It’s a baby girl!

She was 27, and at home.

She stood in front of the mirror, naked. She looked at her breasts. This was the biggest they had ever been. But she knew that they were going to get bigger. She stared at herself for a long while before she ran her right hand across the entire area of her belly, from just above her abdomen, all the way down to its lower end. It looked bloated and the bump had begun to show through her clothes now. She was five months pregnant, and had just received her scans from her gynecologist. She had dreaded this moment would come right from when she turned into a teenager. And 15 years later, she still wasn’t prepared for it.

“You are going to have a healthy and beautiful baby girl. You just have to keep eating healthy, and get good sleep and sufficient exercise, just like you have been doing so far.” The gynec’s voice rang in her head.


She was 9, and had gone to visit her second cousins who lived in Chennai.

This was her first visit to a metropolitan city and she was all excited. She decided that it would be the best and the most memorable summer vacation ever. Yes, she was innocent enough to believe she could have an amazing summer in the hot and humid Chennai. She was to live with her grandmother’s sister and her family. Her grandmother’s sister was an extremely fun person to be with. She spoke to her in English, which was a very cool thing for grandmothers to do, and also gifted her, her first video game. Super Mario Bros. Oh God! She was in love with this vacation.

One evening, everyone in the house decided to go saree shopping to Sundari Silks in T-Nagar. They din’t want to take her along since the women knew they would take forever, and taking a young girl along would mean they had to take short breaks to take her to the bathroom, or feed her idlis if she got hungry. So they let her stay back at home and play Super Mario. Her uncle stayed back to child-sit her.

She was engrossed in the game when he came and sat next to her. He looked at her for a while and suggested that he could help her play better. He came over her shoulders, put his hands around her neck, and held her hands and the video game remote, and began to teach her how to play. She got the trick instantly. He stood behind her shoulders and continued to watch her. Then, he slowly slid his hands down and began to massage her breasts. She was shocked, and uncomfortable. Her breasts had just started to grow. They were very small and she was always in some sort of a mild pain as they grew. That entire year. So when her uncle did that, it hurt her more. She didn’t understand what that meant, she was very young. But she just felt that it wasn’t right. She felt violated, shameful, and very, very scared. She didn’t know how to react. She just took his hand, pushed it away and said nothing. Her uncle then came around and sat on her left, and put his hand around her right shoulder, pushed her right arm aside, and began to squeeze her right breast, hard. She was in real pain. The sad part was she didn’t know what was happening to her, she didn’t know what she was supposed to do, and she didn’t know if she should talk to her mom about this. All she knew was that it felt dirty. Yes, very dirty.

She decided that she would never visit Chennai again. A few years later, she realized that she was molested for the first time in her life, and that she wouldn’t be able to forget it for a lifetime. She made sure she never saw that uncle in her life ever again. Every family gathering she attended, she made sure he wasn’t attending. She loathed him from the core of her heart.


She was 15, and in a temple near Bangalore.

Her family had gone to visit a very odd and old Shiva temple. The shrine was underground in a cave that was half-filled with water.  One had to walk through the waters for at least 1000 feet to reach the end of the cave where the deity had been installed. Two priests would accompany each family, walk them across the waters, perform the pooja, and escort them back to land. The entire group consisting of the two priests, and her mother, father, brothers, and a few cousins entered the cave. She was the shortest and the youngest in the group. The water in the cave came up to her neck making it really difficult for her to walk. Her mother came to help her, but the priest suggested that the water-walking was a routine for them, and that the group should continue walking while he took care of her. Her mother trusted him. So he held her right hand in his left hand under the water, and he had a basket with the pooja stuff in his right hand that he held above the water since he didn’t them to get wet. He was patient as she struggled to walk.

She felt a pinch on her waist, on her right. She thought it must have been a water bug and continued to pace slowly. There was a tickle on her waist that slowly moved up to her breasts. It took her 30 seconds to figure out that the priest was groping her body parts randomly and pinching them, all under the water and nobody could see that. It hurt, again. This time she knew what was happening to her but she didn’t know what to do.

They reached the shrine. The priest moved forward, conducted the pooja, and blessed everyone there. She was disgusted beyond imagination. What a hypocrite, she thought, and cried from within. While returning, he offered to walk her back. She gave him a “spit on your face, you sick, son-of-a-bitch” look and went along with her mother. What troubled her was that she never had the guts to discuss these things with her parents. She felt cheated because her parents never told her that such things could happen to a girl. Was this normal? If yes, then why did she always feel like tearing away the violated skin, and why did she feel so disrespected and defiled.


She was 21, and at a multiplex in Mumbai.

She had always loved Bombay. She saw herself visit the city and go on a shopping spree in her dreams every fortnight. She had always loved her Bombay friend’s flip-flops, ear-rings, and shawls. So when her Bombay friend called her to visit the now Mumbai, she went frenzy.

One rainy evening, after she had spent hundreds of rupees on buying beautiful accessories, she and her friend went to the Infiniti Mall to watch Rang De Basanti. Aamir Khan was her favorite actor and she was excited. During the intermission, she and her friend went to buy some popcorn and coke. She stood in the queue, and her friend stood behind her. After a while in the line, her friend said, “This man behind me is weird. He is hard and is rubbing it against me.” This time, she knew what it was, and what to do. She pulled her friend aside, and yelled at him, “Hello, mister! What are you trying to do? Do think you can do anything to girls and they will shut up? You bloody molester! I will call the police. Go and shag at home, you loser.” The man fled. Nobody came to her rescue. Nobody cared. People were just glad that one man left the line and that meant that they would get their popcorn sooner. She and her friend couldn’t sit through the rest of the film. “I just want to go home and shower. I feel horrible.”, she said. They left the theater.


She was 22, and at a research institute in Hyderabad.

She had been offered an internship at the L.V Prasad Eye Institute and was in love with her job. She commuted by the bus everyday. One evening, a little after 5:00 pm, she walked out of the institute. She was dressed in a black salwar with a georgette white dupatta. She had to cross the road to go to her bus-stop. She crossed half of the road, and stood on the divider to cross the other half. Since it was just after 5 pm, there seemed no stopping to the endless line of vehicles. She stood there patiently. Suddenly, two men on a bike drove past her. The one sitting on the rear of the bike darted forward and squeezed her bosom and forcefully snatched her white dupatta off her neck, and threw it on the divider, a few feet away from her. Everything happened in a split second. And before she could cope up, and yell, “You fucking bastards, may you go to hell”, the bike was out of sight. She was embarrassed and devastated. She picked up the dupatta and covered herself with it as people on either sides of the road stared on.

She went home and put a band-aid on the wound on her neck.


She was 27, pregnant, and at home.

She hadn’t been sexually assaulted for at least five years now. Nobody had touched her, any part of her, against her will. And for that, she gave credit only to herself for leaving the country. She had been in the West for the past five years. She was an Indian, very patriotic, and stood up every time she sung Jana Gana Mana and all that, but deep within, she knew that her country shouldn’t  be famous just for its diversity, curry, and snake charmers. She wasn’t saying that the Western country she lived in was a crime-free nation. Yes, there was molestation, rapes, bomb blasts, terrorism, random shoot-outs, and a high crime rate at that. She could not deny that and did not assume that the West was heaven. But then, there was something different here. She didn’t know what exactly it was. The best she could say was that it was the sense of freedom.

She could go and watch a film without being afraid of someone groping her body parts in the dark. She could go and have an ob/gyn exam without feeling exploited. She could go shopping without having to fear hidden cameras in the fitting rooms. She could cross the road, and walk her dog at the same time, without having to be extremely cautious of male hands that could pop out of nowhere and abuse her. She could stand at the billing counter in a grocery store without fearing that someone would get hard and rub it on her ass. She could let the plumber or the electrician inside the house to fix stuff when her husband was not at home. She didn’t have to fear the male taxi driver or the bus driver. She didn’t have to shield her body with her laptop bag, or office files, to protect herself while walking on a crowded street. She didn’t have to fear that the guy on the other side of the cash counter at the bank would try to play with her fingers when she went to collect cash. She could go and eat at a restaurant at 11:00 pm and not be molested by 16 men on national TV. She didn’t have to fear sitting next to a man on the bus or train. She wouldn’t forcefully be made to watch two men masturbate at a dark street corner.


She was going back to India after two years. Her husband’s contract with the company here was ending and she had decided to quit working to take care of the kids for a while. Everything had seemed normal. And today, suddenly, everything had changed.

She was going back to India after two years, with a baby girl. 

A girl of her own. How could she protect the beautiful thing. She had lived with all of it. But she couldn’t imagine the same things happening to her daughter. It broke her heart to think that she had to take her daughter back home, to a place where if a girl is travelling in a crowded city bus, the chance of her being molested is higher than the chance of her getting a seat before she reached her destination. She had to take her daughter back to what she now considered to be the rape capital of the world.


She brushed her teeth, put her pajamas and t-shirt on and went to bed. That night, she cried. A lot. Because there was nothing else she could do.

1,093 thoughts on “It’s a baby girl!

    • Yes it happens.

      But my suggestion would be, Bringing up a girl, we need to give them 100% braveness to go and rule the world.

      in whatever, may be the cases happens to the child.

      And I do understand , As a mother it is tough job to bring up not only a girl but even a boy these days.

      let us trust in God who will save the beautiful light of any girls lfe.

      Am i right?

      • lolwut.

        >Yes it happens.
        >But my suggestion would be, Bringing up a girl, we need to give them 100% braveness to >go and rule the world.

        >in whatever, may be the cases happens to the child.
        >And I do understand , As a mother it is tough job to bring up not only a girl but even a boy >these days.

        >let us trust in God who will save the beautiful light of any girls lfe.
        >Am i right?

        **face desk**

        • a true story …..specially the last 2 lines …..!!!!
          hope apart from laundring money and sowing power people do something to make this country good..!!!

        • I am not certain how family members who involve in such activities are to be dealt with. Even being a boy, I was molested. I dint know what to do. But when this happens in public, and a stranger being the culprit, kick him in the testicles. If the kick is hard enough he might even die. Use your teeth to bite and nails and fingers to puncture his eyes. Don’t wait for men to come for help. You women can take care of your problems. You can kill a person for your safety. Take care of yourself.
          People who treat women this way does not have the elementary education to read and comprehend this story. That era is way ahead. Until then, be ruthless. Its the best way to survive.

        • Havng tears in my heart but i still now cant do anything in order to stop this male hippocricy. being a male in ths male dominated society let me enjoy upto certain limits but when the same male tried to defend his sister or any other random female for this imbecile deeds , i myself got beaten…

          yes this is one of the most dirty,nasty side of our well cultured india, where girls take breath but in tension ….

          something like this happened when i was with my friend and a random drunkard harrashed her in broad daylight in a crowded bazar. elderly,teenagers,old both women and men stood there some enjoyed some felt pity and some disgusting people even said that its the girls fault…none came to save her. when i beat the bastard and almost made him lifeless,broke 3 limbs in made him miserable in market , i became a bad guy in front of the spine less educated ,learned civilised people….This is INDIA….

        • we shud train all women in kung fu or sum other kind of martial art,for self defense. I am a man,nd i feel ashamed that people like those exist…i knw dat if i ever get the pleasure of bringing up a baby girl,ill make sure she learns karate or taekwondo or sumthng…js so that she cud kick some pervert ass….

        • Hello Madam, This happens all over the world. Not only in India!! Catholic priests molested 1000’s of children and nobody is bothered about this? Don’t blame India & Indian men alone. Don’e be prejudiced.

        • @randomreader
          u really think “GOD” can help Indian women in such situations ?? did u doze off when the narrator was describing how she got groped by a “pandit” in the presence of god?? when will ppl stop being so naive *irritated*.

        • I don’t completely agree for there is no place for bravery as well. If a girl is bold enough to rebuke guy in public u never know the consequences if that boy holds a little power by being son of a DIG or judge or politician. It’s not a safe word anymore for girl. I just wish that every indian reads this article or atleast have the understanding that he is achieving nothing.

      • There’s no one who can help girls, only if girls cum together & fight for themselves but still its d bad world of men who will never let girls live freely without fear

        • Renuka

          Yeah very-true story of every Indian girl..No one want to help as everybody in India is living in a fear..Fear of life…Every girl in India has faced such molestation in her life and at such a small age even they dont know what’s going on and how to react on this…We have to help our self…India become the most corrupted nation I guess….its full of illiterate men who have no respect for woman and very dirty soul…Untill and unless some strict laws will not come..It will remain the same..I am staying in Doha..and feel so secure here…..In India,being our nation, i always felt insecure while going alone somewhere post evening…have to be dependent on my hubby,family and friends…Please men..Respect woman…….girls…you are also part of her….

          Girls we need to help ourself..stood up when such things happened..don’t hesitate to speak out…U will really feel good…

        • Faminist thinking, misandry, many men protest for #Rape, no girl protest for #FalseRape!! do u ??

        • I m always there to help girls in this type of situation n i will be always ready to fight against any sex abuse to a girl infront of me….

        • true..all these happens bcoz worthless boys are over pampered by the women of his family..and the worthless boy understanding his worthlessness in the outside world pours his frustration on the weaker sex..

        • palu, u dare call us weaker sex
          be it physical or mental strenght women r stronger after all we give give birth i think thats proof enough of our strenght

        • To all those who want girls to be brave as well as to learn to fight for themselves I want to ask how do you teach a 3 year old what molestation is and how she can fight back a 40+ year old man. Is it her fault that she can wear just a tiny frock and not hide behind a saree or salwar? Is it her fault that she adores and runs to the man whom she considers an uncle who often brings chocolates and icecreams? She has barely learnt to pronounce her name. How do we teach her to pronounce molestation and rape leave aside their meanings. Do these molesters differentiate age of girls? 11 and 12 year olds are old enough to understand these but what about these toddlers who happened to have just come into the world and faced these devils? What do we teach them and how?

      • Dear Vishnu Preethi,

        Please stop saying shit like this. It’s people iike you — who can’t face the facts staring into every Indian girl’s face or pinching her private parts or violating her senses — that make things worse for her.

        Do step out of your comfortable, little, the-world’s-a-happy-place bubble — you’ll be doing the world a big favour.


        • What did vishnu say to make this furious? He was just supporting the molested women!

          Dont always blame the men… I know many men had fought the culprits in such incidents. .. what about the women who force other girls to molestation?

          This is not to be a blame throwing issue… has to be dealt collectively in a more broad sense..

      • I have a few questions.
        Why does it happen?
        I am sure if I have a daughter ever, she would be brave enough, but, are we brave enough?
        Why to trust in God? this is not “duaparyuga” or “tretayuga” that God will come to save someone. The Gods are long gone. It is religion itself that needs to go. Everyone especially women need to let go of religion.
        Women, free yourselves from the shackles of religion.

        • This story has nothing to do with religion. Who said anything about trusting God?
          Please stop trying to hijack the issue.

        • Oh wow. Blame it on religion.
          Does the religion which treats women as godesses ask men to grope/molest/rape??? Does a religion which worships ‘the fruit of thy blessed womb’ ask people to nurture such sickness of mind??? No religion in the world allows such perverts to live, nor does it give anyone any cause to be afraid against injustice. If people are silent against it all, it is because THEY ARE ROTTEN TO THE CORE, not because the religion is bad.

          So yeah, its time you grew up and stop blaming religion. Blame yourself, blame me, because we are the people who allow such a society to exist.

        • Agreed. We don’t trust God, man or anybody else. We live our lives free of fear. Even if we are raped and brutalized and groped and pinched, we should protest, as mothers, we should stand up and give our daughters the courage to come up to us and tell us of their uncomfortable experiences, and we should support them no matter how small an issue it is. So many mothers will say “your over reacting, he was just being affectionate.” Don’t be that mom, sister, best friend. Be the one that says I’m going to beat up anybody who dares to touch me without my permission. That is the only way to live. The only way.

        • why drag religion into this man ? why not mete out exemplary and excruciating painful punishment to child molesters and rapists instead ????? WHY NOT ENSURE ANTI RAPE AND ANTI MOLESTATION LEGISLATION WITH ENOUGH TEETH COMES INTO FORCE IN OUR COUNTRY ASAP ????WHY AVOID THIS ! I ASK

        • // why not mete out exemplary and excruciating painful punishment to child molesters and rapists?//
          Because we are civilized. Civilization rests on the principle that we treat our criminals better than they treated their victims, that we not stoop to their level.
          That said I concur that we need anti rape laws with more teeth to provide effective deterrence.
          I agree that my comment is not directly related to the issue at hand but, it is not that far from it either. Religion, patriarchy and the corruption of mankind are related.
          Sims of these people are claiming that I am hijacking the issue. Well, it was not my intent. I merely stated my opinion and I still defend my point of view.

        • The subtle reason is India is a country with weak politicians, policy-makers and impotent bureaucrats. In U.S. a woman dared to Bobbit a man for an act like this. Unless the girls are given rights to KILL a molester on the grounds of violating her modesty, these are just talks. Lets have just ONE girl in INDIA (not in any other country) who kills a molester and let her set an example.

        • yes that is true, bhagwaan is not bothered. You take care of yourself..dont say ohh god, or indian girl or Indian mentality, We as an individula, as a girl as a family should be strong enough to stand against wrong.

        • Utterly irrelevant. This isn’t about religion, it’s about India’s recent degradation and its cultural ramifications. While religion certainly constitutes a part of the culture and national identity, we cannot truthfully say that everything bad is caused by religion. We need to think of a larger picture than just religion, there is much more affecting India. It all comes out of the fictitious belief that men are superior to women, Hinduism does not support this and reveres women (I’m not a Hindu myself, not exactly, for I’m not religious, but I know enough about it to know that). This belief might originate from the fact that men, in general, are stronger than women. The thing about India isn’t religion, it’s much, much more.
          I don’t believe in religion myself, but I will stick up for any religion.

        • Stick up for religion eh? Wonder which religion sticks up for nonbelievers, LGBT rights. Religion is very relevant in the discussion because most modern religions are misogynist with varying degrees of gender segregation.

        • This is as absurd as it can be. First of all, Religion was made to make the society stronger not weaker. People who talk about religion should learn about religion and its history before talking. Same way, The social demoralization had been happening since quite some time. I place Indian movies at fault, not only the new one, the 50s 60s movies were not clean as well. Have you seen how many rapes, gang rapes, molestations, eve teasing has been shown on the screen since the independence. The examples that are set are all negative. Pick up any Raj Kapoor film…

          That being said, it is no excuse for the shameful acts conducted by any human against any living thing. I think a the acts like this are the indication of the social decline of any society. It is upto us to make the changes now. Teach our kids right from wrong, teach them to respect one and all, teach compassion, love and respect. We don’t want India to be counted at par with any of the African countries where, freedom for women is a myth and a dream.

        • Movies.. Seriously! You are blaming movies for spreading patriarchy and giving clean chit to religion. I have been talking about religion too long. I have read and am still reading scriptures from various religions. Religion high jacked morality. Religion gives you an illusion of free will.
          Religion is the cancer of mankind.

      • yes ….god will save us….he to comes everyday to have mid day meal with us…..its high time that girls stood up for there own troubles……instead of crying….fact is…women are actrually not weak…rather they make themselves……if all women comes together no one will have the guts to molest…..those people are losers….cowards….thats all…

        • >”rather they make themselves weak”
          do u even noe hw it feels lyk ryt at that tym nd even after? do u even noe it takes a few minutes or may b moe to get back f dat shock? may b women are much much sensitive dat sumtyms dey r nt able to react at d very moment..
          >”instead d crying”
          as if u neva cried for ne damn thing? hu d hell s crying here? its jst a god damn discussion gng n?
          >”guts to molest”
          it doesnt need guts to molest a girl !! ol it needs is a sick mind to do it

        • Are you serious right now? How many times has it happened that in Mumbai’s local trains women get together and bash up a perverted jerk? But still women are molested every single day and raped as well ! Why is it that MEN can’t keep their hands off women? If Indian men are that frustrated then go shag your mother or sister. But to this you will say its disgusting. For your information women are not crying because they are weak, they are crying because many other women are giving birth to sick minded low lives who are ruining lives of other women. So DONT YOU think women make themselves appear to be weak.

      • Yes you are right. Let us bring up our girls/daughters like the boys/sons, very impartially. Since all are human beings first and then only a girl or a boy. Both should become good brave and honest human beings because of our incomparable upbringing. If parents are alert throughout there is no chance of any type of molestation with any of the child …… i mean an alert parent trains his/her off spring in all aspects of life very gracefully, i believe. Rest TRUST in REAL GOD is must.

        • Alertness is not enough. And yes, boys get molested as well as girls. more often than not the perpetrator is an ‘uncle’ or someone who is in their fifties and feels entitled to having their way with anyone. Religion be damned. Groping by priests is real. Groping my bus conductors is real. I have seen temple priests staring at women’s breasts. And the ‘objectified’ women cowering in shame and confusion.
          The problem is that people never get ‘caught’ for sexual misconduct because the kids parents are ashamed and confused themselves. I say, the perpetrator is not ashamed.. why should the victim be? But yes, logic and rationale do not help you when you are in the moment. Your primary reaction is disgust and in the precious few seconds that you require to recover, the groper disappears in the crowd.

          I have yelled at a man in front of his wife and a busful of people for putting his hand on my back in a bus queue! Incredulously, the rest of the bus was annoyed because I had held up the commute..Not because some shitass was trying to get in a quick grope!! The problem is with the collective Indian psyche.. Blaming the women is the quickest and most useless reaction. No one has the guts to be proactive in this issue.

          I salute Sahana’s courage and also that shown by rape survivors in speaking out about their experiences

          The ‘ONLY’ and I mean only education system that works in our country is the Indian Cinema. And when men see a ‘Munni’ or ‘Sheela’ or a “Chameli’ displaying body parts with the help of a skilful (eyes rolling heavenwards) cameraman and choreographer, they go out into the world with the firm impression that all breasts, vaginas and bottoms belong to them, not to the women themselves. Also, that all women have no real purpose or place in life except to satisfy their sexual needs.

          There is a ‘woman’, a real live person standing just behind the pair of breasts. If you look a couple of inches above, you might, just might be able to ‘see’ her. Not meat!

      • well said…you need to teach ur kid to be confident, bold and strong so that she can be fierce enough with any jerk pit on the street who thinks that a girl is a toy whom they can crush break or fiddle with..

        I know it is easy to say all these things but hard to implement….But one grand advice to all the feminine across the world who fear these molestation issues and their consequences…..See very simple, You will anyways die in both situation, one is to let it happen whatever is going on…tolerate it, adjust with it….which will kill you physically, emotionally, and you will die every time you think about it.Or secondly be brave, be solid as a rock, if somebody tries to molest you or tease you…..give those guys a notorious and vicious stare for a while… me they will know that it would’nt be a good option to pursue with their cheapness, and if somebody approaches you or tries to corner you ….shout, give him the music, don’t feel ashamed gather the crowd, and after that just grab a packet of wafers and a softdrink n enjoy the show….Girls just once again it’s an advice if you dont raise your voice, if you get hard, the suffering will never stop, “You need to be Rude to suppress that Dude.”

        • you r 100% correct. In our country girls feel that there is someone who will protect them. The girls should start thinking independent and start punishing guilty on the spot. You have very correctly said that do something before u die( physically or mentally). teach those nonsense people then and there. one thing to make sure that the world is not emptied off good people.

        • Siddharath, It’s not as easy to be vocal when you are young. I ought to know about it since I went through it. When we are kids, it’s easier to accept rather than take the risk of being blamed for something so totally not our fault. Your advice might work for grownup women but girls are girls.. they avoid confrontation whenever they can. I know it’s sad but that’s the way we are made.

        • siddharath u r living in a fools paradise…….in our country it doesn’t work this way, I once raised my voice in a crowded bus against a pervert sitting behind my seat..result I was advised to change my seat and still better the guy himself had the guts to ask me that if had so much of problem what was I doing in a local bus? and trust me I am not a weak person physically or otherwise, but this reflects the sad reality of our society where girls are asked to shut up.

      • Trust in God?!!! What is wrong with the men in our country…F***ing losers! Can’t protect or stand up for women. Absolutely no sense of shame… v r supposed to teach our girls to be brave? how bout v teach men to keep their D***s in their pants?!!!!

        • Yes!! In the same way, women cannot walk on the streets at night – why?? Men! So let us try not curtailing the victim, who is already stressed and constrained by the society men have created, let’s curfew all men after dark, so women can walk free! Try this one on for a logical mind-bend – why AREN’t we making sure it is the rapists who don’t walk the street?

          All this can be avoided if ALL MEN STAND UP FOR WOMEN – as well as women actively defending themselves.

        • Agreed, Trust in God, the God who teaches to do our Karma?? Does that not mean to cut off the genitals of those who dare to come close to women? It should be upto every citizen-be a man or woman to take it upon themselves, as their duties. MOthers of little children should never trust any one with their child, I mean anyone!If any women does not feel upto this hard task of bringing a child up due to their status in a family or country or financially, may be they should not think of having children at all in this already over-crowded country. Have children only when you yourself feel compitent enough in every way to raise a child in healthy, safe-way.
          I think humanity misses the link between their actions and the consequences. eg. when a milk producers/ crop producers use excessive/improper use of pesticide/herbicide/harmones, they tend to forget that in a short time thiese are giong to affect them, same with the attitude of having too many children, inaction towards politicians and these bad apples (above discussed), gratitude vs.bribe all IT and disappearing agriculture.
          Hopefully we will reach the threshold where we can see the consequences of our inaction and turn ourselves around!

      • Instead of giving braveness to girls, it is better to give some culture and values to boys… and perhaps also give some braveness to your sons to actually stand up to such molesters when they see these incidents happening.
        Do explain to us why your god does not help the females who get molested every other day?

        • thats a really good point..the level of mentality of boys has gone down drastically..they should be taught some hard lessons.

        • One comment I liked. I am a man. I have two boys. It is time for me to engage my elder one to make sure that he understands the impact of his stupidity on some one else. Let me start with it.

      • Hey Just to share what happened with me

        I went to a temple in mathura and while I was adoring my favorite lord krishna. I felt something round my waist approaching towards .. . When I realized, I used yo my nails to hold his hand and twisted his fingers very hard. I felt good about twisting his hand but regret that I dint tell anyone at that time.

        I wasn’t that young, I was in college.. Sensible enough to understand but when i was in 8th standard, my family friend’s son tried to molest me.

        I thank my mom for making me understand the difference between different emotion..

        I feel we should talk to our daughters that they should be brave, alert and friendly with mom.

        • m totaly agree wid u that parents should talk n teach their children about how to face these type of problems.

      • why do you think that the girls should be taught braveness, why not a boy be taught to respect girls. Crazy world we live in. Every girl is brave on her own part. No one can do anything alone to compete with 16 guys.

      • That is what we should not wait for. It’s not only GOD, but the girls themselves should be so strong that they save themselves. Fight on your own not waiting for others to protect you.

      • @Vishnu: Dude what does your god do when in India every 5 minutes a girl is raped? What does he do when even a school teacher molests his female students?

      • No you are wrong, the easiest way to shirk responsibility is both to Thank God and to Pray.
        God gave me the organs to use or misuse them, my hands and my feet fist.

      • I think the girls shouldnt have to be brought up brave because they are not the cause of the problem, but teach small boys from a young age to have respect for girls and women. No matter how much brave a girl is shame comes on the women when she is exploited. If the boys are taught to show respect and are brought up properly ,this problem will not arise.

