarks (but limit themselves to that) and still fewer make any direct physical contact. Rapes are even rarer. Yeah, 1% of evil men (which by itself is 5 million for a country of our size!) can actually make life difficult for the large sections of Indian women because of our huge population. Our country is so big that the actual numbers of affected women would be staggering ( and in crores), but that is not a good reason to vilify India and all its men as a whole. At least we now live in an age where several atrocities against women make headlines and is not always slighted or brushed off. Which could mean the relief is not way far too off.
Every Indian should read this…. and each parents should tell it to their daughters.
I appreciate how beautifully you have put this fact.. I am a mother of a girl too living in absolute freedom and everyday when I see my daughter grow, I ask the same question to myself that how will I take care of her when we move back to our country. This only leaves me frightened.
really well written….i feeling myself pity for being a girl
every where we go ,there will be men who always wants to insult girls
there will be an uncle who is close to our family nd yet behaves with us as a beast but still cant say to our family about him may be our own family may not believe us
all men r not the same bt most of them are allike ,still cant say anything to them
feeling disgusted about myself ,not saying about anyone nor blaming anyone,just saying about my own inability to do anything
Reblogged this on Inside The Mind Of Mandsa and commented:
Everyone should read this.
Cool.. It’s not only a story, but also an awarness for all womens and girls..
This is very common to every Indian girl. I am also mother of one year old baby girl. YES there is lots of things to do, to protect my baby. I have promised her, that no bad experience will be there in her life. No rosy pictures will be shown to her about our Indian society , culture and mentality. She has right to know all the brutal and beautiful pictures of our society, so that she can protect her self. I will make her strong both physically and mentally so that she can protect her-self as well as others. I have to give her beautiful future, because she is my own child hood. This time I am not going to repeat the same mistake and this time those bastards have to pay for their crime.
Indian men are egoistic, desperate, impotent ass holes who think of themselves as delusional Kings because of their gifted dic*s. An Indian male is an insult to human sexuality.
Is there any place on this earth where the girls are save and secured?The answer to this question is a big NO…We demand that we are very civilized but actually we are barbaric…our society is still a male dominating society even in this new era…..i am ashamed with the fact that i do live in such a society where the criminals are free with their crimes…we,the girls are treated like napkins…the criminals and the rapists should be thrown in to the volcanoes…..i curse those rapists from the bottom of my heart who spoils the dignity of a girl,a lady and a mother…………..
Reblogged this on Mr. S.
Every single example. . Every single line you wrote is so true.. I am sorry that I am proud of my country. .
😦 this really happens……………………………………………….bt worse is we cant complain also 😐
why can’t you complain, and girl must not be ashamed of complaining ,
you all are our sister dear..if you don’t complain means you are preventing those bastards to get punished.
So very true!! I feel so proud of Indian heritage and culture but at the same, I feel ashamed that our country teaches girls not to get raped rather than teaching guys not to rape. Only politician’s wife’s, daughters and sisters are safe in India. India is very unsafe for rest of the girls.
Make the girls aware. Empower them. Give them the courage to kick people who misbehave, on their balls.
If you do it, your daughters and sisters are safe.
As a father, I have always told my daughter to give it back, if some one dares and am proud to say, she does that and is held in awe !
Great way of writing I must say. Interesting way of narrating a social issue. Since childhood I have been taught to take pride of our nation and culture. But now when I understood more about our culture. I feel ashamed of North Indian culture. Hypocrisy and disrespect. I hope things will change.
Dear Nikhil,
I being an Indian hailing from the South of India would like to say that the culture of hypocrisy and disrespect is prevalent in the South also.
yeah its the whole India, atleast we are the same in this aspect
Parents need to learn to educate their daughter and son. Specially son because they need to learn how to respect a woman…..Not only their mother and sister!!
Righto.
Even more importantly, more women should respect themselves. More and more women in the recent times are projecting themselves as mere commodities on the screen and else where. You need to take pride in our culture and sense of modesty. They call the woman Devi here and you should prove that with your actions too.
A women lawyer I met recently told me the most frequent cases she has been looking into involve “fighting” between mother in law and daughter in law, and this phenomenon is very widespread. Why is it that you can’t even get along fine even amongst yourselves? Now, these are not ideal conditions to teach your sons to respect you or other women, you are feeding them constantly with trash material that demonstrates just the opposite.
There is a much wider base to be covered at the grassroots apart from teaching men to respect women before you can really address these problems. There needs to be much more unity and mutual respect amongst the women folk, and it needs to get far more serious than randomly throwing insults at all Indian male folks on a random internet forum. A unified women force with purpose can do much more for themselves than any males can ever dream of.
among other causes, this is the result of feeding an entire nation with soft-porn like movies and then telling them that they are not allowed to do the same. Rethinking what the media feeds into the brain of people would be an easy way to start, to try and make a positive change.
Being a father of a daughter… that also in India, I don’t know how I’ll be able to protect my precious jewel… my heart really cries
Unfortunate
Instead of complaining that it (rape or molestation) happens everywhere around the world and focus on other countries, it’s better we concentrate on our country and try to solve our problem first.Because unlike any other country, till today there is no punishment/ legal law to punish those morons. Let’s change the society.
For the change to happen, it cannot happen by only teaching girls to protect themselves or being brave. Every mother who has a boy child whether rich or poor should teach the value of women and respect them. In fact every mother’s duty to their child boy or girl, is to teach them to respect others. Respect is not for only show off but should be same within and outside of you.
Beautiful thought, I hope more of us follow this principle. What we need is a change. A change to rid the denigration in our society. We need to ensure all sections of the society get educated with such principles. Only then can one feel safe outside, in places unknown.
Yes its extremely upsetting to read what she suffered and I always keep
hitting things after hearing stories like this. Cause all one can do is just
helplessly listen to stories like this since it’s not happened in front of me.
Yes it did happen once or twice and I felt that I made a fool of myself in front
of a crowd.
There was a girl walking towards my direction on a busy street and 2 men
passed from just behind me towards her direction. They molested her so fast
as if they were professional… After that they quickly tried vanishing into the
crowd as she, along with few upset faces, looked back at them and I knew, I
have to get into action… In few steps I caught one of the guy’s collar and
started arguing, said ‘I saw what you did to that girl’ And as expected they
were trying to act innocent… A second later his friend said, ‘What girl’. I
looked back, she was gone. I continued with the my baseless warning… But am
sure they got the confidence for their next act. Thanks to the similar girls like
one in this article.
Btw Just a thought as I was reading this. What if the “Indian Males” from the
first few incidents who molested her are exactly the same in the last few
incidents? Sorry to say but perhaps women like Sahaja Patel gives birth to monsters like
Indian Males she described in this article by not raising alarm. Raise alarm.
Be it anybody. Her uncle, priest, friend…
Also does it only happen in India??? And if it does happen, haven’t she heard
about brave men who stood for women’s pride? Had she forgotton the
sacrifices of people like Santos and Kenan in Mumbai and many unsung
heroes?
Please dont insult the sacrifices by clubing Indian Males and portray the
entire nation as a pervert nation. Its a on going fight. One day things will
change for such huge nation only if we all fight, together.
100 likes bro….!
