Band Baaja Bakwaas!

I hate weddings, big, fat Indian ones in particular.

They give me a weird vibe. An anxious bride in a heavy pattu saree adorned with more jewels she can possibly carry reminds me of a decked up goat ready for slaughter at the village fair. Or a nicely decorated ox ready to pull a bullock cart for the rest of his life. The crowd, the noise, the ‘aunty groups’ poking their nose into other people’s business and discussing dowry and gold, thousands of flowers withering away, and food, lots and lots of wasted food just turns me off.

It was lunch time and I was trying to catch up on some regular news on ndtv.com when I noticed a pop up that said, “Watch ABC’s makeover on Band Baaja Bride”. Just to kill those 15 minutes, I clicked on the link and watched an episode. That evening, I got back home and watched a few more. Band Baaja Bride is this stupid show where a bride is selected from a pool of applicants to wear a Sabyasachi outfit on her wedding day. The stupidity part comes in when the hosts, Ambika and Bharat take the bride and knock the tube lights out of her pea sized brain. Okay, I would be a hypocrite if I said I wouldn’t be proud if I had a Sabyasachi or Manish Malhotra designed lehenga hanging in my closet. I agree, they are amazing. I also consent to the fact that every bride wants to look beautiful and perfect on her wedding day but the question is, how far will you go to look beautiful on your wedding day? And, what is your definition of a perfectly beautiful bride?

As such, we live in a society that knows nothing but to judge.

Aunty 1: You are 28 and you are not married? Rama rama.. If you remain like this only, you will get twisted babies at 35.

Aunty 2 (at a friend’s wedding): Psst! Do you know how much dowry the girl’s father is giving? All that jewelry is 10 carat gold it seems. For matching matching sarees.

Aunty 3 (if you belong to the groom’s party): No no! Girl is not good. Ears look like an elephant’s, she is dark, she is very short and fat.

Aunty 4 (to Aunty 3): Yes yes! Paavam! He is a software engineer in America so he had only 15 days leave, so he came quickly and had to say yes to the first girl.

Mother-in-law (to Aunty 3 and 4): Hmmm.. It doesn’t matter that she is well educated, independent, decent and comes from a good family, she is not perfect. I will just remain uncivilized and comment on her looks. Her fate! Even Band Baaja Bride rejected her plea for a makeover. Yeah! Let’s just ignore that my son is bald and has a squint eye.

Indian society has made weddings a difficult affair for women, a highly acclaimed business affair, rather. Your dad needs to put his life savings into it, your brother needs to work his ass off to get everything ready, and your mother need to take BP pills to keep her anxiety down as your D day draws near. So much of a business investment that will simply go down the drain the next day. And finally, nobody cares.

In addition to an ‘already pain in the butt’ scenario, this brainless BBB has to come in and give more ideas. As it is, a women’s confidence is constantly subjected to trauma when foolish directors make ads that show that only fair women get jobs, and darker ones will be turned down in an interview. That if you use a certain type of sanitary napkin, you will loose a basketball match. That if you use a particular bar of soap, you will remain young. At the worst of them all being, if you have dark private parts, you will have a sad marital life. Why target women? Why not have a “Santoor for Men” advertisement. Something that has a kid running up to Madhavan or Saif (who use Santoor) while yelling, “Daddy!!!!!” and, the female photographer can go, What?!?!?!?!

Now BBB in all it’s novelty, points out to brides, that they need teeth polishing, or hair straightening. What shit! I don’t blame them entirely. I blame the brides too. Why the hell do you have to come on national television say things like, “I have a broken front tooth, I am afraid I may not be able to give a beautiful, open smile on my wedding day.” Or, “I have very curly and dry hair. I’m concerned that a pigeon will come and lay eggs thinking its a nest.” And, “I have been wearing glasses all my life and I’m allergic to contact lens. Oh Gosh! I want to pose for photographs without my glasses on but I don’t want to be blind too.” Seriously, what were you girls doing for the last 10 years? Couldn’t you just go and see a good dentist, hair stylist, and lasik surgeon. I mean, if your tooth, hair, and glasses didn’t bother you then, why now? Or are you just so cheap that you find pleasure in making the channel pay your bills.

Besides, nobody on the show actually cares about what you wear or how you look on your wedding day. Its all about displaying the Sabyasachi collection. If otherwise, why would Sabyasachi convince a bride who always wanted to wear a red lehenga that green is the color for her? Why would he convince a bride who wants to wear a lehenga to her Sangeet so that she can dance a step or two that she must wear a pattu saree?

The Botox injections for an eyebrow lift and cheek alignment, don’t even get me started on that. As such, an Indian woman is considered eligible for marriage based on her looks and sometimes her dad’s property, and now you come up with this whole artificial face lifts thingy. What are you going to do next? Bring in plastic surgeons and cloning experts to make replicas of Ambika Anands and Aishwarya Rais, I mean, your definition of ‘beauty’. What message are you trying to convey? Aren’t women allowed to have bad hair days, dark circles due to stress, walk on flats next to their really tall husbands, go without a facial for a month or two, and sometimes not wear any make up at all?

I would consider this post almost incomplete if I miss out mentioning the people who file the applications. If it is not a desperate bride dying to wear a Sabyasachi, it is either her mother, or mother-in-law or the groom himself. A few grooms on the show say ridiculous things that makes me want to crack open their skull like a walnut. “My fiance is perfect, but I want BBB to make her ‘more perfect’ on the wedding day”. What does that even mean, you superficial moron? Go and look up ‘perfect’ in the dictionary first. And, only ‘on the wedding day’ is it? Are you saying that eventually when her eyebrow lift drops, her hair goes back to being a bird’s nest, and her tooth filling falls out, you will not be in love with her anymore. You should stand in front of the mirror first and check out your not so perfect beer belly, bald head, and that prickly stubble that you think looks sexy on you. Why have only a Band Baaja Bride, why not have a “Grooming The Groom”? That would give a chance to help you realize your insecurities, talk about it on national television, and make your already perfect highness look ‘more perfect’ like a greek god on your wedding day.

My point is this. Weddings are supposed to be auspicious and joyful. What matters the most on your wedding day is whether or not you are in love with the person you are promising to share the rest of your life with. Whether or not you have all your near and dear ones around you to share the love and joy. Not whether you have bad make up, or a waist band that doesn’t fit you well. There was this one girl on the show who apparently moved her wedding day to an earlier date just to be on this stupid show and wear a stupid Sabyasachi outfit. If I were her groom, I would have called off the wedding then and there.

Please why don’t you just let a woman be!

Let it be okay if she acts at the spur of the moment. Let it be okay if she wants to be dressed in a casual kurti or a pair of jeans and a tee, and get married at the registrar’s office. Let it be okay if she to wants to take her ‘potential wedding budget’ and write a check to an orphanage ensuring that a few hundred kids eat decent meals for a couple of months. Let it be okay if she doesn’t understand the fuss about wearing a saree and lots of gold. Let it be okay if she wants to give importance to her marriage rather than her wedding day. Let it be okay for her to be confident and love herself, her body, and everything about her, her imperfections included.