      • I agree and if all of us thought the same way, it would be far more effective and efficient in this world to bring up a boy and have him take an oath that he would never do anything to hurt anyone in any way imaginable. Instead we spend hours and hours protecting our girls. It is impractical to start all over as the crime and bad boys are already out there. At some point out generation has to start disciplining the boys and weed out the bad ones who are out there. Don’t know when the catch 22 situation would stop.

        Protect your girls/women, wan and caution all men and boys around and within your sphere of influence to never ever engage in such activities of crime on women and girls.

      • Dear Vishnu Preeti,

        Trust in God and be brave? When a girl has been raped for years and has been molested on countless occasions in several ways, do you actually think she would be in any position to trust anybody? Even the Almighty? Nothing is beautiful once you’ve been through this hell. And be brave? Yes. She can be brave enough to pull herself again and build herself back to go face the world but what is the use when she can’t share and take help?

        You will teach them how to be brave but you will never give them a chance to stand up and tell openly the things they face everyday. If they ever get a chance to share, they will be made to sit at home and their freedom will be taken away. They will be blamed for the molestation they faced.

        Why do you think so many girls around us are silent? It’s because people ask them to ‘trust in God’ Are you kidding me?? Where was this God when she was being molested??

        And they’re already brave. Brave enough to put those clothes, brush their hair, pick up the bag and step out of their homes knowing what they might have to face today. They are already brave enough because they have been facing all this for years and all alone.

      • i think it’s the poor se ration which is responsible, n thats coz of female suticide….if at least we can have equal sex ratio n more open up bringing from child ho0d this can b prevented also co-ed schools must b promoted n females should b trained self defence…. just strict laws n reservations will only mke things worse for everyone.. coz dat makes me envy…if ur equally compitant go prove it y need reservation>

      • Being born and brought up in India I know exactly how it feels. Though I won’t say there aren’t countries where such heinous crimes are committed against women, it still is bad. Many men feel women are meant to be treated this way. I wonder what makes them feel so!!Living in another country has made a big difference. I too dread going back to India now that i have a baby girl of my own. I hope the person you are referring to is able to protect her child from all the horrors she may come across in future. Hats off for bringing out this harsh reality that has tormented us since time immemorial.

      • No Vishnu, you are not. God has never discriminated between men and women. Infact he himself taken avatar to save women always in need.

        It is the mentality of the men’s and the parent’s has to change. We have to change the way we brought up our girls and boys.

        But this is the story of every girl in India today….

    • its so beautifully written.. every girl has experienced this some or the other time in some or the other way..
      #respect to the writer..

    • Reading or only sharing this will not help
      We need to Change this
      1) Parents should teach their children about this things.
      2) There should action against the guilty whoever he/she is
      3) Helping the molesters as they are u’r close ones is the biggest crime
      4) There should be stricter punishment for the accused
      5) And finally ignorant attitude needs to change, protest against it

      Share such instances with u’r parents

      • reply to point no 2 & 4 —– there should be capital punishment for such crimes….. esp. rape as its in China!

        • Regards to point 2: I totally agree to kc. In my opinion as long as there is no fear or respect for the law these things will continue to happen. In India law is a joke. If you have power and money you can buy anything and anybody. Look at our politicians and our police force. Instead of having respect for them, you feel disgusted looking at them the way they are looting and robbing the country. We can count good ones on our fingers who do not have a criminal background.
          I strongly feel once there is a severe consequence for these behaviors people will be afraid to indulge in these behaviors. That is the reason why in most westernized societies these crimes such as stealing, eve teasing, rape are not that prevalent as they have severe punishment. Ironically, these punishments still do not deter people from committing serious crimes in the west as our prisons are so very over crowded. At least the criminals are behind bars and having tough life unlike the criminals in India who freely roam the streets and continue to harass women, children, and elderly of the society.
          We, too often see people in India being by standers, indifferent and afraid to protect each other or reach out to the victim. I totally understand why. Because they do not want to get involved being a witness to a crime and run around the jails and courtrooms as they are equally unsafe and take years to solve the case. That’s the reason why most of the people in India do not want to get involved even though they know what they are witnessing is terrible and they have good intentions of helping the victim. I keep saying this again, unless the law is strong, strict and fair these crimes will continue. We need to educate and inculcate in young children’s minds starting in elementary school and going all the way to college to stand up for rights and not be afraid to reach out to the needy through character education and good value system and respect for the law and fear of the law. It is not the God who is going to help the country it is the justice system.

      • Dear Selvin this is INDIA There is no action until reaction.
        Near relatives are the biggest criminals. They give the start pinch Leave about the rest of the world .”uncle ” he know that the girl will not share this things to the family so he has gone sick.
        Until there is a Rape,Murder there is no action
        after that people comment shout on the first day
        2 day there is no update 7 so it Go’s on………………………………………………………
        until there is other crime.
        if the criminals are caught inquiry against them “if he is a big shot” no case no inquiry No Crime

    • I being a male feel shame, for whatever is happening to ladies in our life. All I have started to do is to try my best to stay with them and make them feel safe. I wish we could have a better nation, after all people make the nation.

      • You shouldn’t feel ashamed of being a male or being Indian or being an Indian male, if you have not committed or supported any form of sexual harassment. I repeat, unless you are an offender, you DO NOT need to feel ashamed. Do you feel ashamed to be a male if another male commits murder or theft or robbery?

        It helps no one and no one needs your shame. Acknowledge that the problem exists and pledge that you will do what you can to end it. This includes speaking up against such acts and also educating your own kids to condemn and discourage such acts. You are right, it’s the people who make up the nation. Sensitizing them and discouraging such acts is what needs to be done. Misplaced shame is unnecessary and harmful.

        • I agree 100% to the point Ankush raised. Just feeling ashamed or condemn the incidents with strong words won’t help. We need to standup and fight against such incidents if we see in our day-to-day life… Also having moral science lessons since our childhood will also help to an extent…. Problem is with us and we need to correct it.

        • Yes , if one has not committed a crime, there is no need to feel ashamed. Work towards the solution and not feel ashamed about anything. The society should come together and act towards it. In the west, people of town/counties are always connected as a community. There is no semblance of community in towns and cities in India. The solution of this problem should come from local or township/community level. And most importantly , make your vote count, when elections come. The same people who are going into a rage here are lazy to even come out on the voting day and make their voice heard. A word to the ladies here on this forum, if you put all men in the same basket, then even the decent men lose all motivation to work towards this just cause.

    • Thank you for your courage to share this with the world, thank you for the effort you took to write this out so beautifully, thank you for representing each and every girl who had to face these situations all over the world, more so in India. Thank you for your grace and thank you for speaking up once you were old enough to realize. Thank you for the spirit you preserved and perseverance despite the odds. Congratulations on your baby girl my dear and my earnest prayers that the little angel be always protected, not just by her family, but by a changed society that respects every woman no matter her age.

    • Extremely touching story. All those 1.2 billion Indians out there. This is where we are right now? Bloody wake up! Is this what we mean by the largest democracy in the world. I am a male. I take the pledge to respect every woman. And I know that from young teen, I will turn into a good man. all the Indian guys out there. Time for you to become real men!

      • if only every male has your attitude and makes up his mind to be good and inspire all males he has contact with.. thats how good things and change starts and wrongs in society can be corrected. ….good for you, varun!

    • there is nothing to weep about if the victim is not ready to raise the voice… people say, a girl should stay in a group of people, her friends or family members every second of her life.. but i oppose it… well, am an INDIAN, a girl who travels a lot all around the country.. n am proud to say that i was never a victim of such sick things… and i always travel alone….

      for a girl not to get victimized for all such s**t, she has to be brave… should be strong.. n should have a voice to protest against things if she feels they r not correct…

      i feel luck to be born to my parents, who helped me with every thing that’s required for a girl to be safe in world with monsters roaming around… they got me trained in every aspect starting from cooking, dance, etc n most importantly self defense n marshal-arts…

      even today i find few of my female classmates getting scared to be alone anywhere, let it be her own home, college canteen(without her friends), traveling in public transportation etc…

      when ever i or any friend of mine r riding a two wheeler, the so called wise n elder people ask us not to drive, when asked for a reason, they say ” today’s guys drive rash to show off, n in such condition u may loose control over ur vehicle n meet with an accident”….

      i question all the people reading this… if u have made ur child to walk for the first time, can u make that child run without it falling or tripping at least once? will u be afraid of it when u r with it?
      if u want to educate ur girl child, then y don’t u educate her in speaking out her happiness as well as her misery?
      if u teach ur girl child, or ur sister, or any female u r close to, to ride a vehicle, y don’t u teach her to have good control on her vehicle even in worse conditions?
      if u r scared of anything, isn’t that u don’t want to face that challenge?
      n if u r scared of something… u have no right to pass on ur fear to others…. instead, u ought to show others the way out when stuck in such maze…

      i request all of u…. be brave n spread the bravery… be self dependent n self defensive….. don’t sit quite when something goes wrong against u…. speak out… fight it… n make trouble to fear coming to u….


    • I think we all need to change the mentality of people especially our youths now … Children should be taught about freedom each human deserve and no one has right to hamper that freedom…. Inspite of making girls more brave only, teaching good morals to boys will help much more …

    • This is a common story,almost every second women in this country would say.Its more important to take time n educate our little angles about such disgusting thing n disgusting people.Teach the little ones that you should shout ,yell,complain,n make it a point that a small or something is done about such happenings ,its not normal,no need to tolerate,n have to react.

      These despirate filthy people should be scared,and never ever think of doin this to someone else,MAKE BABY GIRL BOLD N STONGE,becoz the people around are dum n blind.

    • Writing-wise, I think the last two lines spoiled the whole thing. It should have ended at ‘…the rape capital of the world’.

      Story-wise, why is crying the only thing she could do? It paints her as a helpless pathetic creature.

      The main reason she felt so conflicted was because her parents never told her these were things that could happen to her, things she could and must speak to them about.

      That’s where she could raise her daughter differently. The woman who boldly stands up to the pervert in the multiplex can teach her daughter to stand up too, can teach her how to deal with unwarranted sexual advances.

      P.S.: I’m in no way condoning the sexual affronts we face by claiming women should just learn to ‘deal with it’, but as a girl born and brought up in India, you do learn to deal with it – providing you are equipped to.

    • i feel girls should be made brave mentally and physically to tackle such situations. parents need to teach boys to respect girls and women. girls also should feel free to discuss with their parents.

    • Just one question that in today’s world we men are sucked up by the women in the family they came and due to corporate profile and attitude (you and me are both in MNCs so why should i compromise with your parents and its better to choose one ur parents or me) we are fucked up … and in corporate sectors they got favors for showing their curves and bumps …

      still we men cant leave without them .. but GIRLS ARE NOW MILLIONS OF LIGHT YEAR AHEAD …

      its a ice age thoughts that girls are not taken care ..

    • There is a simple solution given in the story itself. Make the baby girl aware of cruel world around her from very beginning. Make her aware what to do in such situations and be brave enough to escape if, god forbid, she encounters such situations. There are many easy tricks a girl can play to fight back and escape in such situation(at least most of the times). They just need the awareness. MORE IMPORTANTLY, they need this awareness ON RIGHT TIME!!

  1. 1) why couldn’t she confide in her parents? her mom atleast? scared of being cut off socially, scared of losing her freedom! TRUE patriot-ISM!
    2) am surprised she thinks she s got only one unborn to protect! she s got herself too! 😀

    And yet,what do our scriptures teach us? one wife for five husbands? or call for god when you are being molested amidst 100’s of men who convieniently comes in when he s called by his choicest name! Furthermore,shouldn’t god actually protect the good and destruct the bad? what did he do apart from sending ounces of sare! 😀 he settled his score later on! Now,if these are our roots,what do we expect from our countrymen! We are expected to call for GOD each time!
    Read this : Delhi gangrape case: Spiritual leader Asaram Bapu suggested that the victim of the brutal sexual assault was equally responsible for the crime and saying the girl could have
    called bus driver Ram Singh and other assailants brothers and begged them to stop.
    Also, the traditions of ‘Sitting Aloof for the 5-days’..

    • Her story, like the story of many other girls, is a one that goes from her not being able to understand what molestation is to being able to defend herself to a ‘certain’ extent. Most children (not all) in India, both boys and girls, who are molested do not necessarily confide in their parents because they are:
      1. Innocent and ignorant. They know something dirty is happening but they do not know what exactly it is.
      2. They are scared. It may be threats from the molester, them being afraid that their parents may not trust them (especially in cases where the molester is a relative or family friend), they are embarrassed to talk about sexual issues to their parents etc. Come one, we live in a place where people are ashamed when they pick up condoms at a store, and where most (again, not all) moms and daughters never discuss sex until the so called 1st night (sometimes not even then!)
      You should watch the episode on sexual abuse in children from Sathyamev Jayate if you already haven’t.

      True, she has to protect herself too. She has mixed feelings on this. She kind of feels that she can defend herself now, at least to a certain extent. She’s more keen on protecting her daughter since she obviously loves the tiny thing more than herself now and yet again, she is afraid that her daughter may be ashamed to talk to her about this just as she was to talk to her mother.

      Besides, she is pregnant yaar! She is all hormonal so she didn’t hit a few logistics in her story. 😛

      Bingo on all your other points. Couldn’t agree better.
      P.S. All the four incidents were taken from real life experiences. Actually when I asked a few people from various cities to narrate a few incidents, I’m sad to admit that I had more incidents at hand than I had originally intended to write in the blog. I just zeroed on four.

        • Is that all that you understood out of Sahaja’s generous reply? I’m guessing you are a man, you put all of us to shame. Have you any idea of what children go through when they are molested by people whom they trust? Are you so ignorant as to not know that any discussion around sex/sexual violence is taboo in a majority of Indian families? Do you realize that we as a society haven’t yet learnt to recognize sexual harassment when it happens within the confines of a home and is committed by family members and other acquaintances? And lastly, you have obviously not bothered to find anything about crime statistics which would have told you that majority of rapes in India are committed by people who were closely acquainted with the victim.
          The two questions you asked in your earlier reply as also your misplaced use of smilies in talking about sexual violence are revolting. Its people like you who contribute to rape culture and victim-blaming without even realizing what you are doing because you have never bothered to think beyond the narrow confined ideas that you have received from the patriarchal world around you. If you do not have solutions, try not to be a part of the problem. Use your brains, if you have any.

        • Dude it’s something not to joke around with…its a very serious matter which is rising day by day…Alas….But I guess people like you are the reasons for this rise, who instead of fighting or criticizing such a matter of consideration is more engrossed in discussing hormones and promoting smileys…My friend….this is not at all funny.Please Wake Up and Get well soon.

        • Taboo is something denied by society yet practiced by few. Question is you want, a better image in society as a non taboo doer or you want a safer country? I live in the States and the best part of this country is that people accept realities. Sex/sexual topics are sensitive but at the end of the day they are must. Do you not feel the need that our society must have changes within itself first? Boys be taught about discipline and girls be taught about being friendly? Although you cannot change everyone’s mind but you can still prevent issues like this. Indian girls generally portray their “we are weak and you can rape us” image which provokes a man to rape her and the problem really persists when girls fail to accept that many really have such portrayals and still argue that we boys better not discuss on what gals portray. It is indeed very important how you appear. Gals in America around me I have known appear very hot and sexy to you but often are very restricted and very rude and quick reacting when they know something wrong is happening around them? Don’t you really think gals should really accept that they are sumhow not putting their ears to this and are rather being rude, yelling at stating we are not supposed to teach them and are nt concerned wen rapes happen? We really are, believe me we are but that alone does not help. Accept the fact, be bold and never let any man feel that you are weaker and you won’t revolt. Make him feel at the first moment that you’re a gal whoz nice with nicer and worst with bad. They can never even dare to even eye on you forget rapes. Personal experiences in the West.

        • So True.. happens with every girl in India. if any girl doesn’t feels otherwise then she definitely is ashamed and scared of admitting it! every single female i know… relatives, friends, colleagues have been through this torture. Brave are the people who can talk about it and educate every female/male on such issues. Kudos!!

      • Totally Agreed..! this is a common unshared problem in families nowadays.. i heard these kind of worst experiences from some of my female friends… sad part is that why don’t the victims react immediately in any kind of molestation if they are with their families or when they have a bunch friends around them?? there are many people where they scared of themselves till the situation get worse and approach their friends/ families very late.. its time to change ourselves rather than expecting someone come and save these victims.. anyhow, this is a nice article exploring the hidden nightmares which happen during the daylight..

        • The victims sometimes canot react immediately. Fear, even when experienced in other dangerous settings, can be a paralyzing emotion. And a child cannot ‘judge’ everything in a flash, think of the next steps and take appropriate action. Sometimes, even adults cannot take action until they have taken a hold on themselves.. And in public places, the molester escapes easily.

          Sometimes, it is not physical.. It is just the way someone looks at you. Happened to a 39-yr-old fried of mine. She was driving with her 9-yr-old daughter and had stopped at a signal.. Her window was closed. Man on the scooter outside the car was winking and salivating looking at her. She yelled at him but what do you think a 10-yr-old girl would do?

          Read a blog post by an American exchange student who spent an year in India. She was the object of masturbation by a man standing a distance away but leering at her. She was disgusted. Wjhat do you think happens in such instances?

      • Its a true image of what every woman in India goes through and why I would not want my daughter to grow in India. Your story touched me but what I did not like was you, yourself making fun of your story. “Besides, she is pregnant yaar! She is all hormonal so she didn’t hit a few logistics in her story. “. Weird.

        • Just like comment above-the writer potrays the correct image of an Indian female-laughing at something such terrible-to counteract the guilt feeling of hers and others like herinstead of taking any action. NO wonder female foeticide is ramapant. Though I do not agree withthe term weird from the commetn above, I think it is shameful!

        • P.S. I wasn’t making fun of my own story. I am not that stupid or crazy. That was in reply to one on my best friends, and we keep bickering to each other all the time. It would require for you to be in her shoes to get that. Anyway, I shouldn’t have said that to her here. Thank you for stopping by.

      • All the incidents that are discussed must have happened to many females in our country. I don’t wish to rely on society to change and learn respecting US. But yes that is not going to scare me to give birth to a baby girl. I think it’s high time that even parents should understand they should be frank to talk about such things openly… wat’s more awkward to talk abt abuse wid ur kids OR to let ur girls n even boys to go through such humiliating torture!!?

        • Completely agree with what you just said. But just look at the words you used. You’d want to talk about “such things” to your children, yet even here on a comment to this blog, that would hardly be read by 1% of the country’s population, you (and most of the general commenting public) have refrained from using a term like “sexual education” and preferred “such things.” How do you think you’d broach such a topic with a children when you’d actually want to them to be listening to you with undivided attention.

          In my opinion, this has a lot to do with the taboo that exists on sex and related topics in our society and is deeply ingrained in the Indian psychology. I am not implying that it is easy to talk about this to your children coz it’s not. Not in India or anywhere across the world for that matter. But there is a need to place a name for the thing that we as a society want to achieve which could be the starting point for a demography with evolved psychology from what pervades in the here and now.

      • “She had to take her daughter back to the rape capital of the world.”
        Exactly. Lets all flee this crappy place we call our country and blame everything on the government/ perverts/ religion/ whatever pisses you off because who has time to make it a better place.

        • If it is the rape capital of the world, it is, and calling it so is justified.

          Not everyone can muster up the guts and perseverance to fight against that evil which seems so insurmountable, which grips Indian society to the core.
          Those who keep up the fight to make a difference in this country have my utmost admiration, you included if you’re among them. But for some people, there comes a time when it all seems hopeless. When you can’t get on with your life because of the anger, hatred and FEAR engendered by living in India, LEAVE. I’m not saying that sarcastically.

          Women who take the stand to leave the country are better off than those who silently sit and take all the molestation they face every day. As a man, I plan to leave India as soon as I’m able. I cannot conscientiously say that the women and men I care about will be safe here, and in the interest of their and my own physical and mental security, I aim to live in a country where human rights and dignity are, for the most part, sacrosanct. India and misogyny are inseparable, as far as my family and I are concerned. I’m NOT a patriot, and if that makes me a traitor, so be it.

        • I just couldn’t let this comment go unanswered. Sorry for jutting in. But if you call our country “a crappy place” why do you call yourself ” another Indian”!! Wherever you go, you may come across perverts, freaks, nuts. Running away may seem easier but it won’t solve the problem.

        • Not every one wants to solve the problem here “borntobfree” , many just want a safe place to live, as Sid mentions, don’t except everyone to fight back the evil and clean the society.

          Calling them self Another Indian, every citizen has rite to call himself as Indian in pride or in distress.

      • Dear Writer/General public/Parents,

        Child sexual abuse is a sensitive issue. It has to be dealt with public education and awareness. The following link will be very helpful to parents, and of course to children in general.

      • Well written and what I feel the challenge is for the parents to teach kids as appropritate, as Kids are innocent by nature and are not aware of many changes happening in their body as you have narrated in your topic. Before we could change the society and men we should be well prepared to face any such attrocities. Kudos to you for writing such a bold thing and am sure this will help parents mainly to think how they can bring up their Girl child safely. Thanks you.

      • I appreciate your time,agony,pain etc which you had given to this story while narrating it and the feelings in your mind while jotting it but the sad part is that it is not being read by the proper audience. We are the ones devoting our time to clean up the things so that fresh air can flow in but on the other side a mobster, criminal is happy that he has found a way out and he is escaped. Why would he come here and understand the utter pain of loosing self esteem!!

    • Its too easy to say that she could have confided in her mother. Its such a traumatizing experience to the girl, especially if she has no prior knowledge of it. Moreover, in India girls are always taught to be the silent sufferers. I know that this is not the case in today’s scenario, but many families till date teach their daughters to be the tolerant and sacrificing one. When the girl doesn’t understand, how is she supposed to phrase her experience in words? Even if she does, isn’t there a probability that she won’t be understood or for some reason, not believed.

      There are so many other extreme issues excluding molestation where girls and women cannot raise their voice. It takes courage to stand up and confide, and from where does she gets that when someone has so recently shattered it all?

      • Fear is used to control girls. Fear of physical molestation keeps girls in check. During and after physical molestation, fear of “what parents/family/society will think” keeps girls from speaking up, because society has this funny tendency to blame the woman for any violation of her dignity. Not just Asaram Bapu or the Delhi Police, the girl’s own mother would do the same.

        Taking examples outside of sexual crime, fear of being disowned is used to stop girls from having boyfriends, from pursuing their educational and career goals, and from generally exercising any form of free will. If women are afraid of anything, it’s because society instills in them the idea that they have no choice but to be afraid, because everything they have depends on family/social approval. It’s nigh impossible for a thought-slave to break out of that.
        Indian society is built on keeping women thought-slaves, with golden expectations of responsibility, chastity, submissiveness- the “shuddh nari” is respected. The moment a woman is disrespected, it’s because she’s automatically not a “shuddh nari”.

        Women should be taught the power they have to stand on their own two feet and be respected… but change is too far off.

        • That said, women being strong isn’t enough, really… men need to be educated and when they step out of line, punished. In a society where men are automatically considered superior, that again seems like an insurmountable obstacle.

        • This is reply to Mr. Sid below. I do not know which part of India do you belong to, as far as I have seen-you do something to the molestor, turns out-he will be out of the jail/ no harm done to him, or your family suffers the consequences of angry politician/angrypublic servant/police authorities or you attaract even more shameful activities-because you are seen as the ‘one who attracted this to herself’. This all is a vicious cycle’-ignorant masses (means masses and masses)-elect corrupt officials-these breed more ignorance & more poor adn thus ignorant people- which creates more havoc and where their are basic needs missing from life having such dominance over something (even on their own females) gives some validity to their existence and they elect moreidiots and breed some more! Moral and values are for those who consider life precious, worth culturing values, and knowledge.

      • wow!!! Very true…No body talked about the trauma that the girl child has gone through, everybody talks about what the child should do, educate the child,parents , be brave,fight back etc…..You got the exact point here…The Trauma has to be treated with psychotherapy & counselling.

        • Thank you…i agree to your point. The shoulds or should nots are numerous in our society but very little heed is given to the plight of the victim. We revel in justice and rage for injustice, and we often overlook the person for whom we are creating the fuss.

    • Clearly, you aren’t very well versed with the epics of other cultures. one.
      Secondly, if that is all you have gathered from our scriptures, you’ve clearly learned nothing,
      And finally, I wonder why the only details that you remember are the ones where women are being defiled. Maybe if you would have bothered to look a little into the Vedas you’d think differently.

      • Do you understand scriptures? Fiction? I guess you do have a twisted mind. Those scriptures leave it up to you-your actions or lack thereof. and you are responsible for the consequences. Sorry, they are not talkin gabout the Gods of the Holy qoran or Bible, where you have to wait eternity to get judged or sent to hell or heaven. They are talking about Hinduism-You get what you sow Dear, it all in this universe, and the electron and the proton, along with the God Particle-is present in you. Also remember-some of your thoughts and actions are beign seeded in your spirally twisted chromosomes, that will bear fruit if not by the end of yor life time, then possibly in your future generations. Your every little action and inaction is getting its worth – beleive it or not!They dont say ‘Karma is a bitch’ for nothing all over the world!

        Hindus, when they let other religions settle in towards the Indus valley-Was the first inaction they accepted. Part of the problem are the consequences of that inaction.

    • Why do you guys always bring hindu Mythology and religion in between everything.
      Do you even know why Draupadi had 5 husbands… and do you even know the difference between marriage and molestation… she was properly married for a cause not molested by 5 brothers, u just heard something half knowledge and start writing it anywhere without knowing the facts… if this was the roots and tradition then every girl right from that era to now would have been married to 5 people. So its not a tradition…Okay.
      2. > Should not god actually protect the good and destruct the bad? what did he do apart from sending ounces of sare! ..
      If God has to do everything why has he given brain and power to Humans, why didnt he just made humans as other animals.. dont know which religion u follow,but as u have targeted Hindu scriptures so better read Bhagwat Gita,u will get all your answers on why doesn’t god do every good thing, and destroy the evil.. God could had finished the entire MahaBharat war in one minute, but he didnt, just guess why.
      3: call for god when you are being molested amidst 100′s of men who conveniently comes in when he s called by his choicest name… evil is every where in every era, but its not god but the men who should come forward to protect women, and God interfered that time to set an example and to teach Men what should had been done by them at such a event.

      All these things happened 5000 years ago and if scriptures teach these evils and these are roots then why not a trend of 5 men for woman now and after that Mahabharat story…
      Why not god appeared everytime to save a girl.. why not all the hindus follow same set of events happened that time…?????
      So Study before writing any thing about any religion, coz wrong facts simply hurts the sentiments.

  2. people should be aware. It our everyones responsibility to make this soceity safe for women.

  3. This tore me apart. Some collections are poignant..sp was this. I dnt live in india either, though I am an indian. Perhaps the reason is that the section of some useless creatures on this planet is multiplying day by day. My eyes are wet ms patel. Probably because the story and I share deep bonds.

    Good luck.
    Nice one

  4. I feel sad, but this is the truth! The truth that every one of us living in India have to go through.
    Girls being molested, either by their relatives or random men, is like a daily breakfast news in India. We are in such a male dominated society that even now, the second decade of the 21st century, the “successful educated modern woman” ,at some point or the other allows herself to be exploited.
    The only way to get out of this is have a renewed education system, both in schools’ as well as at homes.