I agree fully with your comment. If the women is going to give birth to the female child, it is her duty not only to teach her child self defence, but also to teach her what the mother herself could/did not do (for whatever reason), but would want her child to learn and do and not be afraid, with the child’s mother always supporting her. Also if in future she has a son, she needs to teach him to respect women. Also needs to be a societal awareness that when harmones hit at certain age, it is not ok to go seek its satiation in other women/man or child, but do occupy their mind and body to do physical labor/excercise/ mental excercise and similar other activities rather than repressing their needs for the moment and lettingt it burst out without any shame whenever an ‘ oppurtun moment arrives’- when society is not going to take any action oagainst it.Their are better ways to feel significant/accomplishment/control than taking it out on opposite sex. In other cases where little children are being molested, the molesters are sick bastards, burden on society, no right to live! They are screwed up in their head and no amount of beating/cursing/punishment is going to cure them of hteir disease. they are living plague of earth and need to be taken out of the society. In country like India where ‘mobs rule’, and law is so weak-when mob has reallized htat this is problem in their country, mob should take care of this business by them selves-if this mob can beat a poor train driver who was unable to stop the train while the mob was itself doing wrong by walking on rail track, then this mob should definetly kill those who are responsible for child rape/molestation, gang rapes, pesticide poisoning of innocent children. I see here a lot of people lashing out on those who say India is not that great anymore, to all those people, instead of lashing out on people who dare to show you th etruth, why dont you go ahead and do the needful-go ahead and lash out on those that do such horrific act. Do not stand their lighting a candle-show some action!
as someone who’s been born and raised entirely in america but with indian roots, I’ve thankfully never faced anything like this but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen here as well. Sadly, its still more rampant in india. i liked how u penned the feelings down but i was disappointed with the last sentence.
she cries and cries? a woman who’s faced abuse herself?
she should have some fight in her, not give up. she should vow to teach her daughter self-defense; she should have the courage to speak out and educate her daughter in the future… to do something to change society–not accept it with tears.
This happens because the child is unaware of what is happening. Can be rectified to an extent by parents educating the child ( whether boy or girl) what is wrong and a right touch and how to respond or react when she faces it.
A very saddening story indeed. But why India ? These happen everywhere across the world. The law has to deal with such sinners in a very strong manner. Unfortunately, it is the weak implementation of the law and the culture in the society that allows a girl to undergo such heinous abuse and live with it forever. This is not just a problem in India, but everywhere across the world. But i think that everyone should unite to ensure that these don’t happen with any person and the law should be implemented to ensure that. I agree that i am not talking sense here considering that this is a very difficult task, however, we can start on this. More than the assault, it is even disheartening to see that they are asked not to complain as nobody would come forward to marry a girl who has been molested. I think this is where the education that we undergo should bring in a difference. By education, i mean learning in life and society. We should all unite to ensure the safety of people against such crimes, not just Women.
I was rubbed once in a crowded bus in Bangalore by an old man who had a hard on. But when the bus braked, i went forward and bumped my rear very strongly against him and then he had no choice but to keep quiet in pain. All of us have to unite to fight against this to make this world a better and safer place.
I am sure that the current and future generations will be better in their treatment of women and we as parents have to set a standard for them and be their gurus and role models and i am hopeful that every parent, who does this will ensure a better society for the future. This could be a start towards a better world…
Good article. However, we have passed the stage where writing articles like these and commenting on it will change the situation. There has to be an exemplary action, as a self defense act from women in India.. They should carry tasers and pepper sprays in their purse and use them on such molesters. When every women in India will show her brave face to men, they will back track. Till then, it will continue to happen. Unfortunately the track of legal aid is not much help due to disgusting lengthy procedure, nor Police of any help. You have every right to defend yourself, and you must do it.
Fighting back & defend is your advice, what if she can’t fight back , what if she is a kid, what if she is blind/dumb ? what if she is weak/sick ?
if find your post against India , why you think India is much more insecure than other countries, have you been there for more years than India. Is this your views about our Nation…i know and i admit that such cheap acts are in practice by males in India but does it represents all of us i.e including your father my father or your brother and my brother.. sense of comparison would not make this society secure for us, Your article is totally a sum up of all kinds of molestation acts. It is common in all nations ..
watching movies and writing such articles would not work to restore our culture.
I am really sad to read your post concluding India to be a molestation dominated nation and people having a huge likes on it.
alok, thats what you got from this article?? not the fact that a young woman has gone thru hell in her childhood?? shows how absolutely not concerned you are with the state of women in this country… Dont be a pseudo patriot!… are you like one of those types who wont report if their wife or sister got raped because the family name will get spoilt?? then why keep quiet and hide the facts here? ….calling India a rape capital doesnt mean that all men in India are guilty of it.. it only offends those who are really guilty of it on some level.
and btw.. to answer your statement about it happening in every other country… it might happen there too.. but the victim is protected and justice is delivered. the police there dont ask her what she was wearing when she got raped. the society doesnt outcast her, the victim. Dont believe the statistics on rape. In western countries, a woman can report her husband as a rapist if he tried to force himself on her.. even prostitutes have the same privilege. In India 9 out of 10 cases dont get reported!!!
Completely my thoughts! You spoke my mind, and I’m glad that you did. When I read through this post, I knew that it’s my story, and the story of many others who are or have been in this situation. The stark reality is that there’s nothing we can do about it. Educate men? Forget it! Teach women self-defense and tell them to be braver and believe in themselves and all that? Doesn’t work. It’s true that it’s only us who can protect ourselves and our children from this bid, bad society who is unwilling to change. This debate on men vs. women will go on and never reach a conclusion. We just need to find our own ways to cope with it.
Unfortunately whatever you said is True “there’s nothing we can do about it”
IF THE GIRL HAS GOT THE COURAGE TO CHAPPAL THE MAN INSTANTANEOUSLY, NOTWITHSTANDING THE FACT THAT THE PEOPLE AROUND HER SUPPORT OR NOT , THEN THE THINGS WILL DEFINITELY COME TO A HALT. I STILL REMEMBER THE INCIDENT THAT TOOK PLACE IN A PACKED BUS LONG BACK.THE BOY STANDING BEHIND THE GIRL WAS TRYING TO SQUEEZE HER BREAST WHENEVER THERE WAS A JOLT .THE GIRL GREW IMPATIENT , AND AT LAST
TURNED TOWARDS HIM WITH A BURNING LOOK AND TOLD, ” TRY WITH YOUR MOTHER WHERE THE SIZE IS STILL BIGGER”.
How will a 6 year old chappal a Adult man ?
Hey Sahaja..
That was soooo true.. very word when i read .. felt as i was happening to me.. Sometimes she doesn’t whts happening..
Here is one more story of SHE .
She was 6 year old when her cousin forced her to touch his organ. This continued for around 3 years. he never knew what is this and is he telling her to do… What she knew was this is dirty really dirty.. Luckily after that her cousin moved to another state with his family. So the option of her parents telling her stay at their place reduced. She thought she forgot everything, which wasn’t true… Even today when she is 29 this things she remembers and thinks she will never let that happen with her daughter ( if she has one). However story doesn’t ends here.. actually that was just the beginning.
She remember when she was 12 she happened to visit the same cousin place. Who actually again asked her to do so..Which She denied and never ever visited his place or encountered him even thought today that guy is married.
She was 14, when she happens to visit her maternal uncle at his place for dinner. Her mother and aunty were invovled in cooking & she and her brother was her maternal uncle playing cards and doing masti.. She can see something in her uncle eyes which wasnt right when he was staring at her. And she was trying to protect her breast ,which were trying to touch them while playing.. But inspite of she now knowing what is uncle was trying to do she wasnt able to shout or do anything .. because she didnt knew what to do.. She knew if she by mistake say anything to her parents. She will be beaten and asked to keep quiet. She felt to leave that place immediately, but wasnt able to do that.. However finally her uncle had succede to touch her breast. which she knew was the vulgar thing he was tried to do.. She lost trust in him. The guy in him she use to find sense of security had hurt her by his hilarious act. Till today she has to meets this person. Everytime he tries to touch even with good intention now, she cant take it… She just tries to away from him..