Let it be okay if she hates weddings, big, fat Indian ones in particular.

108 thoughts on “Band Baaja Bakwaas!

  1. loved the idea ” Let it be okay if she to wants to take her ‘potential wedding budget’ and write a check to an orphanage ”

    in fact the lame govt could have thought to give tax rebate to the couples opting for court marriages and avoiding the wastage of time and money.

        • The author sounds way too pissed, seems as if she had to go through some shit or was high on something..
          But the reaction she gave isn’t ridiculous, it’s just that indian youth humbly succumbs to such traditions.. rather than standing up and expressing their thoughts or changing the way things go…
          The costs incurred in weddings are mostly paid by the girls family and it’s equivalent to putting fire to one’s money. And the show, yes it is magnifying the faults in looks of brides. Treatments that no one would go through especially for marriage if not for themselves. Magnifying the faults in looks and ignoring what the person is herself, and getting her treatments on national television is degrading..

  2. The writer is a frustrated woman, probably an ugly one. She needs to go out more often, but she probably don’t have a boyfriend and maybe she suffers from depression. There is no Santoor for men because men earn bread and aren’t stupid – women are. And wearing a saree isn’t a “fuss”, it is this country’s tradition. Since the writer doesn’t want to follow it, she should take her kurtis and jeans and tees and get lost to America, and stop instigating the beautiful women of this country who follow its traditions. India will be grateful.

    • Mr. Perfect Groom,
      I usually don’t entertain this kind of nonsense on my blog, but I went ahead and approved your comment anyway since it would prove to my readers that people with your attitude continue to exist.

      Clearly, there are two things.
      a. Either your understanding of the English language is poor and quite limited since it did not sink into your head that my intent wasn’t to devalue Indian traditions in anyway. It was totally about something else.
      Or
      b. You automatically fall into the category of men I mentioned above. 😛

      Either way, since we are getting extremely personal and all, I pity the woman who walks/walked into your life while you act all manly and “earn the bread”, Mr. Perfect Groom.
      Psst! So much for your intense outburst on our country’s tradition, are Indian girls allowed to have boyfriends!?!? 😉

      • mr perfect groom!
        i hope you have a good time marrying a ‘STUPID’ women and spending the rest of your life stupidly!
        also,may you have a ‘STUPID’ daughter as well.. 😛

      • Lets assume for a second that the writer is physically unattractive by your bigotry standards, Perfect groom. Even then, with the wit and penmanship that she has demonstrated, she proves that she will be a better mom and raise better kids than your mom ever managed to do. Also, she probably earns more ” bread” than you too.

        India would be a much better place without people like you. You’re an embarrassment to all of us, please try to reassess your version of “indian” values before personally attacking a female writer.

      • god!!!!! such losers exist n here in cyberspace ! women are stupid !!!! ya ryt dude— guess what im a female neurosurgeon from the very best institute in india n the writer echoes my feelings . Now i really want to see what your defintion of stupid is . And if your vocab allows you ,also define beautiful and tradition for me … n btw im pretty sure u r a trouser clad indian lad who doesnt even know how to wear a dhoti but for you, ohmy god !!!!! women must be wrapped in sarees . i think men like you should be kicked out of the country n even better out of this world

    • Mr. Prefect Groom,
      Women are stupid??? Really??? About happened to all that talk about Tradition!!! Its men like you who roam about freely, that we women should be careful of. Following traditions doesn’t mean broadcasting yourself & your flaws on television, you need to read the article again you dumb witted moron!!

      And dare you throw personal attacks on a woman !! Go get (properly) educated!!

    • Mr Perfect Groom (highly doubtful)

      You know when i first read your response, i was a little taken aback and then rather angry.

      It amazes me how silly your response is. The article isn’t about men, but rather weddings and the show.

      The writer does not in anyway shape or form indicate that she is depressed, rather that she is frustrated that all that money is spent on a single day and puts a lot of pressure on the family to put on a show, the wedding day.

      It is at the end of the day a huge waste of money when you spend soooo much, when it really should be about two people deciding to spend their whole lives together with their close ones, NOT about how much who spent on jewelry and flowers etc….

      And your comment about men “earn bread” and women being “stupid”, well i will bring the Indian comeback into this argument, your mother is a WOMAN, the country you are so proud of-WOMAN. I am not even going to BOTHER about your bread earning comment because it is just that pathetic.

      I think today’s India will be happy to have the likes of Sahaja Patel and in some cases, needs people like her to be around to put some sense into their brains, the same can’t be said about you Sir. India will be grateful + open minded without you.

      Regards

      Woman

    • This happens to be one of the lame minded comment I’ve ever read. Mr. Perfect Groom, start applying logic (if you could) in your thoughts then at-least you yourself will be grateful.

    • You Sir are somehow still living in the dark ages like most of the guys out there or else have been teleported from the dark ages to the present time. Please stop making a fool of your self and being a big insult to other guys who think its not a big deal at all whether their bride to be is wearing a saree or just a simple dress.

    • Let us forgive those poor souls not blessed with the gifts of intelligence and cognition and who feel like spewing verbal diarrhoea in any place that allows them to. Case in point.

    • Mr. Perfect Groom plzz restrain your male dominant attitude and think about the universal generalization that u have made calling all the women stupid.Maybe you don’t have knowledge about the heights woman have scaled in each and every walk of life even as CEOs of top companies like Ms Indira nooyi-pepsico chairman,chanda kochchar-icici bank CEO,Naina lal kidwai FICCI chairman and country manager HSBC Bank.Do not live in the fool,s paradise that u all the only bread earner.Even each and every housewife of India is a efficient and dexterous manager.This article was not about belittling Indian culture but about the imposition of culture on unwilling women who want to live a little freely.Your writing smells of superiority complex

    • Lets see, A person who named himself ” Perfect Groom “. * insert Joker’s claps here* You think naming yourself that will make you that? Please don’t open your mouth again. You lower the IQ of the entire country. For a coward with a tiny wiener who hides his identity with a name like that, If you know Telugu,(If you don’t use Google translate) Look up ” Gundamma katha” There’s a song on Women. The song came out in 1962 and guess what! Women have already taken over men by then. So I think your wife(If you ever get one, bless her poor soul) is going to earn more than you. And who knows you might make food for the family while she’s earning money.”Bread” you say, is not Indian food anyway. Do not condemn it by saying Roti bread I wont give a flying f*ck. So before you point out the writer, know that she has the courage to give her real name, the view on many things which aren’t even capable of your little mind, let alone trying to understand what she’s trying to convey, the beautiful thought of lending a person’s wedding money to an orphanage( It is a big deal for INDIAN women to even think like that) A big salute to her. Long story short, Shut the fu*k up. India doesn’t need you.