      • exactly!! what is the use of education when the govt isn’t willing to “listen” to what educated people have to say!!! All they give is jail. Such idiots should be beaten, and shot right in the heart and head (two things they dont have though) Why? Because they took others lives….and more painfully….

        Our justice system is no where near justice when it comes to such issues. What happened to teh Girl in Delhi Gang rape is the best example. At least the women in Power should have made sure none of the accusers escaped death,

  5. Dear Sahaja, I am only commenting because I wanted to let you know that I read this article. But I cannot react to this story. I am not being able to. But thank you for writing it.

  6. This is the truth , Most of the Indian girls would have faced something like this at some point of time.Hope the male community get matured and respect every girl and treat them like humans rather than a toy for their desires.

    • this kind of thing is experienced by every woman in India. Some form of exploitation towards women has become a thing of the day. Very sad but only a few protest and fight back, many just feel disgusted and let down and cry and try to move on

  7. True story….. the sinful act of some psychic patients….. it is not rightful to believe all men are same. But truth is that it happens only in Asian countries…. why? why? why?

    • It happens only in Asian countries? Says who? Please check your sources. Molestation and sexual harassment occurs the world over.

      This is not to say that I’m closing my eyes to it’s occurrences in India or condoning them in any way. These acts must stop, regardless of where they are committed.

      • In India, they’re by-and-large considered “normal” aspects of day-to-day life. And there’s minimal retribution against sexual criminals, both by justice and by society.

        South Asia is still caught in this patriarchal death trap, at least on a much larger scale than East Asia or Europe/America.

      • Sorry Ankush but I completely disagree. I have lived in many parts of Europe, Latin Americ, North America and the Middle East and never, I repeat, NEVER, have I seen anyone whip our their glorious penis in front of me to shag themselves silly. Nowhere outside this country have I had my breasts groped, my ass pinched or penises rubbed in all parts of my body. NOWHERE ELSE BUT INDIA. I don’t give a damn about statistics because I talk from personal experience.

        Yes people lech abroad too. Yes some bold folks might even comment, but NEVER have I had anyone ever physically molest me in any way. NOWHERE have I ever felt as unsafe as I do every single bloody day as I do in my own country

  8. Its really sad that this is the state of the country. I think that parents should be educated about the issues and how they could help the child and put the person causing the harm behind the bars whoever the person may be. The ignorance by the parents, child and the society is what is harming all girls.

  9. well nothing is going to happen if we just scream shame and shame on us again and again unless we actually act on it…. well most men are Loving,adoring,cherishing,caring and most importantly Respecting Womanhood and their Feeling …..calling men assholes and beasts because a select number men acually are assholes… its like calling all girls sluts because some have lots of boyfriends and play with boys life and being in a relation ship with one and to leave him just because a better prospect guy came around(to name a few)…. don’t steriotype everything and everybody…based on a few who are to really blame… everyone and everything is unique and lots of factors lead to what they/it actually are/is ….

    • just FYI girls who ” have lots of boyfriends and play with boys life and being in a relation ship with one and to leave him just because a better prospect guy came around(to name a few)” ARE NOT SLUTS. You are damned chauvinist too if you think that having boyfriend makes a girl a slut. By the same logic any boy with multiple girlfriends whom he uses and disposes of is a male whore too. Shame on you!

      • Since you seem to know what a SLUT is not, then please elaborate on your opinion of what a SLUT is.
        Is she just an opportunist or is there something more to it? Your comments please

      • You are quite right in saying that “any boy with multiple girlfriends whom he uses and disposes of is a male whore”.

        However, if you are condoning the acts of girls who “have lots of boyfriends and play with boys life and being in a relation ship with one and to leave him just because a better prospect guy came around(to name a few)” makes you a female chauvinist.

        This is not about gender at all. This is just about decency. When a person uses another person for their selfish gains, it’s indecent, regardless of gender.

        The guy isn’t saying that having a boyfriend or even multiple boyfriends is wrong. I would be glad if you could point out the lines where he says so. He is condemning the act of having multiple partners with manipulative intentions towards them, without caring a shred for them. If you think otherwise, I’d be glad to know how arrived at the conclusion.

      • That sounds like a reaction to the word “slut” rather than one coming from an understanding of what the cncrd says.

        YES. a man or a woman who plays around with multiple relationships without caring for the effect it has on their partner(s) IS FAIR GAME FOR BEING DISGUSTED ABOUT.

        No, “any boy with multiple girlfriends whom he uses and disposes of” is not a male whore in the sense of taking payment for what is an unemotional transaction on the part of the female. HOWEVER, he IS manipulative and callous, and he shouldn’t be getting respect for that. The same goes for a woman who does the same.

        Saying that a woman cannot be manipulative and CANNOT BE AT FAULT is in and of itself sexist.

        I suppose you’d be happy if we removed all words referring negatively to women from the dictionary. Fine, “not all girls are manipulative scheming opportunists just because some girls are manipulative scheming opportunists”. Agreed?

        And cncrd’s “not all men are assholes because some men are assholes” (because calling a man an asshole is OK, I’ll let that slide). True. However, ignoring the real assholes and saying “look at all these non-assholes!” is apologia, or saying that “It’s OK to be an asshole”, which it definitely isn’t. (substitute “asshole” for “rapist” as required)

        cncrd, I WILL consider India as a country where women cannot expect sufficient safety and men can expect to get away with anything if they have the right mix of aggression and dismissal. Not to say that all men are, just those that are can exist more-or-less freely. That’s not a stereotype, that’s just the way it is.

    • i am going to ignore the slut part. Let’s talk about ‘not all men are assholes and beasts’. I have been thinking about it for a while now as more and more accounts of molestation are shared by girls. If it happens everyday to any girl of any age, in any state, rural or city dwelling how is it that these not asshole men don’t seem to know it happens? What are you the not asshole man doing? walking with eyes closed? on a crowded bus, in the crowded street when other beast men are doing this what are you the not asshole man doing? How are you not seeing it?

      • how many times did you “see” some1 getting harassed and tried to oppose it?

        The no. of times you “saw” some1 getting harassed is the same no. I stood up to save some1 which in my case is a very low number.

      • You just don’t get it, do you? Or have you even read the article? When victims are not comfortable to come out in open with their mothers how do you expect the “not asshole” men to even know when it happens? By some divine vision? You are right, men are assholes because they are guilty of inaction, ignore the fact that they are not even aware of such a crime.
        And you know who a hypocrite is? Someone who does not act upon witnessing a crime as harassment on a crowded bus or in the crowded street and blames men of inaction. If you did not act then in name of equality YOU have no authority to call someone names.

        • Mr. Deva, you are forgetting one point though. Why do you think most women don’t act. It’s because in a crowded bus they just justify that it was a mistake that they were pushed in your direction and most of the women are too shocked to react. It happened to me as well multiple times. Once, the conductor himself kept throwing himself at me while I am seated. I kept on moving away but he still seems to manage to do it. It’s only after a lady constable noticed this and she thrashed him did he just run away from me and actually started doing his job without bothering anyone. But you see, here I was too shocked to react and regretted a lot later for not being able to react at the time. The only thing that made me feel better and not blame myself for it is because of the lady constable. There were men in the bus noticing my discomfort but they either chose to ignore or were amused by the deeds of that ass of a conductor. So, don’t just blame the women for not reacting!

        • If you term every man an “asshole”, a different thing will happen. After a while the “not asshole man” would not care and close his eyes and say “who cares?”

      • man can react only when u girls raise ur voices…how can u expect men to react when u r bearing it all without telling any one…. most of u dont react when it actually happens but u write it in blogs like this… ppl roam with candles after the incidents but no one(including women) covers the naked victim with a piece of cloth
        i dont agree with the bus incident in the story…. kutte ki tarah marte h aise cases main… maine khud dekha h kai bar
        i repeat all men r nt beasts

        • dude, i totally agree to the point of ur’s………women should raise their voice toward their justice. how could she be quite during her own prestige?

        • Mr. Shush ant, may be she is too shocked to react wen the incident happens. I am telling you this out of experience, wen it’s a 60+ man old enough to be your grandfather with decent respectful appearance tries groping you from behind, you would be too stunned to even realize that it actually happened and not a figment of your imagination! So, before you actually convince yourself that it happened though the guilty pretends as if nothing happened, it is too late n he would have escaped. It’s not by choice that we women stay quite. Most of the times we are too shocked to react.

    • not sure where your outrage came from.. nobody was stereotyping men before your comment came along. Also, probably you have not seen Delhi, or you have seen only Delhi. If not all, there are enough prying eyes a woman would feel chasing her, enough to stereotype, that is. Almost everyone seems like “sizing up” a woman.

  10. Well written and so true! Keep writing! Forget respect, we don’t even get the minimum of physical safety. I don’t even feel safe approaching a policeman with a problem, especially at night. When I visited the UK for the first time, I was amazed that the police actually helps out, you can actually approach them about some drunk bothering you.

    This problem in India is getting worse, and mostly because of those that continuously deny the truth and try to “defend” their nation. They don’t understand that they are just adding to the ignorance instead of improving the country.

    My parents educated me about a “good touch” and “bad touch” when I was very young, maybe it helped a little because it helped me articulate those kinds of things even as a young child, but you still have the face the everyday groping/teasing/grabbing.

    • Wish I could like or upvote this comment on here, because it sums up nicely an important point.

      “This problem in India is getting worse, and mostly because of those that continuously deny the truth and try to “defend” their nation. They don’t understand that they are just adding to the ignorance instead of improving the country.”

  11. I feel sad for the the Women of our country who go through this, but real sorrow is when our country is judged for these actions. The incidents mentioned above doesn’t blame or point fingers on any one person, religion or system but on an entire nation.
    We who boast of our culture, ancestry, history and what not have to attribute these on all these for which we have been prod of. Westerners who have nothing to look back to, respect’s women the way our culture actually teaches us to.

    • Our country being judged for these incidents isn’t wrong, the mindset of female inferiority is so widespread that it’s justified to lump the whole country together as a sexist one. The responsibility of proof any other way rests on us, the citizens, and we have no united front to show that India is OK for women.

      You’re right that Westerners respect women more than we do. However, our culture teaches (for the most part) that women are objects and property of men. Or like pets, at best. Women portrayed as powerful, independent and able to demand respect are the exception rather than the norm in India.

      Culture is brought about by the way our mummy-daddies teach us to behave and think, extrapolated to a large scale- and Indian culture (moreso since colonial times, maybe?) has always been very sexist.

  12. I agree with almost every word that is written here. Personally, I may have to forget about my dream job because it’s in a city which is now being nicknamed, The Rape Capital. It’s sad and pathetic that almost every day I read about rapes, hear about men rubbing, touching, groping.. Hell they’ve even started masterbating while standing in front of us.
    Without a doubt I agree and wish there was a stand, or a way in which women could scream and shout “Not Okay!” Without worrying about what happens next, or if someone will help us or are we simply doomed to be objects of not only physical but visual lechery ?
    But there’s something I didn’t like about this post, and I would like to borrow the words of a student from Mount Holyoke College, Massachusetts. It’s a coincidence I came across this a couple of hours ago, and I feel it sums up my feelings perfectly. it’s titled, “The Truth About Sexual Harrasment: An Open Letter To Michaela Cross.” (CNN iReport)
    In one line, it’s not about blaming the country, the location, the time, the place… It’s about blaming the mentality.

  13. Its disgusting , but it is true!! So True that probably every one of us must have had encountered such horrible b******* trying to exploit our innocence.

    Don’t Mom’s know that such things can happen to their kids ? They do!! This isn’t something new.. its been happening ever since there is a male existence on this earth!!

    then why couldn’t they warn their kids ? Yes she could tell her daughter that such beasts will be around her all the time and she should be aware of it and shout for help/approach someone immediately… That will definitely help… but the Mom might think otherwise too… Why should I pollute my daughter’s mind from such an early age? Because this abuse will not stop ? It could be a ten year boy or a 90 year old ready to hit the death bed… they can all harm us (as a child,girl,teenager,adult or even a senior citizen)

    But letting a child understand this sick fact is far better than having her go through a mental trauma… which she can never forget .

    Over the years , no one could help eradicate this problem .. be it the girl’s family / community / leaders /police !

    • Touching article….and perfectly said Meenu…. It is high time that women educate the girls about the bitter reality and being a male my head goes down every time i read or hear such incident.
      But apart from educating and making the females aware of the present situation i believe that the water is well above the neck and burying heads like ostrich wont help males. Its responsibility of every sane male individual to stand firmly against it, irrespective of the relationship with the victim and even the accused.

    • My mom taught me from childhood to speak… but it hardly helps, even if you speak up or shout at the molester… I once really beat up a guy
      (middle aged) for molesting but no use he fled, and the people(including women) simply watching.. I don’t know what can stop such things.. helpless.. tired of hoping that things will be better one day for girls

  14. The country is certainly in a sad state of affairs. This is a story which many of the females
    in the country will relate to. And to get rid of it, the first and foremost step that should be
    taken is to educate females from a young age preferably, when they are in the process of
    attaining puberty. Mothers to young girls will have a pivotal role to play. They have to be the
    ones to educate, the ones to whom the daughter can confide in anything and anytime and also instill in them courage to be bold and teach such anti social elements a lesson that leave
    us with a sense of disgust!!

  15. Sahaja, my wife forwarded your post to me. Like you, she lives in the US, and has gone through much of what you have. As a man, I can only try and understand the pain and agony life in India can be for a woman. It is an ancient culture, and has never really gone through radical change, preserving its sophistication and all its ills.

    But one must not forget that women are not the only ones marginalized in India, Dalits, tribals and Muslims also suffer, sometimes a lot, lot more. And if you are a Dalit or tribal woman, you suffer doubly.

    When the Republic of India was founded, and the Constitution was being written, the people in the Assembly knew that they were grafting a liberal democracy on an illiberal, undemocratic society. Whether their plan will succeed, only time and the future children of India can tell.

    If it gives you any reason to cheer, let me tell you that Indian women, knowingly or unknowingly have been at the forefront of India’s incremental revolution. There are more women studying in Indian colleges than men today. The proportion of females driver’s license holders went up from 7 % in 2002 to 14 % of the total in 2010. The proportion of inter-caste/religion marriages rose from 5.1 % to 9 % from 1981 to 2001, I would guess it is higher today. The share of female jeans sold rose from near negligible in the late 90s to 22 % of the total in 2011.

    These stats probably mean little in the face of the rape outrages we are facing on a daily basis now. But Indians have no option but to resist and press for the rule of law.


    • Vikram, as a geneticist adn a molecular biologist, I think htere is simple solution to your problem of muslim and dalits-they should breed themselvesout of the populus. Means they should not breed atall, and thus giving the ‘better population’ soem breathing room on earth. As it is, they are not diong earth any favors by breeding like rabbits-these only grow up to become-nasties of humanities, ofcourse exceptions are always there.

  16. This one made me cry in front of my computer !! Maybe because I could connect to the story 100% , maybe because i have a girl child myself, maybe because I am ashamed of the country that I was once proud of. From what I see , it is going to be one long struggle – for me and the country.

    • I don’t know if u lack education or you suck in logical reasoning. First of all you, as a mother, should be grateful to at least two men which your country has produced..your father and your husband. So if you think that our country sucks because of the men out here then considering your male relationships ( your father and your husband) is equally responsible.. isn’t so? Try not to blame the country. Like a true ignorant and escapist you have already commented stereotyping the male community and also insulted our nation. Do your part by educating your daughter. I have seen half the world and the people over there just don’t speak shit about their countries. They do the needful. So stop pretending to be a wretched citizen and provoking weak sentiments and please start acting!! Hope you can digest this truth.

        • No it is NOT a worldwide problem and that’s what people like you need to realise. The scale at which it happens in western countries or even south-east asian countries is much much smaller than in India. Why do you men and some women NOT get that? Indian men seem to feel that they can just about do anything to a woman and she won’t do a thing because society (parents, family, police, courts) won’t come to her rescue. She will just endure and move on and that’s why they feel they can do whatever they want with impunity. Get it into your thick heads: its NOT a worldwide problem, it is a problem in India!!!!

        • Agree with Kaushiki, it is NOT a worl-wide problem, open your eyesor perhaps visit one of the other western countries.

      • Brilliant. Best and most sensible post i have read on this hypocritical blog post. The author of this blog thinks sexual crimes are isolated to just India. Keep eating your “pseudo paradise” western pie Sahaja Patel. While you are at it I would also ask you to have a look at the sexual crime rate statistics of your beloved America. Good luck to raising your baby girl in the “safe haven” of the land of hope and dreams (and also sexual assault).

        • Where does the blog author say that sexual crimes occur only in India? The article is about the safety of women in India, and hence no other country is mentioned. The sexual crime rate of the US is irrelevant here. However, if you want to take the US as the basis of comparison, you might want to look at the Bureau of Justice Statistics report published in March 2013 from

        • To Siddharth and others who think that western world is not safe haven and keep on gposting these websites of crimestats-you forgot to mention one thing-these crimes in western world get reported no matter how little they are. Have you sent your daughter/female relative to a police station all by themself to report a crime in India-and if so, would youlike to mention the part where they got raped again at the police station or later by the maffia related to the public servant? or did you bribe to get an incident like that reported?What happened later? Are you confident enough to let us know that all incidents were even mentioned to you, and you are in the know? Finally, do you even have any female relatives/friends where you can gain enlightment on truths of living in India? or do you have anyfemale relative/friend living in western world (oh by the way the females married to Indian husbands living in western world do not count,as I have seen them tortured emotionally and physically here too,just because the females in those cases do not know what are their rights)

      • well said Rivu! the author thinks it happens only in India.No one other than Indians hate themselves so much

        • The author hasn’t implied that it happens only in India. But compared to other places she has been in, India is relatively dangerous. Harassment from relative, priest, I can understand – there are a few catholic priests everywhere in the world who molest kids. But would you expect to get groped on the road – on the divider while crossing the street? Yet, I have heard two accounts of this personally in India, but nowhere else. Being rubbed and touched while standing in queues? Of course sexual harassment is a global issue, but they don’t call India the ‘Rape Capital’ for nothing.
          Also, I’m not saying India is the most dangerous in the whole wide world. There might be worse places, we wouldn’t know until people speak up. But the author being from India, is speaking up here. And she hasn’t blamed the country in its entirety. She has recounted her experiences here, as compared to another place she has lived in – how much ever precautions you take, you just don’t feel safe enough.

        • So are you saying that it should keep happening in India just because India is not the only country where it happens and therefore nothing is wrong with it?
          What do you know about the grave situation that every average female faces in this country?
          You can never imagine her plight when she is repeatedly groped at in full public view and no one stands up for her and see the whole thing as an enjoyable episode.why should she be proud of such a country where her modesty has been humiliated at every nook and corner by her own countrymen?
          You must have been one of these chauvinist men to be saying such things

      • @ Rivu.. If anyone lacks logical reasoning,I’m sorry to say it would be you. I don’t think what Vanitha said calls for your verbal spew. I think the whole world is ‘stereotyping’ the indian male community. And while generalization is unfair to the Indian men who don’t indulge in the list of above mentioned ‘behavior’, may be it will finally provoke men silently watching to Educate your friends and family who may be a part of such abhorrent behaviour. The onus doensn’t lie on women to educate their daughters or sons for that matter. But also on fathers/ men to lead by example.
        It’s interesting that you made a comment ”I have seen half the world”. Because I have pretty much traveled a part of the globe too. And the first thing you would notice as a Indian women (guessing you are not) travelling say europe, US or canada is how different, liberating and joyous travel can be. The sheer freedom of travelling without constantly being ogled, groped or the need to barricade yourself against being groped.Even in the most crowded metro in Italy I didn’t even have to give it a thought. And yes I am gonna generalize here, because 20 years of having lived in India and having faced this on a regular basis gives me the right to do so..
        And just because others are aren’t willing to face facts about the problems their countries are facing, let’s not foolishly join the parade. Patriotism is not about sugar coating facts. There is also no claim made here that this isn’t happening elsewhere. But what say we focus on cleaning our own ”backyard” first??!!

        • brilliant reply Maria!! I am really surprised by the way certain males are reacting here. I too have faced such incidents almost on a daily basis .. and almost every other girl I have met has said that it has happened to her also (incidents much worse than the ones mentioned in the blog) .. I was expecting that this would be a shocking reality for all the (‘not assholes’) males .. Given that almost every girl in India faces this I would say, the percentage of such males is fairly large and therefore, generalization or stereotyping is not completely wrong .. If you think that this is not a serious issue or that accepting this reality will make you less patriotic .. then please stay in your dreamland, your ideal country .. this blog is not for you ..

      • do u think a father will be behind her n aside her always …every moment ??….ok husband can be behind her till she gets a husband what is she supposed to do ?? and finally thr r many who dont have a father …what will they do ?? r u keeping two guards for women …wen will they live independently ….

      • Rivu and all the men/women here who have agreed to this ridiculous post by rivu should probably check yourselves into a mental institution…because there is something terribly wrong with you all and that scares me as a citizen of this country. The author here says no such thing as India being the only country with sexual harassment issues but when compared to other countries yes it is a terrifying place for a woman, especially by herself. And why should a mother only be responsible to educate her daughter? and not why the sons too? why not teach your sons to respect women instead of just teaching your daughters to fend for themselves???? It is people like you, with this horrid sense of justice and logic that deepens the fear within me. I have traveled a lot around the world and i have never once had the same sense of dread that i have had when walking the streets of delhi, before the sun has completely set, by myself. it is a struggle everyday to come back home without have being leched at or touched by someone even once here.
        And you mister should do your part by drilling some sense into yourself and doing the needful by protecting the women of your country!!
        Shame on you for being such an ignorant jerk.

        • Well said outraged.
          Yes,its these kinds of men who promote and justify the atrocious behavior of men

        • @Maria.. according to you.. “Yes,its these kinds of men who promote and justify the atrocious behavior of men”.. I need to tell you that I never justified.. if again you too fall in that category of being just “outraged”,just to talk incongruous and not read my post I can’t help it. I am a peaceful person, who doesn’t rape women and neither do my peers. My family or it’s acquaintances also have never raped anyone. When a rapist or a molester is sentenced to death we don’t cry all night. Be calm and try to understand what again I am going to say. “\/”(sign of peace)

          @Outraged.. I am not an “ignorant jerk”!! First of all why I am not ignorant. I have not only earned my degrees from the best universities of India and abroad, I have also spent quite a few years struggling for the common people.. I was there in Nandigram, was there in India Gate during the students’ revolutions, was there with my dad (an IAS officer) during the floods in West Bengal in 1999, fought for the equality in education system, even donated my 2 months’ basic for the Uttarakhand floods ( which can be overlooked because I don’t know which politician is using those currencies right now) and in many more situations which you don’t know.Even I have got arrested quite a few times for fighting against the evils( which again can be overlooked because I believe in Anarchism and the state doesn’t). And behind all these were no political corrupts. If only you can understand what “non political revolution” means. I know how many women were being raped recently and I am not supporting those men. I have the facts of the women’s commission and also can relate to the pain of the victims. I am not an ignorant person.
          “jerk”.. I don’t find any logic behind using this word in a public forum.. you are truly, madly, deeply outraged. Stop listening to hard rock or metals and think what you can do.
          NOW you were asking if only the daughters or the subsequent mothers have the responsibility to educate their daughters (or future mothers). I never told that fathers and sons don’t have any responsibility!! I do.. I have a peer circle which strictly condemns such heinous acts; discuss things even among the “less-educated” circles so that the influx of knowledge regarding respect for both men and women gets multiple channels to flow. My father taught me the values, my mother did as well. If everyone keeps discussing about values, social norms and about the social responsibilities then we can create small circles of a more educated and knowledgeable people which will eventually grow larger and one day we can see a different country.
          In the first post, Vanitha,the author was so ashamed of the country. Me too. But I am not just sitting in this forum and posting my hatred. I am doing SOMEthing. EVEN you Outraged, I don’t know if your sole aim is to create more hatred amongst people and keep posting, but I do want to believe that even you are doing your part.
          I respect the Sahaja Patel’s effort to put up the pain in such an exhaustive way and since many people in this forum are here only to accuse each other ( “men are rapists” and “women are sluts”), the Catharsis is truly admiring and absolutely following the psychoanalytic theory!! Great!! 🙂

      • I think you lack both education and logical reasoning. There is no other reason for your apathy! there are problems like this in every country. but no other country kills the girl child just because she was born a girl. In countries like India, pakistan and the middle east, women are treated like a commodity and that too with social backing. Thats not what happens in western countries. There might be stray incidents but its not what the community agrees with. The ratio of men in India who will try to take advantage of a crowded area and grope a woman are 9:1, while it is the other way round in western countries. Even so, the laws there are very stringent. You can do time in jail for taking a childs picture without their guardians permission. Children get raped there too, but those rapists are always convicted and the rapists registered as sex offenders in their locality making them social outcasts. and when a rape victim reports to the local police station the policeman doesnt question her on what she was wearing and who she was with when she got raped!! That happens a lot here! What happens to child molesters and rapists in India?? If you are not keeping up with the Keenan and Reuben case then I suggest you do some googling and get a dose of reality.

        You are like one those people who start lashing out because someone brought out the facts about what is going on in our country. You’re mentality is.. “so what? it happens in other countries too. Why spoil our countries name in public”. So just because it happens elsewhere we should keep quiet and bear it?? The consequences to those rapists and molesters is CERTAINLY not the same here!!

        Dont be a pseudo patriot! If YOU dont want to spoil the country name then YOU do something about the issues I mentioned above. Dont get upset because someone “spoiled” the country name by bringing out the facts. And if you cant do anything to help certainly dont go defending the shit going on here by bad mouthing someone who has brought out her experiences by telling her that her father and husband belong to the same category of men! By doing that you only stifling the sentiments that are required to bring an end to the shit going on here, which as you said are already weak. Shame on you!

  17. Government works for money and not for people. People dont know the root of all these issues. This needs to be fixed at the root level. Why other countries are safe to live? Their men dont have feelings or government is cutting the piece if they abuse women… Think …

    • Also, in other countries people have ‘arms’. Govrnment listens-checks and balances! Public demands stricter rules-and they get it! or people are cutting the peice from the government! I like the idea!

  18. Very, very sad. I’m a guy, and I can still feel your pain. This happened to my cousin sister, who’s also one of my best friends. She was once groped by a male member of our family. No one knew about it except for her and that disgusting dude. But one day, my cousin finally opened out to me about what had happened. I was furious and riled up. I asked her to bring it out in the open so that everyone in the family could kick his ass and spit in his face. She half-agreed, but insisted that we go to her mom (my aunt) first. When we reported the incident to her mom, we were simply asked to not make a big deal of it! I was like….what the $#%@!??
    I couldn’t believe what my aunt was asking us to do…(or not do, in this case). Further, she ordered us to not talk about this to anyone else in the family. (fucked up, i know! But I was just a kid and I didn’t know what else to do). We still never talk about it. It’s been more than a decade.
    Amazing indian culture, indeed. bah!

    • I am amazed at how people here find it easy to blame it on Indian culture or religion.. First and foremost it has nothing to do with a culture of a country of its own. We have sick sexual predators right from school teachers to holy ahem ahem inside the Vatican and believe me it has mostly to do with the chemical locha of brain than any kind of cultural knowledge or religious scriptures.. No one who reads bible tries to walk on water so I dont know why will they follow selective things.
      The only advantage of being in certain countries is that the judicial system is swifter and ruthless over there and hence the probability of getting assaulted is higher.