Things doesnt end here…. She was completely broken and stop trusting any relations . When she was 17, her real brother who was one year younger than her did a hilarious act.
As her father was worker and they use to live company quarters which was of one room and kitchen and no separate bathrooms are provided. one area of kitchen is given as bathroom wtiht small walls. Her parents had extended the house to one big hall by attaching Tin shed (In gujrati its knwon as PATRA) and also building walls of Tins. Next to that Hall they build a bathroon which was covered by TIn walls and Tin shed and had door of wooden borders and Tin . There were few holes in the Tin which were used for walls.
When she was taking a bath when her brother was peeking from one of those holes in Tin walls of bathroom. she just wanted to kill herself that day.. She was feeling soo ashamed of her brother’s act. She didnt wanted to come out of the bathroom that day… even thought her brother was the culprit. She was feeling ashamed to come in front of him. She was thinking d guy to whom she ties rakhi so that he will protect her was the one who did this ACT. She had no freaking idea what to do.. Shall she discuss this with her MOM. or Shall she discuss this with her best friend. She wanted to cry… She is so broken. She knew her parents will not believe her. She stopped talking nicely with her brother. She even stopped tieing rakhi to him. Now both of them stays away from family for work purpose. Its ensures that when her brother is at home… she never visit the place. May be that was a mistake from her brother and he would have realized that. But no one can mend the broken heart of Her. No one can bring back the trust she lost in all the relations.
There is a lot to write…. but i will stop here…
Due to strict rule and regulations and proper awarness in the west such thing generaly doesnot happen. If the rule and regulationsand proper awarness of our country will be made strict then we will be better than any country.
Reblogged this on Personal, Not Political… and commented:
I am an Indian living in Kuwait. Given that I am an Indian with a 5000+ year of history and cultural background (which is supposed to be a lot), I dont know how I feel when I am forced to say, ‘It Is Much Safer Here’!
This is one of the best posts I have ever read. It is written by Sahaja Patel in her own blog. As much as it is touching, I cannot stop myself from making two points– (1). It has to be the ‘woman’ who needs to speak up for herself. Keeping quite wont help- shout out and use your own hands, legs, claws and nails. Fearlessly protect your own self in any way you deem necessary. In the kind of place, time and political country we live in, blaming anything wont help. Arguing that the sons and Men should be taught may be valid, BUT IF IT IS NOT WORKING- DONT WAIT FOR IT TO WORK THE RIGHT WAY. If morals failing, dont wait for conscience to wake. Law in India is weak and does not instill fear in perpetrators. Not a single bastard should be allowed to roam free. When words and teachings fail, a cane or bullet needs to start doing its job. (2) Religion and anything else does not matter. A ‘Baba-ji’ or a drunkard are both equally at fault and cannot be spared. We choose our representatives to run the Government, but the Guys we have chosen so far have made a farce of law and order and everything else. It is time to change, and WE have to change ourselves. God wont help if we only pray and take no steps; and definitely no Politician would.
I am reading this article sitting in a corner of the 2nd floor in Saravana stores… wondering what these gurlz working here must be going through…
I am father of a 7 months old little angle and will never dare leave her alone anywhere. Reading this article and more scared…
At some point she has to leave you and go to school, shopping, playing with neighbors etc………Do you have any plans for those times ?
Another such incidence happens when you go to public places like railway stations, when you have to attend security checks, a place filled up with all kinds of men, none of who would ever leave any chance of groping your private parts; even with police men sitting right there.
Educating your girl child and telling her of the evils existing in our society is the best way to have her prepared for dealing with it. Instill courage in her so she can fight it and handle in her own way
Hi Sahaja,
Firstly, thanks for blogging about such a harsh truth.
I have a set of questions for you. My life and career depends on this set of questions:
1.Is it possible that a man is molested by an Indian girl (claiming to be be in love with him) by using him as a mere cash cow?
2, If the man was used as a cash cow, doesn’t he have the right to claim the money he was forced to spent on that girl without his consent?
3. Are girls/women the only sex being harassed by the opposite sex? Can’t it be the other way round?
These questions need to be addressed too. Hopefully, they are addressed before 5 Sept 2013 as I might be in the custody of Indian police (who favor a girl’s word more over a man’s – a logic I fail to understand.) Currently, the girl has pressed charges of extortion as I am claiming my hard earned money which she had forced me to spend on her.
Nonetheless, my blogs will be auto-published mode from 05 Sept 2013 at 8:00pm IST onwards.
Thanks again. Keep up the good work! I salute you Sahaja for your bravery.. Hope we catch up online or in person someday…maybe with the little one too! Wishing health to the entire family..!! God bless!!!
Yogesh Sapute
satpute.wordpress.com
Dear All..
After reading all your comments and insight on this topic, I am forced to pen down to write something.. I really don’t know, how many will agree from my view. But still i though i should share this —
Re: the blog – very good topic and I assume it is a real incidence capture in a small social frame. Thus, i appreciate the initiator to bring up this issue in front of us.
Re: opinion, points and solutions on the said issue: first of all – This is not an issue restricted to religion, age, gender, education and location / place.. This issue is happening all over, at each place, with everyone and in every society. Moreover, running form it will not help much. We are rather making a mistake from running away; we should stand up and fight for it.
Before, I contribute more to this discussion; I would prefer to introduce myself. I am 35 yr. old single woman working in an MNC firm with a very sophisticated family background with a wonderful, supportive and careful childhood, entirely very best atmosphere one can think of. I am away from my family since 1997 and they allowed me to learn my lessons on my own.
In-spite of all these status, i do have faced such issues, but thanks to my mom who is always there on my side to hear about this at all the time. Only one mistake she has done, n, which cost me a lot, she forget to share information and I lost all my trust in this world.
Since, thereafter I prefer to live alone and made other to behave in there limit. So, here I am with all my head high.
Not concentrating on the past incidence much, and neither preferring to point out the reason/s,(which is thing is waste of time and happiness) I would prefer to jump on solution – which is “SHARE” / COMMUNICATION”.
I request all my friends, Male and Female, please start sharing with your friends / parents / close relatives / children about your experience and issues. They will understand you better and will willingly share their fear and ugliness with you. Together you all can find the solution and save others.
What happen today, we avoid sharing our bad experience / or i must say our learning experience with them. i really don’t know why we do that, and this increase the probability of such incidence. There might be many reasons from our side, but believe me, this is important – both for Father and Mother.
As per my experience, our children / friends / relatives etc. keep their mouth shut because they might think what one will think about this good friend on them.. They might not trust us… or whatever the case.
Here, I would like to narrate one incidence, which I had faced when I was 12 yrs. old. I was with my brother (1 yr. younger to me) were at home and one guest turned up at our door. As a good family practice, we served him refreshments. Finding us alone, he tried to misbehave with me. Understanding the situation, I asked my bro to help me and explained him about my experience, without any hesitation. He told me – “Let me handle this and I will take care of him. U be here”. Believe me, things was well taken care and my uncle had his cup of tea.. 🙂 yes with due respect, he never tried to repeat it.
So, I request you all.. “Please stand up for yourself.. Do not think – someone will come and help you or protect u.. Irrespective of who you are, where you are and with whom you are..
Also i request you, please live up to your dignity, no one.. Absolutely no one will ever dare to through himself / herself, until unless you allow others”
This is my way of living life.. i am being alone, since “life change experience”, I only follow my heart advice – if i sense some discomfort i move away from that place and if i feel, it is safe and fine to opt i continue, i do not think twice. This is applicable for time, venue and people.