    • Mr.Perfect Groom probably secretly wants a perfect groom for himself, seeing as how he seems to hate women. Accept yourself, Mr. Perfect Groom…there is nothing wrong with being a gay man. You will be a much happier human being and much more tolerable for the rest of us who have to share breathing space with the foul-mouthed likes of you.

    • Mr. Perfect Groom is probably secretly looking for a perfect groom for himself, seeing as how he obviously hates women. It’s ok, Mr. Perfect Groom. Accept yourself. There is nothing wrong with being a gay man. It will make you a much happier human being if you stop repressing your true sexuality and it will make you much more tolerable for the rest of us who have to share breathing space with the foul mouthed likes of you.

    • Dear,

      Please please please tell us that you were being tongue in cheek!!!

      Also it is Sandoor and not Santoor. Santoor is mostly played by men – like Pt. Shivkumar Sharma and it is beautiful and soothing to hear.

      BTW, like I tell my wife – if sandoor or mangalsutra were cause for their husband’s well being, a lot of women would discard them within a short time after marriage.

    • I loved this article a lot!! And I support the writes views totally!! Indian men just have shit filled in their heads even in the 21st century! And Indian Traditions in particular has spoiled the whole show and mentality of India!

    • Dear Mr. so-called “Perfect Groom”,

      Hate to break it to ya, but you’re probably the worst groom in the entire world.

      ummm, and about your comment..:

      You suck.

      Have a great day!

  3. Left Reading after the 1st paragraph bcuz i felt bad and imagined where would you ultimately go for proving your point..My Perception is something Different..You comapred a Bride with a Goat to be slaughtered and with an opulent ox to do the heavy workload, whole of her life.. What was that ? I din’t get you man.. Don’t you get well dressed if it’s an ocassion.. Consider your Bday’s.. Haven’t u wore a suit in your life for the interview..? Just like that, the marriage makes you feel auspicious or take it as the last king/queen feeling you can have.. It’s like You gotta enjoy the moment with the preperation..So i don’t agree with your facts..No Offence..OR even if u have a positive point to prove, you shouldn’t have started with all the negativity..Sorry bruv, it was in my mind and just wanted to express that..No big and small thing..No hard feelings..

  4. well,arent we Indians at the end of the day? getting free goodies and that too dead expensive stuff which we cant afford (read: sabyasachi..the rado watches..the treatments at high locality salons..and a jewellery designer! blah blah) .. surely worth more a lifetime than a single wedding day?? and yeah! not to forget the publicity!! cant blame the bride/groom or their parents! 😀 also,i think this show suits perfectly for the typical minded mother-in-law. 😉 abbayi intiki ammayini testhe..tanaku istham vacche la marchukovachu! what say? 😉

  5. Will you kindly reply dear lady? One of my friends posted a comment because he didn’t agree with your viewpoints. It looks like you censored it – so probably this comments section is meant for only those comments that seem to be aligned with your own opinions! 2

    • Well, there is a remarkable difference between having an opinion that is different from mine and throwing personal attacks in addition to the overconfidence that one is my shrink. The former, I entertain because I consider myself liberal, the latter, I ignore since I have self esteem. There you go! Hope you got your answer. Thanks for visiting.

  6. I think we tend to look at weddings as an occasion to showcase our success to all the people who we will never again care to meet and who do not even enjoy the whole meal we have arranged because they are too busy checking out others plates before deciding what to eat.

  7. Hi Sahaja
    I just went through the comments on the post and saw people wanting to fight on someone’s opinions and I am pretty sure they are doing this just because its very easy to comment just tap your fingers and leave a comment and they don’t stop at that they want their comment to be shown too.
    So to these people why don’t stop being lazy bones and just want to do the easy task of commenting write down your great thoughts in a blog and just let others read it and do the work you are so proud of doing here. And lets take all the being against and clash of ideals business to your hard written blogs.

    By the way that video posted by aksA was great – A bread earning mother dreams of a great wedding for her daughter but still the point remains Sabyasachi can’t provide for marriage of daughters of all single mothers.

  8. Dogs bark when elephant walks.
    Thieves hide but kings pride.
    Critics can’t digest fact(s) and writer’s impact.
    Selfish people throw stones while a writer throws light on the selfish society.
    You are excelling in all aspects of your writings. Cheers!

  9. irony is i found you blog while i was looking for more bbb episodes…i am this typical girl who love dressing up jewelry and make up and hence bbb is the show i completely love watching and nt just that i tear up each the bride walks down the aisle and the episode culminates in a fairy tale way..bt as i was goin thru ur blog i cud nt really disagree with anythng that u sed
    bt nevertheless i am still in love with the show
    maybe we cud change the way we look at somethngs
    for eg wen u talk of the moron groom..am sure he loves his bride and will do so even if she wasnt the bbb bride bt he knows that featuring on the show wud just make her happy and move her closer to the fairy tale wedding she has always dreamt of….so maybe the moron loves and love the fact that his bride might be able to live her dream.
    secondly, the point whre u feel who is sabyasachi to suggest wat the bride shud or shud not wear, bt being the seasoned designer that he is, he sure can see thngs from angles a layman cnt….
    apart from a couple of thngs such as these, i absolutely agree with the stereotypical thngs u have listed out abt the weddings,
    and yes u write really well.

  10. That was awesome. Well written. You pointed out both sides of the coin. May be the grooms are going to start expecting their wives to put on all the stuff every time they take a pic(Just to show off). Mind if share this????

  11. Mr. Perfect Groom your name ‘Perfect Groom’ says it all you are such a wannabe!! go and get a spine for yourself that is not bent into perfection created by others!
    Sahaja Patel: Tussi chaa gaya!! Loved your post!!

  12. Most of the comments on this post are in favor of the author. Can we conclude that most readers agree with the author? It is only possible to conclude this if we have reason to believe that the author did not censor/withhold adverse comments that opposed her opinion. Can the author kindly shed some light on whether she withheld comments that weakened her position?

    • So far I kinda trashed only one comment. It wasn’t exactly about this post in particular but the reader who commented assumed he/she was my shrink and gave me advice to look within and blah!

  13. Girls and women are born to be the chappals of men, to serve them, to be their slaves. You are no different. Sooner or later, every girl who writes such a frustrated blog post will be a slave of a man. Better to accept this reality. It pains less when you are prepared for it.

      • Sorry girl, this was no joke. Females are really the inferior variety of humans, created by nature solely for the purpose of serving and entertaining the males. If you can’t already see this in humans, you might as well look at millions of other species for evidence of this. Nature put the breastfeeding and childbirth organs in females solely so that they could do these activities, while the males did the more meaningful ones that advanced the society. Whether or not you like it, the truth is that females were designed as breeding creatures, with the responsibility to have males as their masters. Every girl will eventually be busy with this.

        • Lord Brahma,

          Why wear a disguise when you sound so knowledgeable? Please provide your real name and details and be acknowledged by your mother/sister/wife/daughter of your thoughts? What say you self proclaimed, pathetic sounding, disgusting creature? will you dare?