    • I don’t blame you. A lot of men like us have seen our beloved women getting hurt and could do nothing after a limit. Lets change it. make sure our children know that we will do more and they can tell us.

    • It’s a sad situation. It disturbs mind and leaves a fear that never dies, not to forget the anger that one is not allowed to express. I am sure every Indian girl, rich or poor has gone through atleast a couple of molestations. I have been through it myself and now when I think about it, I feel like killing those people if I ever meet them again. What’s worst is that we tend to remember these incidents throughtout our lives, no matter how young we were when we went throught it. 😦

  19. indeed its true but people are changing in india too. many things have changed over here nowadays girls are not victim to that extent bt yes dey are………hope coming time wil giev us freedom especialy to girls to do wat dey like………

  20. not everyone do this sahaja you are wrong !! and u dont have the right to say india is rape capital of the world , some cheap guys may do this but not everyone !!

    • Hi Subash, just pretending nothing is wrong doesn’t make it right.. I have lived in girls hostel for quite a many years and talked to a lot of girls.. Not one girl I have come across who has not gone through groping/grabbing/teasing/molestation and nearly all of us are overly cautious of protecting ourselves while going out.
      Its right that everybody doesn’t do it.. but the numbers of them who do it is quite larger. Hope you get what we feel everyday of our lives, hoping we would one day get a place where we won’t have to think twice before doing anything…


      • I agree with you. I got to know this very late. I was young and could no understand. I heard my sister also went through it. Thinking about it makes my blood boil. A friend of mine told me she was smacked on her behind my some bikers in broad daylight. I do not know how law makers and the authorities that be can curb this menace. Such people should think from the perspective of the victims and their close ones and should understand the irreparable damage and stigma such acts cause to the minds of the victim.

    • Dude..Being a girl born and brought up in India and now working abroad, I can say tat if the probability of being abused abroad for an educated independent working woman is 45% then the probability of being abused in India is 99.99%. If you dont believe me take an anonymous poll of women who have ever been subjected to abuse (physical, verbal or emotional), I bet you wont arrive at figures less than 99%. So there goes your mera barath mahaan pride..India sucks man..thats the reality..And there is nothing left for women to instigate and take action. Its men like you who should do something instead of talking about empty country pride.
      PS: I would be scared to death if I ever have to go back to India. Wouldnt be arriving without atleast a dozen stun guns and pepper sprays…

    • well i would agree to this actually…. generalizing is not right of course…. so there would be these feminists who would always tell you all men are morons and some females who would believe them !! that is certainly not right .. but yes as men as well we need to ensure a safer society for everyone….

      Not to forget these same feminists today are unleasing the “legal terrorism” in the form of fake 498A’s, false DV’s, Divorce alimony, maintenance and the numbers are increasing !!! Do read about it ….Well media doesn’t report that …. The same feminists would then push any woman to unleash law even if its morally incorrect…. So even the feminist is a hypocrite right ??

      Now i know i would be called a male chauvenist etc and i give a damn… The point is i might be born a woman in my next birth as well…. i have no issues about that at all…. but my point is as a man i have my roles to ensure everyone is safe in my suroundings (be it a woman or a man) and so does a woman need to ensure……. does this not sound correct ?? I don’t say that its rightaway possible but it would take time and effort and certain amount of sensitiveness and love for the country and its people that we can slowly progress towards an amazing India !!!! what say ??

      How good a country would it be when we men realize that women are just “humans” at the end of the day and they are too like us … we dump our egos and help men and women alike to succeed in all circles…. women too can be the best of friends , the same chit chat , happy discussions as we guys do…. And women too realize the same , some having their attitude care to dump them are treat the “simple” guy around as “simple” rather than “stupid” and drop her disgusting body language and rolling eyes , dump her feminism and proceed towards “humanity”….. would respect herself as an individual and stop unleashing the pro-woman laws in India to settle scores (except for the true cases) !!!! Is it so difficult ???

  21. I think feeling sad is not the right thing. Its not about educated or not, these men who resort to such extreme things are screwed ppl and should be punished with the most painful death ever so that their souls are burnt for eternity. One cant keep themselves locked for being safe because she is a woman. We need movies like NetiBharatham(Telugu), Karthavyam(telugu)/Tejaswini(hindi) and not munni badnam or sheila ki jawani or fevicol se yuck songs and yucky portrayal of women for mere bucks…pity those men who consider women as mere substance of enjoyment. If all the anger of every victim is turned to fire earth will turn to ashes in milli seconds…

  22. Reading this article was like remembering different phases of your own life. All of this happened. What happened to your friend in the mall, happened to me while travelling in a bus in delhi. Initially, i thought, it was the iron rod of the seat but then it turned out to be something else. What happened to you in chennai was what my friend went through for a long time by a neighbour’s son when she was 6. There is an endless list. I am a lawyer now. I want to make a difference. Bring some changes. Bring some freedom. Reduce the fear. But i am still scared. Sometimes, even i want to leave it all and go to a land where i can breathe and not just ‘assume’ that i can’t travel alone at night.

    • When I read this article, it was like sitting back and remembering what I went through. All the incidents have made me strong enough to fight against anyone who misbehaves with me. I don’t forgive anyone. Standing up for everyone is very tough I know, but am sure your will to make a difference will atleast help that one girl who needs it. Good luck! 🙂

  23. A beautifully written but very sad article. What struck me most vividly is that her parents have shirked their responsibility. It is sometimes easier and less inconvenient to ignore such a problem than to take it head on. One has to be aware of the world that one is raising their kids in, and if you don’t know something it is the responsibility of a parent to learn about it so that they can protect their wards. It is inexcusable that the parents didn’t have a clue of the dangers first, and also created a family environment where she felt uncomfortable in confiding such things to them.

    The central theme of course, is about the depraved behaviour of Indian men. In a country where even a little PDA is frowned upon, groping in the bus is par for the course?! This is disgusting and the laws must be made so stringent that they act as genuine deterrents. I do pray that our country becomes safe for our daughters sooner rather than later.

  24. This is a very well put post but the end disturbed me. She had been sexually abused as a child and at different levels and it’s understood that she could not confide in her parents for she din’t know. But now as she was going to be a mother, I would have liked it more if she decided to teach her child about sexual abuse at every level and how she should ask her child confide in her mother and father at any point of time.

    • This is not a movie with a happy ending which you want to see, its her feelings and thoughts, dont expect a nice ending storyline here, if she feels helpless thats the way it is.

  25. Women ..Please talk to your not do the mistake our moms did to us , some moms wait for biology teachers to teach the girls the difference between a girl and a boy….Do not feel shy or embarassed when you explain and empower your child, to be alert and give them the confidence that if someone touches them they will have to tell you…make it a rule. As a mom of a 11 year old i can make out from her face if she is ok, she has a good day at school or bad….if a child has had a bad experience with a man it will show in her behaviour, bond with your daughters and let them know the moms are there to help them

    Do not wait for the world to come and help and for sarees to come pouring from heaven….make martial arts compulsory for girls….Remember girls it is not your mistake that an pevert touches you…never give that feeling to your child..THe right attitude goes a long way in dealing with these situations

    • Absolutely agree!
      We cannot expect the male community to suddenly rise up and behave themselves and respect women. Like someone else said mankind has always been like this and will most likely stay this way. We women have to rise to the occasion and protect ourselves and each other.
      Schools should make martial arts or some form of self defense mandatory. There needs to be mandatory education and/or counseling available in all schools that teaches about sexual harassment. Women should carry something with them to protect themselves, maybe a pepper spray.
      Women and girls need to be taught from a young age that it is not their fault they got harassed. That its a brave one who speaks up against it and by not speaking up against it you are only becoming a part of the problem.
      Anyone who saw or experienced something like this and didn’t say or do anything about it is is just as wrong as the one who did it. I am guilty of not speaking up too and it makes me sick.

      • Completely agree with your as well as Sara’s post. Empower and encourage females to raise their voice against such incidents. There will always be men who commit such acts and it’s important to not let them get away with it. Education and sensitisation is the key to solving this issue. We need to raise our kids as equals and instill the importance of gender equality in them.

    • Either you want to teach the mother or punish the culprit ? Seriously cant you see what the child has gone through , the trauma she had…. with the trauma she has learn martial arts ?

  26. Sheela ki jawani, . munni badnam hui,, kamseen kamariya and so on so forth… each time you sing and gyrate to them you are participating in the rapists thrust against the Indian women.. ..don’t expect to feed these brood of vipers and not get stung.

    • Are you out of your mind??
      No matter what I do, it doesn’t give ANYONE the RIGHT to molest me. If you left your door open does it give someone the right to rob your house? And do you really think all these women who are being harassed were ‘gyrating’ to some music or wearing ‘indecent’ clothing? What about little kids who are getting molested. What about nuns who get harassed. What about the 24,206 cases of rape that were reported and the tens of thousands of harassment cases that go unreported. You think all of them were provoking the men who harassed them???
      There are places in other countries where people (including women) can walk around naked and noone gives a hoot. If your theory of ‘feeding the vipers and getting stung’ was true why don’t these women get ‘stung’??
      Blaming the victim is the easy and cowardly way out of this. Nonchalant attitude like yours is what has made this situation this bad.

      • I beg to differ from you Madam. Lets do a thought experiment, (bear with me for the philosophy). You see a starving child at a traffic signal while eating a burger in front of him, in your car. You find him eyeing your burger, but your burger is inaccessible for him. He passes by a pizzeria. The food sure looks delicious and inviting through the glass windows. Overcome with hunger, he walks to the corner chai shop. He steals a pakora in a nifty snatch.

        Lets analyse this, shall we? The chai walla left pakoras open. Does this give a right to steal? No. The kid is hardly bothered about rights, desperation made him do it. Did the pakora provoke our little thief? No, your burger did.
        Why didn’t your burger get stolen by your husband? Because he already had one. Try starving him for few days, he too will have stolen some food. Why doesn’t anyone give a hoot in such countries (restricted places to be accurate)? They are not sex starved. FYI such countries do not exist. Go look up some data before glorifying such countries. Nude beaches in Europe have faced local resistance. Why? Such places invite nefarious activities from outside. Verify with the courts of France if you don’t believe me.

        Now I would say attitude like YOURS has made this situation this bad. Why? Hypocrisy. Reflected in this page. You are not alone, I am guilty of it too. So are you, so are others. We as a society have some degree of hypocrisy in us, that has driven some to desperation. We call them sluts, we call them perverts. What are we?

        • But what you are forgetting here is that the boy is desperate for food n he s not demeaning or molesting the chai wala by stealing the samosa. There s no relation between what is being discussed and ur so called experiment. Just because you might be one doesnot make everybody a hypocrite. These women n children who get sexually harassed are scarred for life. They are not women who provoke men by wearing skimpy outfits but are your day to day normal people who can be your sister or friend. Don’t blame women for the shameful deeds done by some men who have no sense of decency to treat a woman like a fellow human being with feelings n not just as objects of pleasure.

        • Thats the most stupidest thing I have heard!!. Comparing theft with rape. The starving kid needed food to live. A sex starved man doesnt need to have sex to survive!!… and no matter how sex starved you are… YOU DONT HAVE THE RIGHT TO SATISFY YOUR HUNGER ON ANOTHER HUMAN BEING. PERIOD! Same reason why cannibalism is also outlawed no matter how hungry you are!

        • Nev….couldn’t agree with u more. Moreover, it’s also observed that these specially happen when the victim is provoked and she retaliates as seen in both Delhi n Mumbai cases. These men think of it as a way to show their dominance over the victim when the victim protests against the taunting and insults thrown at her. There are also men who do it for the sheer pleasure of getting out of their sexual frustration. It’s a combination of these two who are the most dangerous. They not only sexually abuse the victim but also torture them in the most gruesome manner such as the Delhi case so as to sate their sadism. We are ll humans for crying out loud. Not brutal animals. Though according to some who commented above, we are all hypocrites. I beg to differ. Not all the women n children getting raped are gyrating their bodies in skimpy clothes. Most of them are common people who are unfortunate enough to fall prey to these brutal predators. If they are so sex starved why don’t they go to prostitutes who are willing to provide their services with mutual consent rather than attack the nearest n vulnerable victim!

      • Yes Preethi,its such perverted, under confident,cowards who disrespect and molest women.
        From the magnitude of such atrocities happening everywhere in India,its obvious that they are not rare but ubiquitous.

      • well … bad as it may sound ….. its better to be safe than sorry… don’t expect the tiger to spare u just because u r a veg !!!! makes sense ???

        Yeah at the same time such ppl definitely do need to be taught a lesson… agreed !!

        • The problem is you people have the mentality that it’s fine to compare HUMANS with burgers and pakoras. A person’s dignity is not some item in a shop, and women are not “on display”. Men also walk around in shorts/ganjis, right? At all times of night, in all places? Why are they not being groped and assaulted by women, or gay men?

          And molesters are not vipers or tigers. Why do you think of men as animals, who have no responsibility for their actions? And if they are so helpless, how can they be allowed even to run a restaurant, let alone a country? Maybe we should set a curfew for all these lustful men who have no control so that women, who you think are responsible for everyone’s actions, can have some peace and safety.

      • or mam ghar main lock choro se bachne k liye nahi lagaya jata….chor to lock hoga tb b chori kar hi lenge…
        lock is liye lagaya jata h taki bhale logo ki niyat na kharab ho jaye

  27. I feel it’s true, such life with very uncommon experiences that we don’t want anyone else will go through with … .. Even though a country with high culture and ethics, a country where festivals are celebrated with high enthusiasm.. a country with democratic sense…but on the other side I also feel the family now comes with a risk factor.. let’s teach the boys to respect girls as a human being… let’s bring back the Gentle Man.

  28. Its a sad Indian scenario. as u said though the west isn’t crimefree, der every1 has deir own freedom, especially gals. look at wat we do, we announce a large history and tradition, india 2day isn’t dat beautiful. past is past and everyone has 4gotten wat we wer in last century and do the exact opposite. hope dis article reaches every indian. full support 4 u

  29. This is India shining. Hypocricy of the highest order. This is a manifestation of a frustated society given full freedom to do as they please.

  30. Thank you all for the overwhelming responses and shares. This has been a constantly undermined issue.
    To all the girls who have connected with the post based on your personal experiences, or incidents to friends/family, and to all the men who think sexual abuse should not be tolerated even though it is common, Thank you.

    To some people who think that I generalized men and put all of them into the same category, do excuse me. That wasn’t my intent. I was trying to point out that a sexual abuser can be lurking anywhere and can get to a woman (or a man), anytime. The molester (see how i’m not using gender here) could be at home (a relative), could be an educated and dignified person at work, at the shop, or just random strangers on the road, in buses, trains, and planes, and in any city or town. The rate is high in women than in men in our country.

    I wasn’t trying to say that other countries are much safer, this is “this girl’s” story. It is her view.

    That being said, this is not entirely a fictional piece. Every incident has been taken from real-life incidents. I spent one hour calling 6 friends for their experiences, and I got 11 stories from them. From educated, upper middle class well settled, and independent women who live in “developed cities” in India. I included only four. I cannot even imagine what I would learn if I stepped into small towns and villages.

    • Kudos to you for writing about an issue that is more often than not spoken in hushed tones and hushed up. Till we empower our children (girls and boys) with the right to speak up, self respect and respect for each other this will continue….
      It hurts even now to remember all the instances where I was molested or people I know were abused and suffered in silence with that sense of shame that led them to lead incomplete lives…
      More power to us who break out of the cocoon and shine bright!

    • I agree Sahaja. It certainly not about which country is more safer or that all men are the same. Having experienced a similiar situation in public transport in my younger days, I vowed that I would use a cab or private transport as soon as possible for travelling. Luckily I have managed to reach where I can afford to do so. I still continue to hear horror stories with my coleagues and at times it despairs that when can it all ever end. I too have a daughter and I can understand the feeling above. The only difference is that I know I will make sure that my kid understands a wrong touch as well as feels free enough to confide in me. Its not that my mother build up a different culture, it just that the lack of awareness ,growing pangs and the trust factor built by our culture at that time, contributed to keeping things to self.

    • i don’t know, what the hell is going on in this country? every girl is afraid to go out alone. even my mother don’t let me go far alone. it is a very big issue for the country. every girl has faced these problems. girls are being abused in the public and people around them don’t even bother. they just pass away thinking it as a normal thing.
      but before questioning others, we should question ourselves….. before changing others we should change ourselves…. we should not forget that the people who walk away are just like ourselves…. we are also a part of that shameless crowd… so if we want to change the world, first we have to change ourselves….

  31. This is one faced by everyone, but need to take care by so called self respect, if this self respect is not injected from childhood, every child will face lot of problems in their future. Its parents & elders duty to teach and convey about self respect. Childs believe only parents and loved once, not NEWS. Parents are so busy in earning food and shelter, but no time to build their own family members for self respect.
    As per Parent and Child Relationship Theory, Parent should take 100% care of child upto 5 years, from 5 to 15 years Parent should be friend of child.
    Its just one mistake thinking 5 years Child as a Kid, that your kid has to pay in return whole life.
    That is the age of the children to know about real world. If misguidence happens at that age, the child follows into fantasy world and become what ever they want and when as they grow they become anti-things. If the guidence is friendly they can change these things.
    Its in hands of Human Being what seeds we need.

    • u r wrong man………absolutely wrong chap….from ur statement u r giving note like every Indian is a rapist……….u go out of the country….and suppose you are a girl and get raped…..wt wud u say……if u r harmless in India but suddenly passed through this tragedy while visiting one of ur dream country wht wud u say……its nt abt being Indian or foreigner……its abt humanity…..that is dead……or killed by us… …me ….every one is involved in that……we have to be educated…some times i think about Muslims they are behind burkhas……many hard rules for them …they cannt move in the market with her relatives too……you cant see a single part of her body bare….everything is covered……are they safe… Arabian countries …….where whipps are there where death sentence is there…….no one is safe ……..if no one is bold and brave enough…………

      • Dude its true the that you can be raped in other countries also , but the thing is , Safety in other countries is more and people care . There can be a strict police action in other countries , but in India the culprit can roam the next day without shame… Thats what makes people insecure in India.

      • well i would agree to this actually…. generalizing is not right of course…. so there would be these feminists who would always tell you all men are morons and some females who would believe them !! that is certainly not right .. but yes as men as well we need to ensure a safer society for everyone….

        Not to forget these same feminists today are unleasing the “legal terrorism” in the form of fake 498A’s, false DV’s, Divorce alimony, maintenance and the numbers are increasing !!! Do read about it ….Well media doesn’t report that …. The same feminists would then push any woman to unleash law even if its morally incorrect…. So even the feminist is a hypocrite right ??

        Now i know i would be called a male chauvenist etc and i give a damn… The point is i might be born a woman in my next birth as well…. i have no issues about that at all…. but my point is as a man i have my roles to ensure everyone is safe in my suroundings (be it a woman or a man) and so does a woman need to ensure……. does this not sound correct ?? I don’t say that its rightaway possible but it would take time and effort and certain amount of sensitiveness and love for the country and its people that we can slowly progress towards an amazing India !!!! what say ??

        How good a country would it be when we men realize that women are just “humans” at the end of the day and they are too like us … we dump our egos and help men and women alike to succeed in all circles…. women too can be the best of friends , the same chit chat , happy discussions as we guys do…. And women too realize the same , some having their attitude care to dump them are treat the “simple” guy around as “simple” rather than “stupid” and drop her disgusting body language and rolling eyes , dump her feminism and proceed towards “humanity”….. would respect herself as an individual and stop unleashing the pro-woman laws in India to settle scores (except for the true cases) !!!! Is it so difficult ???

    • dude otni hi sharam aati h indian kehlane p to jaa chullu bhar pani main doob mar… shayad agla janam mil jaye us ya uk main
      and its ppl like u who may nt rape a woman but dont miss any chance of touching her body parts in a bus,train or even touching their hands when exchanging something with them…. or kisi k sath touch se jyada ho jaye like rape incidents to i am ashamed of being called an indian ka banner le k nikal padte h protest karne
      u really should b ashamed of urself nt bcz u r an indian bt bcz ur ashamed of ur identity that is an Indian
      bura na manna pr ye sach h

  32. What can I say…!!! I am also afraid of bringing up my kids in a place where molestation of girls (even boys too) is increasing day-by-day. I am really afraid about leaving my wife and children at home even though its a well secured area, on what basis can I trust the neighbors, the security guard, the paper wallah, the milk man, the one who goes on the road. Even I have faced molestation right from the age 12. The mistake I or my parents did was to let me stay at my relative’s house during vacation or let me go out of home to play after school thinking that there is no danger in the neighborhood. The danger lurks not just in the corner but everywhere else.

  33. Sad but every thing said above is so true 😦 In the past a girl child’s birth was a worry cause of the dowry factor and expenses to be borne for her life ,but now a girls birth is a worry cause of their security concerns ..

  34. Reblogged this on ગુજરાતીસંસાર and commented:
    આજકાલ ફીમેલ હેરેસમેન્ટ, રેપ, જાહેર સ્થળો પર છેડછાડ વગેરે જેવી ઘટનાઓ અવાર-નવાર થતી રહેતી હોય છે. પણ, ઘણા-બધા લોકો એમ કહેશે કે આ તો હવે સામાન્ય થઇ ગયું છે.. કેમ સામાન્ય ભાઈ ? સામાન્ય એટલે તમારા કોઈ ભાઈ, બહેન કે પછી મમ્મી સાથે આવી કોઈ ઘટના બનતી નથી ? કે પછી સામાન્ય એટલે કે તમે પણ આવા લો લેવલના વિકૃત માનસ ધરાવતા લોકોમાં સામેલ છો ? તમે એકવાર રીબ્લોગ કરેલ પોસ્ટ વાંચો. તે પોસ્ટ અંગ્રેજીમાં છે, પણ અંગ્રેજી વાંચી ન શકતા લોકો ગુગલ ટ્રાન્સલેટનો ઉપયોગ કરી શકે છે.

    Nowadays the female harassment on public places, rapes and this type of sexual harassment usually happens around you. and many people treat as usual things, because its not happening with the life your wife, sister, mother or a friend ?
    Do read this article I’ve found, at-least the male friend should read it who always treat girls as bad words such as “Ma-aal” , “Fatko” or whatever ? What if someone says this type of same words for your own sister or loved ones in presence of you ? Do think and read this article.

  35. I feel sad about all that has happened to you. I can understand the mental stress you have undergone with not being able to share it with your family. But I dont think India is the only country where it happens. More over, just because of 1% of the population, one cannot consider the nation as a bad place to live in.

    The CNN iarticle session had many articles regarding the same issue. It was all about India and sexual harassment. But it also said India is not the only country where this happens. This happens to the minority everywhere whether its a girl, woman, Indian minority, religious minority etc. Similar sexual or physical or mental harassments happen. This is a global issue faced by the less privileged.

  36. Studies says that almost all indian girls are molested in their lifetime once or many times. It is parents responsibility to talk to them about all these. Women should teach their daughter about all these and should let them know about the danger around them. Girls and women should start to fight , be bold and brave instead shunning and hiding the truth. At the same time parents should listen to their
    children and should believe them

  37. Its the bitter reality of our society….It Starts with us only , we are society …we can only finish it…Wake up guys…Don’t Wait for the time when something like this happens with your family members…

  38. I could relate to almost every incident from it.
    and specially the end note where the lady cries at the thought of carrying her daughter to that place. no matter how many years pass by these things remain imprinted on one’s brain. sometimes the girl doesn’t confide in parents coz she is scared or she is too young to believe and understand that parents can be trusted. such horny bastards are to blamed for making them insecure for life.
    its not a coincident that women are made to feel vulnerable about their bodies. what’s with these molasters..really..? is it too difficult for them to understand that their heinous actions can kill someone’e trust and innocence for life.

  39. This is so beautifully written, I can feel my tears welling up.
    Not everyone can relate to why she wouldn’t tell anyone. Or why she cries because there’s nothing she can do. It takes one to know one, I suppose. I understand the helplessness that she feels, when talking about her molesters, when thinking of her child. I think it’s amazing the way you’ve portrayed all those emotions so well.
    A friend linked this to me, and I’ve had tears in my eyes since the beginning. I never comment really, I’m more of a watcher than someone who leaves a comment but something is making me.
    Thank you for addressing something most would consider taboo. Thank you for writing. I’m not sure how much of this is fiction, but I feel this kinship to your character, so thank you for that too. Also. Khaled Hosseini couldn’t make me cry, I’m crying now.
    And yes. That is one hell of a compliment.

  40. Awesome write-up… Made me cry… Its almost every girl and woman’s story who lives in India… Shame on our government… Such beasts have no right to live….

  41. I’m really sad & disturbed after reading this.Its a fact that girls/ladies in India are still facing such realities that cannot be ignored.I hope whoever wrote this was putting in her fictional makeup story with the realities she saw in different phases of her life.But all all this to a single girl that too in every phase?Ridiculous…Just one question-“Why was she safe abroad and not in India?(or atleast felt so!)”.Are we Indians(Boys/Males) so sexually addicted or eagerly waiting for a touch pleasure? Is Boys/Males safe in here(Only girls get molested??).Can legalizing porn and red streets across the country solve this issue?

  42. Sahaja i am in tears and i make sure that my girls will never has to face what i faced in India….I don’t want my girls to go through what i faced in crowded buses, bus from hyderabad to vijaywada ,at gokul chat bandar , on roads etc…..I don’t care when people say i over protect my girls…i will do it…I know the pain i have gone through…..I already started telling them that those places are yours, no one can touch them without your permission….

    And yes what you said about West is 100% right….In these 10 months of me living in Canada i can say yes this is the place for my kids to grow and have a wonderful childhood without any thing which will carry forward for ever in their life….

    I will go back to India when my kids are big enough to live for themselves….I am a true Indian but i don’t want my kids to go through what other girls/boys go through in India…. I always speak about it to my friends and relatives to keep their girls/boys safe…..

  43. Ur blog predicts the clear scenario on the life of a girl in this country.
    We all need to change this by someway,so that atleast our future generation can be saved if not us.
    Though we all say India is an independent country, the real meaning of the freedom was missing here. I wonder y girls suffer
    always in all generation in one form or the
    other here.

  44. well being a pakistani ,,,, i wana say that every grl no matter she is indian r paki,,we should respect her…govt of india should take action on it..that is very big and serios matter of succesful india… indian grls have no security of their respect their virginity….indian govt should take serios action on this matter

      • Atleast you could inform the people closer to you…that way it will get propagated….don’t just read in-between lines….do what you can do

  45. Yes, every bit of it pains. Especially when you have that nagging and unshakable guilt even though you know you don’t have to blame yourself for it. A lifetime..and yet one can’t bring to feel clean and innocent again. More so when you realize there was so much more you could have done and yet you didn’t. Couldn’t. Having been with similar experience and bringing up little two wonderful girls this is exactly what goes through my mind on most days. I have decided to protect them -against all of that. My mum raises her brow when she hears me tell my 3 year old, “if anybody’s touch, uncle or aunty even or even their talk seems wrong to you honey, tell that uncle/aunty angrily “don’t touch!” . I make sure she repeats that to me till I am sure she gets the message. Ma gets angry but she doesn’t know that in spite of all the right that she did while bringing me up there were a few things she might have done wrong. And I sure as hell will not repeat them.
    I hope many more people will at least take lesson from it all, like us.