Life is yours, live as you want and as today is the last day.. Be confident be proud of who you are.
With this mantra, I am here among all evil soul around me with a happy and lively smile. No more, harm to my soul. Keep Sharing and Keep Smiling.
Thanks for the advice Shailey .. 🙂 i think it will certainly help all of us …
Now a days while saying ‘Mera Bharat Mahan’ I feel really guilty. This really happens because women had been treated as “BHOG VASTU” and “DASI” in ancient times in India. At one side Indian is rich in culture and at other side commits crime in dark. I really don,t know why this happens in India. But some countries have made it secured for woman, so we cannot say that there is no solution. There is a solution and its in hands of corrupt people. ‘Mera Bharat Khatrein mein hain’.
We indians likes showoffs. we will talk all day about culture, moral values and everything what world thinks to be supreme. But all around me i feel darkness. I was born and raised in a small village then studied and moved to metropolitan cities for livelihood, but this all happens everywhere. In delhi, bangalore , pune , chennai. I don’t know hy sexuality is always a hot topic in India and among indians, The youth are sexaholic. The culture is ruined by us and still saying we are the best in the world.
Personally believe until we all act on what our cuture tries to teach us, being a priest or being a rapist doesn’t make any difference.
God save my country and my people.
Well said
awesome piece of writing… this is exactly how helpless a woman feels…. they say times are changing, things are changing , people are becoming more educated and all… but i dont see any change at all…!!! women were assaulted before and they are assaulted now as well… nothing’s gonna change unless the government takes immense measures and give severe punishment to those who are guilty…!!!!!
Yeah you are rite. If the Govt, policing, punishments are severe, this % of these crimes will reduce
Leaving India and living in a West cant be a solution to this menace. Unfortunately its a universal problem where girls are suffering all around…only numbers would wary. Its very important to educate our kids…if you have daughter/s – educate them about this at the right age…if you have son/s – its even more important to educate to make them respect the opposite sex, inculcate the right values— as mothers or fathers we can do that…set examples at home where male children learns it unconsciously from a v young age. If we all do that the sense of real freedom will be felt in India too…!!
You can only dream of this freedom in India. Living in west, we have never seen this happening in public places, I am very sure women are safer in public places in the west Ashish.
Abuse happens in every country to women (not only in India). Its a sad and unfortunate fact which we should do everything to correct. The only way to prevent is to teach young girls how to protect themselves and punish anyone who get caught severely.
thank you for penning this.
There is NO excuse for what happens to women; in whatever country. Sadly it’s all about fear & ignorance. NO culture should treat women as possessions or objects. Men who rape, take advantage of women should be ashamed; as they are the dregs of society…… totally unable to recognise independence & that people are people ; irrespective of sex, creed, colour or culture. I am visiting India soon and i will physically hurt anyone i see abusing women……even if it costs me my life. I will die proud & dignified…the abuser will continue to live in misery and always be a loser. They are worse than the dog shit on my shoe. Come on you ‘big men’….you’re all pathetic.
i don’t feel sad but i’m just angry after reading this post,i think every girl on this planet will have her share of similar experiences.it is very necessary for parents to educate their daughters and make them aware as early as possible about the harsh reality of our society on the other hand boys should be educated to respect the opposite sex, the difference between the west and india is only this much that people there are more educated,aware the bringing up is very different out there ,people are also more scared about the strick laws and regulations which is a major drawback in the indian society ,molestation reports are hardly even registered here instead the girls life here revolves around several restrictions…
An entire revolution is needed to fix this problem in india..
all we girls can do is to learn how to protect ourselves and be conscious enough to know what is happening around us..
what i say ladies dont just say bad words if someone tries to misbehave , catch him and look him in his eyes and then ask him animal you want to visit a zoo we get you molested through animals the tiger, the lion like you come on lets go the place where you belong come on!
this is for Well cultured and educated people to spend time in writting comments for a blog. Have ever thought of coming out with your thought fight to change the society around you. dont say that you are safe in western country. they dont like us. because of discrimination your left alone else you wud face the same here. please stop writting comments try to change the society in and around you to be good.
sadly there is nothing to like.. such cases are happening since ages and there has to be an end to this, good starts from home..all men should know its not men dominating society anymore, women are equally in every field from home to work.. hypocracy in any form has to have a full stop. @WOMEN: loud, yell, shout , raise your voice.. dont shake your belief that all men are alike, we from the same society are there, we are listening and we stand beside you, with you… !!! Let’s wrap the shit off the society. It’s enough.
wrap the shit ? who are you … cleaner of this society ?
Kid…how do we do it man ? thats what everyone is discussing about ?
I read just the article, not all comments, so excuse if I am repeating.
Incidentally my daughter turned 1 few days back. I reflected back when I was delivering her in labor room, I prayed God , make it a boy! Only reason to be honest is the thought “DO I have it in me to raise a girl in this country? Yes, I am patriotic, but facts are facts, I did not want another painful experience for someone”. Then the nurse said its a baby girl and she is smiling. I smiled instantly, part of me wanted a girl – simple reason, I dont know how it feels like to be a boy!. Part of me was crying inside – I need to be more strong to make her grown into a stronger woman.
Now 1 year later, I dont regret anything except that there is a fear somewhere that it might cost her freedom to protect her. May be she wants to go learn dancing, may be swimming….is this place right to raise her? WIll I be comfortable sending her on her own? Will I accompany her everywhere? So many questions, but am not losing heart or giving up, but decided to teach her these, have open talks when she can understand, give her enough freedom so she can talk to us if anything is troubling her. Thankfully, my husband is of similar opinion and promised his support in dealing such things. I can tell you, not all mothers have such support.
I don’t wish to share my past experience, anyways its pretty much summed up here.
Very sad to hear this.
I disagree few parts of the article. Sexual crimes in the west are way-way more than India. It is so common here that people won’t bother much and don’t make a fuss about it. Here is an article showing some statistics. US reported 300% more cases then India. And also unreported cases are more in US as nobody gives a fuck about sexual crimes. http://www.globalpost.com/dispatches/globalpost-blogs/quick-click/which-country-has-the-highest-reported-incidents-rape-data
nobody give **** on sexual crimes in US, do u know the charges for molestation, rape in US law? How serious the US law is on these crimes ?
Does rape gets reported in India man ? how many people report it and even when you report what really happens from the police ?
“And also unreported cases are more in US as nobody gives a fuck about sexual crimes”..
I wonder how can one compare “unreported” cases…do you get that the very fact that cases are UNREPORTED means there’s no basis to comapare?? LOLZZZZ…
Rape statistics by UN
The media in India and around the world has been exaggerating the facts and making overblown statements and spreading alarming stories about rape fear in India.
Let us look at concrete facts in figures. The following link is an exhaustive statistical report by the UN on justice systems around the world (years covered: 2001-2002) and is available on the web. It has rape statistics for most of the countries of the world. Interestingly enough France and India are not listed in the report.
Click to access 8sc.pdf
But, better, we have more recent statistics.
Statistics for rapes in India is however available in the following link (Years covered 2009-2011)
http://www.firstpost.com/tag/Rape-statistics-in-India
68000 rapes in a year in a country of 1.1 billion people. That works out to 6.18 per 100,000.
Conclusion: India is safer than all the countries listed here. Let not the media pull wool over your eyes. ————————————————
Compare this with other countries:
Country {Rapes per 100,000 people}
1. USA ————— 32.99
2. Sweden ———- 24.47
3. Canada ———– 77.64
4. Germany ———- 10.44
5. Denmark ———- 9.34
6. Australia ———- 8.06
7. Finland ———– 10.60
8. India ————– 6.18
————————————————
I don’t think articles, debates, News and BBC documentaries on Rapes in India, are only directed at the Indian electorate as much as they are meant to affect India’s image all over the world.