        • If ignorance is bliss, Lord Bramha is the happiest guy on earth!
          What is more frightening than his thoughts is that he wears the disguise of a Hindu God to post such repulsive thoughts, the self- righteous arse!

        • Dear Ignorant Man (I will not insult Lord Brahma by using his name here)

          Let me shed light on a few things you said that contradict each other or contradict with umm lets say roughly half of this world’s population (thats right, the women):

          “Girls and women are born to be the chappals of men, to serve them, to be their slaves”

          Darling, you touch your mother’s feet I assume to get her blessings often? You know the so called “chappal of men” gave birth to you. I feel sorry for this mother who spent so much love, time and energy in raising a person like you because all you see her as is your chappal. Lets not even get started on your sister(s), cousins, grandma, friends, etc. However, I do feel sorry for the girl who will marry you or will bear you children because she will have to remember that its her job to F*ck you and give birth… after all she is your slave… O wait we normally call these women prostitutes… Sadly if you ever have a wife, you will have condemned yourself to a marriage with a prostitute. You poor f*ck you!!

          Oh and your daughter, she will also end up being a slave / prostitute at one point. You sorry sorry excuse for a man… I feel bad for you for having those views, as it will ultimately hurt you for having such ridiculous perspectives in life. You see how will end up battling your own thoughts … Crazy!!!

          “Nature put the breastfeeding and childbirth organs in females solely so that they could do these activities, while the males did the more meaningful ones that advanced the society.”

          Oh this was by far my favourite part in your response. So you think giving birth (the reason you exist) and breastfeeding (reason you are healthy) as inferior qualities?? Pray tell, what do men do that is more meaningful?? Actually you know what, please dont as it will be a stupid answer on its own. Let me tell you about other species dear ignorant fool:
          – Lions laze around while lionesses hunt for food, give birth and take care of the cubs (baby lions in case you dont know)
          – In majority of the bird species, the female takes care of the eggs (becoming the protector) and feeds the baby birds till they learn to fly.
          So you see self-proclaimed-lord… Even nature respects the role of the woman/female and gives her the most important role to “advance the society”. She is the one that has protected you, fed you, bourne you, taken care of you, etc and you call that less meaningful???

          O and before I move on to another topic… If there were no females, this society would not progress at its root… because there would be no one with enough strength to go through childbirth, protect the little ones, take care of the little ones, show them the meaning of unconditional love, instill values in them, etc etc…

          “Whether or not you like it, the truth is that females were designed as breeding creatures, with the responsibility to have males as their masters. Every girl will eventually be busy with this.”

          This is what makes me very very angry but let me prove you wrong here with logic (however useless that may be). We were designed to be much more than breeding creatures as you will soon find out when your wife kicks your butt one day for even thinking this… as your daughter will prove to you one day when she kicks her man’s ass… but most of all please just look to your mum as an example. Your Dad is not her master as macho as he must pretend to be… because my darling you boys are controlled by the organ between your legs…. that is where the woman gains her power… she holds you by your **** and screws with you in everyway she sees fit… but you poor souls dont even realize it. So my dear your macho male relatives have not introduced you to the actual reality of a man and I am sorry for that. BUT sweetie, your mum is the lady of the house and thats because no woman is a slave nor reports to a master… and you better change your world view if you ever want to get laid or want to be loved. Because your attitude will only get you the hatred of a woman and never her love… and that my dear one would be saddest existence that you will inflict on yourself….

          So you see dear Ignorant Man… Every woman here only feels sorry for you because your views only hurt you and no one else. So go save yourself and your soul!

          Praying for you…
          SM

        • Common gals,

          Dont give unwarranted attention to “Lord Bramha”. There are some incorrigible human beings. You dont want to be wasting your time and energy in preaching them. Ignore his comments, thats the best reply u gals could have given to poke, but you are doing exactly what he anticipated to do?? He did not put his comments to get preached, he wanted to poke you gals and u gals are awesomely responding to that.

          I request you all to ignore and move on.!!!

        • I can’t believe there are men like our ‘Lord Bh****od’ and ‘Perfect Asshole’ who still not only exist, but even have the balls to share their (kindly excuse the unparliamentary language) fucking views and further try to impose them on others!!

          Best if they keep their buckets shut!!!

        • Hahahahhahahaha. I seriously LOLed the hell out of myself!
          “If you can’t already see this in humans, you might as well look at millions of other species for evidence of this.” –The female black widow spider kills their male partners after the Deed. So does many other varieties of beings.

          “while the males did the more meaningful ones that advanced the society”—Hahahahahahahah! This one was the best!
          Sir, there’d be no society to advance if your “chappals” didnt give birth to the likes of you! (which wouldn’t be so bad after all)

          “females were designed as breeding creatures, ” —- Yeah right. Just as breeding creatures. Or else God knows what torments your poor little hand had to face everytime you went to the washroom.

    • pple like u shld go to school and get educated again…this doesnt sound like a educated man…. GOD bless his teacher (hopefully she s nt a women).

  14. Hi Lord Brahma,

    If your mother had refused to give birth to you, you would not be here for “meaningful roles”, if she has refused to feed you, you would-not have developed intelligence enough to qualify for “meaningful roles”,for the “advancement”of the society. “The abode to creation is with in us.”. I know of men whose achievements cannot be compared to those of women. Many Men i know are incapable of cooking, incapable of making money, incapable of academic achievements. And i have yet to see a women, who does-not have at least one of these qualities. If they are not good in studies, they are great homemakers & amazing cook. If they have academic achievements, they are good teacher, if they are professionally qualified they are ethical employees, unlike few men i know in my work place.

    Several Maids in my house are bread earner in their family, when their husbands has been kicked out of their respective jobs & they fail to run the family and support it financially, they are too ashamed to go for car washing Jobs or work as cook( not meaningful enough i guess), but not ashamed to sleep at home over their wife’s money. And most shameful is they demand their wives to cook & clean the house before leaving for work, and do the same once they come back. Men like these ..are OMEN…O u men…!

    Men like these are harbingers of a society that will fall & fail eventually, they make their women sick, they produce sick minded children….men like you are OMEN….!

    Regards,

    Rinsi

  15. Mr. Lord Brahma and Mr. Perfect Groom,

    Please do not reproduce, we have enough of your kind already.


    A MAN (unlike you)

  16. Ms. Sahaja

    After going through ur forward looking, empowering article on women and indian weddings with due respect to ur opinons I would like to bring in some points in this context.

    Although I too abhor the way brides family have to spend all their savings (my family being one) on the fat wedding, I wouldn’t support the idea of registrar marriages and orphanage donations. Its gratifying and prideful to say that, but you are forgetting that many middle class and poor families are earning their daily bread from these weddings, that money is again going back in to the economy. Children of florist, a cook or a sweeper goes to school from these spending only. There are any community kitchens where food gets wasted. Although the quantity is small, just observe how much food gets wasted at your home (assuming 4-5 ppl in your family). when you see it in a large gathering it gets multiplied, but the per capita food wastage would be more or less same.