  46. This one got me poignant and sorrowful. I remained speechless for a few seconds after finishing it. I just couldn’t type. You have wonderfully written this, and this piece has very much, emotionally moved me. Every Indian literate in English should read this. I hope and pray that Indian soon become a better place to cross roads, queue up, and wade through.
    Towards greater glory may we all tread !!

    P.S: I first thought a woman had written this…Then I found out you were a male. Sorry I mistook, but this one really brings out the plight of the fairer sex. So I have to say: Good stuff…Keep writing!

  47. I have not lived in India for more than 25 years, but reading this brings back many memories of my own unpleasant experiences. It was not abuse by a particular person, so telling my parents would not have helped stop any of them. These were experiences of being regularly harassed and violated by strangers in public spaces – streets, buses, trains, movies. Since it was the shared experience of most of my girl friends, it was what we expected would happen when we stepped out of the house. There was no point talking to parents about it, for they would not be able to stop these problems. So I had my own defenses against these violations, and dealt with them as best as I could. I don’t believe that they have scarred me for life. However, it is only when I left the country of my birth that I realized was freedom was. It was not more money, more convenience, but not having to walk around in fear, like a second-class citizen, just because I am a woman.

  48. Amazing write-up. Am sure many who read this story can relate.
    When someone does something like this to you as a child all you feel is confused and scared especially when it is a family member whom you and your family so trusts, and the molester makes sure you are to scared to spill it to anyone. Also when you confine to your parents all they tell you is to forgive and forget, even more so since it is a family member, our people care way too much about fake pride and name in society to notice and stand up for the things that matters the most. Makes you loose faith in your family and our society.

  49. I echo the sentiments shared by everyone. The obvious criminal is the molester. But the family members who do not provide support when such issues are brought to discussion, people who just notice such incidents in public and do not take any action (instead just share the stories, show expressions of disgust) are equally at fault. Each one of us also have responsibilities beyond taking care of oneself, feeling sad for others who have gone through this, blaming the government, society and culture. We are also responsible for making this society what it is. So, be responsible and start with small steps. Just begin with changing the attitude, be open and honest about what you really think and want to share with you loved ones.

  50. Very well written article….but I am sorry to say that instead of holding on with such sad stories we shud come out with incidents where woman power n her courage story is shown…feeling sad n crying over it is no solution…lets be practical enough n teach our next generation how to be strong during such pathetic conditions and make them more aware….such stories do not help… “ye sirf mann main khauf aur darr paida karti hai’….these stories are meant only to show how strong this so called Male chauvinist society is ???? So lets stop promoting a man’s khauf and lets spread a woman’s ‘KHAUF’….Amen !!

    • No Richa. You are wrong. These stories help. May be they put girls in a some inconvenience of old memories but they let us men know that these can happen to our mothers, sisters and daughters.. The education part.. I am determined to do it.

  51. You shouted on that man in theater. *respect* I hope soon each and every girl starts acting in the same way. We should go more open about these little molestation activities and discuss about them in public. We should make the young girls aware of them. I feel girls generally don’t revolt because they feel they are the only one who are facing this situation and they feel more scared as they think about their families and societies. But we have to make people realize that molestation is such a “hidden common” thing which every girl in our society experiences, and it is not something very new to this society. Parents and teachers should trust their girl-kids and teach them to share their uncomfortable moments and experiences to someone close to them.

  52. Yes, in some of the old, regional literatures, it is told that ppl are blessed to be a girl ! But now, it is Cursed time for a girl! I wish I had the power of making all the females in this world to hide, and make these Bl***y men to starve for food, luv, care n everything ! to make these kinda men realize the piousness of the women !

  53. Keep writing and kudos for bringing this out for a million young people to read, that is the only way they’ll remembr to protect baby girls/teenagers/ladies around them in the future.

  54. It looks like it’s her own fault for not speaking out. Maybe there should be lessons in school on child molesting, so that people can learn to speak up and understand proper channels.

  55. This made be tear up.. Very well written! I am sure every girl grown in India has felt this and thought it was normal until they came to the west !

  56. I have very similar share of stories, it was a never ending experience till i stepped out of the country, far far far away from the extremely volatile and pervert sect of human beings. It didn’t matter how old i was..all it mattered was i was a girl/women the dirty pricks thought can take advantage off. I am supporting the nation sitting here in the west part of the world, that these a**h***s should be punished to the degree that no one else would dare do it again. For others before this stage comes, stand up and reach out to each and everyone one you know and get as much support to stand up against this.

  57. A heartwrenching read and something I instantly identified with as will so many other women in India. I have always lived here and am a proud Indian in all aspects but one- this blatant, bold and seemingly macho disrepect to women and treating them as objects to manhandle and abuse and not breathing human beings to treat as equals. I am the mother of two sons and I pray I am able to instill in them a deep and unbeatable sense of respect for women and their existence, their feelings, their dignity.

    • Make sure you drill it in them. Let them know how to respect women and how to make sure they are respected. Let them know that it is ok to break heads and hands when such assholes are caught. Cause police is not going to do that. Did I talk about violence? yes i did. Punishment can change the present and education can change the future.. I will make sure mine are educated.

  58. I read this post couple of months back when u wrote it today again but am feeling the same pain..becoz of same ruthless incident happening without any control..glad u had good responses from ppl all over..keep ur good work and keep inspiring!

  59. Oh Vow !!! Its the same kind of situations i have gone through. Molested by the relative(s), strangers at each stage of my life.. Now, am out of the country after marriage and really feel that am out of hell.. I love my country to the most but this is the one thing am always scared of..

  60. Reminded some of the incidents happened with me. So true these cases happens with each and every girl to some extend.

  61. This article is so to the point and portrays all that an Indian girl must go through before she gets the courage to talk back. I agree that the girl can talk back when it is in a theater or an hotel where someone might care… but in the center of the road and in a crowded bus nobody cares. I hope your daughter is safe and lives a trauma free life. Even if these unfortunate events are to take place, just make sure that you give enough freedom and comfort to your kids so that they can tell it to you. And the sad truth is, this happens to boys too. Girls have become more open upon telling it.

  62. I would say teach every child about the right touch and the wrong touch as early as possible and make them understand the importance of talking to their parents about good and bad events as soon as possible. And dear parents please listen to the little ones when they want to talk to you.

  63. These days, whenever I hear about these atrocities and barbaric acts of cruelty committed against women, I just ask myself one thing – ” what this “Indian” tag means to me” , “why I was born in a country of rapists and eve teasers”. Why Indian people are not learning from their mistakes. Why 16th december in this country is getting daily repeated with some nirbhaya or the other. I deeply reflect on these questions for hours, struggling and desperately trying to find answers, but answers always elude me. I know rapes, molestation, sexual assault, atrocities against women are not just confined to India, these problems are omnipresent, you would find them everywhere, with only difference that their degree might vary from region to region, from country to country. Sadly, these problems are quite glaringly prevalent and evidently present in India. The thing which infuriates me the most is that we have not learnt from our mistakes. The psyche of men in this country is far from changing. As a 23 year old young man, I feel ashamed that the women in this country have to go through so much pain, barbarity. I want to deeply apologize to them on the behalf of the whole male community and I want to assure them that I would always respect women till the last breath of my life !! Let’s make India a better place to live.

    • Do not apologize… we just have to stop bearing it. Next time you see an act make sure he has atleast some marks he will remember for life.Lets teach our sons to respect and do the same. Thats how we change. 🙂

  64. This is the story of every Indian girl. To the stinky ass hypocrites who claim that US rape rates are much higher, I ask, will you tell the same to your little one as she gets pinched and groped from all possible sides in a bus or train everyday??? To those who say Indian culture is very rich and best and US is all bad, I say try climbing out from the well you have been stuck in for so long. Indian culture is now rich with stories of bullying men raping women. In US, a girl can go for a walk or anywhere without getting molested and stared down. When women in India gets that freedom, I shall celebrate Independence day.
    To the writer, your story has spoken for all women of India. Thanks for being courageous and open enough.
    It is time to make self defense classes mandatory to all girls from school to punch the pulp out of these molesters. Harsher punishment and govt laws are still not helping enough to keep our women safe.

  65. Could totally relate to each incident mentioned..

    Lot of people had questioned about why didn’t the girl share these sort of incidents with their parents.. Firstly if the girl is not even aware of what’s happening to her, she will be traumatized and it also takes a great amount of deal to step up and share with elders.

    I was 17 when I moved to Chennai to do my Graduation and I had to stay with my maternal aunt as she was funding for my studies. My Cousin had returned from Australia for a vacation and tried to molest me and when I confronted him all he said was “You are my second cousin and it doesn’t matter. I didn’t know what to do so I confided in my aunt and all I got was “You would have provoked him” I felt totally helpless and ashamed of very own family.

    Many of the families in India still feel its a taboo to talk about sex education and by keeping their kids ignorant they are in a way contributing to the abuse.

    Spread social awareness and one day we can hope to see a better country.

  66. I cannot even imagine how you could write this so well. I am assuming you are not a girl. I couldn’t have said it better myself… “something was different…”… like you said… something IS different… I feel goosebumps everytime i listen to our national anthem… and tears of pride and joy rolled down when Rahman won an Oscar… and everytime I feel like I have more freedom living in a foreign country than in my own, I am deeply ashamed and embarrassed about feeling that way… after all, I am often bragging to my friends from across the world about how everything is so much more awesome in India… but yes…. something IS different… 😦

  67. yes . all men are rapists. everyone out there is looking to molest you. everyone, from chennai – bangalore – mumbai – hyderabad, heck even the gynecologist is a rapist. men are always indifferent, no one cares if you are molested in public. west is all about freedom, i can walk naked and not be afraid of getting raped, everyone here are saints. it happens only in India, why ? why? why? we women are always victims.

    what a bunch of crap ! why think rationally when sensationalism and emotions are way better at attracting a larger audience. this is the kind of one dimensional thinking that propagates gender stereotypes and sexism.

    • Would love to see you do that in the West , not for the tiltilation but to see your dream of the west being the harbinger of freedom being torn to shreds.

    • I don’t know if you really meant that.. Let me tell you that there are a bunch of men may of a smaller number who do respect women and their freedom. So don’t loose hope. I will do my part of changing this. You do yours. We will change this… 🙂

    • Try walking in shorts in a crowded market in Delhi. Then try doing the same in Florida. I am sure you will have identical freedom and experience.
      I am pretty sure that Indian police is equally efficient and sympathetic as their western counterparts. I mean they are paragons of sympathy and support for the victims.
      Because it happens even to a limited extent elsewhere, India does not actually a problem, and no action needs to be taken by the Indian government. Did I understand you correctly?
      You are a genius Pavithra. Brilliant point made by you.

      • when you stand out in a crowd , it warrants attention. doesn’t everyone in Florida summer wear shorts, don’t they say in rome be a roman. apathetic indian police – not a women issue, its pretty general, still i’m against such broad sweeping statements.

        why don’t you think about the socio-economic point of the problem, a large majority of the indian population is poor. they are marginalized by the society and are they do not irk away from criminal activities (one of them is sexual harrasment). there is a problem. its is not a problem of Indian men being sexually depraved. the problem is of the unequality in the society. why do the youth who have little education and no care for the law need to hold themselves back in a system that clearly cannot police itself properly?

        It doesn’t happen to a limited extent, it is equally bad and under reported elsewhere too .even in western countries there is a culture of date rape and no good explanation can be attributed to that. I think the comment was trying to talk about Stereotyping rather than denying the problem. ignoring these basic facts and making it look like a problem faced by women because of the men in the country is ridiculous.

        being a guy I myself have been groped at, but couldn’t complain, what would i say about some random guy was fondling my thighs? grown man of 23 mind it, the thought itself was weird, i’m supposed to stand up for myself. but when a guy gropes a woman its just a matter of raising your voice and help would present itself. this blog talks about women being victimised everywhere, and not a single soul (man/woman) looking to help them. very serious accusations have been placed on the society and morality of the comman man here.public floggings of harrasers are not myths, they happen very often. for every molester out there there are atleast 9 other men / women willing to help you!

        what are the solutions you propose ?

        teaching criminals not to be criminals? beheading them ?
        more segregation of men and women? may be give tasers to women ?
        there is a thin line between draconian and democratic law. and trust me draconian is almost always bad.

        there is no magic pill. this is a socio economic problem, can be contained only if the disparity of wealth in the society is minimized. till then women have to make sure they are safe and not walk into traps. its more of a crime related problem, than a gender discrimination related issue.

        with all cards being the same , women in the West are as exposed to harrasment as their Indian counterparts. and when its the US/Canada, please include a gun in the equation. have had friends robbed at gunpoints.

  68. Such unspoken, unreported atrocities are even worser than the blatant crimes reported in the media. This is a deep rooted social evil in society. What is needed is social outrage in a responsibile way so as to spark a cultural revolution of sorts. I agree with the author on the point about it being much better for women in the West. What is different about western democracies and India? Not just the volume of crimes, but the attitude of miscreants. In the West people commit crimes against women because they want to do it and hope to evade justice after doing it. There is enough legal and judicial wherewithall to deal with these sort of people.In India however, people commit these same crimes because they CAN. Because they know they can get away with it – almost like they do it for the heck of it. That is a much deeper social problem which can only be solved through cultural change. Perhaps we need a Karl Marx-esque Manifesto to revolutionize societal thinking on these matters.

  69. Well I went through your other posts and as it turns out, you are a girl!!!… Oops… but everything else I said above is still holds. I love what you write and the way you do it, by the way.

  70. I am not sure if it was intentional, but I like the fact that the story talks about instances in multiple major cities. It is not just Delhi that shit like this happens, it happens everywhere sometimes by a family member.

    Great story, timing couldn’t have been better. All I hope is we as a society rise up to solve this issue.

  71. You are wrong. She has a choice to appeal to her husband never to take her or her child back to that horrible place, or to refuse to go. I dont feel a tear in my eye any more for Jana Gana Mana, nor do I believe in God. Every minute of every day she has a choice to ensure this never happens to her little girl. That being said, anger being shed, I am so thankful I had a little boy.

    • Agree with u…..j saying jan gana mana and believing in God … not gonna save you… has to be bold enough….one has to be brave enough……to save himself or herself…world is not for chicken hearted fellows……world is for the Brave Only……….


      • wow !im glad u dint have a daughter…. u wud obviously have raised her to be an even bigger loser than you already are and u know what, we already have too many of your thanx for not adding to the numbers. and FYI she cudnt have appealed to her hubby maybe coz he was on an official assignmnet(which she makes amply clear) and so obviously he cant call the shots . Please dont suggest that he shud switch jobs !!!!!! i dont even expect a tunnel visioned fool like you ,who clain to be an atheist (im pretty sure your intellectual stunting wont even allow a credible discussion on that topic) to raise her boy right. may god bless him

  72. I don’t find words to express my comments. I just feel what kind of emotional chaos must have itched her heart when she was 9 and 15 after the incidents. The worst part that she couldn’t find guts say this to her parents and just drank the poison. In her 20’s she tried to live normal girl’s life but the ugly part of the world kept on scrubbing her old wounds, not letting to heal. She bravely fought that dark society but fear uprooted her soul. A soul that couldn’t find a prairie where it can grow freely. Now when she has strength to be a fighter, she has to give her beautiful baby the same strength to be a fighter. People say that there is hell and heaven up above where we go when we die. I don’t know if it has even a slight trace of truth because I cant imagine of any hell other than this world, if I am an image of this ‘Girl’. And heaven? I don’t find any use of it, when one lived life in fear, hatred and distrust. Its a story of girls and boys too. What is left is just a hand with big pointed nails that keeps on scratching hearts rest of the life with a big sense of distrust towards everyone to be practiced. Just to be safe and live safe.

  73. That is the exact state of our country. Its changed and the level of hypocrisy is breaking every woman faith. The rape that took place in mumbai today has shocked me. When I go back to visit my home town, I will be scared, unsure and insecure. I loved the town i stayed in, loved the country for all it gave me but my feelings are changing. Very well written Sahaja. Bravo !

  74. I would say you don’t need tissues. Not to cry because you have done nothing wrong. I hope all the ppl who left comments here teach their baby girls what is right touch and wrong touch. I also faced such incidents and made sure i gave him back a good answer for what the person has done. My cousin once faced this in bus in Hyderabad, a man sitting behind her was trying to touch her when she realized she put a blade in between and hurt him…. I don’t say you should kill a person, all i say is have something with you so that you can protect yourself from sick ppl like them.


    Mary’s Assumption and India’s Day of Independence
    by Errol Fernandes
    The two events fall on 15 August. People must wake up to India’s problems and learn to deal with violence, female infanticide, environmental degradation, etc. Fr Errol Fernandes, a Jesuit parish priest and Seminary Professor in Mumbai, gives his thoughts about the Magnificat.

    Mumbai (AsiaNews) – Yesterday, India celebrated 65 years of independence. The Catholic Church celebrated the Assumption to heaven of the Virgin Mary. Here are the thoughts on the relationship between the two events of Fr Errol Fernandes, a Jesuit who teaches Holy scriptures at archdiocesan seminary in Mumbai who is also the parish priest at Saint Peter’s Catholic Church in Bandra.
    Today (yesterday actually), we celebrate two significant and related events. These are the Assumption of our Blessed Mother and Independence Day. Both are celebrated on the same date: August 15.
    The reason why these events are related is because they are both about Freedom. Independence is celebrated as freedom from foreign rule and domination to self-rule and governance and the Assumption may be seen as a freedom from this limited and incomplete life to the bliss of eternal and perpetual life.
    The verses which make up the Gospel text of today are commonly known as “The Magnificat” or Mary’s hymn of praise. It seems to have been modelled on the prayer of Samuel’s mother, Hannah, in 1 Sam 2:1-10, and contains many Old Testament concepts and phrases. It communicates a picture of Mary as someone quite steeped in scripture. It reveals God primarily as a God of the poor. God is the one who will vindicate the poor by removing the rich and mighty from their positions and raising the lowly.
    The hymn may be seen to be divided into four parts. The first part consists of praise to God for what he has done in and for Mary; the second part speaks of God’s power, holiness and mercy; the third part shows God acting as a Sovereign in reversing social conditions in favour of the poor and downtrodden; and the fourth and final part recalls God’s mercy and promises to Israel.
    The hymn speaks of the effects of the Lord’s coming for all of God’s people. It begins on a note of salvation as Mary acknowledges her dependence on God. It was the grace of God that sustained and brought her to the position in which she finds herself. She has not achieved anything on her own, it is all a gift of God and thus, Mary acknowledges her humble state, referring to herself as God’s servant. She is to be called “blessed’ because God, in his mercy and goodness, had raised her to this level.
    God has shown this mercy and goodness to the poor by showing the strength of his arm, by scattering the proud, and deposing the powerful. The poor, on the other hand, have been raised, and the hungry have been filled. God remembers not only those of old but also the present generation. He is a God not only of the past, but also a God of the present, the now.
    The stress on God as a God primarily of the poor stands out in Mary’s hymn of praise. In a world where the rich seem to be getting richer and the poor, poorer, one wonders whether the Magnificat is a hymn that can make sense to the poor, to those of low degree. Yet, it is important to remember that God’s ways are not our ways and so, the poor must, in confidence, sing this song as their song. The confidence with which Mary sings this song runs through the entire hymn. She uses past tense to denote God’s future actions, thus expressing that God will indeed accomplish his will, and the poor will be vindicated. What is important for the poor to realize is that they, like Mary, need to continue to open themselves to all that God wants to do in them. They need to continue to acknowledge their dependence on God by doing all that is required of them and then, leaving the rest in his capable and strong hands.
    Even as we do celebrate these events, we need to ask ourselves serious questions both as Indians and Christians. Can we be really free when in Assam a woman is raped and dehumanized in full public view? Can we be really free when officials stand by and watch and even participate in these dastardly acts? Can we be free when female foeticide is so high in our country and where in many places the girl child is seen as a liability and burden rather than a blessing? Can we be really free when we are so intent on destroying our natural resources for selfish ends and then have to wonder whether we will have enough rain to see us through the year? Can we call ourselves Christians when we will not do anything about these atrocities and continue with our lives as if it does not concern us?
    Are we really free?
    Let the celebrations of Independence Day and the Assumption of our Blessed Mother be wake-up calls for us to rouse ourselves from our slumber and do something tangible to right the wrongs.

    Be Blessed Sisters

  76. There were these “distant relatives” to whose home we used to walk to every other night when I was in class 3. Their son once took me to an empty street, took down his pants, showed me his thing, and said now you owe me to drop your panty. I was in class 3, and my mom had not allowed me to play in tub with my cousins with my panties off. So I knew, it was not a good thing. I ran from there, and I hesitated to go to their place thereafter. It so happened that we moved to another city some time after, and I did not have to face him.

    For those who say why she did not confide in her mother: I was once groped by my cousin (mama’s son) in night when he was visiting our place in summer vacations. In the middle of night I found him on top of me and trying to touch my chest, and positioning himself “rightly”. The next evening when my mother was preparing our bed, I took her aside and refused to sleep in the same room. I tried to explain to her – I was skeptical she might laugh, (I was shocked, I wasn’t even sure if his being on top of me at night was even wrong – wasn’t that how me and my younger brother in class 1 used to wrestle?), but she could not do much about it. I do not blame her – she too was scared to draw others’ attention, and scared to sour the relations with her own brother. Relationships are very easy to break she always taught me. I slept in the same room that night, with a bed sheet covering me from head to toes, tucked from all sides. I crossed my arms over my head (to tightly secure the bed sheet), and raised my elbows to fill in as much as empty room between the sheet covers and me. The cousin tried 2-3 times in night, but he could not get his hands on me, and the night passed. In next summers, it was time for my mom to visit her parents’ place, I managed to avoid my cousin all the time. He was not afraid of following me, and my running away from him was seen as playful. I almost cried one time when he caught me, but my mom said – he is only playing! He tried groping me after he sneaked up on me while I was working on my homework bent on a table. He was bent over me, his penis touching my behind through my frock. He was moving in a weird way, and I did not like it. I managed to run from there. By then, I had learnt that my problems were too uncomfortable for my mom to solve. I had given up on her, and I defended myself bravely. Those are my memories from class 5 and 6 summer vacations. The cousin today has his own baby girl. I cannot face her, for I haven’t raised my voice in my family yet.

  77. Indeed a sad but realistic reflection of women plight in current Indian society. Deep down the root is the thought process and the traditional up-bringing wherein male child is always looked upon as superior to female child. With incidents of female infanticide, honor killing, dowry, child marriage, sati being in practice in India for a long time, this we can only get worse with time. With the male:female poor ratio in most parts of India and growing unemployment among the youth belonging to one of the most young population nation, only makes us think the grim consequences that are awaiting head.
    A generation or two will have to bear the brunt wherein the social thought process changes and balances the outlook towards both sexes.

  78. Would like to leave this country as soon as I can…….. India has stopped being a country where women can live.

    • Stop this! Where are you running?. What are you running from? This is the same country where your mother and all you female ancestors have lived. The same shitty life. Don’t start running to other countries. Those countries are in a good state because some people did not run but stayed back and changed. I have no intention of fighting with you. But stop such thoughts. This is your country. Like it or not. So stay and change. I am determined to change my country. I will teach my son and daughter.

    • Don’t be disgusted so soon. There is a lot to be proud of too. So what can we do is to change ourselves and change the next generation. Its your son and daughter who will feel disgusted in the near future. Let us be the change. I will. Hope you will be too.

  79. It is indeed difficult for a girl to live in India. There are many more instances like this in a girl’s life which nobody knows. People and media talk about a few who get raped, but behind all this, there are numerous girls who suffer from molestation and nobody even has the slightest of idea. As a frustrated citizen, I don’t see the situation changing ever.

    Well written article, I would just like to point out that “loser” is spelled wrong(when she was 21).

    • It will. Giving up is not an option. Its you and me who are going to change. Make sure you break the a** h***** hand next time you find him. Teach your son the same. Then there will be change. Slow but sure..

  80. Thank you for this piece Sahaja. It stirred some unwanted hidden memories, but it is important to face them so that my daughter does not have to fell like she has no safety net so that she does not have to watch her mother silently suffer through molestation in public spaces in front of her daughters eyes just to avoid further peril. So that I do not have to cover up for my nephew molesting my daughter saying it is harmless. So that…I trust and root for my daughter and she know i am always there for her and will fight for her and with her

  81. What’s the point of writing articles like this? Are we trying to create awareness among society? well , every girl brought up in india is probably aware of it . So are we just trying to sympathise with all the victims? feel sad about ourselves ? Give up all hope by just saying its a male dominated society.

    Women in India should stop thinking about how to protect their daughters and think more about how to teach their sons to respect every women around them .

    • Awesome.. Some one talked about sons.. I will teach my son. let us do this and then there will be change. Let him know that it is ok to kiss a molester’s ass.

    • touching!
      all the time i have been reading this i have been relating it to myself! such horrifying experiences on such a common basis!. all such people(molesters, rapists) shd be given very serious punishments immediately after their crime has been proved! rapists should be given capital punishments! as someone earlier said, boys shd be taught to respect girls in every manner! and women please teach ur li’ll girls what’s right and wrong touch.
      And girls whenever such things happen shd revolt immediately without any fear.
      and ppl shd change their attitudes…….whenever in public, and when they know of such things happening should immediately help the victim.
      I am 18 and i have been through such incidents too. but i have learnt to revolt. i promise ill extend help to those who are in need at such tyms!

    • very good..

      my mother told me, “if u see any man doing anything wrong to any women, don’t wait 4 a call, get confidence of that women, ask her what had happen, tell her I am just like ur son, brother, if there is anything wrong, don’t leave that bastard.” I did it in many manners & I proud to b as I am. My thinking is, where should b I am, the women within d vicinity should b safe, that’s it.

  82. well put. the women in our nation don’t somehow get the treatment they ought to. this rot in the mindset of men and society as such has to be cleanup up somehow if people(men or women) can live in peace

  83. we should show courtesy if we find anything wrong is going on….it will help to reduce such incidences……

    bringing girls up is unavoidable…..

  84. I so agree and relate to all that’s written here. The fear that we live in everyday has made it impossible to consider life even remotely enjoyable. The fear of biggest of things like rape to the smallest like jerks just staring at your breasts. The fear of not wanting to accept money in the hand, or bowing down to god or to pick something up or just traveling alone. I love my country, there was a time when country was even higher than god for me, now both are gone. Earlier I wanted to do something for the country to improve the situation, now I’m just so alienated, I wanna run away.

    • Please.. this is not an article.. this is d real bad situation that they have faced.. m sorry if I hurt u..

  85. Very touching post. Thanks for sharing.

    It’s worse in India but its still worse in many of the middle-eastern countries. I hope the men-folk starts to respect the women folk as fellow human beings and not as objects of sexual gratification. It just shows how sick the entire men folk are being brought up in a country this big. Education should evolve and punishments should be made harder. More importantly, punishments should be immediate.


  86. ALL the people( male & female) who cared to read this, share it & even left a reply have made a difference. This is a ‘JOURNEY TO CHANGE’ !! We have made a small start to a great aim. There will come a time when things are going to be a lot better. Yes, these incidents were horrible & they repeat everyday and no matter what a trace of them will always remain….but we will have to give our best to that, everyone of us. We’ve had enough. not anymore!! the worst has already happened & now whatever happens, it has to good. Things have to change & will change. We can do it & we will do it… SWEAR. and dont just limit these feelings to tv shows, FB or candle marches, DO wat u can wen u hv to. thnk u.