Their intent is covertly directed against the Hindu ethos and culture of India (Read #BreakingIndia book by Rajiv Malhotra). The recent upsurge in media coverage maligning India and Indians with ridiculous theories blaming “Indian culture” is extremely suspicious.
Especially given the fact that rape stats are much much greater in other “developed countries”, there can be no reason to label India as the rape capital. It really looks like a very well orchestrated campaign involving so many media houses and the so called English speaking intellectuals within India and outside India.
————————————————
Watch 3 videos to understand the reason of recent upsurge in these kind of reports in Indian and international Media.
1. The Wrong sampling Media (Video)
2. Subramanian Swamy on Rapes in India
3. Rajiv Malhotra on “Breaking India” Nexus
———————————————–
Tags : #Rapes #India #MumbaiRape #Asharam #FSB #Congress #Media
I agree with what you have said ,sahaja shouldn’t have said that India is “Rape Capital of the World”. Culture is only thing which west don’t have , we should be proud of being born in India.No matter how advance the western world becomes, they will never able to have culture like ours. we should not be comparing ourselves with other countries.To be good you don’t require any comparison. what we can do is to never let this happen to anyone.
I’m sorry but you are either completely ignorant and naive or have lost the plot completely.
Do you really truly believe these figures? in a country where women are openly blamed for being raped, are told that they have ‘provoked’ men to rape them in one way or another, where the policemen themselves abuse you when you go to file an FIR, do you SERIOUSLY think that 100% of all rapes are reported??? or that the number of rapes reported are the numbers that actually took place??? seriously????
Does it not occur to you that the majority of rapes aren’t even told to immediate family members, let alone reported to the police, the UN or the media? In a country where the men aren’t told to rape but the women are told by the very leaders of the country to cover themselves up and take all precaution not to attract attention, do you think it’s a conducive environment to be open and honest about rape? are you that blind???
you want to talk stats? lets talk stats – every single woman i know (every single woman, without exaggeration) has felt subjected to molestaion….some more than others. every single woman i know today feels unsafe going anywhere after dark (ie.7pm) alone. every single woman i know has had at least one unpleasant experience with unwanted men. these are real, live women that i know personally. these are not stories told to me by the media or by the UN or read on the internet. real living breathing women.
so take your UN stats, shove them up your ass and continue to sing praises about our beautiful country and its even greater men (ie. YOU) who do NOTHING about the situation at hand. i, like many others, will choose to believe the reality i see and experience rather than be brainwashed with some bullshit UN statistics. JAI HIND!
The best way to deal the problem is to face it… I agree with each and every word written down in the article… I think the first and foremost thing we should do is to educate our kids about such things, as a parent dont be shy to talk about such issues with your kids. It is important. Prepare them to deal with the situation and save themselves…
v ture facts……
all i would like to say tht we should try to make our daughters more strong and aware about such nasty situations and should tell them the best possible solutions of how n wot to do,
esp. alwayz tell ur parents…keep thm in confidence so that they can help you…..
n proper education should also be imparted to boys too….that they should respect the girls as human beings n not take them as commodity….Also they should help them or raise voices in such conditions…
now is the time….that we should educate the children of today abt both the sexes…n implaications…..for a better tomorrow….
Is this story even true? Wheres the proof? and whatever’s all this rant about India being the rape capital of the world? FYI The USA has the highest number of rape cases in the world, India isn’t even close, and this story is exaggerating because 1-2 singular brutal incidents which were performed by under educated and abnormal people.
How many women reading this have actually been molested and/or raped? I’m a male and I’ve suffered through child sexual abuse too, heck it ruined my life and i can never come to trust people again but that is NO reason to generalize an entire Nation.
India is a country blessed with a religion which emphasizes on celibacy and sexual moderation/restrain along with remaining faithful to your partner, it isn’t socially acceptable in India for teenagers or unmarried couples to date/have intercourse.
If anything it’s the media and censoring boards fault for liberating the media and film industry too much, the film industry’s freely endorsing pornstars along with tobacco, alcohol, cigarettes and molestation and other immoral acts are shown as “cool” and “natural” by people like Salman khan and other actors.
It Breaks my heart to hear 5yr olds sing “munni ki javani” and other such obscene songs which i dread even as an adult.
I’m not saying that women are safe in India, but they aren’t any safer anywhere else in the world except for maybe Tibet. The whole world has transformed into a moral grey area due to the internet and media, and anyone who endorses morals is either a brainwashed cultist, a depressed ptsd patient, or a delusional theist who thinks all the wrongs in his life are someone else’s fault (Not Ranting against Buddhist and Jain saints though).
Ultimately only the right kind of education can protect your children through the ups and downs of life.
The THING in my room.
Seriously you feel every other country in this world (Except Tibet) is as worst/good as India ? thas ur point of view…..
“I’m not saying that women are safe in India, but they aren’t any safer anywhere else in the world except for maybe Tibet”
I’m sorry but have you lived in other parts of the world as a female? I have. And I know the kind of stares and glimpses and touches and pinches and pokes I have to put up in my own frigging country – things i have never experienced anywhere else, right from Europe to Africa, North America to South America….NEVER.
I don’t want to belittle your experience of child abuse, I don’t mean to negate what you went through as trivial at all. But abused or not, being a male in india is VERY different than being a female. From the age that a girl develops breasts or any feminine shape, she is subjected to the treatment I have mentioned above on a DAILY, almost HOURLY basis – something men have not been through in this country and will not understand.
So screw your patriotic chants, screw the UN facts…my reality is what I see and experience every single day in my life, and unfortunately, a large part of that has become this daily sexual molestation. and i can assure you there are millions more like me. you still want to continue with the mera bharat mahan? seriously???
Will share this.
Rape statistics by UN
The media in India and around the world has been exaggerating the facts and making overblown statements and spreading alarming stories about rape fear in India.
Let us look at concrete facts in figures. The following link is an exhaustive statistical report by the UN on justice systems around the world (years covered: 2001-2002) and is available on the web. It has rape statistics for most of the countries of the world. Interestingly enough France and India are not listed in the report.
Click to access 8sc.pdf
But, better, we have more recent statistics.
Statistics for rapes in India is however available in the following link (Years covered 2009-2011)
http://www.firstpost.com/tag/Rape-statistics-in-India
68000 rapes in a year in a country of 1.1 billion people. That works out to 6.18 per 100,000.
Conclusion: India is safer than all the countries listed here. Let not the media pull wool over your eyes. ————————————————
Compare this with other countries:
Country {Rapes per 100,000 people}
1. USA ————— 32.99
2. Sweden ———- 24.47
3. Canada ———– 77.64
4. Germany ———- 10.44
5. Denmark ———- 9.34
6. Australia ———- 8.06
7. Finland ———– 10.60
8. India ————– 6.18
————————————————
I don’t think articles, debates, News and BBC documentaries on Rapes in India, are only directed at the Indian electorate as much as they are meant to affect India’s image all over the world.
Their intent is covertly directed against the Hindu ethos and culture of India (Read #BreakingIndia book by Rajiv Malhotra). The recent upsurge in media coverage maligning India and Indians with ridiculous theories blaming “Indian culture” is extremely suspicious.
Especially given the fact that rape stats are much much greater in other “developed countries”, there can be no reason to label India as the rape capital. It really looks like a very well orchestrated campaign involving so many media houses and the so called English speaking intellectuals within India and outside India.
————————————————
Watch 3 videos to understand the reason of recent upsurge in these kind of reports in Indian and international Media.