    Regarding the aunties talking about saries and gold. I dont see anything wrong in that. When I go in my new jeans the first thing my friends ask is how much it costs and where did i purchase. Do you expect them to discuss the fall of rupee or raise of oil prize in a wedding setup??? However I do agree that there are certain aunties who discriminate based on physical appearance

    I want my wife to be empowered, but I want her to remain a women.!! with that softness in her voice, heart and warmth in her words. I will not accept the equality of genders whereas I am a strong supporter of their equivalence. I know some over zealous feminists asking me why cant men have children? why should only women undergo the hell of the pain involved in giving birth?. Men and women are biologically different and they have different roles to play based on that in this society. This does not automatically translate to a housewife, cooking, washing clothes theory. The current traditions have evolved based on society’s needs, gender capabilities etc. In a stroke of a pen, and in the blanket of equality we cannot turn things around . In general Men are physically stronger than women (this is natural), in ancient periods, farming was physically intensive and men took up that whereas women looked after the home. This is purely the case of sharing the work. The same thing can be done even today. In my own home my mother goes to work whereas my father is retired and looks after house hold chores. whereas 15 years ago it was opposite.

    Finally there cannot be a healthy, long and sustainable relationship between two equals. THis holds for not only individuals but for business organizations, political parties, nations or groups. There must be inter dependencies involved to build a healthy relations ship. Love blossoms from that, first from physical and then from emotional requirements,

    A happy family is one where you dont outsource (baby sitting, cleaning, cooking) things by double income, (man and wife both working). we can teach our children responsibility only when we give then time(love) and not hired professionals. an educated women at home is not a waste as many would perceive, she can mold her children (future citizens) by imparting good morals, education and values (in my opinion this is most invaluable contribution to the society) . Baby sitters are paid workers and have no interest in molding the child into a good citizen. I personally know many children of working couples who have become brats as they are cared only by paid caretakers. There are umpteen scientific and social studies made on how double income couples are suffering.

    Why do most of the highly educated girls ask for even more highly educated men for marriage??? why cant they marry a nominally educated fellow ( a farmer, a tailor etc) and ask him to take care of household activity while they can pursue a professional career and take care of earning responsibility?? Many highly educated men have married nominally educated girls so that they can take care of family and not be obligated to earn. Why can’t these women opt for such things? This double income syndrome is fueled by highly educated but hypocrite girls. They want their husbands to be a step high in education and earning. we must understand that in the institution of marriage there are no fixed roles. They evolve based on the individuals, their understanding and mutual consent. It is highly personal, and there is nothing wrong in celebrating (within your means) provided you dont strain yourself or your in-laws financially. After all we cherish only happy moments in our life.
    P.S. Sorry for a bit of digression in the topic, I felt they are slightly connected to make my opinion look complete.

    • Hi Iyer,

      I subscribe to your opinion completely. Till some ago we were double income couple with one kid, and yes his upbringing meant outsourcing all our duties, responsibilities to maids & baby sitters. Well this happened because of my, in law always, putting pressure on me for giving him money as regular stipend every month, for being at home.For being a supervisor to all the maids in our household. Which i used to abide, i was under the moral obligation that he has come to take care of my son and deserve some pocket money. How come Woman does-not get any pocket money to deliver a child and to raise a child?

      And trust me their was NO morals & Values being transferred to my son under his supervision. I am ready to take care of all the household financial needs, did-not bother whether my husbands is ” more” than me in any scenario. But you know what?sometimes,even men can bring down a woman, with all their “list of expectations “, they want them work but be soft & amicable all the time, they want them to make money but give away all the money to in-laws/husbands, they want them to produce children and be a ” mother India”.

      When woman want their husbands to be ” better educated” and ” better salaried”. they are doing this the way men does it, so where is the question of girls being hypocrites? Men wanting so many roles out of woman are- not hypocrites? Of course they are..! I know of men marrying 12th pass girls because they are incapable of holding themselves against the confident woman of today. And you know what, when they marry a 12th pass girl they want her to learn all trades of modernity under his wings, so she is fit enough to be flaunted around.

      Yes double income has its own set of perils. I am most satisfied now taking care of my son, helping him to follow a daily timetable, But do you think woman leaving job & being a full time homemaker does any good to her in long run, with nasty in laws labeling her “jobless” & burden on their “son’s” income. Men are biologically more strong than woman are, and at given ANY situation they can be more hypocrite as well.

      Rinsi

      • Hi Rinsi,

        Although I agree with most of your thoughts I beg to differ in the following para

        “When woman want their husbands to be ” better educated” and ” better salaried”. they are doing this the way men does it, so where is the question of girls being hypocrites? Men wanting so many roles out of woman are- not hypocrites? Of course they are..! I know of men marrying 12th pass girls because they are incapable of holding themselves against the confident woman of today.”

        I must tell you to refer History. Women empowerment is furthered by MEN and not women. If women across the globe vote today, its because of some group of enlightened men in the past who fought for it and made it happen. Therefore it is wrong to paint all men with the same brush and say that men are incapable of holding against confident and competent women, if men had feared this they would have never fought for emancipation of women. Having said that in the same vein I dont intend to see all women in one color. What I meant is that due to change in work scenario a modern day women can earn equally if not more compared to women of yesteryear. And such earning women can continue to progress in their career as well family only if their spouses are not equally adamant in pursuing their own careers. This is possible only if they marry some one with modest qualifications (but good natured, now dont tell me you cant find good natured men!!) to avoid the perils of double income(you have shared ur experience in this already). If they prefer someone with even higher earnings or qualifications they will end up being scuttled in their careers simply because that’s how majority of the society is currently functioning. Given a choice women will be asked to become a housewife. What I am saying that well qualified, career aspiring women must take a path which doesnot allow for such choices to be made at all. IN a case of a high earning IIM graduate marrying a tailor or a cook, no sane human can ask the IIM graduate to be a housewife (especially when her husband is modestly qualified and earning), even the husband himself will think twice before asking his wife to be a housewife. In this way even women aspiring for successful careers can progress without locking horns with the people and society around. Their husbands will be initially obligated to feel inferior (and lucky to get such a well qualified lady as his wife) which depending on mutual understanding and love can turn into a happy family.

        As I have already ex posited, partnerships are forged on mutual requirements, You see only competition between two equals, not partnership. This holds for any partnership,, not necessarily marital ones. Therefore in my opinion absolutely independent individuals are unfit for membership in the institution called marriage.

        Regards

        • So you mean a man of today is incapable of dealing with a wife who is at par with him? And the solution you propose, is that women wanting to have careers for themselves must marry a tailor or other “modestly qualified” person.

          Forgive me, but that just sounds ridiculous.

          Why can’t the men accept women as their equals? What is so wring in it?
          The perils you put forth are very much there, but your solution comes across as misogynistic to me.
          From your logic, it seems fair to conclude that men who don’t want career driven wives should marry a tailor or a cook, to ensure peace at home.