  87. Thanks for bringing out this story. A true plight of most Indian girls.
    I am 26 now but even today not a single day passes without thinking about how safe I am when I go out. On days when I ride back home late from office I cover myself with the rain coat though its not raining so as to not to fall in the eyes of a molester.
    It’s time we act and but the situation is getting worse, what can v do to change it?

  88. At 9, you didn’t know about good touch and bad touch, At 12, you didn’t know to slap the culprit and confide in your mother, at 21, you didn’t carry a pepper spray. But your daughter need not be unprepared. The same need not be the case for your child. Yes, the society is at its worst, there are vultures that go by the name of men and sadly, there is little we can do about it. But, what you can do is, make sure that you are not preys any more! Make sure that Its a baby girl…who knows to face the world!!! Good luck!!

  89. I feel proud and ashamed at the same time for being an (irresponsible) Indian. It’s an awesome idea to pen down such issues which could reach the masses. But still, there are lakhs of women who are suffering in silence. Blame it on the Government and non-stringent laws. A 100 people can stand up against it, but, another 1000 people would stand up against those 100 and demolish their idea. Only thing we could do is educate morals to the upcoming generations! No use in blaming it on ONLY men as brothels are run by women too. Everything stems from not having self-control.

  90. Really felt sad after reading it. You have pointed out all true incidents. It saddens me more when grown men do such things.
    It took me some time to realize my mistakes during adolescent age. I definitely won’t repeat them when I grow up.

  91. Thank you so much for writing this Sahaja. My gender feels ashamed and my nation feels that too. The motherland rebukes those motherfuckers (molesters) from the core of her heart.
    Now i know why India is still left as a developing country for a man always leads a woman (life in general). How could a country lead when her men are leading to somewhere else.

  92. I like all really appreciate that she atleast mustered courage to write about it now.
    also i would like to suggest her that what happened to her should not happen to her child.she needs to ensure that such kind of thing should not happen to her child.She should always be connected to her child mentally and emotionally and also she should teach her child to fight back these menaces.

  93. What can I write that has not already been written…. Yet, at the cost of being repetitive I would say… The gang-rape case in Delhi on 16th December and one just yesterday in Mumbai would make any mother of a daughter shudder.
    We have to understand that she is more worried of the child than herself as she can defend herself but what about the child… and she’s a mom, of course she would think of the child first.
    Even though I believe this story is not of any person in particular, I pray for all women in this country. Whatever be their age.

  94. I live in a rented apartment in delhi with my friend. Some guys from the building facing our balcony would make us feel uncomfortable by staring at us everytime we go out in the balcony. they would sing obscene songs and even tried talking to us..we kept ignoring…finally they went a step forward..they would throw paper rolls, cosco balls etc at our balcony so that we come out at the sound of it…it happened thrice till both of decided to do something about it… we called up “100”…police came and picked up the three boys from that house and ordered the landlord to immediately throw out the boys from the house…We feel so relieved and safer now and also realised that we should have taken action the very first time they passed leud comments, instead of ignoring it…We have to stand up for ourselves, talk to our kids about it and stop pretending that it won’t happen to us….it can happen to anyone – girl or boy alike. It’s time to stop ignoring and start taking action and talk openly about it so that the awareness spreads.

  95. I say, give every girl a knife and the right to use it on any hard prick that is raised on her. Such men should really be ashamed of themselves. Feeling embarrassed! 😦

  96. Beautifully presented. It is a sad fact, and will not change unless the majority of us do. Including the women. In fact, especially the women. — don’t take nonsense, don’t keep quiet about the nonsense and don’t endorse it.

  97. Yes, I have gone through the same inspite of my mom being very vigilant and my dad being very protective but yet this happened and i didn’t have guts to share with my mom though. In hidden words she always warned me about the males around me but as a kid i was too young to decode the hidden meanings. At times it was a neighbour, an uncle, a friend, a cousin.

    I do not know what to say and how to deal excatly if i will be a mother of a boy or a gal as i know these demons can be equally threatening for my son too. Changing the nations will not help but changing the mindsets will do.

    All i know is I will try to safeguard my kids whenever and whereever i can and also will be open enough with them to break the barrior

    I have decided to be really open and strainght with my kids and will equip them with the knowlwdge, awareness and will make sure that they know the right thing to do when any monster tries to hit on them.
    But still i will pray no kid should lose innocence and fall a prey to these vampirs and suffer from these ever killing wounds

    With heavy heart

  98. You beautifully said it…. India is no longer safe , be it for girls or boys….Myself mother of a boy and girl…dread to leave them alone anywhere..I have given sex education classes for my son who is just 7…have informed him, to come up to me in case of any troubles and I would be there for him….need to get children speak up and show them the right and wrong at a very young age now….as a parent we need to ensure that they understand the difference between molesting and being loved, it is indeed a tough task. At the same time make them brave..trully a challenge for all parents in India especially… u mentioned..inspite of all that is happening ere, the law is still loose….so no use telling, just equip our kids to face the dirty world….and leave rest to GOD.

  99. Well, reading this article just made me recall all the molestations I had experienced. And honestly, the very thought of having a baby in this world is so scary that I really wish I had lived a few centuries ago when people were human enough..

  100. Every word written here describes exactly how the situation in our country is today. The part where the girl feels more free in the western world is just 100% correct. It really is the case. It’s saddening that only thing our government does to such bastards is lock them up in jail and then later release them on bail when in fact they should be tortured to the point where they will feel like preferring death instead of that torture. Only then will the government strike fear into such mo****-Fuckers. Until then, it’s completely up to the people to take care of themselves and stand up against such bastards.

    Definitely worth a 1000 shares. Hope people realize the severity of the problem and not just merely treat this as a well written post to be added to their Facebook status updates.

    I would like to thank you to take your time out to write this post and help create awareness.

  101. Being a guy it would be difficult to understand, as v don experience al such things.
    It was really sad but moreover it was a brave thing to post the whole sad experience which would inspire a whole lot of feminine and also would surely help them in future..

  102. wonderful …and so true…..these things do happen on a suttle or gross level…i was shocked to get such type of experience from a very gentleman who was married and worked as my colleague….since then i keep minimum talk as i have to for my work…otherwise i wud have totally avoided him…it is so disgusting and frustrating many times….

  103. This is terrifying, beyond imagination, yet, how true! Being a girl in this country is a daunting experience, every second of it. Growing up, I have always held it against my parents when they forbade me to go out alone, travel in a bus alone after 6pm- it irritated me that they treated me like a child. But once I moved out of home for studies and was, for the first time on my own, I realized, they were terrified of the world around- I would do the same if and when I have a girl of my own.

    It’s easy for people to say, why she did not confide in her mother, why she didn’t react, etc. Only a girl understands how frightening, how humiliating, the experience can be, for a young girl.

    Thank You for writing this. This deserves a million shares.

  104. Yes, India is a piece-of-shit place for women. And men, and children. It’s a horrible place for everyone. I get it. What I do not get is the acute self-victimization and the sense of entitlement that is prevalent everywhere. Why is this short story little more than “look what happened to me, and I’m going to be a victim again”? Where is her resolute stance on parenting, the willingness to actually do something about it?

    The problem with the well-off and the educated (I’m being very liberal with the term) of this country is that they expect, and expect a lot, from within their safe, comfy, walled gardens. They build gated societies and hope to cut themselves off from the rest of the population and its ugliness. They are raising sheltered princes and princesses who are completely out of touch with harsh realities of the world outside. They expect and pretend to not be bothered by any of it, unless and until it affects them. If you raise a lamb and speak not of wolves that lurk outside, take responsibility for your inaction and stupidity. Who cries for the illiterate, ugly victim of rape from the Whoknowswhere village in the Whothefuckcares state? Who organizes candlelit marches for the roadside tea-stall boy whose ass has been pounded by everyone and their mother since the day he turned 8? Who writes pseudo-intellectual entitlement pieces for the random male victim of violence?

    Do you want to make this place better for everyone and yourself? Go out and work on it, instead of endless whining and self-entitlement. Educate people, let boys and girls play with each other, let them fuck each other with mutual consent, don’t scoff at pornography, don’t beat up liplocked couples, don’t teach your girls how precious and important their virginity is, don’t take your children to shitty Indian films that portray women as objects and creepy stalking as “love”, don’t tell your boys that a pretty girl is waiting somewhere along to road to success, that they can have a trophy wife if they’re successful.

    Indians are shitty parents, for the most part. The willful ignorance and inability to communicate is astounding. Fathers vehemently guard their daughters’ vaginas and stick a strange, perverted banner of ‘honor’ to their panties. Don’t get inside their pants. It’s none of your fucking business. Mothers are inexperienced and willfully uneducated spineless cowards who fail terribly at reconnecting with their own shitty past and using that as an example of how not to raise children. Instead, they perpetuate the misery by stowing away the Genie bottle somewhere in a closet and hoping that everything will be just fine.

    If you (the victagonist in that little story above) can’t do any of that, stay where you are. This entire “Delhi is the rape capital of the World” and “why won’t people change” thing is a copout, a cover for your insecurities, for your laziness, for your inability to see the reality for what it is. Harden the fuck up. Take your pink Barbie glasses off and see the wilderness under the facade of civilization. You are not that little girl and this isn’t your Kansas anymore.

    • @Manish Parashar. If I could give you million thumbs up I would. FIrst time someone pointed in the right direction. Indian souls have become such imcompitent, lazy and corrupt, I will rather call them souless. No one does anything but they all will love to be called Indians of greatest culture and blah blahblah–but nothing they do themselves are worth anything. IF Delhi was not a rape capital-how come the girl dying on the roadside after rape was left for an hour-no one stopped to help them-what criminals are Indians!!Disgusting. And then, those 3 captured were in the Jail-how did they came out of it alive? any of them-what about those soulless police men? how did it happen? Does anyone know that if it happened anywhere in the world, other criminals in vicinity would have tortured those 3 and then killed them. In any other country, even the criminals in the jails have more souls and culture than any indian! Shame on this countries populus, shame on its polic eforce shame on its army for not taking over Shame on such people who live their and still feel somehowbetter in any way!I know that the land used to produce very good hearted, very cultured, very intelligent people-I dont know what happened-perhaps moghuls inbred and have caused this poisnous population burst.

        • No place is perfect, but neither is any other place like the place you are living right now with people like you, who are so shameless that when pointed to their shortcomings, come out with stingers sticking out of their butts (like that is going to make any difference in their’s or their families existence!)

          How about you first let us know what happens to you and thinkers like you when something tragic is happening right in front of your eyes while you are busy defending your pseudo-ego on a blog and then I will tell you how inbred you and your family are!Not only that I will explain it to you why you do not need to know of any other domiciles- you need to keep your high ego with tail in between your legs right where they are. Do not spread your evil anywhere else. No civillization, no country wants it. If you did not know this fact, should visit one the embassies–you will see how you get treated and still unrelentless trying to poison the world!

        • cut the crap you ###… people like you just know to sit comfortably in your ac couch and open the blogs in your latest generation IPad (air) sip your hot chocolate coffe and write comments and replies to the saddest happenings?

          just think you #### what the ### you have done? other than this so called feeling angry expressions on this blog? have ever taken time to visit any of the victims? have you ever tried to visit the culprits? What the #### have you done to make the change? just balbber ?? loser… I have done what i could in my capacity… and I know many men who respect women and protect them…

          we accept that A part of us are worst, but there is a better part also who is trying to save the girls… well I know that is of no interest to you and i don’t bother what the #### you are interested in.

          by the way.. your cup is empty.. go get yourself a refill and get your a## upon some other country…. u complete messed up ###

        • You explain yourself very well.And you also demonstrate your immaturity, eneducated self very well! Good luck visiting the culprits, victims and using different symbols (BTW, they are on the key board for different resons). Please try taking anger mangagement (for your own good), english language (if you are going to use it), and use of the computer key board (if you are going to particiapte in blogs posts.

        • oh yeah? try me.. you were the only one in this comment list who is frantically abusing screaming… cant figure out if you are a victim or an accused :-).. chill out lady..

        • For figuring out anything you will need brain cells called neurons, synapses, or perhaps pruning has not happened yet, ‘baby’. Just so you know, none of projections so far have been anywhere near reallity. A demonstration that to be of any use, not to reach conclusions so fast. Read your own comments, after a while you say you accept your ‘a part worst’ and then you say you have done your part? Your part of doing was what? Visiting the criminal? or visiting the culprit? How did you help? by lighting candles? or jumping to conclusions? someone who wrote about the inactions of Indians has resulted in this. Does it provoke any resolute that after reading this “I might start to do something of real magnitude other than just writing in ###? Like asking the new PM (blogs or some other method that you deem appropriate, as you seem very against iPads) to establish a no tolerance policy for police (any police not registering a sex crime or taking no action) or denouncing those politician who publicly announce that in any such cases it is womens fault? or asking for children, adult and elderly training of self defence by police or night schools or community safety schools or fire department? or to establish sex offenders directory, where those offenders will have to declare their residence to the police, which will be made public in short period of time. sothat parents of young children know, or communities can shun them from their areas? or for that matter, why not telling the PM about averting the waste water away from the rivers? or starting treatment plants to clean the water before it gets dumped? Or starting a co-operative where growers can produce non-hazardous, chemical pesticide free produce for communiites, and in return get direct price from their customers,e liminating hte middle man that pollute everything?or to think about the children breathing the poison being spewedo ut by factories everyday and no otehr countries want those poisonous gases and why India is allowing them?How much after money and open market are we becoming on what health risks?or reading about the cancer stats that is going to become epidemic in that country very soon?’

          You and likes of you are the one that will sit there and judge the bloggers trying to prove that you are the best (but lacking self worth).
          Come up with some solutions of your own and then you will be worthy of projecting your anger on anyone. And if you think I am frantically abusing, and you cannot figure out what and why well then, I will let you guess all of it, including the meaning of abusing. The only thing I will say there is no need for anyone chilling and having any smillies–if your country is in dumps the children and youth and for that matter the adults are at risk of such things you better start working on it, better start provoking the youth, even if it takes getting blamed for being frantic and abusive in your terms. IF you cared for them, you would see value in each post.
          Good luck to you, hopefully your ego will be satiated, I am not going to respond to your blogs anymore, as per your saying I have other countries to ### on (Whatever that means!)

        • oh my…. you really have hello lot of time.. had time to read the first and last lines… thank you for sparing us… with your abundant brain cells go find somewhere else … all the best..

  105. The Change must come and it must from within..every girl should tell her brother to whom they tie rakhi that other girls have the same pain and feelings like his sister, every mother should tell their son a part of their pain of growing up as a girl in a women oppressing society like ours and every girl should tell their dad about her encounters..women should stand up and fight for their own independence and well being…

  106. Hello. Pl do us all a huge favour and Internationalise this wonderfully written blog of yours . There is an article on CNN iReport called India, the story u never heard by alias Rose Chasm. They are inviting people to respond with their own I reports, one woman alias PollyHwang is going on and on about how RoseChasm is wrong is accusing her of stereotyping in the original iReport . Ur story shows very well how in terms on frequency, street sexual harassment, even while doing mundane things like buying popcorn , is so prevalent. Pl copy paste this blog as an reply iReport and invite PollyHwang to read it. I would have but I don’t want to plagiarise ur story.

  107. Nice story but still i wud beg to differ…This is not truth… women are owhere in dis world safe.. pedophiles r der every where.. in US rape rate is 2 in every 1 second.. just going to western country dsnt make a girl safe.. u will be shocked to know that there r thousands of cases where rape/molestation gets unnoticed even in countries like UK, US etc.. of which there are several hundreds where the victim dsnt report it out of shame, guilt.. or bcoz of lack of support they stop themselves from sicking help… nd end up commiting suicide or being prisoner of one’s own past for entire life… der r also cases of father raping his daughter.. grand pa raping his grand daughter, mother molesting her own son… der r case of sister raping her brother/sister or arranging their rape.. that is wht d brutal truth is.. cases whee taxi driver raped a passenger… women r nowhere safe in dis world.. nd so is in india.. not only women.. even men are not safe.. no1 in dis world is safe untill ppl stop being sick bastard

  108. i feel ashamed to be a boy everytime i get to know of such news..

    nothing can be done to eradicate it. however strict the security gets, whatever precautions the girls take, it is not going to be enough..

    it is the way a man in India thinks which has got to change.
    i just hope every man thinks a moment about his wife/sister/mother before committing such disgusting acts 😦

  109. Sad but honest fact about India. A country known for democracy and freedom but where is the freedom? Touched by your writing..You have put the feeling which many of the Indian women feel into words..

  110. PollyHwang has mentioned she is pregnant at the moment with her super sensitive Indian boyfriends child and is super hormonal herself

  111. Though a women struggles to find her way out to a peaceful world, I still wonder why these kind of tragedies happen in her life? We all are struggling to make India a better place to live safe and free in spite of the huge difference in male to female sex-ratio! (Please visit for more detials ) If things like Delhi, Mumbai rape continue to happen, I will be compelled to say we(women) live in hell rather than heaven!!

  112. I’m a Malaysian,studying in India for the past 5 years. 5 of the worst years of my life. I have been molested countless number of times,have been jeered by men on the sidewalk an treated like a prostitute. And my experience in India has changed me forever,to such an extent that I cannot bear the thought of ever being touched by a man,even a hug from dad or brother.

    Men in India will never change because that is how they were brought up. They are taught since childhood that a woman’s job is only to cook,clean and fulfil his sexual needs. And so they don’t have respect for women at all. Whereas in other developed countries,women are given equal opportunities to work and be the breadwinner of the family.

    This situation in India will only change if there is enforcement of the law and awareness among the people. In my opinion,never gonna happen.

  113. Mom should say this, mom should teach this, mom should let her know this.. !!! What are fathers supposed to do.. AAAh.. Don’t you know son “GROPE”! Not agreed. yes fathers don’t teach that.. well then we don’t teach them otherwise either.. We don’t teach them to respect women.. All those fathers who have said this or something similar to this “son. never miss treat a girl” please raise your hands.. Let me see how many hands are up.. wow. i can count them…

    Respected girls.. you want to feel safe on roads, buses, trains, theaters, schools, malls etc.. There is a lot to be changed.. there are ideologies and thoughts that have followed us for centuries. They have to be removed. yes removed.. How do we do this.. Educate.. not just daughters.. your sons too.. they are the ones who will be molesting after 10 years.

    Fathers.. what do you teach to your son by beating up your wife. Women are supposed to be beaten up when they have a opinion. Man is the only gender authorized to consume alcohol. Manhood is shown not by loving women but by ruling them. Make sure your daughters are covered from top to bottom.

    We are among the educated lot of our country’s population. But what do I see when I am among my friends.” Dude there is another case man. She got rapped.” “I know man.. Do you know what she was wearing. A short skirt!. Now that was bound to happen”.

    I was one of them too.. I am not ashamed of this. I only regret it. Why am I not? I have been taught so. I was taught to judge women by their attire. I was taught that my wife must always listen to me. I was taught that a girl who has a boyfriend is not a good girl. I was taught only that. What changed me. A couple of female friends. They challenged my thoughts. They made sure I got corrected when I expressed my views.
    If they can change a grown up man like me, they can do a lot to change the next generation.

    What am I going to do and teach my son?
    Not only respect women but make sure they are respected. When she shouts for help, don’t stand in the crowd and watch. Make sure that the asshole has a broken hand. I don’t mind ending up in lockup. What she wears is not what she is. It has nothing to do with our culture. Our culture is protect women. Not to treat them as whores. And a lot more.

  114. Its such a horrible experience to read , and I don’t know how can this be improved because psychology of the other person can never be predicted. Just expect people who read this could feel the insecurity every girl experience. That her 6th sense is strong about every man around.

  115. hi everyone
    i believe everybody of us ( especially male folk) have an natural attraction towards the opposite sex in the form of creeping “bad” thoughts as soon as we see any attractive girl , to be honest from the core of my heart. we immediately dream of her being our GF or so and then the sex thing…
    now coming to point i think this thought is common to all types of men ( one who commit rapes and the one who do not) the only ting that differentiates them and stops the men who are not culprits is the ethics imbibed to them at their homes, and education (primarily the fear of law).
    so i think only these two things needs to be worked upon on every individual born henceforth to make this india a better place to live in.
    i think capital punishment is important to instill fear among people but it cannot individually solve the problem.

    • I understand your point, but there are a few problems. It is not only attractive women who are raped. Old women, women in burqa, children (including boys) – handicapped women are most likely to be molested. They are more vulnerable.
      I agree with your mention of sexual thoughts as “bad”… they are natural, nothing good or bad about it (and women do it as much as men). But a rapist mentality is not the same at all, as they just want to have power. Someone commented that after being groped on a bus and speaking up, the man asked her why she is on a public bus. Of course she is on the bus for the same reason as him, but he thinks he has a RIGHT to be there, while she should consider it an allowance or a privilege. In schools, homes, media, this is the thinking that needs to change.

  116. I really dunno what to say…it’s sooo directly poured from your very heart that it reaches out to everyone, exceptionally well written. One of the best pieces i have read in some time. Kudos to the fire you have set alive here, i hope it rages on to become the very wildfire that will cleanse our society of this demeaning madness!!
    Hats off.

  117. Hey dont b tensed about how u would b raising ur baby girl. I can exactly understand all the situations u have been in and what it must have felt like. But get this, u are better equipped than anybody else in bringing up ur girl. Teach her to be brave with the family and the world so she may never have to suffer the emotional conflict u’ve had so long. Just think how much better you would’ve felt if you had ur mom supporting you in ur childhood n adolescence. Give that gift to your daughter so she wil b able to share wid u abt any such mishaps. N m sure shez gonna grow up a strong woman. Good Luck!!

  118. This is an article every Indian should read. I really feel sad that the men of our country behave so shamefully and violently. Even the most innocuous people are capable of performing the most devious acts. Our culture and traditions are being torn down by these men.
    It all comes down to illiteracy and discrimination based on gender- women should have equal rights. And the law should severely deal with molesters.

  119. India is plagued my multiple problems. We are a hypocrite nation with no sense of responsibility to our actions. Problem with girls is that they are not taught to be vocal of atrocities against them. Parents don’t teach them to voice their opinions or problems because they think it will malign their so called bullshit-society-status or will-bring-a-shame-to-them.

    Girls need to be taught to brave enough to be vocal enough to abuse the abuser.

  120. the girl sounds very weak by nature i must say …. im an indian and ive experienced three outta 4 of her incidents but by living outside india in my childhood . You need to be strong and not make mistakes what our parents made by not being frank with us , with our kids . We cant be around our children all the time nd they come to this world with their luck ! we cannot keep them 100% protected by putting them in USA or Canada ! We need to teach them how to act in difficult situations . its sad when indians dis their own country , we’re should be bringin the changes !

  121. My daughter is 19 years old. We live in Bangalore. Every 3 weeks there would be a mini crisis, her prepaid cell phone would run out of balance and we scurry around trying to pay on line. On one tired evening I wanted to say why can’t you run to the market and get it done, and I realised that the shop was in a crowded area with at least some men who are likely to ogle, and so as a father this is something I do for her. Run to the market of online payment does not work. My wife, who works for the voluntary sector, travels a lot, to rural Tamil Nadu, Orissa, She does ok, and over these several years has found colleagues and strangers who treat her with respect.

    But all said and done, the post, especially the ogle and related seems very real. Why is it so?

    As a society, we are gender segregated. Except for some in the urban middle class, intermingling of genders unless they are related is discouraged. Yet, our movies, TV channels,advertisements, jokes streaming in our emails and cell phones are full of cheap titillation. Blockbuster movies need item numbers. iPL needs cheer leaders. Such a climate in an otherwise segregated society gets especially those who do not have a healthy exposure wrongly wired. Which leads to a pyramid of bad behavior which goes in corrected. Ogling gets tolerated, moves on to looking for vulgar jokes, then lewd comments and it goes on. Needs to be stopped at the very base.

    And I would encourage more healthy mingling of genders from school.

  122. Yes is agree this happens..and yes i agree Delhi,Bihar and now India is becoming the ‘Rape Capital of the world’..But instead of sleeping with tears girls should wake up and fight…we can be alert..we can learn how to protect ourselves from such dumbass bastards…The way u have potrayed the emotion is nice… but now instead of highlighting the problem itself, lets focus on the solutions..lets focus on how can we curb this..If you are a guy and are reading this…Please learn to protect your female counterparts..She can be ur youngest sista..or your mom..or that hot chick in college/work..but you gotta protect her! Let’s learn to fight back..!

  123. It is really sad and cruel that such things happen in our society. Proper sex education must be given to the boys and girls in school and even by parents who care. They should know that the children can expose anyone if they abuse them. Too much of pornography available to anyone through internet in mobiles have added to this trouble. Even children below 5 are being troubled.Now that girl children reach puberty in earlier ages mothers have to be more careful. In the West, even staring a lady is considered as offensive eve if they wear clothes which apparently may expose body parts or cleavage lines. People wear clothes they like and depending on the weather, but in India things are different even if you wear purdah (at temperatures near 42C) which covers everything except their eyes.It is really a sad state of affairs. More stringent punishment for child molestation should be enforced and opportunity for the child to report this nonsense should be available.

  124. Every single woman is molested at least once in a lifetime.
    Men do not know this.
    All women think it happens to them only.
    And they go to grave with it.

    Beautiful write up. I wish every Indian reads it. Every woman would definitely relate with it. And I wish every man loves his woman a little more.

  125. i tell all gals should carry a defensive weapon i bought my sister a swiss knife which i think she can use anytime we 😛

  126. You say about girls, these violations happen with guys too maybe when they are kids, we are too young to understand things and a decade back it really was, the pedophiles are there in every nook and corner in our home, as a male child at 12 or thirteen you have your elderly cousins who violate you and every night you dont feel like sleeping when suddenly another hand in the middle of night grabs you and makes you hold the the hardened male part of his, if you refuse he would put his hands on you.. and after 13 yrs when you grow up and see him again married with kids you wish that god why wasnt he born impotent. suffered and had been mutilated ripped apart in his life when he is making billions in some multinational on a foreign soil. Looking back you feel him like a gay rapist who raped your childhood and, your emotions. What can you say of these genre of people. And what about the guy who suffered it.

  127. So unfortunate, that you must return to India, the perverse excuse for a country. The answer to sexual harassment is mass exodus out of the country. But then if enough Indians move out, they’d probably turn any place into another rape capital. I so wish we had more random gunmen who’d shoot down potential rapists and would be victims alike. Will make for much less traumatized existence and less anxiety over future offsprings.

  128. Read your blog and felt so sad and ashamed at the same time. Believe me a man who truly loves his wife and respects other women would never do such ghastly acts. I seriously feel the men in this country have to have a control on their libido and start respecting women!!

  129. Lovely writeup. However very shocking to imagine it could happen to my children as well. Today I guess it has come to this state because we are afraid to speak up and also the moral compass in people is pointing horribly to the wrong direction.

    My only thought is how can we make a better future for our children where they do not have to face such things.

    Really scary now when I think it can happen to anyone. And also worth a thought is that why should be children be made aware of these things. They are innocent and should not be worried about things like protecting themselves. This is our responsibility and we have to take charge as of today. A woman is a piece of the Almighty’s soul and should be treated the same way. She is the reason we all exist and we should not forget that at all.