1. The Wrong sampling Media (Video)
2. Subramanian Swamy on Rapes in India
3. Rajiv Malhotra on “Breaking India” Nexus
———————————————–
Tags : #Rapes #India #MumbaiRape #Asharam #Media
Stats are based on reported crimes, in US every crime is reported including rapes,molestation etc…. Do you think in India people register rapes with the police ? Reporting rape spoil the family reputation in our society, and also police is not going to really nail down the culprit and punish him/them. Either ways the many cases will go un-registered. Just stop analyzing the data and please use your emotional brain of yours have some empathy for the girl in the article and try to accept the fact of child/girl molestation happening to every female in India every day in the country.
Brilliant! you just hit the nail on its head. A nation with 130 Billion, with not enough growth to feed its mouth, 50% in the young age (read high levels of libido – though Asaram or ND Tiwari would beat them hollow), in a sex ratio of below 900…sorry boss! statistics can hardly console a to-be mother.
Even more important is the % of crimes that get reported in India – where a rape survivor is assaulted again the Police itself when they go to lodge complaints. Forget about the overall reporting itself!
Third, the very way this culture looks at rapes! Its considered the crime of the victim – well candle walking intellectuals are hardly a representative of Indian society. Look at Bollywood man (if that reflects cultural tastes) – for years films did not have a lip-kiss (the flowers would crop up then) but an elaborate rape scene would add the spice to get audiences glued!
And for Indian culture…may I know why only Sita had to walk through Agnipariksha, and not Mr. Ram? May I know why in many religious ceremonies women are not allowed during their periods as they are considered “impure”?
Yes! this is the land of Kaali and Chandalini! And we need a generation of women who can KILL! And the society has to be shamed, blamed, kicked to make it understand that all is not well. I wish a 1000 more documentaries like the ones in BBC come up! then only we shall realize.
Hypocritical intellectuals singing “mera bharat mahan” and quoting irrelevant statistics hardly help!
i read ur article …its nice but i didnt agree with the end part. I feel the mother should not cry.Having faced all this , she is now aware.She can raise her daughter to be cautious and bold.She should make sure that her daughter should get self defence training.She should be aware of lots of stuff and will learn to protect herself.
I may be wrong…..but what i feel after reading ur article that the mother should pull herself up and trained her daughter to be smart enough to deal these stuff
Thats what my mother taught me, i m thankful to her.
Being strong, Being brave these are behaviors only certain human being possess or can acquire , some people are weak, shy, non-aggressive, less in physical strength – everyone cannot become a warrior taking your mother’s advice. Good thing is it worked for you and ur daughter.
Dis is da current situation fr females in India… It is rightly calld da Rape Capital of the World!! Honestly, these Goddamned rape cases have made me hate my own country, wij is India–>m ashamed to mention it…) Dis country is da worst place for women and gals, as deir life is, sure as hell, at ultimate stake! Females livin in or even visiting India shud b reli careful, wereva dey go…even to a temple!! N all u rapists out der–> Females are not a source of entertainment!! Even dey hav deir say in da society… Allow dem to be unharmed wereva dey go, or else!!!
#Fed-Up bout dis….
i’m really feeling bad that all the cultured and well educated people feels about india. but only in Blogs and facebook’s not in reality. The question to all of you in this blog. have you people ever voted to select a right person. i saw lot of educated people not ready to stay in Government office queue pays huge money to get their things done from home. this attitude of the cultured and so called educated try to escape from the reality then how can you people change the mindset in india. people are migrating to western countries and also migrating to western culture just to say i ‘m here there and i do as the holly/bolly/tolly hero/heroine does that.
All educated people try to do their service to Google and microsoft and then blame india that it’s not growing in their technology. Anyone of us have you ever tried spending your time in implementing some new technology to indian people. have you ever tried to be a politican to chnage the politics. have ever tried to be an Entrepreneur.
All educated when your in home be in phone or games or computer when going out get a car stay inside the glasses and not giving a dame out the outside world. but showing off your english vocabularies in blog like this. please stop replying to all this blogs and facebook and try to change your lives in and around you so that you can chnage india. i can see most of the posting coming fro the people who are from western countries. please don’t try to pin point the bad from the distance. try to be in there and change it.
Wish you good luck with the change you are expecting in India. Many of the people left India due to the fact of nothing is going to change in India infact it will get worst , may be all these people are wrong. You please work or even become a politician urself and prove that we all are wrong. Best of luck on this.
May I know where do you live, brother? and also, how are you changing the surroundings around you?
All I will say is that it hurts and gives me a shudder.
(father of the sweetest daughter in the world).
[…] So true. […]
this “abla nari” thought is what will take you down. i have known women who’ve had enough and more balls to kick the such mens’ balls off so hard they’d never even have an erection even if the hottest chic on the planet would do a pole dance for them..
@ Pratik — sorry for sounding rude, but i really think you’re an idiot to have compared these rates to western countries.
In INDIA women have social obligations, and mental pressure.. most are scared their future might change if they raise their voice. A nation where arranged marriages still take place, a country where marriage is meant to be between two families and not two individuals, taking the risk of reporting/exposing ones’ self is too hard a deal for a female. Talking about it is different, but to do it in real, takes guts!
the west is much different. honestly, i feel the data you’ve shared is full of crap, and nothing else.
if you really believe our nation is safer than the other countries mentioned in ur list, try letting your sister/wife go for a night show alone, and return home alone by walk.
you’d piss in your pants if she’d be late even by a minute.
wow!!! very true
yep ! unfortunately, it is true …
kudos, rohit! my sentiments exactly!
yea bhavya.. wish the world around was a bit different from what it is now.. lets hope for the better …
ugly truth of our society
Such a nicely articulated blog post on such a tricky topic. I came across this youtube video where this person shows how we can educate our kids about avoiding and reporting acts of molestation: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6aH8Rwax09A. I am an RJ for a Phoenix based radio station called Radio Googly. I have shared ur blog with all my listeners and friends and I would like to include some excerpts from this blog on my show in which I am going to talk about women’s safety in India. Please let me know if you have any issues with that. Thanks, RJ Indori
Thanks for sharing this Sahaja. It’s the story of almost every woman in India. It’s sad but true.
Women are special and every special thing needs special care. We men be it Father, Brother or Husband have a very big responsibility of protecting our women. Women cannot be just left on their own in this evil society in the same way as a VIP person just does not walk in the streets all alone. Its the responsibility of the concerned men to take care of the security of their women.
The Prime Minister of the country is not trained to deal with his security on his own instead he has special body guards who are trained to deal with his security. Women have their own job and role to play and we men have to do whatever it takes to secure our women. Men have to spare enough time for their women. Women is special.
Yeah true Muhamed, we need to protect women but how are you/we going to protect them 24 hrs, 7 days, 365 days ? They need to go to school, work, shopping, hotel etc…. we cant be a body guard for them all the time, rite ?
It really is sad to know that not only does this happen everyday, but at some point in our evolution as social beings, both men and women, and society in general has accepted this is a part of “ye sab to hota hi hai, kya kar sakte hain” culture.
I remember one politician commenting that this sort of behaviour happens in every country. but just because it happens everywhere doesn’t mean that it’s acceptable in any form.
I actually remember him specifically saying that this happens in America as well. But America also tackles with them appropriately and in time.
The biggest reason this happens in India I believe, is lack of sense of consequence. what good are the laws if they’re implemented at snail pacr, if at all. what use is it when the accused can say things like “tujhe pata nahi main kaun hoon” or “tujhe pata nahi mera baap kaun hai”
I hope this changes soon enough .. I dont want to bring a child into a world where most of a girl’s day is occupied by thoughts of “I hope I’m not raped today”
1. Self-defense lessons and
2. Sex education (atleast how to protect one self)
should be given to children..