          What i’m asking is why come to a point where the woman is asked to leave her career???

        • Just another girl,

          You have not taken my point in its spirit. Let me make it clear. There are capable people and incapable people, talented and lazy, enlightened & ignorant, ideal and practical, successful & unsuccessful, honest & corrupt etc alike. In these categories you can put MEN, WOMEN, CHILDREN, HINDU MUSLIM POLITICIANS, PRIESTS SCIENTSTS or any human being. among all these genders and professions you find such people with diverse characters.

          I have already told that the clamor on equality is glamorous but impractical. When you have two distinct responsibilities to run a family (namely,Earning and taking care of family) it must be divided between the two partners of the family (man and wife) without getting into the perils of Double income problems its up to them to decide who will take up what responsibility. I would be a misogynist if I proposed women to take up household activity always. THe person deciding to takeup a household activity need not be highly qualified professional. He/she must be qualified enough (that too according to his/her own will and capabilities) to take up that activity while He/she can pursue her/his passions like music, painting, counselling, small NGO activities etc depending on their mood and interests. This is how happy family and happy society is built.

          I am flabbergasted at you naive last question, you cannot change the society instantly. Thats how it has been happening, you have to go back to when and how it started, then you will understand that my solution to high aspiring women is not a misplaced one. I am not supporting this practice either, I am giving a way out in this kind of situation. Why marry a highly qualified, highly earning guy and then argue with him that your career is important?? THe intelligent way is to avoid the argument itself, In my opinion it is harsh on any man to ask his women to go for work, pursue career, give birth to children, breastfeed them, take care of them etc…so historically men have preferred wifes to be at home. IT has just evolved. You cannot make politically correct statements without understanding the practicality of the same.

          In today’s scenario of maternity leaves and corporate firms women can definitely take up high aspiring careers, but they need someone to take care of their family too. If you agree with me on this then who will that someone be?? If you dont agree with me on the above, I have nothing to say.!!! I respect n recognize ur right to disagree.!

          I reiterate that there cannot be sustainable partnership between two equals.

  17. Hi Shailaja,

    Really loved your take on the Big Fat Indian Wedding and all those TV shows who just add to the shit and nonsense.
    One thing about getting married these days is the kind of functions that everybody wants to put up irrespective of the primary objective that is to share the couple’s most happiest moment with the ones they love and who are near and dear to them.

    But I guess all of this will take a lot of efforts. The bride has to make the important decision on whether she just wants a wedding or have a fasion show. The groom to be has to accept his bride AS SHE IS instead of being all hipocratic.
    and last but not the least, Once both the bride and the groom have decided to make it simple yet sweet and memorable, they ll have to convince their parents or even talk tough to them in case they don’t oblige to avoid all that drama.
    Most importantly, if guy can stand up to his girl’s decision to keep it simple , that can change a lot things and make the whole experience beautiful instead of succumbing to his parents or society because ultimately its their big day.

  18. Wowowow!! your post so reflect my first thoughts when I watched BBB.. I just don’t understand where this world is going towards.. Botox injections for a 20 something gal with a stupid reason of having ‘perfect’ face.. I mean seriously.. What nonsense.. And the fat and short and ugly bald head uncle ‘groom’s expecting a filmy bride.. outside my limits of understanding.. Correcting tooth, raising the eyebrow a little, cutting down the naturally beautiful long hair of a bride to some ugly looking hair style.. What are all these for.. :-S 😦 If my future groom asks me to do anything like that, I would chuck him out..
    And our media setting up wrong trend, influencing the women of country to feel more insecure.. Not sure why ‘social impact’, ‘racism’, kind of stuff are not considered by the sensor board 😦

  19. In India arrange marriage has become purely a businesses investment in which all the parties try to maximize their profit. Where as the actual sanatan dharma had a very very simple concept of marriage which includes vows from both bride and the groom. Its us who have added so much of pomp and fake rituals to it.

  20. I’m not going to lie, me and my sister adored the show. Dream makeover, designer bridal wear- c’mon that’s the stuff chick flicks are made of! And no matter how big a feminist I might think I am, I am a sucker for those.
    But I completely agree with everything you said! Wedding days, putting everything yo have on display, the show-sha, My friend from down south tells me it’s customary for bride’s family to give the groom’s family at least 2 crores. ( although one good thing there is whatever dowry they give is given in bride’s name- so at least she has that security) I’m flabbergasted at the state of affairs which continue to persist. And a couple of comments above are really sad. To think Indian men still think like this? What hope do women expecting equality have?
    One guy naming himself “Lord Brahma” makes such disgusting and sexist comments, that I’m sure even the Gods must have thundered with anger above.

    On a lighter note,I love your posts. Please continue posting on a more regular basis! 🙂

  21. Sahaja , this is a real story of every day to day life here i have faced this during my sisters marriage and also seeing it on a regular basis for many of my friends and family members , if you are little dark skin , thin , any by birth physical problem even single mark on face or open body parts then you are gone , more over its not just men who have this mentality its more of women here , a women her self expects her daughter in law to be perfect , if daughter in law by mistake dont cook proper dinnner for all family members due to her busy schedule in office or some other genuine reasons then she is good for nothing , if she is not wearing a pallu sari then she is ultra modern , if she say any thing against her she is bad and bla bla

    i am getting sick of all this seeing me around god knows when my country people will change this , when we fight for equal rights then we must give it too ,

    appreciate your all blog post so far i have read .
    Good luck lady 🙂

  22. Sahaja Patel,

    I loved when you said “Let it be okay if she wants to give importance to her marriage rather than her wedding day”.

    I just wish more people can understand the importance of love and understanding in the relationship rather that the amount of money spent. The fact that being perfect on just 1 day doesn’t matter but what matters is how the couple accepts or rather I should say love each other even with their imperfections. I wish guys and girls out there just understand that having a perfect partner is not necessary but what’s important is to have a ‘perfect relationship’.

    Parents’ and relatives’ role should be to strengthen that bond between the two souls and that’s the only way they all could have a satisfying and happy family life in coming years.

    Thanks for sharing your opinion. Keep blogging 🙂

  23. Hi Sahaja Patel,

    I salute you for this post. This stupid show and those ridiculous big fat Indian weddings are a pain in the head! I also loved the way you have mentioned those dialogues by aunties. If you are in your late 20s or 30s and not married, people look at you as if you’re a criminal. Have faced it a lot. I also completely agree on marriages being a business affair. In fact, I agree with every point of yours. So glad to know something thinks this way.

    Cheers,

    Keyur

    P. S – This is my post on arranged marriage – http://thecommonmanspeaks.com/2012/08/18/arranged-marriage-jokes/

  24. Nice way of putting things here Sahaja. Loved it. I agree with the point that our indian marriage system is going through a big and unnecessary make over. End of the day the bride, the groom and their respective immediate families are the ones who should be satisfied, but we see those things are changing rapidly. Even if the bride/groom go through cosmetic changes, most of them are not permanent and if they are permanent, then they have their side effects.