  130. It’s sad & i am not sure if I have an answer, may be awareness is… Hope the situation changes soon. To an extent i would like to think, the separation between the sexes during the childhood is a reason, I remember my school in Chennai where, my teaches would rap me each time I talked to another girl & college where in even now they are not allowed to interact with other girls in their classes. This way women are always seen as somebody very different & the bond & empathy is never really established.

  131. India isn’t safe, and only safe place is HOME
    I hate being part of this male dominating country
    and whoever is saying that we need to be brave etc etc , they are just fooling themselves
    because Only safety we can offer to ourselves is to stay close to OUR family
    and choose the environment where we work or study carefully

  132. Isliye Bolte Parda karo aur bacho ku achi tarbiyat do achi degree se paisa toh milenga par sukun nai milega

  133. a must read for every individual…. somewhere down the heart it makes a deep impact, tremendous effort… well done.
    we only hear about the literal meaning of words like being molested or raped, the way it leaves an everlasting embarrassment in the soul of a girl is well described. awesome job!!!!

  134. Brilliantly told truth. Only disappointment is this happens in the country where women are treated as goddesses, atleast hypothetically.

  135. we women really need to say this out loud.
    and especially mothers should teach all daughters (am afraid from a young age) to respect herself and let no one touch her anywhere they shouldn’t. and to tell her mum whatever happens.

  136. This is a true story of ALL Indian girls. There is harassment EVERYWHERE & the worst part of victim blaming. I completely stopped wearing anything remotely Western and I still got harassed every single day until driving on my own. It’s truly a sorry state of affairs.

  137. This is nearly my story but add a higher level of abuse and more frequently. I live in Canada, I am white Caucasian.
    I cried and got counseling when I found out I was pregnant with a girl.
    It’s a problem for all girls all over the world, sadly.

  138. I am 26 now…. I have confided everything to my mom all my life. Always!..
    She is my bestest friend… I have discussed with her about my crushes, when guys proposed to me, about my big office problems to small mosquito bite problems… Except one…
    That i was molested by a neighbor when i was 5 yrs old. FIVE!!, i knew something was wrong about what he did to me, and weirdly “i” felt “guilty, scared and ashamed”… the 5yr old me…. even though i had no freaking clue why it was bad, what was bad!!.. i was scarred that day for life…

    I can tell her now.. But why, i dont see..
    She brought me up filling in me all the courage and brave heart to face any challenge, any situation in the world..
    She gave me caution lessons on violating misbehavings that i should be careful of, when i was in 5th std. I was 13yrs when i was taught about the physical changes i would go through in my teens and what it all means… [And the next few years i was scared… every single day that i would never get through menstruation and wake up with scary dreams every night! 😛 ]

    She thinks she always kept me prepared and aware… Lol!!, I know if she ever knew, she would feel more violated and scarred than what i feel…

    I feel angry now![not guilty] , every time i think of it, .. Soo angry i could kill him!
    I hate him… I hope he rots in hell..
    But, strangely I dont even remember the face of that guy now. I was only 5 you see…

    For all i know, he could be any face i befriend and talk to every day!!
    And that thought haunts me!… and will haunt me more.. forever!

  139. One thing that could be suggested here is .. if she had a son, she would teach him to respect women in life! This goes to every mother and caretakers out there.. It is not just about protecting women from voracious monsters but also imbibing respect and sophistication in men which is lacking and is the root cause for all the crime against women in our country!
    Unfortunately this lack of respect for women and male dominance has become an epidemic, eradicating which is a grave exercise, although not impossible!!!!

  140. This is the story of every woman in India,be it a mother,a wife,a daughter or a sister.
    Truth will not disappear if you turn a blind eye men!!!!….

  141. I can only say one thing that take a resolution today that u will not let it happen in front of ur eyes and u will definetely protest if it happens to you or in ur presence.

  142. I truly believe this….. I am a frequent flyer and I can actually relate to what she is saying…..

    We actually don’t have any customs, the only custom we have is to belittle womanhood….

    Yes… India was and it always will be the rape capital of the world…

    Coz the men are raised like that …..

  143. Well written Sahaja.

    What had happened to your post’s central character during her childhood in Chennai usually happens in almost every house hold. The surprising fact to be noticed is that this is not confined to young girls. Sexual assault occurs even to young boys. The fact is that the shameless bastards that make such assults dont even care if it is a boy or girl.

    Yes. I am a male and it had happened to me when I was 6. I was attacked by someone 10 years older than me when my parents were away. My parents had sponsored his education and he was living with us. He had me scared in such a way that I would never tell this to my parents. But after a few days my parents found some change in the way I behaved when he was in the same room with me. My mother knew exactly right thing to say to me. I don’t know how she managed it but she gave me the courage to tell on him. Thanks to my parents I never had to see him again.

    It is the first time I am opening up after that. Its been 18 years since then and I am 24. I was compelled to leave a reply to your article because I believe that only a parent can save their child from such a shameless attack. I am not saying that the parents should be around their child all the time. But a the post assault trauma that a victim be it an adult or a child would suffer is horrible. And the fact of having no one to share it with or having no one to protect you is far greater.

    Children should be explicitly taught that if anyone acts in a manner they feel not right must be shared with their parents. Parents must give utmost importance to the childs concerns and should consider it very seriously and must do whatever they could to make their child feel safe because if you don’t you wouldn’t even know what nightmare is your child living through.

  144. I hang my head in shame, because my fellow Indian girl had to write this blog, because I cannot argue that this may be an isolated case, because this is not the first time I am knowing that such things are happening in my country.
    I feel very proud about being an Indian. All for its History, for being the land of “tehjeeb” and “culture”. But I am equally ashamed for the present where my fellow citizen is not safe just because she is a women!
    I don’t want to start calling you a sister or mother, because I don’t want to be by your side only because a relation is named.
    Isn’t being a fellow human being enough?

  145. Living in Delhi, I have had similar incidents in my life. I have faced it all from the maulana, to the trustworthy shopkeeper, to the people behind me in the queue, to the family members…. Here I will discuss two events that changed my attitude completely.

    I was in the rikshaw going to the market. As a muslim girl I used to wear a long dupatta on my head and around my chest. The guys on scooter for no good reason said some very abusive words while crossing next to the rickshaw. Rickshaw wala was so offended as I was that he said to me when I got down that can’t you say something to those hooligans (he was very annoyed and for the first time I felt some people bother about girl’s respect). And walking in burka is no more a safe haven against molestation. The women are too much objectified.

    Again it happened to me once when after the shopping for Eid I was coming back from the market to home. Completely unnoticed to me, one guy started to follow me and came till my house. I opened the door and entered. But before I could close my door completely he entered only his hand folding his fingers to show his middle finger (F***) and ran away. I didn’t know what had happened as this was so sudden. But I was completely disgusted and felt a sense of insecurity as the acts of these scoundrels could go to such a limit as such thing had never happened to me before. I came out of my house shouted loud on the street “catch this Harami who is running away” pointing my hand towards him as he was running in the other direction. I do not know where this energy came from but I think the angst and frustration inside me just crossed its limits. I noticed that a neighboring uncle of mine was walking in his direction. So I called his name loudly to catch him. He and others on the street came to rescue and caught this young boy who was just 15 or 16. The crowd gathered on the street to question what had happened. Of course, nobody knew what happened except me and him. But, out of my modesty, I stayed inside the house and sent my father to deal with them. Of course people were asking what had happened. But out of shame I couldn’t tell it to my father. He was questioned as well but he will not say anything but his mischief was evident to everyone in the way he was running away. My father gave him few tight slaps and he said sorry. Crowd moved away as the event settled down. I felt a sense of accomplishment that people at least acknowledged the rising molestation of their women in the society and this young guy has got a lesson for his life time. He and the others who watched what happened will think twice before they try to mess with any girl’s modesty!

    I ask myself may be any type of molestation would not have happened to me from the age of 6 till the age of 24 if I knew what does it mean and how to respond.

    Unfortunately, my mother called me after this incident and told me that the way I responded is not the way of ‘ladies of respect’. There was no need for me to respond to this act. I should have instead kept quiet and forget it. I gave my mother cross looks. She had learnt to live in this society the way it demands. But I decided this is completely unacceptable to me and should be for all the women who care for their modesty.

    – Men around me will continue to be offensive if the society doesn’t acknowledge that their women are insecure and if women remain dumb.

    – More than anything else women should start asking for respect from their home. That’s here the mindsets of society develop.


    • Kudos to you for your action!

      It’s really heartening to see when women raise their voices on experiencing such outrageously indecent acts. Also, you are completely right in going against your mother’s wishes in speaking up. These are changing times and such acts should not be suppressed in this day and age.

      You are right, acknowledging and speaking up is the only way to effect any change. Once again, credit to you on your brave action!

      • I completely agree with your sensible and balanced views. After reading the entire post about painful experiences ,there indeed is a feeling of sadness but what troubles me is the undercurrent of DEFEATISM that is projected in it.

      • Fast track courts and very strict and swift legal actions that demonstrate the results of such actions, along with aware parent/caretakers/adults will ensure that culprits have fear in their minds. Also, they should be documented as sex offenders, and the list of such individuals should be public, if not publicized by broadcast, sothat parents are aware of their neighborhood. Even a report to the police in such instances should call for a ‘possible sex offender’ labellingwhich would be taken off if the individual shows better behaviour for ‘x’ amount of years.

        Such actions will ensure better outcomes. But what are we talking about? India. Corrupt officials, along with too talkative and zero action corrupt itself public! as the religion says: action and duty for any result- no action: no result. So far seems people will be happy lighting candles for the deceased and then going home and starting their speaking in English and showing off their clothes/status/etc..etc…

    • Kudos to you and your actions. Only thing I will say is even if you had told what happenend, I do not see it as anything unmodest. The more and more girls/boys take this route or action, society including our mothers and fathers will see what is happening and how to correct the situation. more classes of self defence should be offered (probably by police agencies or other agencies) which are designed for children as well as elderly, including short videos as —

      and also for elderlies, because it must be happening to them, that are sick and bedridden and in no position to confide in anyone. It should include some self-defence fighting, kicking, along with pepper spray/tazer/ knife/may be concealed gun for htose who can afford it.

      I do not think the problem is more prominent for any particular gender, it must be prvelent in all ages, all sexes, all groups. We do not hear about some because of the culture of ‘modesty’ and mothers teaching their children-it will bad name if anybody hears it. Uneducated, overpopulated, with girl to boys ratios dwindelling due to female infaticide does not help either.

  146. its a shameful thing for our nation,especially the so-called big cities.
    not just girls,even guys get molested frequently. Its really difficult to seek any legal action for such cases, as there is no proof for watever happens.
    Apart from serious laws & fast-track courts for heinous crimes like rape, i suggest the accused should be sterilised permanently.
    may be then people will think before even thinking of committing such an act. Also its important to find out & understand wat goes on thru there mind when they do something like that. It might help to treat the cause & help bring about a change. Prevention is the best way to deal with it, and can only be achieved by changing the way we think.

  147. a girl always lives in the fear of being molested in some form or the other …… this fear can be faced by a girl at any time at any place.and by any person be it ,,,,,, her family member…or a friend……. thus it is required that every girl in her individual capacity must have the courage to speak up and stand against this odd and typical patriarchal society

  148. Hi! Thanks for the wonderful article.
    When I started reading it, I thought of it as one more bold attempt by a girl to make her blog popular. But as I proceeded, it took no time for me to realize that it’s my story, somewhere.
    Ain’t it funny? These cheap molesters don’t even care what will happen if that girl takes a stand against him, instead it’s the victim girl who battles the storm in her own mind, thinking whether it was her fault somewhere. Even if she is convinced to be a brave heart & tell about it to others, she doesn’t know how will people react to it, will they start judging her for somebody else’s misconduct…
    Your post stimulated my senses to think about my daughter & make a decision.
    I am going to make my daughter so brave that god forbid if she faces any such situation, she can look into his eye & yell at him, she should be able to fight such situations on her own.. and the most important, I am going to make her realize that I will always be there for her..

  149. I read this and watched a bollywood song. In such songs, women wear much less dress than men and are often sexually objectified. Understand there is a demand and supply playing here, but can we start somewhere by educating women on how they are being objectified. If they can say no to such roles in popular media, we might be able to save young boys from thinking its cool to circle a women, make fun of her, run behind her, grab her arm/pull her etc. These kids are the ones that grow up to ones who think its cool to pull a woman’s shall and speed on a bike. The responsibility falls squarely on men as well, but I think it much easier to find success in educating a class of people who sort of generally have a better social sense and responsibility. Also to women – please stop using fairness creams, taking crash diets etc. I love normal looking women and I cant find any these days. Most of them have burned their faces with some bleach and are walking like angry zombies (possible due to hunger)…breaks my heart. 😀

    P.S – Dont go ballistic on me for my last comment, I am really on your side! 🙂

    • Well said, it’s very important to be comfortable in one’s own skin, no matter what colour, in order to shed Inhibitions and face up to harsh realities . I hope your message is well received .

    • Shameful that you choose to respond this way.

      Don’t denigrate what almost every woman in our country goes through by reducing it to a competition between countries’ crime statistics for violence against women! What will it prove, for god’s sake? That Indian women should find solace in the fact that less of them are being raped than women in Democratic Republic of Congo? Would it matter if India was not the 15th worst but 50th worst???????

      And do you realize you are talking about “reported incidents” here? Do you realize majority of cases go unreported? As an Indian woman, let me tell you I have not had the guts to report a single case of physical/sexual assault that I have faced in 26 years of my existence. And trust me, most of my friends (girls), including me, have faced more than the 4 listed above! We are shamed into silence.

      Have a sister or any female friends who are allowed to go out in public sphere? Ask them if there is even one of them who has NEVER been touched, groped, stalked, violated? If you get “NO” for an answer, I will….oh well, that won’t happen. You won’t get “No” for an answer. I can bet my life on it.

      Its horrible to be a woman in this country. The foremost thing on my mind when I go into public space is how do I “stay safe”, no matter what time of the day it is..Which mode of transportation do i choose? Which road do I take? Which side of the road do I walk on?…everything, every f****** thing is determined by “what will keep me away from being violated”. Ask any woman. She’ll know. Trust me, she will.

    • mandar, just because it happens in other countries, we should be ok with it? and let it happen here too??

      there are a lot of people like you here who are breeding the culture of knowing what is going on but turning a blind eye to it just so that the countries name is not spoiled. I pity the women in your family. You will probably tell them to keep quiet and not report any such cases that God forbid happens to them because your family name will get spoilt!

    • i agree with you 2 ladies here..we keep boasting our SO GREAT NATION AND ITS CULTURE…but even though we are in this AWESOME NATION, we have to deal with shit every day.

  150. I am ashamed of being Man….everytime I do feel like this when I see all this…I dont have words now to say anything…just feeling sorry for every women in this country for the additional pain & disguist they have to bear because of all this SHIT people.

  151. Thank you for writing this. Am sharing this on my wall. Its a story each one of us can relate to – having lived in India at sometime in our lives. But unfortunate that things go from bad to worse 😦

  152. Very touching! Speechless..Wordless..and I lost my proud of being Indian long back. We have Govt but no governance. We have our rich customs n Vedas but no morality left.

    Indians are most Hippocratic people I came across. More powerful, more public respected, more on higher post, more their morality is lowest. I have seen Big Fat people behaving like hell!

    Any hope or better to leave this dead nation?

  153. Sadened by the condition of the women in country. Those ppl who do this, hw they can live even for a moment ! hw can they forgive themselves ! Why God has made them men ? Shamed 😦

  154. When I read this blog I so feel that its i my story.growing up and facing molestation at every stage starting with not being able to understand what is happening to feeling ashamed and shattered to standing up for myself and finding myself alone in doing so even though every time it happens in full public view.right from strangers to relatives …every bit of this story is what every female goes through in this country….
    The more I faced it more it made my resolution stronger to fight that molester and not let that man get away with it and that he would think 10 times before doing it with any other girl.

  155. don’t give-up.. b brave & learn self defense.. god was aware of the thing that man can do anything.. that’s why he gave him 1 weak point.. everybody knows it.. every girl must have such daring to kick such bastard guy who tried or did something wrong to her.. don’t slap.. kick in between legs.. then beat him.. women can understand feelings behind touch.. shout without fear.. no 1 will dare to do it again..

    please respect every women..

    • when I see any of the guy who is passing comment or doing something wrong to any girl, I teach him a good lesson. Sometimes I take law in hand but its necessity. I slapped 1 guy near Dadar station, when the guy was hitting a girl. Public was watching, I went, requested him to not to beat that girl, he slapped me. I slapped that guy very hard realized him what the pain is. He was her X- boy friend n torturing her.

      In most of the cases, male behind the scene r known 1.

  156. dear author//….
    tanx fr showng th courag to put tis up…i hope al th so called indians get to read it….66 glorious years f independnc n still s tis wat v cal freedom???????
    th situation ll chang oly f th mindset f th ppl change…wen men stops seein gals jus as a bulk f meat..wen sex becomes a topic ppl can frely discuss about..i believe th problm s tat evry1 here grows with an anxiety n eagrness wat s wat n tat leads to al th problm…propr knowledg shud b givn to every child regardin sex…n th miscreants shud b treatd asn outcasts…i believe tat cn bring about a change!!!!!!!!!

  157. Do these people seriously deserve to live a life and get married and have kids?
    I believe the childhood plays an important role in this and having a sister sibling also changes one’s perception towards girls.
    Being a 21 yr old male I have seen such kind of things being done by my friends and when i tried to stop they had a very simple argument ” Ab nahi karenge to kab karenge ? ladkia bhi to yehi chahti hai isi liye itna ghumti hai “. I had no answer to that as their complete perception of teenage is obsolete.And if a grownup does that then he seriously needs to go to a doctor and ask him to help control his testosterone levels.

    • I had the same kind of friends once. They are not my friends anymore ..only because of a similar kind of reply they gave me when I asked them the same question you asked your friends. Leave them now. You are better off without them..

    • The answer to that argument: tum har din ghar mein behet na hai kya? Jab nahi bole toh, ask them why (to go to a movie, date, school, job). Iss liye ladki bhi itna ghumti hai. Even idiots like these can understand such simple logic.

  158. to all above who commented, ‘share this’. in this world of internet sharing is like shitting, everybody does regularly with or without their knowledge. its all about standing with the baby girl, teen, lady or grandmother who is being molested or assaulted or harassed. very recently, a lady hung herself in front of a fully crowded street, few watched, few were busy to get on to their metro, few were busy sipping their hot tea on the street but no one came near her until one man who came out the metro station got her down with the help of police. this happened in kolkata. what word should i use for those who watched a live suicide show? is it the fear of getting into uninvited trouble and harassment or is it the fear of police who will question and make the life worst than hell?

    agle baar kisine bola ke mera bharat mahaan, saale ke muh pe ek dena.

    @sahaja, your article froze me.

  159. Yes it happens.
    But my suggestion would be, Bringing up a girl, we need to give them 100% braveness to go and rule the world.
    in whatever, may be the cases happens to the child.
    And I do understand , As a mother it is tough job to bring up not only a girl but even a boy these days.
    let us trust in God who will save the beautiful light of any girls lfe.
    Am i right?

  160. Very touching indeed. But no need to glorify the West. USA reported the most number of rapes among all the countries in 2010., and UK was right after India.

    • Anand plz Sahaja’s post…just coz we r not top on the list does not mean we sud be proud of it and wait till we lead the list….

    • The West is far from perfect but high figures for rape also suggests more women feel comfortable with reporting them. In India there are taboos against complaining about sexual abuse so it is very likely that there are many more cases than the figures suggest that have not been reported.

    • its not a competition!! the west punishes the rapists and molesters. The average man on the road doesnt lech at a woman dressed in shorts like they do in India including the cities. Here in India, rapists roam free threatning the victim while the victim is left defending herself.
      Its this attitude of yours that is the problem with this country. Its bad that it happend, but lets not talk about it. Name will get spoiled no!
      What logic!!

      • nev, You said ” The average man on the road doesnt lech at a woman dressed in shorts like they do in India including the cities.” Have you actually thought over the reasons or are you simply accusing our men without thinking?

        In the west where I lived for many years, people are used to seeing women dressed scantily right from their child hood and this is almost routine for them. Young boys are quite used to seeing even their own mom and sisters in swim wear or bikinis( or even worse) and these type of clothes do not catch the attention of the men there, like it does here.

        For our boys and even men here, it is a different story. How many of you are actually used to seeing scantily or lightly clad women in your own house? Or even in the beaches, parks and tourist spots? Any woman not dressing up properly in India naturally catches the attention and curiosity of boys and men here as they are generally used to seeing them only in the movies and not so much in real life. ( there may be a few exceptions in the high aristocratic circles in India). We are in the middle of a cultural boundary that separates two different cultures and the nation in transition will probably take its time to get past this. It may be tempting for modern Indian girls to talk of their freedom of choice in the matter of dress, but Indian men are not yet ready for that ( so be careful when you ignore this), like their western counterparts where these “liberation” movements have begun long ago.

        • First of all “Not dressing up properly” as you put it, is not up to any tom dickhead and harry to decide. No one has been given the moral rule book to decide what is “properly” dressed.

          you said “Indian men are not yet ready for that” … so why do women India have to wait till the men are ready? What is stopping them from being ready now?.. and If they are not ready then why is their reaction not similar to the reaction one would have for someone not adhering to a dress code? Why is their reaction more like they have mentally undressed the woman and made it so obvious to the woman as well and made her uncomfortable.

          Seeing and appreciating is different from leching or ogling or raping. not used to seeing a woman scantily dressed is not an excuse to make her uncomfortable with the way you stare.
          In the west where you have lived for many years, you might have noticed how the men there try to charm a woman by making her feel beautiful and appreciated by their demeanor rather than how most men here in India make a woman uncomfortable by the way they are mentally undressing her that its so obvious to even a child… and these are not the uneducated roadside loafers I am talking about. THINK about that for a while…

        • First of all “Not dressing up properly” as you put it, is not up to any tom dickhead and harry to decide. No one has been given the moral rule book to decide what is “properly” dressed.

          >> I am afraid no tom or harrys decide that but it is still primarily governed by the country’s prevailing culture ( that can’t be changed in a day or two) and the people here have a fair sense of what constitutes being “properly dressed”. “When you are in Rome, better be a Roman”.

          In the matter of dress you have to draw the line some where, even the government thinks it is unlawful to be nude in the public and this applies to both sexes. Who do you think gave the government the moral rule book to decide this? As per your logic. we could very well demand the freedom to be nude as well, can’t we? So if you think about it, every culture has drawn the line some where and our Indian culture has its own notion for the past hundreds of thousands of years. Neither you nor I can change these things at our whims and fancies in a short period without drastic consequences.

  161. Very touching, thoughtful to some extent. But I won’t completely agree with the ending, because, irrespective of the region or country, perverts are the same, dogs are the same and one needs to be a fighter to survive in the ruthless world instead of being silent and crying in alone. Crying is not a solution to anything, rather raise the new generation with values indulged in instincts and bring them up as fighters. But anyways, very beautifully written.

  162. A tear for all my sisters….. I can only wish for you all to be safe.. This article was really touching.. hats off for portraying reality as it is,,

  163. Sad!!! even I feel that every girl some or other way have gone through this in india,, I remember I was in 9th and was coming back from coaching class and I was standing on footpath to cross the road and suddenly one rickshaw come, a man hand comes out and it tried to touch my chest but I moved backed and it hit my face so hard…I was so scared and I started running from there till I reached home, I was shivering.. I told my parents and never went to class again. From that day I be so careful. And when I discussed with my friends they have faced similar issues, till now. Whenever we go at station, we carry our bag in front of our chest to protect us. Its has to stop somewhere!!!

  164. Its a good article.. but i don’t agree with the whole part about being scared to come back India, then the feeling is only psychological, it doesn’t relate to something solid. Scores of women live in India, portraying this country as a place to be feared for women is not right. u ll be surprised to listen to the crimes against women in so many other nations too. that is not justification, wherever it happens, its obviously atrocious. but this description was over exaggerated..the fear of coming back to this country. the solution is not running away…its learning to face

    • Hi buddy, you got the point but how can a person face it when law keepers does not support these victims.. instead they blame girls for the incident..i at least say that India be known as rapist nation so that these bunch of illiterate and backward class people sitting in the Parliament and barking like dogs feel the heat and be ashamed..well again they can even withstand that too..

    • Though I was aware of molestation in childhood I would appreciate you for the way you have presented the unfathomable emotions in an ingenuous manner.Every girl is being obnoxiously molested in her childhood when she is completely unaware of what is happening, and why the hell it is happening.I think one as a mother should make your child clear about all the probable weird things that can happen to her.As a mob opinion I would also say that there should be a radical change in the manner that these idiots are to be treated here in India.

  165. Can very well relate. Whenever people ask me the difference between living in the east and west, this is what I want to tell them……because this is the only difference that I feel. But sadly, I had to return back to India and after tasting a sense of freedom the experience so far has been disastrous. Earlier I used to resort to yelling any male who tried to molest me or act smart, but didn’t do anything to the guys who would stare oh so inappropriately. Now, even the guys staring at me make my skin cringe and I cant do anything about it.

  166. Today, the grand mother of a Mumbai rape accused defends him saying he is a juvenile and not the kind of a person who can do such dirty thing. Whereas, the incident and accused are as clear. The day such grand mothers and their siblings themselves kick the person to jail, nothing is going to change. No law is a deterrent. The thinking in society, in every human being needs transformation.
    I don’t know whether others would agree or not, this is how I think.

  167. you learned from experiencing it first hand. Being a parent is about protecting your child 24/7. when she is young, or a teenager watch over her like a hawk. at some point set her down and explain why your being so carefull, she will understand.

  168. I would say that , in india kids fear parent , they lie and hide things. If parents are friendly with them, kids can easily share anything with them. Also at school it should be taught to respect women, because at tender age they will understand and will become good citizen.
    An old saying : “Mother is the best teacher one can have” , so moms can let kids know that the world out there is not only beautiful one but a dreadful one. Be tough to survive.

  169. I don’t know where my country is heading to…the main flaw is in the law. criminals should be given really harsh punishment,so that next time not even a single time the thought of such heinous act should cross anyone’s mind..i am still wondering why the court is taking so much time to decide the fate of criminals of Delhi act…they should be hanged…n each n every rapist should be hanged ..its as simple as that..the existing situation of India now needs some strict action..there is some limit for suffering and for how long girls will suffer..these molesters not even spare a 5 year old baby…they are mentally ill…they need some strict dose…
    The story was really touching though…but i think,after suffering so much the lady should have developed more courage to fight such things for her and for her daughter…..running away is never an option..

  170. very true picturization of the prevailing scenario concerning the fairer sex.Really ,tears welled up in my eyes.The reason for this is also the absence of an open minded society in India.The orthodox practices that are promoted in the name of preserving Indian culture have also contributed towards this situation.Why do men in India behave as sex hungry demons ready to devour a lone,helpless woman is beyond my comprehension.Calling this an animal like behaviour would be an insult to the animals.

  171. I don’t think this phenomena is unique to India. Women are indeed harassed every where, only the degree varies. What could be a bigger problem in India is that, I think Indian women do not get sufficient protection from law. A woman can’t even go to the police station and lodge a complaint there, that could often be unsafe in India. And she may not even get proper attention from her parents who may like to brush off the incident to avoid embarrassment to the family. A perpetrator is more likely to be punished in the Western world, but most of the Indian offenders are likely walk scot free and continue to indulge in their evil pastimes.