This will really work, and make India a better place to live in. 🙂
mothers really dont have to be scared..
moral of the story is ”TEACH UR CHILD HOW TO UNDERSTAND BAD TOUCH OR GOOD TOUCH EVEN TO BOY CHILD”. teach them touch that make uncomfortable u is bad touch and do not hide these thing, its very necessary to talk to parents, its not shameful for u dear but it’s shameful for that person who do bad touch,and do not be ashamed to screamed loudly when someone touches u badly
If she loves her daughter, she will save her from the curse of this morally bankrupt and culturally pervert Indian society! Yes, save your daughter first!
All the nationalists ranting idealism can only hold candles or blabber on a blog, no one will come to any help when its needed – even when a girl lies on the side of road, stark naked on a chilly Delhi night, bleeding all over (read the account of the friend on how the public of delhi reacted when it mattered the most).
Save your daughter! Do not let the curse of india on your daughter – the world is no good, but you gotta do your best!
P.S. – And if this post offended some Indian intellectual nationalists…IT WAS MENT TO BE! Neither you nor this so called sabhyata and sanskriti will come to save anyone…
wel i hope atleast u do help out when time comes 🙂 look man its true we can’t count on everybody…but only on ourselves…the world is not filled with just bad people…good people do exist…the point is not that but its that if u ever see a girl getting molested what would u do?? time has come for a change..you do your part, i’l do mine..we stop people from doin wrong in our small way..others wil see hopefully get the courage to do the same when their chance come so these numbers will grow…we come from the bloodlines of ancestors that crumbled the british empire dude…we built the taj mahal…we are a billion strong..can’t we gather enough balls to stop someone from doing wrong?? of course we can..so stop waiting for a superman to show-up and start changing the world ourselves…
Wow!!!… I am a Indian…and I like your post and well said.
I’m really sorry to say this but I’ve never read so much crap before. The author makes it sound as if the west is the epitome of safety and morals. I’m NOT saying India is safe for women. Yes, there are perverts and assholes, just like any other country. I’m not defending India. I don’t feel the need to.
Like the author, I’ve lived abroad too. I’ve been groped in buses and trains – not in Mumbai, but in New York. I’ve had a jerk slide his arm across my waist – not in India, but in France.
Before you try and single out one particular country, you need to do your homework and look for statistics. A simple search will show you that the US, UK, Sweden and some African countries have the highest rates of rape per capita (a lot more than the India you don’t wish to return to)
Reblogged this on Back and Forth.
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Ya i m completely agree with the story…. this is actually happen with the women not from the outsiders bt also sametime from very close relative, family members, and so on……. pls stop this, if u actully want that it will never happen with ur mother or sisters….
hello sahaja..
ur story was really a touching one…the way u described the remorse of the girl..was a absolute true n good description..
but i just want to share something..plz dont mind..
1. although that girl was later on been living in west..its not that there such things don’t happen..they do..but on a minor scale..its a shameful act which is going on with women since ages..and sorry to say..all world is facing it dear..not only India. so her concept of living a peaceful life in west where she has all sorts of freedom.. except India..is wrong!
2… but the story was really touching..yet i felt she should have bulit up courage by now..and along with her husband she should have made her mind to teach her daughter to make her strong n tell her parents if such things happened with her. i know she was fearing might be uncomfortable to talk on such issues with them..but they should know..i read ur reply..true to ur saying we r living in a country where mother n daughters don’t talk over the topic called.. “sex” or even the “first night” which u described in a reply.. but dont u think this should be change..not all..but atleast being a woman she should have atleast let her mom know about the assaults happening with her.
yes..might be she felt no one willtrust her..but parents do trust their childern..this is TRUE atleast in our country like india! coz our parents do whatever they could just to make their child happy…or even live best! so her concpet to not tell even during the shrine act was not justified.
i do respect ur thoughts n i’m not saying what u wrote is wrong..its just what i feel..that in end..rather crying..she should have built up courage n made her mind to struggle this kind of peoples!
she should have told her parents about her uncle and also must have build a little wall for herself after the first incident..
sahaja..this was ur first article i had read..i dont know u nor u know me..but as a citizen of same country i would like to just tell u… plz dear..there r so many men who don’t have such attitude to girls.many r having diffrent sides like a caring one..i am not defending those who look at girls with lusty gaze..but i am saying for those who r really good.. who fight for the rights of girls..this would be a slap for them to say the “to be the rape capital of the world.” i don’t agree over this.. this thing..happens all over world..so this line although it was the consideration of girl’s point of view….was wrong.!
being a victim..she should have that mentality to change..try to chagne the concept..of the molesters..she should have thought to make her child that strong that she would atleast struggle the molesters or also try to make other people aware of this things n make them fight against such crimes.. rest all ur story was really best but these few things i am not agreed with!
Reblogged this on Dawn to Dusk and commented:
Why does it happen?
Reblogged this on oomph.
Sad to know such things. However we do know how all of this happens and no one talks about it.
Reblogged this on lava kafle kathmandu nepal <a href="https://plus.google.com/102726194262702292606" rel="publisher">Google+</a>.
Hi Sahaja,
Some friend forwarded the link of this article few days back and since then it has got stuck in my mind. It is so disturbing. I am a filmmaker from India. I am having a 2 years old daughter and I was already worried about her reading all kinds of news about the crime against woman and kids.
Since the day I have read this story an idea is biting me inside, my creative instinct is forcing me to do something in this regard and hence I thought what if we make a short film on the same story? I see that the story has been reached to a lot of people but the film will have the wider approach and the message can be conveyed strongly.
I need your permission to do so, Can I plan a film on this story?? and if possible can you be associated with the project?
Kindly drop me a mail on see_ani@rediffmail.com if you feel it’s a good thing to do.
Regards
Aniruddha
wow!!! Great Initiative
Great idea ! It might remind many of us that even when we speak of women empowerment and things in here- Safety of women is still a Big Question mark? !
Reblogged this on writerinme81 and commented:
I could relate this to my own experience….felt very emotional once again….
The biggest problem with eve-teasing and molestation is that victims seldom report incidents, so the Animals dressed in the skin of Humans are rarely prosecuted.
https://www.facebook.com/BasAbAurNahi
Reblogged this on My thoughts, My life.
Really great blog……
India can only become a developed country when the people learn to respect women. Only when a girl growing up in India feels Free, Empowered, safe and having full potential to develop, grow, and nurture her talents can we be proud as a nation.
Its very sad what is happening in India.The mother is born out of a girl and she dies before she becomes it.So sad for a country like India
Enjoy everything life offers to you. Try to adapt to the society without complaining. Make people feel good and better if they enjoy touching you. Carry a condom always and be safe. Life is to enjoy. Enjoy to the fullest.
Don’t generalize about Indian men and women like this. This happens everywhere in the world. This post is a good example of how not to write a post to gain popularity. Some people never change.
I relate to this all to well. Except in my experience it is in America. My worst fear is for somebody to steal the innocence from my daughter.
the story really moving but yet not a fact completely in each and every case
I don’t give a damn if she is a baby girl ’cause I have so many baby boys to save.