    End of the day marriage is a journey for lifetime enjoyment and not just only for the wedding day enjoyment.

    Lifestyle related channels like these actually divert the mindset of weak people for the sake of increasing their TRP ratings and they care a darn about the people they involve.

  25. Loved your post and especially the concluding para!! Absolutely well said on that, let us just be!! Since I hated the typical wedding so much and the lakhs spent for no reason at all, I decided on a simple court marriage and was happy to find out that the man I married, or was marrying at the time, was in complete favor of my decision and so were his folks. It was indeed a blessing!

  26. hi sahaja!
    i agree with some of your viewpoints. but there are so many girls who are not strong enough to be themselves. i met people so fascinated about this shallow, artificial looks. i think they dont have anything remarkable within their attitude to showcase. i feel that your post relates to strong females but not everyone. I know men looking for a bride so simple, real and most importantly very peaceful to walk into their life! but i never noticed a strong lady who is simple and real yet peaceful!! rest of the society wont let her stay peaceful. i mean to say this society (including both egoistic men and inferior, spineless women) will always try to create problems for strong ladies!

    coming to fat weddings, i dont appreciate the huge amounts being spent on clothes and return gifts (gold anyways can be treated as an investment and also a financial security to the bride). the cost of wedding outfits shocks me! even middle class families are ready to spend lakhs of rupees on bridal clothing which she never wears again!! total waste of money. instead this money can be saved. surprisingly, even though a family can manage the wedding costs without going for loans, there are people who just take loans for all these unnecessary showoff.Having a joyful meal with our dear ones is always fun.

    a nice traditional outfit reflecting the happy mood, with dignified look and affordable jewellery in the presence of all the near and dear ones makes a good start of new life. grace and dignity invites divinity. the true essence of indian marriage is to find the soul mate not just a partner!our culture in the true sense reflects the divinity when perceived in a proper way!!

  27. Hi Sahaja,

    I’am a regular viewer of BBB & always wanted to write to them once my wedding is fixed. Though I love myself & dont want any correction on my face or skin yet the show excites me. But I was not sure how to go about it. Now that i’m engaged, I googled for it.
    However, while going through the rules & regulations of the application to BBB, I also came across your article.

    I do agree with lot of your claims & was able to look at the BBB show from a different perspective. Why do I need to write to them when I actually dont want any Botox, skin lift or tooth correction. And yes, I can very well spend on these things if they really bother me. My looks & skin are not an area of concern for me. May be i was just fascinated by the superficial show.

    Your article was really interesting & I agree that Big Fat Indian weddings are a waste of money. I would never want to wear someone else’s choice of lehnga on my wedding, Be it Sabyasachi or JJ Valaya. The options shown on the show are very limited.

    This is for anyone who want to apply to them, please go through the rules before applying. Although im sure after reasing your article, no sensible woman would opt for this show.

    Regards,
    Mansi

  28. hi Sahaja,
    I am gald to read this article but i would like to come on this show on my wedding to covey a messages to all indian orthodox family.
    I want to marry with a guy who is perfect for me. We both have good understanding for eachother but my family members are not allowing me to get married with him because we both are from different caste .
    I want to convey a messages through this show that give importance to those two (the bride and the groom) who want to get married not to caste . The two who want to spend thier life together.

    Regards,
    Saari

    • Hi Sarika,

      It is annoying and infuriating to see two people in love not being allowed to marry because of something as ridiculous as caste! Personally, I consider the word caste as a filthy abuse. You are right. The man and woman should be given importance because they are the ones who have to spend their life together. I shall pray for your marriage with the person you love. Please don’t lose hope.

      Regards,

      Keyur

  29. i think d brides shud do n enjoy deir weddin d way dey want to.no1 shud force hr abot hr decisn.women hav d right to do wat dey wabt to just like men til it doesnt harm ny1!
    b it a fat indian weddin or a westrn style classic weddin.d women who tak prt in BBB do it on deir own wish so y do we care??i m nt being a diplomat nor m i a channel man.i m jst sayin what my brain is sayin.n as far as i m cncrnd yes d drama kind f things dat d brides do on tv r a bit annoying n irritatin but dey r GIRLS 😛 itz evn a bit cute u kno 😛
    by d way itz human behaviour whch varies frm prsn to prsn so we shudn’t take it seriously n enjoy d show.
    i m nt sure wedr i hav been talkin wit respct to d topic or nt bcz 1 argumnt leads to anodr so i wud like to say no offence dat All Women R Gorg! 😉

  30. Dear Sahaja,

    I couldn’t leave the page without leaving a reply as it was quite thought provoking and genuine in many aspects. Ultimately, in a wedding its more “the blessings that count” than the appearance of the girl.

    Though it is said that one should love thyself, people just forget the beauty of their inner self (heart and soul) and are just carried away most of the time unconsciously.
    In the process, the necessity of an external makeover which transforms the original looks of the girl occurs, the aftereffects of which will be realized some day very late.

    I hope people (from both sides, bride and groom) learn to appreciate the concept of Loving and Accepting themselves THE WAY THEY ARE before they are completely captured by “makeover world”!!!

    Cheers,
    Devi

  31. Well i m quite late for replying still…..
    According to my perspective we can’t blame society or shows for it, the truth is girls do like to do these things on their wedding whether it is shown on TV or not and if she wants to do it its her decision and we should not judge on it. You are accusing society of being judgmental and to accept natural beauty yet when it comes to you, you are bashing them because they like to do what they want, this is so hypocritical. Its their life, if they like to do it we are no one to tell them what to do and how to do. if society perceive women as objects then you are definitely not someone who can criticize them because you are one of them.

  32. I have always HATED the wasteful spending in marriages. I always dreamt of a court marriage with a garland exchange at a temple.
    When I found love, I thought I found a person who is just like me. But as we decided to get married, I realised everyone was against my “dream” wedding idea, including my parents. I had no choice – I loved him a lot and to find a more compatible person was next to impossible for me.
    So the marriage date was fixed. As the date grew closer, I thought if adding a little sugar to the curry will make it tastier, then why not! So very subtly I hinted my fiance about my interest in BBB. As a very loving guy who ALWAYS likes to surprise me, he filled in the application form.
    I get married on March 22 and I still dont know if the application was accepted. The point I would like to make is, my marriage is going to be perfect anyway because we love eachother and I see the marriage ceremony as just another certificate of LEGALLY spending my life with him. But if I have a shot at adding a little more glamour to it by getting my skin cleared of acne marks, having a professional do my make-up, wear Sabyasachi saree and TBZ jewellery, then I would take that shot! 🙂

  33. Couldn’t have written any better than this. Kudos and well said.
    I’m 30 and not married and have all aunties numbered in n(infinite) passing comments on why i’m still unhitched, your blog reminded me of all the harrowing days . Refreshing blog keep up the good job. And yes to all dumbsters who have a problem in understanding what you’ve written can go for a hike towards whichever way leads to Dumb City.