    Both men and women should be brought up to respect each other from childhood, and without men respecting women from deep within their hearts it is impossible to put an end to this dreaded curse. The more curious fact is that the very male offenders in India who can see other women only as some objects devoid of feelings, often take serious offense when the same thing happens to their mothers and sisters. Hypocrisy and double standards at its best here.

    My sister did narrate a few of her own experiences to me (on roads and at college) and I can really understand how awful the victims feel especially when no one comes to help nor they can do anything in retaliation.

  172. Excellent post.. but sadly as u said we could do nothing..coz even after reading this people of India is not gonna change..i am proud but at the same time ashamed of being an indian.

  173. Dear Sahaja,

    I appreciate your story. I do empathize with the experiences a girl or woman go through her lifetime that undermines her dignity as human being.

    However, calling India ‘rape capital of world’ ignores the fact that women across the world go through similar experiences. If you go by statistics, South Africa and USA have more “reported” rape cases than India. I know many cases in India go unreported, but same can be said for other countries too. I am citing Wikipedia but you can find original reference of statistics in footnotes (see 129).

    So, whatever number you want to use (total absolute cases or cases per 100,000) many countries (in west) are far worse than India. Even If you include workplace harassment or other public harassment, many countries are no better than India.

    I have been living in USA for three years. I had similar mindset that women are safer in west. But, due to lack of media coverage, you don’t find news on ‘rape culture’ and ‘objectification’ of women in USA. In USA too, religious leaders and politicians (republican party in particular) favor patriarchal system over equality. Just for example (google ” legitimate rape” remarked by a politician or “abortion” debate in USA)

    Just because India media started giving extensive coverage ( which is good, but now they are sensationalizing many cases to sell their news rather than reporting it) does not mean that the rest of the world is better. The main problem is “mindset” of people. Though the “Physical” victims of such mindset are almost always women, the mental/emotional victims include brother,father,friends, and everyone else related to women. Everyone is responsible for that mindset. I would blame mothers and teachers for raising such children who don’t respect women. Such mindset is prevalent in every country not just India.

    In summary, the point I want to convey is that “the west” is not heaven for women either. The experiences you are describing “groping”, “touching”, or “masturbation in dark alley ” are also common in the west. Western media tend to focus on women in developing world while ignoring plight of women in their own countries; but this does not mean that India is hell for women and the west is heaven.

    Again, I , in anyway, do not underestimate your anxiety/fear you describe about the protagonist ‘s baby girl. You are justified in that. However, just think about it. Would you have had similar fear if it were a baby boy? Would you have felt the anxiety that now you son would go to India and started groping/raping women? If you have similar fear irrespective of gender of your child, then you will give right education to your children (boy or girl) on how to respect women.

    Otherwise, your protagonist needs to change her mindset.

  174. Again, the intent was not to generalize one gender, or demean India. It is an article based on real-life incidents of so many, many girls. There is no point in the victim living in shame forever!

    Yes, I agree that sexual harassment is prevalent in the Western countries as well. The US, the UK, and the like.
    My question is,
    1. Does its prevalence in the West make it okay for it to happen in India?

    2. Can we look at the high sex crimes rates in other countries, and pat our backs that we haven’t reached there yet? Do we aim to get to the top on the list for sexual crimes in the world? Is this some sort of competition?

    P.S. For someone who has openly brought up an issue that has been constantly suppressed, to discussion and helped so many girls/boys become aware, think about it, discuss it, or having injected the zeal to want to do something about the situation, I think I am a TRUE PATRIOT.

    • Sahaja…I agree that India and Indians needs to work on its social civic sense. But the most disturbing element of your entire write up was the last section!! Why on earth will she cry?? Why couldn’t she teach her daughter to stand up and protest…shout and say “its wrong”!! to whom so ever it may be..uncle, priest, road side romeos, etc etc…for me all those brave souls protesting for women liberalization..why can’t they enforce self defence as a mandatory exercise for all an advanced corporate well read women in any metro city spends atleast 30 mins a day doing work out and 15 mins doing some beauty stuff!! leave aside some hours in a parlour every week (don’t call me a male chauvinist for this!!! but its true) you need perhaps half that time to train yourself to protect you and your son/daughter from these weeds of the society!! I would have loved to see the mother telling her daughter to be brave enough to do something which she couldn’t do..after that’s what defines our future!! at least not crying!!

      • Sahaja ,men will always either justify it saying that India is not at the top of the chart or put all blame on women(their dress,their behavior,their lack of strength to protest etc etc)than acknowledge their sick mind and attitude towards women.
        The malice can be solved only when men realize they need to treat women as human beings as worthy as them and inculcate this idea into the mind of their sons ,friends and colleagues.
        Yes,we should teach our men how to treat a woman with equality and respect than equip women to defend themselves from men.Only that can bring any change.No government,police or judiciary can do much.

        • Mary,

          I am neither justifying anything nor am I blaming it on women. I would recommend you not to blame men for everything. Blaming either women or men won’t do any good for any one. As a man, I have responsibility to teach my kids/friends/colleagues to respect every women. Similarly, its every woman’s responsibility to teach their sons and daughters the same education.

          “The malice can be solved only when men realize they need to treat women as human beings as worthy as them”…

          who is gonna teach them? media? schools? movies? home? society? Don’t say that women have nothing to do with prevalent objectification of women in today’s culture. Women cannot shrug off their responsibilities in either supporting such culture or opposing such culture through inculcating proper education.

          When attitude of women/mother is protective towards their daughters and they give more freedom to their sons, then nothing is gonna change. Remember, today’s sons and daughter are going to be tomorrow’s parents. If we don’t give right education (equality) to “BOTH” of them, then nothing will ever change.

  175. usually i dont read much…but this whole stuff i read holding my breath…girls are so naive that they cannot respond during their childhood..but they should get bold enough as time passes, as they grow ,as they come to the real world….if the attittude of those men are not changing you are supposed to be alert and the real world no one is going to provide you complete safety and they are in your hands… learn some karate if needed…

  176. oh my God! all of us indian girls have faced this n it does feel horrible! 😦 i love what u have written i hope everyone in the world reads this!!

  177. I liked one point that you made..If we cannot change society..atleast the mothers can educate their children about such kind of evils out in the society..and what can they do if such an unfortunate incident does happen..what’s important is that they shouldn’t feel like the culprit..

  178. I agree that your intent is to spread awareness, and you are doing a fantastic job. I wasn’t criticizing you for your article. I didn’t question your zeal or patriotism. I totally support that we should make boys/girls aware and encourage them to tell their parents if they are being harassed.

    I only wanted to extend the scope of the thinking of your protagonist. I read many times about the experiences women go through; but I don’t see anyone writing experiences or emotional torture her male counterparts go through. I read about role of male, but rarely do I read about role of women in preventing such crimes. I haven’t read any article where a woman was worried that her baby boy will grow and rape/harass girls. Why are women worried about their daughters not sons? Unless, we change that attitude and mindset, we will still be talking about women safety for next 50 years.

    I am not blaming you or attacking your for your efforts. I am trying to say that in an objective and fruitful debate to make India safer, citing west an example for women freedom and safety will not benefit anyone. In most of these debates, no one mentions about the mindset women have. Its the women (mother or mother in laws) who tend to favor boy child over girl child. Its women who encourage female- foeticide. So, we need to change that mindset.

    By role of women, I “only” allude to education and mindset. I am “NOT” saying that women should wear or dress in a particular way. That’s bulls*** way to reduce crimes against women.

  179. Even i am 27….being born n brought up in India there is nothin written here which i haven’t faced. Molested by family friend when i went to m uncles house for my cousins birthday or by an uncle when i went for a family marriage…cousin peeping from bathroom window while i am taking bath….an uncle hugging me tight when he is drunk….a jiju trying to kiss me or trying to have sexual conversation…bearing daily with people on the streets who try to rape u with their eyes or touching ur body parts while passing by. One thing that has completely sink in is that there is no way i can avoid this or can help myself by protecting against such practices rather i have to live with this and just be a little extra conscious about people around.
    when people say do sumthing tell me what can i do n frankly telling you now i m grown up enough to protect myself but tell me how can i protect m girl when she will be born.

  180. Because of handfull men the whole gender is under scrutiny and its really a shame for me as an Indian.
    PS. You should categorize it, so that it can reach to larger audience.



    I really understand the authors deep down feelings and all of yours. But all of you guys/gals could you please answer some of my thoughts about it.

    who ever is giving their sad feelings and angry about what is happening to girls in the society as a very well known good boy( Every one who knows me says me, mainly girls.).i have some questions for you.

    First let me clarify i am the so called ideal boy in the society in the way i respect woman and try to help them. I never misbehaved with any girl. I give my seat to a old lady. I donate some part of my salary for charity(green peace). I donate some of my time for teaching for free, inspiring others. So please be frank with me and really think about your real you and answer me don’t show off you are really good and i am actually bad or something. Please be frank anyways you are anonymous.

    In these 20 years what i see in the society:

    Things that are Influencing me to ***** a girl:

    1) All beautiful girls/ many girls show their beauty wearing clothes which expose their assets. They want attention. (We boys want to touch their breasts only to satisfy our deepest desire as a boy but not to hurt her feelings at all.)
    2) I am 20 and i was never able to enjoy practically what i was seeing movies where hero romances with heroine. Boys are made by god with a strong desire and to get attracted to our opposites . I still have to wait for another 5 years to get married and to have that fun.( How much wait to enjoy sex ???)

    Why Other western Countries are feeling more safe(underline feeling more safe) even though crime rate is very high:

    1) Girls are very open to sex and having fun with boys(like boys). So boys have all that fun when they start getting these sex feelings by 14 years by romacing with their classmates starting from schools / colleges. So they don’t feel like molestering a woman in ticket counter/r ush bus/rush metro etc.
    2) Prostitution is legal in Western countries so boys who don’t get gf or doesn’t satisfy with their personal sex can make themself happy gng to prostitutes.
    3) Movies show that sex is common for both men and woman unlike Indian movies which show woman as a sex object and having a gf who is a maal is ur heaven on earth.

    So obviously they feel more safe because most of men are already seen all that fun so they don’t abuse a girl in a queue for a ticket or in a rushy bus etc. and so those men won’t try to abuse a girl.

    Some Other things which resulting in to this:
    1) parents are not open with their children about sex, feelings we get once we are in teens, how to keep them in control, how to protect ourself etc.
    2) cinemas are biggest. We take a 5 year old boy to a cinema which is polluted with masala(sex and romance). but kids feelings start from 8 now. So they can’t wait until they get married and society doesn’t allow to have some fun with girls and so they generally abuse women when they are courage enough to do that.

    So because of all these reasons every boy in India is always waiting for his chance to moleste a woman whenever he gets a chance in every rushy places possible.

    Assume a senario where you can moleste a girl and can escape without getting caught for e.g. in many rush places we go across:
    All boys fall in to below 3 categories:
    Cat 1) Good boys like me and some of you are still feared to moleste a girl.
    Cat 2) Better boys like some of you moleste a girl but not very hard about it.
    Cat 3)Bad boys who have asshole parents even who didn’t taught that guy some manners, culture would do anything to any extent. Alteast my desire to touch her breast is from 15

    I can’t say cat 1 and cat 2 boys are bad because they are waiting for all their life to satisfy their deepest desire of touching a girls which i can’t explain in this article.

    After seeing real experiences with me(yes its true), my friends(i asked one guy when i was in 10th class), and proof shown by Amir Khan in Sathyamev Jayathe Program not only girls get molested but also boys. I prefer the rate is 98% in girls and 75% in boys. So if any parent is reading my article take care of your kids.
    Warning: Highest and think 99% probability of getting molested is from relatives. So never leave your girl with some relatives even uncles.

    I can make u understand all my thoughts and give many true feelings of boys but i have no energy to write more as i am tired.

    • Broad Minded, sort of agree with you. We are still a conservative culture where even an act of public kissing is considered indecent. On the other hand, we expose our folks to western influence in the form of cheap erotic movies, books and free porn is available easily now. Our youngsters are a confused lot – they just can’t balance our traditional cultural mindset with western influence bombarding us constantly. We need to become more traditional or more fully absorb the western influence. Other wise we are just sending confused messages to our boys – our culture does not allow as much sexual freedom in the west and at the same time we are feeding them with sex all the time, whether it be advertisements, movies, periodicals, books etc. This has created a mass of perverts who have no “legal” outlet to release their energies. Now this does not explain all the crimes against women in this country, but it does account for a good percentage of it.

      Whatever the case may be, what terrifies me is the sheer brutality of recent crimes against women, no human can hurt another human like that and expect to be called a human being. The sadistic pleasure that men derive by harassing women is unpardonable (whatever the reasoning or excuses) and has to go.

  182. lovely article , am touched. These kind of things have made me think against having another child specially having a girl child…. I know i wont be there with her all the time and will be shattered to see/hear/know if something like this (which is 99.9%sure) will happen. I so want to have a girl child but may be am too weak. ..
    Respect to the writer.

  183. We have been independent for 67 years and supposed to be a developing country………but some of us have such a down standard and low level thinking it makes me wanna kill them a billion times….i mean think about it some people just want to satisfy their hunger for sex…shameful

  184. I sympathize with what happened to the woman through her growing years and condemn the acts in most critical words.

    Her experiences varied from Child molestation to physical abuse of a teen to molestation of a young woman in her twenties. None of this is acceptable in even a just society; and the most gruesome is the child molestation as it leaves a very very deep mark in a child’s conscience.

    And it is a fact that the women empowerment and sense of freedom is far more prevalent in western world than in the 3rd world countries likes India.

    However, it is not justified to ridicule India based on this. Child molestation is far more prevalent in western world and more so in European countries. Routinely we hear the news of Child pron rings going bust in these countries. The sex crime rate is highest after gun crime in US. And anyone will agree that a human being (leave apart only Women) can not roam around even on a main street after 7 PM in any western countries. The birth rate by under 16 girls as well as abortion cases are quite high as well. And NO, we shouldn’t discount this saying that it was consensual. Many of this may be, but a lot are not.

    Coming back to the woman, she must have had the courage to confide in her parents. Agree this may not have happened at 9, but, there’s no reason why it shouldn’t happen at 15.

    The perverts are present everywhere and they do most heinous crime to the women.All above is not about justifying what is happening in India. But to convey that most Indian cities are still safer than most Western countries.

  185. Yes Sahaja! You are a true patriot! and I admire you to be open and brave…
    Just imagine if one of such perverts is the girl’s own father, or brother or grand father living everyday under same roof! I have seen many such incidents too… And I can correctly tell that more than 80% of girls in our country faced such molestations… No doubt…
    There has to be more awareness and strong reaction to such actions from parents when children report… Blogs such as yours, and other forms of media (not glorifying the incident to increase TRP ratings), government and teachers at school, parents and every possible person who has a daughter / sister should educate the girl child on how to defend against such situations…

    Bless you!

  186. Yes I do Agree…Almost every Indian girl would have got some problem of this kind…..But,do you think that just running away from problem will solve them ???Do you think its only your little baby girl who is under such pressure????….There are thousands and thousands of girls as your daughter;your sister;your mother;your aunt who faces such a humiliating sensational issue daily….

    1)Teach her what your parents failed to teach you.Its not that they felt ashamed to talk about it to you but the actual fact is most of the parents they themselves are unaware of such things happening.
    2)Teach her self defense and tell her not to panic as its not her mistake at any cost.
    3)And more importantly teach your son(if your second child happens to be a boy) what to do and what not to.
    4)You act against such crimes if you happens to see any of its kind.You can serve as a God in disguise for her.

  187. I have a very simple qs…. As our parents & teachers taught us that stealing is a crime, or telling lie is a crime… Then why they still hesitate to say the same that Molestation and Rape are also a crime.. Is there any difference between them.. In our childhood, we used to prevent ourselves from doing something that have been told as an offence or crime..

    When a child can say very easily that someone other has told some lie or make something wrong or some uncle has scolded or bitten him for doing something wrong.. Then why they won’t say that someone molested him/her… What I feel actually they do not hesitate, our family make them to do so.. Upto the age, when they understand what actually had happened to him/her, it’s too late.. They have already started keep leaving with it..

    We are talking a lot about sex education but we still hesitate to talk about sexual awareness.. Such awareness is a need to leave in today’s world..

  188. Really liked and disliked the article at the same time. Liked, because of the the truthfulness it contained; disliked, because of the shame it brings on us.

    There is strong and huge protest in most part of the country against the inaction of growing crime against women, especially the rape. While such crimes are kind of regular around the country, the peoples such strong reaction after this particular case of student in Delhi and the photo-journalist in Mumbai can be attributed to the manner in which the crime was done. It can also be said that the reaction is the accumulation of people’s long built up anger against inaction of the lawmakers, security agencies and society at large. While pondering over it, the foremost and most important question comes into the mind is why are these happening in the first place? Are the men in India have suddenly become sexually violent? Or the women are inviting attack by being dressed in a certain way as pointed by many. What are the reasons behind such cases? Is there any solution for it?
    In my view, the crime against women (for the sake of this article we will address it as rape henceforth) is a chronic disease like other crimes are other kind of disease. Like many disease, rape has been happening in the past for centuries and deterrent has been made against them in different way. A few decades ago, the news of someone getting raped did not cross the boundary of the village in which it took place. Now, in the information age, we have media and all kind of methods to spread news, hence the larger exposure and attention. This is very good in the sense that it is giving us the opportunity to introspect us, to find out what is wrong in us. If we take any disease for example, we will find that through ages, we have found cures and with the advancement of science and technology, we have found the way of prevention of disease, so that it does not happen in the first place and there is no need for a cure. Similarly, to prevent rape or any crime for that matter we need both cure and preventive measures to stop rape.
    A. Cure: Cure will require once rape happens. While a woman’s loss of modesty is priceless and cannot be ‘cured’ in the sense that the trauma she goes through is immeasurable; an effective system will at least ensure severe punishment for the culprits.
    1. When a rape takes place, the first thing that requires is to immediately take the victim to the nearest medical centre. For this we cannot rely only on police or some good Samaritans. In many incidents it has been found that the victim lied helpless at the scene of the crime or at a place where she is dropped off, for hours if not days without any passerby’s assistance before police finally comes. It should be made illegal for any person to pass by such victims when coming across (like in some countries, it is illegal to pass by a stationary school bus at highways if its hazard lights are on). People don’t help the victim fearing harassment in the hands of police. There should be absolutely no pressure on the person who takes the victim to the hospital. If required, the helper should be allowed to record his/her statement as witness at the place of his/her choice. A token reward may be allowed to the helper to encourage people to come forward for help. To me helping the victim is a reward in itself. An all India toll free helpline must be made available immediately for emergency services like 911 in the US and 999 in the UK. If the victim is stable, she can report the matter to the number and get assistance.
    2. When at hospital/nursing home, government or private, it should be made compulsory for them to admit such victims without any delay. Formalities, if any, must be done afterwards. Meanwhile the police should be informed and adequate protection provided to the victim. In many cases, the victims are killed by the perpetrator before the case reaches to police or court. The treatment cost of the victim should be recovered in full from the insurance company for which medical insurance must be made compulsory for everyone.
    3. The next step is the Police, who are one of the most important parts of the process. It is seen that majority policemen are insensitive about handling such cases and reluctant to register them. This is because of the typical male attitude found among Indian society, police being part of the society act in the same way. Psychological tests must be made compulsory in police recruitment on and above the rank of ASI all over India to ensure men and women with intention to serve people (and not just getting a job) are enrolled in the police force. They must be trained extensively in communication skills, public relations and crisis management along with other routine training. Increasing the number of police to 300 per lakh population, increasing the salary of police, removing complete political interference in police business, availability of latest policing aids, separating normal policing from investigation and police reforms are some of the actions to be taken to make our police force strong and effective tool to fight crime.
    4. Once the case is registered, the evidences such as medical reports, witnesses’ statements, forensic reports must be collected and preserved in a time bound manner to ensure timely submission of the case to the court. Giving the number of cases increasing, each state must have at least one forensic lab so that not to rely on Delhi or Hyderabad labs only.
    5. Once the case is produced before the court, it must be made compulsory by law to finish it within 30 working days. If an appeal is made to the higher courts, the time frame must remain the same to punish the accused as per law. Provisions should be made for in-camera trial and no unrelated questions should allowed to be asked to the victim, especially about her character and past records. Even a prostitute does not deserve to be raped against her will. Once convicted, the criminal must be made to pay all legal and allied expenses to the victim, even if it requires selling off the accused property.
    6. Each and every case should be analyzed in details to find the root cause of the rape and laws should be made and measures taken on the basis of the findings to prevent repeat of similar incident. The legal process must not confine just finding the facts and pronouncing punishments. It must do R&D to stop the crime.
    B. Prevention: To me, this is much more important than the cure. To understand the psychology of the rapist, one will find that such people see a kind of satisfaction by dominating the weaker sex and feel manly to brutalize/torture women. It’s not only the sexual desire of such people that drives them to such acts; otherwise they can fulfill such desire by visiting a prostitute. It is the strange thinking of dominating women nearby that encourages them to do that. Where from this starts? A rapist at birth is not a rapist; it is the bringing up that determines it. And all of this starts at our home.
    1. India is known for its preference for a boy child over a girl child. Female feticide is rampant, result: low sex ratio. Even if a girl is allowed to be born, she is subjected to a kind of second class treatment in her own home by her own parents, either knowingly or unknowingly. She is fed less /less favorable food than her brother, her studies become secondary to her brother, she had to attend a local language school than an English Medium school which her brother attends, even in many cases she has to drop out of school. All these create a sense of lowness in the girls and a sense of highness among the boys which is very dangerous. Being siblings, the attitude of the boy towards his sister may remain nice up to certain extent, but he develops a sense of superiority over women in general. This sense when reaches a certain level where he starts disregarding women or even not consider them as equal human being, brutal rapes happen. We must change our attitude towards girl child to completely eradicate it.
    2. Secondly, when girl is raped, the society sees it as the girl is dishonored, and not the boy, while in fact the boy should be dishonored since he is the one who did a crime. The society and family always puts the onus of carrying honor on the girl’s shoulder.
    This attitude of the society gives the entire prospective and past rapist the perception that they can get away with the crime since the girl will not ‘dishonour’ herself by disclosing the rape. Many times, if the girl is ready to lodge a complaint, the family prevents it fearing dishonor. Since the outside society is not female friendly, the family keeps it like this and it acts like a loop where no party wants to break the loop first. We must make our boys realize that if they commit such crime, they are gravely dishonoring themselves as well as their families and they will be punished from inside the family which will be followed by court punishment outside. Families shall also severe tie with any rapist to give signal to the prospective rapist about the outcome.
    3. In India, women are mostly thought as safe indoor and not allowed to go out fearing mishaps. This prevents them from exposure of outside world and its situation which in turn can be very dangerous if she has to venture out far away from the home when required. She can easily land in trouble. So, exposure to outer world is a must.
    4. There is a very urgent need of all girls to be trained in unarmed combat for self defence. Self defene techniques such as Karate, Tai-Koun-Dou, Kung-Fu. When confronted by a rapist, at least she can protect herself at initial level.
    5. Public faith in police has to be reinstated. For that police department has to work very hard and response swiftly. In many cases, the police itself become rapist at isolated place during day and night. Once the faith in police is established, mere presence of a police van in the vicinity will deter any rapist to commit crime.
    6. The availability of alcohol must be kept in check by enacting strong laws and any drunken person loitering on the streets or behind the wheel must be apprehended immediately as a preventive measure.
    7. A good surveillance around places where such crimes can happen must be installed.
    8. Religion is a very important part Indian society and anything attached to religion is taken seriously by the masses. If religious clerics, pundits, fathers, gurus and preachers, apart from giving yoga lesson, condemn, give sermons and speeches, and convince the followers against such heinous crime, then at least the fear of being severely punished by the Almighty will deter rapist.
    9. Lastly, we as a society must change to the change to happen. If we perceive such crimes as another morning newspaper story, then such crimes will continue, no matter what measure we take. We must take it seriously and react strongly against the rapist and bring all of them under judgment.
    If the cure and prevention is simultaneously followed, then we can prevent this disease of rape up to a great extent. We must change our mindset and take this incident seriously and not to wait till the date someone from our known persons face such ordeal, that will be too late. To keep our girls safe, we must make sure that others girls are also safe. Only then we can make a society where we don’t have to worry even if our women are venturing outside at midnight.

  189. As an Indian male, I am pretty much disgusted by the atrocities committed by my kind, it’s about time the parents muster courage and speak out. Our male dominated society is really disgusting. we dont need no stinking “sanskar” if it means that the ladies have to put up with this shit from males to protect the family “maryada”. damn, I felt disgusted as a man, when an elderly granpa placed his hands on my thighs, quite innocently, and started moving it upwards, until I had to slowly but firmly remove the hands and change seats. or as a kid reject an advance by a middle aged man who wanted to teach me “lubrication” (whatever that meant). Our males are lecherous and do not spare the female species of any age, and are they do not spare the male kids/ boys too.

    the women of the society have to stand up to this. mothers train their kids – do not support their own. the voice of males against rape is inadequate.

  190. This is the untold misery every indian girl/woman goes through… I hate Indian men.. uncles.. grandfathers.. brothers.. all are animals.. And the sad part is, we gotta put up with these men..

  191. While i fully agree and respect the the sentiments of the author , I don’t quite agree with India as the only place which is full of molestors/rapist . My point being , It happens everywhere in the world where women are looked as sexual objects which is totally wrong and unjust . Yes , we need to change india for the better but saying that “you are crying because you are bringing your child back to india ” , No , that is not right .

  192. I live in the west as well, the above statements of comparison are soo true. I being a male myself have seen this kind of nonsense happen back in my beautiful city in India. A word of advice for the boys / men; It is NOT cool and is in absolutely pathetic to talk disrespectfully about random girls you see on the streets or at a club. Don’t discuss about her physical appearance in a cheap manner. Guys, its about time we behaved with self respect. Whenever you see someone talk disrespectfully argue with him and bring it out among friends so that he gets embarrassed. And please remember any religion will agree on one thing “Respect towards mothers”, remember that girl/woman you are passing comments about is / will be a mother.

  193. Contrary to many people’s belief, this isn’t exclusively Indian. It happens everywhere in the world and as much as one might claim there is a better freedom in a western world, one must understand the kind of treatment women endure there. Lack of respect for women and mistreatments happen everywhere in the world. But that is not a justification. Things are to change everywhere and since I’m Indian, I want it to change here too. But do not try to make the world seem a better place than India or India the worst place of them all. I agree that Indians have a different standards of understanding a women’s sexuality or her expression of it and yes India is a very patriarchal society. But Indian men on the whole are not sick and dirty. Good people and bad people exist everywhere. Stop branding us all as the bad ones. Just as much it is bad to see an openly expressive woman as a ‘slut’, it is bad to brand every man as dirty. May the people have a better understanding of the situation.

    I am impressed with so many things about this post, except the part about feeling safer in a western world compared to India. That is plainly a western obsession and whatever happens there is just and perfect kind of attitude. Just check the number of crimes that had happened in London during the Olympics which have gone without attention or the number of rape cases that have happened in the U.S in the past 5 months. Population is less there, therefore lesser cases, but the rape rate is still high. Stop making Rape as an ‘Indian men’s act’. All of the world needs to change and we as Indians must show the world how to change