Only God can help . But everyone is searching it outside .Once you find your Consciousness ,You will be that man in you who has a Hitler and a Gandhi in the very right proportions .Every man being this is the only solution .Everyone knows it. Fear. Insecurity . We are just lost in this world of ours ,In Christopher Nolan’s language ,I believe we have all lost our totems.Feel free to read and confirm
https://www.facebook.com/notes/hari-krishna/toteminceptionhave-we-lost-ours/551527461580355
Go back to ourselves .We are the truth which has the answer for any problem that you come across,Be it groping ,Sexual violence, Corruption anything .Rapes will happen because man has forgotten Sex . Sex is not the fucking we all are so used to .It is something much more divine. It is nature’s reminder of man’s need to find balance in a woman and vice versa . We have forgotten the music in sex. As long as this goes on ,rapes will happen .Even more. No stringent measures or new legislature will be able to stop this .Only men and women with a Gandhi and Hitler inside them can.
i was beaten for raising my voice against a guy who was groping a college girl. no one has come to my rescue. this is the status in india.
The article and the comments that followed it are all completely one-sided. Perhaps it is so because you won’t allow any other angle to emerge. Also because here prevails an atmosphere of suppressing any voice that does not corroborate with the ruling ideology (feminism). I wonder how people dare comment on the country of their own origin without caring to compare it with other countries. You see, US reports 84,000 rapes per year for its population of 300 millions while India has only 22,000 cases for its population of 1230 millions, Note that South Africa registers 2,00,000 rape cases a year for its population of 60 million. Still you dare incriminate all Indian men.
Absolutely right Jay.This self flogging by many indians are beyond what you can imagine.Writer of this article especially speaks like she has no brothers or father and willing to paint all Indian males with the same brush because of a few bad apples.Percentage of bad apples in Indian society is nothing different from other societies! People like this author would never accept the truth!
its not only about rape cases, but all those disrespectful and dirty moments which can ruin your self respect , and these are not registered ….
So you think all the groping in India gets registered? How about all the rapes? DO they get registered? You talk about US, Have you lived there? Have you seen single women from age 18 living and dong their business, a lot of them single mothers getting rapped? Have you compared the stats of women going about their business all by themselves with out the ‘male protection’ and not wearing the all cover-ups getting raped with India’s?
Oh sorry, you are the same people that dump enormous amounts of sewer in your oly river ganga and yamuana!
Eh! What was I thinking!
The problem is an age-old one and defies all solution. Female insecurity was, it appears, intended by Mother Nature to boost material civilization. She deliberately left their bodies unprotected, or tacitly entrusted the onus of their protection to men. Why else did we learn to build strong houses ? Men would have had a makedo with tents in the absence of feminine fears. Man was forced to build civilization for the sake of his insecure and weak mate. Even now, whom are women depending on to enforce the so-called pro-women laws ? Same men who are collectively called the Government.
If i am a girl and i am walking down the street naked, you still don’t have the right to rape me…..
Unfortunately rapists don’t honour your rights. They live in another world where they have their own interpretation of rights. Your rights are valid only in a court of law where you can, sure, not go naked.
Dear Site Admin ! I don’t want to participate in this debate. Kindly remove my comments. Thank you in advance.
Great artical ever, most of the things had happen to every girl specially pakistani n in indian girl, i got goosebumps after reading and had all flashback which happened to me n it got me frozen 😦
Very well written! Hope our country becomes a better place for women.
Very touching and it was reminding me about what I have experienced.
devastating!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
India is our matrubhumi – Maa ki bhumi – Jahan hum peda hu e hain. – usi ma ke bare main hum aisi blog post likhenge?
Gandhi ji said – Be the change you wish to see the world. I have mother, sister, wife and many other female members in the family. I never found a single incident with any of my family member why because they know their limits and they don’t cross the limits. They are all educated and well trained. They all speak good english and wears good indian clothes.
In summary, why an incident happen to only few girls and not to all girls because the girls who are having these kinds of incidents they are encouraging others to do such things with them. They wear certain types of clothes because they think its a fashion and it looks good on them. They try to copy western culture but they forget that India has its own culture. Bachha pehla sabd jab bolta hain to wo hain Maa. We are very well known for our cultures. Go and ask Americans, British, Irish, Australian and many other foreign country residents who are very literate and educated, they would all tell you the same thing, India has the best history and culture. We all speak like Maa-Baap, Stri-Purush, Sita-Raam – we have kept and will keep woman’s ahead of men in the respect.
Such kind of blog post can make negative influence to many people who are educated but not trained enough with common sense. Please do not try to say “rape capital” to India. East or West, India is always the best.
Jai Hind!
What a crock you are! Want to shout out to you so many abuses, probably you are one of those who cannot resist your animal instincts when you see a female with any exposed skin! Who never got any importance in life, low self esteem, who want to tell how others should love their matra bhumi! But people like you are the destroyers of that Ram Sita India. It is not the East vs West. Women in West wear clothes exposing anything they feel like, and if any thing close to even any one touching them they call police and police really comes and shoves such guys in jails, and not stand there laugh at the girl and agree with animals like you. You want to ask Americans, british and europeans about culture of India and what they think-they think you are rotten pigs, living in your own filth, cannot even keep soap in public bathrooms because you will steal it, you love to proclaim you and your relatives can speak English well while never mentioning that your so called religious and cultural texts are wirtten in sanskrit and you are so proud to eat at McDonald with Pepsi, and burger, cant move a step without bribbing your officials, dont have the guts and sense to elect a good officials, corrupt as hell, with no soul, your pious river ganges and yamuna has become a ‘ganda nala’–all thanks to you Indians, you come to western countries and on public radios announce how much you love west because there is so much money and so many cars to drive and laugh at the same country that you were just tauting. Just because this women has written the truth that every Indian girl/women/ older women goes through, in villages wearing all so cultural sari and covered in burka, or in cities wtih modern/wetern clothing-everywhere, and the animals that do this are complete strangers-not related to the women atall still the imbecil police does not do anything, because they are busy trying to figure out who and how to extort money-b ecause they are filthy pigs. You have not treated women with respect ever! That is why Kali comes in to play. she will again. Maa Baap? sitri purush-what a joke you are, sita sent to fire for purush inability to safeguard her? same theme repeating again, except now more vicious? What culture-culture where children die because food was contaminated with pesticide-and no parents had the guts to build a fire arm and take away those responsible? girl got raped but no brother mother father brave enough to go after the govermnent officials ridiculing her? not brave enough to take them out for the betterment of the country?
Yuck!- look inside-yourself-your maa and baaaaap, and your so called english speaking women relatives–look deep inside-you all are filled with the poison called lack of self esteem and superficially to arrogant to take any responsibility to clean up-over populating that little peice of land because you have nothing better to do other than sex or rape!
In Indian temples, the priests don’t wear shirt at all. They roam around half naked. Those men who did not complete their studies, are dropouts, become priests. They keep staring at th.e ladies, especially the younger ones. The parents pretend to have not seen anything and say nothing to the priest. The children don’t know what they can or cannot speak.
A fascinating discussion is definitely worth comment.
I believe that you should publish more about this
subject, it might not be a taboo subject but typically people don’t discuss these subjects.
To the next! Many thanks!!
Real fiction, Good one but this is not the only problem in India , It’s anywhere in the world. If you can do same things and live with same level of liberty in foreign country you would come across such incidents for sure. There are incidents happening and no denial and shame but your article is too harsh and way to generalized. There are more number of girls living healthy and liberal life with the attitude they carry and face the world be it India or any place however your blog suggests that in ONLY Indian men are animals on street ready molest every women they see. Well written and incidents happen and women should fight and beat such molester to death but please don’t generalize and say India as shit, India is a wonderful country.
[…] Loved this piece of writing,by fellow WordPress-er Sahaja Patel So true and very easy to relate to. […]
Reblogged this on The Suspense Account and commented:
And I was reading this on an old friend’s timeline.
Totally Moved.
A standing ovation to its writer.