  34. i was told by some one that the bridal ensemble that sabyasachi creates for the bride is not even given to her..kits taken back after the marraige..n that makes it too lame..

  35. Okay. I beg to differ.
    First…Bring yourself out of the 1970s where the bride is forced to do everything the in laws say and the in laws wont respect the girl’s choice whatsoever. We’re beyond that now…maybe not much far away. So it’s the bride’s final call what she does to herself.
    Second..
    If you do notice the show, most of the brides are self- sufficient, independent, hard working women who’ve spent their lives working hard for their career. Given that…they obviously didnt have the time to pamper themselves a lot. Now that their wedding day arrives, its their way to remind themselves that all the sacrifices they’ve made, struggles they’ve gone through were finally leading up to this and they deserve every bit of it and they should be enjoying the hell out of it! So their makeover is not so much about pleasing their in laws or the husband to be as much it is about telling themselves they have a right to relax after 25-30 years of struggle.
    Third…the in laws and the husband to be met and liked the bride before the makeover. Its not like they had an agreement that there’ll be any marriage only if the bride undergoes a makeover. Hence…its completely the bride’s own will.
    Also…none of the ladies would disagree on the fact that a trip to the salon is the best way to relax your nerves. Now when a girl is to begin a journey so tough and demanding…why wouldnt she want to just be herself for a few days.
    I’m all up for all the inner beauty thing..but the writer should remember that the next time she attends a formal party without having her eyebrows under the thread at least for a month.

  36. hello dear.
    your blog is very good.n i completly agree wid u..n peoples like perfect groom nd lord bhrama go to helllllll

  37. Hi writer,
    As I had shortage of time I couldn’t read the complete blig but till I read I agree the point how much effort the brides family would have put in arranging everything though instead of understanding they choose commenting sarcastically if the girls family is not financially strong then they are completely gone bcoz whatever they do would by default be a blunder and will be commented and considered throughout her life, I could easily connect to this bcoz I faced it personally as im a middle class girl n my parents had to face all kinda nonsense n im still facing it but luckily my husband is a very supportive and gud hearted and understanding person so im quite safe many times
    suggestion to people is instead of making ur children literate educate them but before that u first come out of nonsense customs
    Customs are followed to maintain the countries culture and learn more from our ancestors but not to trouble others in name of custom

  38. Woah woah there! Your article, I understand is aimed at “letting women be”, and that’s perfectly fine, until you decided to criticize everything just because you’re opinionated. Too bad you hate weddings.
    Well, yes, weddings have become a way to showcase your wealth, but I don’t see why you should completely side-track the fun that it entails.
    Secondly, I don’t know how BBB is discouraging dark skinned girls! I don’t know if you’ve seen the episode where a dusky bride wasn’t comfortable with her complexion and it was the BBB team who made her proud of it. ” Episode: The Dusky Bride” or something.
    Then the part where you’ve talked about how stupid the make-overs are. See, it is the person’s choice to look good on their wedding day. Let the bride decide if she wants to get rid of her dark circles or if she wants people to see them. I don’t see why you think that ironing out what people think their imperfections are is superficial behavior. Also, there have been brides who’ve had the concerns before, but hadn’t had the time or money. Now that you’ve called them cheap, I don’t see how a vegetable vendor’s daughter (who was a bride on the show) could’ve afforded all the procedures. But does that mean that she cannot wish to look her best? Definitely not.
    Then you’ve talked about the show being an advertising platform for Sabyasachi. Like seriously? He’s just a man doing his job: promoting his product to the masses. What’s wrong with that?
    Obviously, darling, women are allowed to be themselves and do all the things mentioned in the following paragraph. But they have their own definitions, so just let them be! Whatever subliminal message it is that they’re trying to convey is their part, it is upon us to either take it or not.
    Lastly, the whole idea behind the show is to provide comfort and luxury to the bride, a female, who has been doing her job and handling here issues all these years. Just because the groom wants her to be “more perfect”, doesn’t mean that he will stop loving her after the wedding day’ he’d loved her even before the show even crossed their paths.

    My whole point being, let it be okay if she loves dolling up for weddings, big, fat Indian ones in particular.

  39. Weddings are supposed to celebrate love – not beauty, not wealth. However, arranged marriages in India are a different ball game. You can easily tell apart a love and an arranged marriage by looking at their wedding bullshitness… (like, a groom on a helicopter is definitely bullshit, and a quantitative measure would be the weight of gold on the bride) Heck… Love marriages have the word “love”. Do people even realize what that means for arranged marriages.

  40. Love the way u have put ur thots across.. I love sabyasachi so i see this series.. I generally forward everything else…
    Jus want to say one thing..
    It is okay.. To not care wat u wear or how u look or where u get married or all this drama.. Its an individuals call.. Take that call jus enjoy ur wedding marriage or life for that matter they way u want..
    But then again It is also ok if sum girls do care abat how they look or what they wear n all that .. Thats makes tgem happy.. The chemical combination in theor brain needs this catalyst to be happy abt their wedding or marriage ir anythings else .. So be it.. There are too many other things on National television ..,like the saas bahu dramas n the double meaning bollywood movies and the soft porn music videos that are more worthy of being bashed.. Our new generation is growing on them

  41. Hey there!
    First of all let me start by saying that I was completely smitten by your straightforward and clear views and I think we need more fearless people like you in our society. You did a great job on this blogpost. Don’t feel down by the comments made by male chauvinists like “the perfect groom” and “lord brahma”. They wanted to attract attention by making a fool of themselves, and they succeeded.
    I do agree with your point of view on our society’s double standards and ‘aunties’ judging women, prompting them to get married sooner. But the majority of your write-up deals with the fact that women should absolutely not look forward to dressing up for a very big day of her life, the day her life takes a new turn. I completely disagree with this. Band Baaja Bride is a show which aims to provide a makeover to brides with their and their family’s consent. I don’t see anything wrong in this.
    Sure YOU can wear jeans and kurti on your wedding day but there a majority of Indian women would be more than happy to get themselves pampered for one occasion of her life. Sabyasachi, TBZ and Rado with makeovers from Lakme and other salons doesn’t only make us feel pretty on the outside, it boosts our confidence and make us feel more feminine on the inside.
    I stand by the point that it’s completely a woman’s choice as to how she wants to look on her D day and we shouldn’t judge either the jeans bride or the lehenga one.

  42. omg i loved this blog!!!! well tbh i m a 15 yrs old girl whose mom doesnt miss a single chance to watch BBB n i m fed up of it i mean who isnt???????? these shows actually do nothing but make girls feel worse about themselves or the kind of the wedding they had………….All the grooms are like “she is perfect for me” then why the hell does she have to come to BBB if she is perfect?????????yeah there is nothing wrong with wearing a lehanga by Sabyasachi but u wouldnt die if u dont……………
    Yeah n Hats off for the alternates that could be done by couples with their money that they waste
    Well… a great blog but my mom is still not ready to leave watching that show 😥

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